(10-11-2018, 05:23 PM)flofrog Wrote: lol I don't find you mediocre at all Glow, I sometimes cook really good food and then it can be atrocious..lol and you thing you are mediocre at business and do mediocre money but what if that is what you planned before incarnating ? lol

I was reading Q'uo last night and found this exquisite passage :
" Somehow the failure-after-failure that each perceives in spiritual journeying adds up to a miracle of learning to love. And in spite of every feeling of failure, and perhaps because of it as well, you find yourselves where you were not before : more capable of and more sensitive to seeing your own vulnerability and imperfection. " Seems to me that is what you created : " I am pretty great with plants, animals, other peoples kids/teens, and intimate relationships. I am good at love. "...

(10-11-2018, 01:54 PM)Glow Wrote: I guess this is a self acceptance post. - I am a wanderer and I am mediocre at everything but love and maybe self awareness.

So much of culture is competition and doing great things, or doing lots of things as great as one can, achievement and progress.
Survival of the "fittest" now encompasses so many things to do well.

2019 is my year of stepping closer to full self acceptance.
To do that I have to be more than just aware I am mediocre at life but accept that and fully see I am still as of value as anyone else.

I know that on a soul level but my ego still has some control that thinks  I should have measured proof of my value.
I am done that game. It is no longer and never really was fun.

I have always known on some level I was kept only pretty good at stuff, never the best or even great and I have consciously knew it was designed this way to keep me from being prideful. Good plan. It worked but it's time to fully stop punishing myself subconsciously for not being what the world approves of.

It's funny how you can know and believe something intellectually a long time but the path to full acceptance is long.

I have a mediocre business and make mediocre money. It's enough I cover 40% of our household income but it might not always be the case. I likely only have 15 more years I can do this job then I as of yet do not know what I will do or how much I will earn.
I could make much more in my current business but I am a mediocre business person. Honestly I think I am only in business because people trust me, they like me and they know I care about them and their projects so that makes up for my truly not being the best... at anything.

I also still even after all this time healing can still only handle so much time out in the world. My intestinal fortitude is mediocre.
I used to be extremely smart but a few head injuries have left me, you guessed it mediocre.    

I am not the best cook. 35% of the time I will make food better than you could get at a restaurant, the rest of the time it is surprisingly just ok. So mediocre really.

I'm pretty great with plants, animals, other peoples kids/teens, and intimate relationships. I am good at love.
I love people and I can make people feel really good mind/body/soul depending on the situation but everything else I am just ok and/or mediocre at.

I will keep trying and maybe one day find some other stuff I am not mediocre at but I am going to accept myself now and not hold it against myself if those things never show up.

This feels a bit like taking off the remaining mask of seeking acceptance and starting to fully except myself.
2019 hopefully is the year, if I prove mediocre at this too I will just keep trying.  

Thanks for reading and being a part of my unveiling.  

(10-12-2018, 12:30 AM)Stranger Wrote: Glow, a very beautiful and soothing energy comes through in all your posts. It has nothing to do with your words, so it must be your essence. It's like a flower in the room - it does not need to "do" anything to contribute plenty.

(10-12-2018, 12:33 AM)Infinite Unity Wrote: Very nice and open post. Large sign posts of moving towards that loafty goal of acceptance.

My story is different. I am actually pretty good at a lot of things. I have always excelled with out even trying. However any time I have gotten prideful, I was immediately shown humility. Even though I excell and am pretty good. I have never been succesfull. Seems a paradox to say one is great at many things, yet has no success. As success is usually the measuringing stick of greatness here.

I mean it differently. I mean that I have a great level of skill, yet somehow consistently in my life, success has been very hard to find. Pratically unachievable, to the point at almost any attempt at success, at almost anything, results in a negative loss.

Not only has success been practically unfounded. The feedback I have always gotten from people, is of a hugely mixed type. Almost leaving no room to measurably understand how people see me, or where I even fit in the "hierachy" of yellow and etc. I don't think I do have a realitive fixed position like almost everyone else. I think so many people see me in such a different light and way. That I'm constantly shuffling around with no fixed place. It makes for a really really swerve and unstable experience a lot of times, and others it has a sort of positive effect. It has adamantly strengthened my acceptance of others towards me, and I have been forefronted with so much catalyst, would leave me pulverized if not for at least a threshold of efficacy with them. I even feel like I'm starting to get the hang, and the strength necessary to stay balanced, even with the effects from yellow, and interrelated systems.

It has an odd effect of seeming like it's the first time you've met someone, and there sizing you up and weighing you, and placing you subtely with in the hierarchy, a lot of the times your re-approaching people. Especially people you haven't known that long. Like a new work situation. Then you can tell that they think your weird or something, because "why are they feeling this way about you...??"" type of thing.

(10-12-2018, 02:04 AM)RitaJC Wrote: A wonderful vulnerable post and great comments, everybody!

As a Chrone, I can, finally, say wholeheartedly:

1. all comparisons and competition are highly overrated and don't even make real sense (what would count as a huge achievement for somebody feels only mediocre for somebody else, i.e.), we are all perfect/ever evolving expressions of the one infinite Creator,
2. how "others" feel and think about me is none of my business = can't be controlled by me and says more about "them" than "me" (discovering this really saved my body and soul), none of us really knows the "other", the only thing we operate with is our image of them,
3. self-acceptance is a crucial part of learning how to love unconditionally (for me, it was the hardest part to learn even after I was living in absolute acceptance of every other expression of the Creator for years),
4. the only thing we ever experience is what we believe about ourselves which can be a bad news and a good news: there is nobody else to blame for any unpleasant experience but we can replace the unconscious process of manifesting our fears with the conscious process of manifesting our true hearts desires = make our experience blissful and change the experience of others as well.

My experience of transformation during this incarnation is rich and long (that's why it isn't written down and posted as one of the Wanderer Stories). Any questions welcome though.

(10-12-2018, 02:30 AM)Aion Wrote: "If Sun thou canst not be, then be the humble planet. Aye, if thou art debarred from flaming like the noon-day Sun upon the snow-capped mount of purity eternal, then choose, O Neophyte, a humbler course." - Christmas Humphrey 'The Wisdom of Buddhism'

Some advice that was given to me recently you might also appreciate.

(10-11-2018, 11:08 PM)flofrog Wrote: I think its all pre-incarnative too.

The passage in Q'uo is from session 13,  Carla is channeling Q'uo, and after that passage Q'uo states that it would be great that we stop thinking and accept the mystery. Gaze at the mystery and feel the 'stunning glory and majesty of the infinite mystery. In that awareness lies the protection that embraces vulnerability. There, in the shadow of the mystery lies the infinite wealth of love that feeds even the "you " that suffers most, even at the darkest hour. "   Isn't that beautiful ?

(10-12-2018, 07:26 PM)Glow Wrote:

(10-12-2018, 12:33 AM)Infinite Unity Wrote: Very nice and open post. Large sign posts of moving towards that loafty goal of acceptance.

My story is different. I am actually pretty good at a lot of things. I have always excelled with out even trying. However any time I have gotten prideful, I was immediately shown humility. Even though I excell and am pretty good. I have never been succesfull. Seems a paradox to say one is great at many things, yet has no success. As success is usually the measuringing stick of greatness here.

I mean it differently. I mean that I have a great level of skill, yet somehow consistently in my life, success has been very hard to find. Pratically unachievable, to the point at almost any attempt at success, at almost anything, results in a negative loss.

Not only has success been practically unfounded. The feedback I have always gotten from people, is of a hugely mixed type. Almost leaving no room to measurably understand how people see me, or where I even fit in the "hierachy" of yellow and etc. I don't think I do have a realitive fixed position like almost everyone else. I think so many people see me in such a different light and way. That I'm constantly shuffling around with no fixed place. It makes for a really really swerve and unstable experience a lot of times, and others it has a sort of positive effect. It has adamantly strengthened my acceptance of others towards me, and I have been forefronted with so much catalyst, would leave me pulverized if not for at least a threshold of efficacy with them. I even feel like I'm starting to get the hang, and the strength necessary to stay balanced, even with the effects from yellow, and interrelated systems.

It has an odd effect of seeming like it's the first time you've met someone, and there sizing you up and weighing you, and placing you subtely with in the hierarchy, a lot of the times your re-approaching people. Especially people you haven't known that long. Like a new work situation. Then you can tell that they think your weird or something, because "why are they feeling this way about you...??"" type of thing.

Sorry was rushing out the door this morning and didn't have a chance to really reply.

That is a pretty interesting variation of a theme you are living. Do you think it was pre incarnative too? It would certainly be catalyzing and teach an experiencer to eventually give up looking for any kind of validation from the outside world.

What a hard lesson but it separates you from consensus reality in a way which could be useful to keep you focused spiritually.
We all did some weird things to set up strange but hopefully useful  life experiences.

I like ya I.U. not that it should matter but I see your worth.

(10-12-2018, 07:33 PM)Glow Wrote:

(10-12-2018, 02:04 AM)RitaJC Wrote: A wonderful vulnerable post and great comments, everybody!

As a Chrone, I can, finally, say wholeheartedly:

1. all comparisons and competition are highly overrated and don't even make real sense (what would count as a huge achievement for somebody feels only mediocre for somebody else, i.e.), we are all perfect/ever evolving expressions of the one infinite Creator,
2. how "others" feel and think about me is none of my business = can't be controlled by me and says more about "them" than "me" (discovering this really saved my body and soul), none of us really knows the "other", the only thing we operate with is our image of them,
3. self-acceptance is a crucial part of learning how to love unconditionally (for me, it was the hardest part to learn even after I was living in absolute acceptance of every other expression of the Creator for years),
4. the only thing we ever experience is what we believe about ourselves which can be a bad news and a good news: there is nobody else to blame for any unpleasant experience but we can replace the unconscious process of manifesting our fears with the conscious process of manifesting our true hearts desires = make our experience blissful and change the experience of others as well.

My experience of transformation during this incarnation is rich and long (that's why it isn't written down and posted as one of the Wanderer Stories). Any questions welcome though.

I think I have nailed point 1, and 2 and am working to fully solidify/crystallize 3. I think you are right about it being big for unconditional love. We can accept others without taking into account the worlds view but it is harder to ignore the worlds supposed valuation when it is about us. Finally getting past that means or at least should mean that it is unshakable the unconditional aspects.
Day by day, step by step.

It is funny I posted this yesterday and sent similar to those closest t me. Might sound strange but I wanted to remove all pretense that I was going to hide behind any illusion I was trying to seek acceptance or was feeling I had to become more worthy.

I feel weirdly calm since doing so. Hopefully it will just become an unstoppable snowball rolling down hill and I will be free of all judgement of any kind eventually. F the veil I love it all no need to separate from any wounded aspect. Just love it.

I guess I need to love the veil too.  

Thanks Rita

(10-13-2018, 10:26 AM)Agua Wrote: In my opinion, it is important to see what the root of all this "i am mediocre" is!
I mean, on an "adult level" and on a philosophical level we know that its not about being "better, the best, oustanding, comparison, competition", but did that ever convince us?

I found that no matter how many skills i develop, no matter how good i necome at something, even if it was extraordiniarily good, it never made the "not good enough" or "i should be better" go away.
This is simply because the "not good enough" does not originally come from the adult person we are, but from the child or infant we have been.
So, any "adjustment" in philosophy can only bring us so far, it is just the wrong aspect we're working on.
Ultimately we have to heal the child/infant in us, that hasnt been acknowledged and has been rejected.
There was a time when we needed to be acknowledged necause our life was dependant on it, there was a time when rejection was a catastrophe, and those feeling are that which is getting triggered again and again, and those feelings are what is behind our beliefs of "not good enough".
Similar thing with competition. Competition arises in families with limited ability to love. So the motherr and/or father has not enough inner capacity to love all children and family members as they would need it.
In such a situation, children begin to compete for the little "bits" of love that are available.
Similarly to the "not good enough" issue, it can ultimately be healed only at the very spot it arose originally.

As for "it is pre-incarnational", I agree, but what does that mean?
Actually, all our birth/ family/ childhood surroundings and challenges are pre-incarnational.
Pre-incarnational choices, as sometimes mentioned in the Ra material, are however usually choices that cannot be undone.

However that is not true for all our early incarnational issues!
Pretty much everything of that is subject to healing, change and growth.

A last thing:
I would say you have developed the most important thing much much more than average:
it is your consciousness, your awareness and the openness of your heart.
I dont think you're mediocre at that!
At least from my perspective, these are THE most important skills we can develop here!
So, congratulations on being extraordinarily skilled

(10-13-2018, 04:55 PM)Cainite Wrote: Mediocre? you're amazing. and modest too.

You've been patient and supporting with me. that takes strenght of character. mostly have failed at that after a short time. (I'm lovely, I know )
Seriously though, I appreciate you and admire certain things about you, Glow.

I've thought about these things a lot and now I think we're all human. and it's best to look at it simple as that. I try not to dedicate much to proving myself to anyone (or even to myself nowadays) or gain fame and other things that's respectable in the eyes of our world. rather than seeking that through doing certain things on social media, ... I try to have fun instead! god that's so much better.