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+--- Thread: What does one do when a compliment is met with mockery and rejection? (/showthread.php?tid=14732)
What does one do when a compliment is met with mockery and rejection? - Karl - 07-31-2017
Okay having experienced this recently I'm perplexed and confused. I'm trying to determine how I am reacting-to/affected-by this. I have basically decided to gradually remove myself from their sphere of influence and hope it goes unnoticed, and to not compliment people who are not close to me.
So I'm curious if any of you have experienced this? How did you react to it, and later how did it affect you?
EDIT: Edit for clarity, also FYI no I was not complimenting a woman in the hopes of winning her affection.
RE: What does one do when a compliment is met with mockery and rejection? - Aion - 07-31-2017
Usually I find it comes from a place of insecurity. Especially when it comes to men complimenting other men there seems to be this weird social stigma about it, as though complimenting is to be reserved only for love interests as you imply. I've definitely seen it happen before where a guy making the compliment will be chided as being effeminate or 'gay' just for the sheer fact that he is acting positively towards another man. I am not sure what it is like on the women's side but I have definitely experienced this in male culture.
I've got pretty thick skin so I adapted to it initially, but then I stopped complimenting altogether and it created a lot of uncomfortable relationships because I got so used to ignoring positivity. Eventually I realized that the reason these people react that way is varied but usually it comes down to either ego, that is, they are already so overconfident that they find compliments silly or the opposite where they literally can't accept a compliment because it seems ridiculous to them that anyone would compliment them. Both, I think, are ultimately unhealthy.
RE: What does one do when a compliment is met with mockery and rejection? - xise - 07-31-2017
People have a lot of distortions, so I wouldn't take the mockery and rejection personally. Once you fully embrace self-love, these things will bother you less and less and you'll start to take them less personally. Cultural/Social/Familial/Religious/Popculture/Regional Interaction norms are bullshit, but that doesn't mean you can't outwardly conform to them while acknowledging this if you so choose to do so. Kind of like how I think much of the culture of the world is BS distortion, but I'll be respectful and conform outwardly to the local customs of whatever place I'm visiting or staying at if it doesn't bother me too much.
Whether you want to change whether you compliment around certain people and groups depends on your personality and attitude toward others reactions and your interest in not getting others riled up- even if you get to the place where you don't need or care about social approval, often conforming outwardly to social norms or group norms about conversation can sometimes just be useful if you don't want the interaction to be around you saying whatever you want, and then their predictable distorted response taking up 10-30 minutes of the interaction you have with them.
Hard to say more without the specifics of your situation.
RE: What does one do when a compliment is met with mockery and rejection? - Glow - 08-01-2017
As someone who has a friend that does this with every compliment.
I can say it isn't you so don't take it personally.
My friend seems pretty nice but he is really unaccustomed to people being nice. He's also kinda new a being nice.
He never chose freinds or mates that were nice to him to the extent they would try to build him up and it makes him uncomfortable. He jokes it's like he has terets and he just gets sarcastic after someone is kind to him..
It's been years. First I tried to tone down my compliments but then I realized he'd never get used to it if he only associated with a*******. He still can't take a compliment but I know him well enough to know it still feels good to him even if he gets awkward after.
Like most things others behaviour is rarely about you. I compliment everyone it's up to them how they process it.