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+--- Thread: wandering by (/showthread.php?tid=1386)
wandering by - Etude in B Minor - 07-15-2010
Hello everyone, here is the abridged version of my story in random point form.
I was born at a very young age...
Had a very happy childhood with many brothers and sisters and endless summers playing baseball and jumping off the garage roof pretending to be superman
Laying in the backyard swing at night looking at the stars and pretending I was in a spaceship flying around
My Dad would bring home books on UFOs and the paranormal including books on Edgar Cayce and Lobsang Rampa. I don't think he read them or even knew what they were about, only that my brother and I devoured them. My brother was into NASA and the space program and yoga. My sisters fooled with the ouija board until it scared them
Highschool was tough, but I guess it is for everyone. I began to realize that I didn't like doing the things my friends did like drinking and smoking and making out. Girls mainly made fun of my geekiness.
University was fun but lonely. I would spend Saturday nights sitting in the dark, meditating while my roommate was out with his girlfriend
I have never had a girlfriend and currently live alone thousands of miles from my family. Sometimes this bothers me.
Somehow I got interested in Buddhism and read every book in the library on the subject
Had a Carlos Castenada phase. Very interesting stuff. Did the look for your hands while dreaming thing, which actually worked. Didn't find my nagual woman and I felt like it was a negative path so I dropped it.
Started meditating in my own way.
Had minor satoris, but enough to realize what the deal was. In Zen they call it "Catching a glimpse of the Ox". This changed everything. My practice now in meditation is to try to keep the Ox in sight at all times (it is very slippery and it is hard to find again) and to ride it. I assume that this is what Ra calls piercing the gateway to intelligent infinity.
In Tibetan Buddhism (Dzogchen, the way that most resonates with me) riding the Ox is known as contemplation (as opposed to meditation). Rigpa is the key concept, and I think I know what it is. I am probably wrong, but I will keep contemplating.
The 3 pillars of Zen (as described in the wonderful book by Kapleau) are Faith, Doubt, and Effort. Doubt is the hardest to come by but is the crucial ingredient missing by most seekers. It is the realization that there is something there (here) but we don't know what it is. So we have to keep pounding away at it - effort. Faith means that we know that our efforts will be fruitful some day, since it has been for others. I have seen the Ox and although it has been there all along, now I know what an amazing thing has been under my nose (my nose is very big). I have faith because I have seen the Ox, and there is no going back. Once the alarm clock goes off it is hard to go back to sleep, although I am tempted to just laze in bed for a long time.
I have gained many insights. Maybe I will write these in a book some day.
I am generally in good health, apart from allergies and migraines with aura. The migraines sometimes give me interesting dreams if I have them at night. They are like looking at at computer screen up very close - very bright and geometric. These are not regular dreams. Recently I have had dreams of very bright colorful energy structures, like moving statues in a computer video game. These seem full of energy and are strange vibrant colors that I can't describe. Once in one of these dreams I made a motion of my arms that seemed to violate laws of geometry and created a very complicated bright something. Sometimes (often) I see beautiful cities and landscapes in my dreams, which seem familiar. I wonder whether these are glimpses of other densities.
Came into contact with the Ra material through searching on the web for more Edgar Cayce material, which led to David Wilcox, and then to LOO. I don't know if it is all bullshit, but, as in all of my lifelong studies, I just take what resonates and leave the other alone.
My brother has become a saintly person, a guru and a champion of the earth. I am a rather quiet and unassuming creative person. I do what I can. I try to be positive in all situations. I try to be of service. I have a dislike of evangelism, which resonates with the Ra injunction to respect the free will of others.
A couple of years ago I started a habit of, every time I see a pregnant woman, I say a little prayer for the baby, praying that it will grow up healthy and wise and will shine God's light upon the Earth. I think that maybe these are all 4D babies who will do just that.
Anyways, that is who I am and where I am. I find this forum interesting and might throw in some of my insights from time to time.
Thanks to the creators of the forum and all those who have shared their thoughts and experiences here.
RE: wandering by - Questioner - 07-15-2010
Thanks for joining!
(07-15-2010, 10:59 PM)Etude in B Minor Wrote: I was born at a very young age...
Right from the beginning, we have something in common. Great way to build rapport!
Quote:I have gained many insights. Maybe I will write these in a book some day.
I'd be happy to read it. How about writing it a post at a time, here on the forum?
Quote:and then to LOO. I don't know if it is all bullshit, but, as in all of my lifelong studies, I just take what resonates and leave the other alone.
What are the parts or key points that really resonate with you?
And what are the themes that don't put an ox under your nose?
Quote:I have never had a girlfriend and currently live alone thousands of miles from my family. Sometimes this bothers me.Let's talk about that a bit. Is this about loneliness? Social approval? Making your family happy?
You don't mention how old you are now, or if you have peace & happiness with whatever you do day to day. If I read your words right, it looks like spiritual growth through meditation is your primary focus these days.
Looking forward to sharing perspectives with you!
RE: wandering by - seejay21 - 07-16-2010
Thank you for coming! I very much enjoyed your post. It was fun to see a shout out to "the three pillars of zen". It was my first "seeking" book in 1989. I actually didn't finish the book. I got about 7/8th's through it and then got mad at it for not giving me the complete answer. Damnit, I wanted to know what the deal was! (and why it was happening to me). I should go back and read it again. I missed the ending.
RE: wandering by - CircleofOne - 07-16-2010
Welcome, welcome, WELCOME!
The best thing about sharing these stories is that once you start reading a few, and compare them back to your own, you find that you are not alone on your journey through this incarnation. I can personally relate a love of the dark. I used to go up in the woods beside my home at night a lot when I was a kid. I still like to sit in the dark and just enjoy my thoughts. I look forward to what you bring to the table, welcome again!
CircleofOne
RE: wandering by - unity100 - 07-16-2010
(07-15-2010, 10:59 PM)Etude in B Minor Wrote: I have never had a girlfriend and currently live alone thousands of miles from my family. Sometimes this bothers me.
you may already be married on the other side. pay attention in your dreams.