(09-26-2018, 02:06 AM)One of Love Wrote: Your wisdom aligns with my feelings.  Turning issues like bad behavior into nonissues has been a major thing I've noticed I've had to deal with in my life.  My father made his drinking a nonissue because it wasn't an issue to him.  It was to us because he'd become abusive and he didn't care to notice.

Invalidating a real problem is abusive in my experience.  A tool to silence rather than anything else.

CA has done the same and he's no saint, but he turned things like polarity into a nonissue and all it did was make things worse for him.  He turned his mother into a nonissue and things got worse.  Saying something that isn't okay IS, that's dangerous.  It's not okay when people are abused, or hurt, especially in a place that expresses itself as a place of love which equates it to a safe place for some.

If I came here believing this place was a safe place, my replies would be greatly varied, I'd be more open about myself, share about myself, but I do not believe this is a safe loving place.  I think you've all deluded your views of this place because you love this place.  It's like how I just want to stroke the ego of CA to make him feel better and more mundane than stroking his beliefs.  He wants to believe but it just hurts him, sometimes he needs to be reminded he's just a human, nothing more, nothing less.  Not a soul or consciousness underneath filters of perception, just a human with a lot of beliefs.

It grounds him, and he can't ground himself for some reason I can't make sense of.  I just assume when your mind runs like a super computer the humanity gets lost in there...

I see many turn blind eyes here.  That the view of acceptance here is in an absolute manner does not align with my understanding of this material.  To accept someone hurting you just because 'its the right thing to do' doesn't mean it is actually the right thing to do.

I'm sure that is especially true if the person hurting you has no awareness of the consequences they're inflicting upon you.  Planned or spontaneous, hurting someone is not acceptance, letting yourself get hurt is not acceptance.

You can accept something and still attempt to not be harmed by it.  Just like I accept this place is as it is, that doesn't mean I just say 'kay' whenever harmful energies come my way because I accepted they exist here.

For all of you that see nothing with what this place has done negatively to others, I will especially ask true love to illuminate you for my avoidance.

Aion you don't need to apologize!  You didn't change the context, conversations evolve and the subject did move onto you.  I'm not gonna attention ----- myself lol, I like a shifting spotlight.  Plays need them to get the focus across haha!

And life is a play so they say.  So you have no need to apologize.

I will admit, I was hit with a twinge of anxiety clicking on this thread and other replies to me.  I don't want to fight or argue as much as just inform.  I'm not here to stay so I'm not going to expend my emotions here like he did.  I'm just on a mission of mercy to find answers for someone I love.

That such a journey brought me here, I get a good laugh out of it.  Exploring the fallacies and issues of a loving place (since it's not a forum or a cult according to community members) has really made me recognize my own love and wisdom compared to my dark love and wisdom...  I do not believe I understand, I just feel that I must take these sides of my love and wisdom, and combine them into their true part since light and dark are components of trueth (made up word, think of it as if truth has a sleuth of parts that needed to come together to manifest it).

Beyond that, truth seems to exist in all parts, like love and beauty.  In my anger is truth.  In my joy is truth.  In my pain is truth.  In my healing is truth.  In all of these things, to unify them was to manifest their truth.  And of what little trueth I've found, belonged to my love for CA, and my hate for the male gender.  Belonged to my selfishness discovering something that finally made it not act only for itself.  Belonged to my suffering finding healing.  To my frustration finding tranquility.

To me, I am just a clueless bumbling confused human enjoying the mysteries of life and the serendipitous ways of god.  I am fallible, I scream and hit and yes. I bite and scratch.  I am a monster in one part, and a sacred divine being in another.

When Ra said are we not all things, I was surprised to find that I am.  I'm the rock on the trail, the tree in the greenery, the running water of a lake, my emotions mimic these things and stem from life itself, my sadness shines like the moon, my joy rains down on me like a downpour.  My silence is still as the rock and my mind's eye is fluttering about like a butterfly.

When I come here I feel moved by the war of energy here.  I enjoy the show, it is entertaining, but I have to put down my smile to this place and remember why I'm here.  This place drove someone down the road to suicide, the keys to that cause still lay within this place.  I'm just here to dig them up, I'll enjoy myself still but ultimately my time here is temporary, so everyone who may have an issue with my issues here, worry not for I will not be around forever.

I believe nothing here will change, having seen the stuckness of the energy that sits over this community, the 'egregore' as this place seems to call it.  It is like the show Catdog, two totally different beings attached as one, both pulling their own way.  Result is a tug of war.  End result is a place as seen now, a loving community that drove someone to attempt suicide.

Seems clear as quartz to me.

(09-26-2018, 02:44 AM)blossom Wrote:

(09-26-2018, 02:28 AM)One of Love Wrote: I just have to laugh real fast.  I've been wondering what other accounts he made here, just found it.  He really likes his first story character.

Did you know the name Van from his name actually was inspired by his favorite shoe brand, Vans?

Does anyone know if he had any other accounts??

Honestly not sure if this is a stupid or bad question.
Would it be impossible to unlock those accounts (with his permission first of course) to go through his PM's?  I'm fairly certain I know what password he used here  at least for his CA account but if not I think I can get them out of him.

If you get his permission why go through the PMs? Just ask him.

I think what you are doing is kind, but you should focus more on him now rather him of then.

Lend your ear to listen to him, be a shoulder to lean for him, and a kind heart to warm him up.

I believe, in time he will open up to you and tell you all about the adventures that he has had.

If you dig up too much without his permission who knows how it will affect him.  :-/

(09-26-2018, 10:12 AM)One of Love Wrote: "To judge yourself is to perpetuate such pain."

I can't believe I'm reading this.  This makes things ten times worse.  He already knows...  This is bad...  What if...  He's doing this to himself on purpose?  No..  no..

I don't want to believe that.  I can't.  If he knows....  But he's still doing it...  No, no somethings very wrong here.  Those posts, so much energy, so much desire to teach and learn.  What has happened?  This is the him I see all the time that he hides from everyone else, but now to see he was aware of that self of himself, that part that keeps the cycle of his painful thoughts going.

I'm going to break it to him with his own words. These exact words.  To judge yourself is to perpetuate such pain.

I'm 100% absolutely certain now something extremely bad is going on with him, to have all the keys to the questions and answers yet to be unable to see them anymore...  It's like something has cast a spell on him trapping him in his own horrible thoughts and he's circling the drain.

Dammit.  How do you handle that?  I was wary of thinking he was under a 'greeting' because I swear he has an army of spirit guides helping him, but these pieces don't add up.  He knows, unless he forgot?  He knows...  But is choosing not to believe in his knowledge?

Oh..  what is going on with him..

I can't understand this.

Is he doing it to himself and if so, why?  Why would he purposefully do this to himself?

(09-26-2018, 12:03 PM)Stranger Wrote:

(09-26-2018, 10:12 AM)One of Love Wrote: "To judge yourself is to perpetuate such pain."

I can't believe I'm reading this.  This makes things ten times worse.  He already knows...  This is bad...  What if...  He's doing this to himself on purpose?  No..  no..

I don't want to believe that.  I can't.  If he knows....  But he's still doing it...  No, no somethings very wrong here.  Those posts, so much energy, so much desire to teach and learn.  What has happened?  This is the him I see all the time that he hides from everyone else, but now to see he was aware of that self of himself, that part that keeps the cycle of his painful thoughts going.

I'm going to break it to him with his own words. These exact words.  To judge yourself is to perpetuate such pain.

I'm 100% absolutely certain now something extremely bad is going on with him, to have all the keys to the questions and answers yet to be unable to see them anymore...  It's like something has cast a spell on him trapping him in his own horrible thoughts and he's circling the drain.

Dammit.  How do you handle that?  I was wary of thinking he was under a 'greeting' because I swear he has an army of spirit guides helping him, but these pieces don't add up.  He knows, unless he forgot?  He knows...  But is choosing not to believe in his knowledge?

Oh..  what is going on with him..

I can't understand this.

Is he doing it to himself and if so, why?  Why would he purposefully do this to himself?

If he is suicidal, he needs to see a psychiatrist and a therapist, and he needs them right now.

This is not a diagnosis but he sounds like he has severe depression.  He is not doing it on purpose; what we know and what we feel are separate things entirely.

Do not try to figure this out or fix it yourself, rather get him professional help. 

Quote:I'm 100% absolutely certain now something extremely bad is going on with him, to have all the keys to the questions and answers yet to be unable to see them anymore...  It's like something has cast a spell on him trapping him in his own horrible thoughts and he's circling the drain.

Dammit.  How do you handle that?

Quote:Jade, again and again we meet with each other's words being twisted by each other, I originally mistook this as you gaslighting me.  It was an inappropriate judgment upon you as I now see we really just have natural areas of misunderstanding one another.  I don't know what that means, but I do know it is not fair to use this misunderstanding as an excuse to attack you  It was vastly inappropriate.  In my view, I see that you too meet pretty much everything with a very unique style that both enlightens me, and makes me jealous.  This jealousy was used by me to assault not just you, but your character.  I said some extremely hurtful things to you that cannot be undone.  I won't try to mask myself...I was jealous of the love you gave, I wanted it.  I wanted someone to speak to me with that kindness and beauty that helps your words speak to the heart and not just the ego, but more, I wanted to be able to speak as you, to be as useful as you.  In my lashing out, I feel I threw a wedge between a person who was capable of helping me help myself.  I would even call my final interactions with you as coming from an evil place within myself.  I don't expect forgiveness, I just want you to know that I regret my actions, my words, and I want to apologize for them even if such an apology pales to the extreme madness I subjected you to.  I am sorry, please do not ever let me do that to you or anyone else.
I am asking you, who is a moderator, shut me down if I lose myself like that again, ban me, discipline me, do something.  Please, please, do not let me hurt this community again.

(09-26-2018, 01:45 PM)Stranger Wrote: EFT and EMDR are non-drug therapies that work directly on relieving emotional distress of all kinds, and are scientifically demonstrated to be effective.  Please look into them.

(09-25-2018, 01:58 AM)One of Love Wrote: Xise, your quotes are my tools here as much as yours.  You seem to read it one way while I read it the same way I've always read it.  I don't know what that's supposed to mean but that quote is literally the one I'd have used.  I was told people here manipulate the content to fit their own views and agendas, just surprising having the first quote replied to me be taken in a weird context.  I've seen others but having it done towards me is still no less surprising.

Thank you for showing me the search function.  I read every session at that site and am aware of it.  I wish I knew how to search this site though.  The search engine is a little confusing for me.

I will just share my view of that quote.  A positive higher self doesn't mean to me a selfish entity stemming from it is selfless in polarity.  I inferred that the reasoning was that darkness is needed to better grow the light.  Both polarities at their core equal each other, but until that core is reached it would seem wise to still see them both as individuals rather than sides to the same coin.  The heads side and tails side are alone for a reason, not knowing right behind them is their opposite.  I see polarity somewhat differently from this community it would seem.  I see these views also got into his head from his journal.  Calling darkness light is just pretending to me, and is the prime tool darkness uses to confuse the light.  It would seem some of you got hit with that confusion.

Polarity is to me, the pinnacle important detail in maintaining a proper view of the perspectives given.  If light is darkness you create schizophrenic connections, to disassociate the different energy of positive and negative as equal is the same as scolding a child for doing the right thing and punishing them without reason.  Confusing right and wrong seems to be part of the subtle work of polarity.

(10-02-2018, 10:28 PM)One of Love Wrote: Alright everyone, my time here has come to an end.  At Jade's own remark privately, since this place makes me uncomfortable I should leave.

(10-03-2018, 01:09 AM)Glow Wrote:

(10-02-2018, 10:28 PM)One of Love Wrote: Alright everyone, my time here has come to an end.  At Jade's own remark privately, since this place makes me uncomfortable I should leave.

Don’t take it personally that just sounds like good advice.
This place offers people something if it works for them. If not they are free to not partake.

It’s so far from a cult that we don’t even try to talk people out of leaving and like Jade said if a place makes you uncomfortable you should leave.

Everyone should follow that advice everywhere.

Take care and be well.

Quote:It has been referred to as an egregore ("thought form") but I do not think that is giving it the type of power or recognition it deserves. Throughout the channeling of the Ra material, there were negative entities that Ra spoke of whose job it was to try to distort Carla and the rest of the group so that sessions were impossible. And they, unfortunately, succeeded quite often. Not only are there untuned but magically viable entities who come here with good intentions who go awry, there are obviously those who come here -just- to disrupt the energies of harmony that they find sickening. Our philosophy says this is catalyst for love and acceptance. As stewards and moderators, we have an obligation to not be hypocrites. Obviously if the energies are too disruptive, or it's obvious that the post is just to disrupt or sow disharmony, then we can make an easy call. But it is our view that these entities need love, acceptance, and healing, and not rejection. If these energies make others who post here uncomfortable, they are free to leave any time. I really do wish we could "clean house" but we also have to honor the intentions of this forum: To be a landing space for wanderers to commune with each other. Some of them arrive full of optimism - much like CA - and go down hill later. We can't assume that they won't find their way back.

(10-02-2018, 10:28 PM)One of Love Wrote: Alright everyone, my time here has come to an end.  At Jade's own remark privately, since this place makes me uncomfortable I should leave.

...May true love and light find this place...

Have a wonderful autumn everyone!

(10-03-2018, 01:40 AM)Relaxo Wrote:

(10-03-2018, 01:09 AM)Glow Wrote:

(10-02-2018, 10:28 PM)One of Love Wrote: Alright everyone, my time here has come to an end.  At Jade's own remark privately, since this place makes me uncomfortable I should leave.

Don’t take it personally that just sounds like good advice.
This place offers people something if it works for them. If not they are free to not partake.

It’s so far from a cult that we don’t even try to talk people out of leaving and like Jade said if a place makes you uncomfortable you should leave.

Everyone should follow that advice everywhere.

Take care and be well.

wait up....how do we know that's actually what Jade said?

we only have 'word of mouth' of that - as a mod Jade probably wouldn't have said that - maybe discussed that could be a persons choice... but directly advising to leave? - imo there's emotional manipulation in saying she definitely said that - so unless Jade corroborates she actually said that...I'm holding off further comment