(06-20-2020, 10:16 AM)dexter101 Wrote: i can feel your pain. i also feel despair. i wish more people would talk about this. i want you to remember this. despite what everyone says this world is fundamentally sts and everyone in it is sts too. even the wanderers. the cassiopeans said so btw.
earth is in the process of change. the shift to fourth density will take a few centuries to be completed. by then earth will be sto.
i know Ra might say earth is 4d sto now but you know time works much differently for them.
remember that we are in a prison of sorts. to the higher ups we could be considered scum but they care for us and want to free us from this prison, the prison that is the matrix.
now you can join the matrix and be rich and all that or you could rise above it. leave this planet and live in a heavenly realm instead of going into a hellish one after youve polarized negatively.
this is what you need to remind yourself of. in this world yes we are losers. but this world is temporary. the price is too high at least for me personally. you have to decide for your own. it might seem like its worth it but if you ever manage to contact intelligent infinity your perception will increase dramatically. even if you are just out of body its like youre someone else. your thought process expands. etc... trust me the veil keeps a lot of things in you and it makes you believe wrong things. this was designed to be this way. they wanted it to be dramatic. dont fall for it like the guy in the matrix. in the end its all an illusion, a very strong one.
i myself strive for power. i know its a bad thing but in the end i know powerful is not the one who thinks he is in control, it is he who is able to let go. to be in control is to be controlled. the very things that make the negatives powerful keep them chained.

Quote:Each chose a fourth-density planet which was dedicated to the pursuit of the understanding of the Law of One through service to self, one in what you know as the Orion group, one in what you know as Cassiopeia, one in what you know as Southern Cross; however, these loci are not satisfactory. (11.12)

(06-28-2020, 11:07 AM)888 Wrote: I'm aware of the length of this incarnation being a tiny drop compared to the ocean of the soul. It doesn't weigh on my decision making process.

(06-28-2020, 11:07 AM)888 Wrote: Anyways, I'm only going to live in a way where I can feel stable, strong, passionate, dignified, and generally happy. At this point, I'm not sacrificing any of that for any version of enlightenment offered, because that might not be enlightenment anyways. Going with whatever I feel the most deeply, regardless of what it turns out to be, may also be the most valuable lesson for my eternal self.

(05-29-2020, 04:05 PM)888 Wrote: The culture of this generation (I'm in my 20's) also has a strong negative influence, and I feel far more isolated when I feel wrong in expressing negative emotions or sentiments, which are common among most social circles I find.

(07-24-2020, 03:04 PM)flofrog Wrote: 888, I am just curious as iam a painter and my drawings look strangely renaissance , did you follow up on drawing

(07-26-2020, 11:23 PM)888 Wrote: I'm going to keep using negative energy for its benefits and make zero effort to love people who I genuinely don't love at this time, for the sake of my stability and sanity. This doesn't include blatant manipulation or exploitation for its own sake, of people who I have no ill will towards, at this time. But I embrace the power that comes with consciously using dark emotions, magnetic energy, and domination.

Three things can happen here:

1. I reach a point where I naturally feel OK with myself and other people, and my heart opens organically, or forgiveness at least becomes less risky for my mental stability. Dark emotions naturally take on a new context for me, conducive to positive growth.
2. I go very deep into the negative polarity, becoming negatively harvested.
3. I end up somewhere in between and repeat the cycle.

Both outcomes 1 and 2 are completely fine with me. We'll just see where it goes.

Some of my background is in Daoism. I'm a proponent of Wu Wei (without effort) and doing what one naturally feels after introspection and intuition. I also have a background in Chaos Magick. All paths of growth are valid, and I have no intrinsic attachment to any paradigm. If it works, it works.

(06-27-2020, 09:59 PM)Black Dragon Wrote: .

Quote:I see myself mirrored in these statements. That's what a lot of my fears and reservations are based on. I refuse to accept a life of martyrdom and arbitrary suffering just for being a decent person and having a few distortions. That being said, I equally reject the idea of becoming a sociopathic STS cunt who makes innocent people miserable, because I'd become the very thing I hate, so that, to me, would be as big or bigger a loss/defeat/surrender as being a martyr. I reject both of those ideas with equal harshness and defiance. There is a certain small comfort and feeling of strength in that rebellion. No matter what, I will stick by my principles against both the path of martyrdom or predatory cuntitude.

This is not veiled ignorance. It's not the sinkhole of indifference. It's deliberately choosing integrity, sovereignty, and self-direction over dogmatic bullshit. Maybe (hopefully) you'll find that a tiny bit helpful, or maybe it will piss you off and make you think I'm a jackass. Honestly? I do want to help as best I can and I wish you the best, but I really don't give a f*** what you end up thinking about me, I'll simply speak my truth as I see it and hope it helps. You are your own authority.

(07-27-2020, 12:41 AM)dexter101 Wrote:

(06-27-2020, 09:59 PM)Black Dragon Wrote: .

Then there are people who don't seem to attract success, stability, or security just by being positive. Whether it's true or not, I worry that I might be one of those people, that if I just surrender to the universe, I won't be free while I'm alive, and I'd just have to accept it.

I get anxious that the path for my current incarnation is just a series of traumas and humiliations that I have to forgive. Maybe that's not true, but if I dig deeper and it turns out that it is, I reserve the right to change my mind from that path and walk away from it at any time. I'd prefer not to exercise that option, but I'm entirely willing to use it if it comes down to it.

Quote:I see myself mirrored in these statements. That's what a lot of my fears and reservations are based on. I refuse to accept a life of martyrdom and arbitrary suffering just for being a decent person and having a few distortions. That being said, I equally reject the idea of becoming a sociopathic STS cunt who makes innocent people miserable, because I'd become the very thing I hate, so that, to me, would be as big or bigger a loss/defeat/surrender as being a martyr. I reject both of those ideas with equal harshness and defiance. There is a certain small comfort and feeling of strength in that rebellion. No matter what, I will stick by my principles against both the path of martyrdom or predatory cuntitude.

This is not veiled ignorance. It's not the sinkhole of indifference. It's deliberately choosing integrity, sovereignty, and self-direction over dogmatic bullshit. Maybe (hopefully) you'll find that a tiny bit helpful, or maybe it will piss you off and make you think I'm a jackass. Honestly? I do want to help as best I can and I wish you the best, but I really don't give a f*** what you end up thinking about me, I'll simply speak my truth as I see it and hope it helps. You are your own authority.

hey there dragon,
think about how jesus felt when he first found out about his destiny. acceptance is the sto way. no matter what comes.yea you may be miserable but in accepting that you are in your mind at least free from suffering.
you know? you might be starving but in your mind you are totally at peace. thats nirvana. it is not a place but rather a state of mind. you might suffer in this world but if you are sto and truly awakened you will be free in your mind.

i know most of the time people will want the best of both worlds. they want security,money and or fame and of course love. but neither of those things are possible. you have to surrender to one of those ideals. be it positive or negative.
this is a fundamental flaw with the law of attraction movement. they think they can be millionares and good people. but we all know the truth. deep down....

i hope you make it. good luck.

(07-27-2020, 12:30 AM)Black Dragon Wrote:

(07-26-2020, 11:23 PM)888 Wrote: [...]

[...] These structures are so pervasive and subtle abuse is passed from generation to generation when people think they are doing the right thing for one reason or another. It wouldn't be so pervasive if not for the influence of ET and higher density negative beings on our society. Beings like Belial and the others you tried to summon at one point. Nobody's forcing you to forgive wrongs that were done to you if you are not ready to, but I'm just trying to warn you against the "allure" of the STS path because then you would literally be taking the side of the forces that are responsible for your misery in the first place. To me that would be absolutely stupid and pathetic, weak, defeatist, and powerless, and I don't think you are pathetic or stupid enough to give your power away to the forces that have orchestrated all your misery. You would be right to be angry at THEM, if anyone.

They are the ones who sew the seeds in our society for the types of attitudes and behaviors your parents displayed towards you as a child. They are the ones who pull the strings on worthless teachers like that guy who was "mentoring" you, although he seems like he consciously chose this path and was actually dedicated to STS pretending to be otherwise. If you can't forgive people who were simply swayed by these forces into being a*******, then why did you, at one point, turn to them for power? It's their influence that made our society what it is and your parents what they were towards you. There is a huge irony and lack of consistency there in turning to them for power.

Also, you keep saying the STS path is "valid", and while from a purely objective/cosmological view that may be true, that's like saying you can forgive all the evils in the world as long as they happen to somebody else, but when they happen to you, they are not valid or forgivable. Child rape? Valid. Genocide, exploitation, corruption, valid. Racism and hate, valid(except the times it happened to you...). Parents being a*******? Not valid. Totally unforgiveable. I'm not trying to judge, just pointing out the huge dichotomy here so you can examine it and discern some things for yourself.

Thankfully, it seems you've steered away from those sorts of delusions that caused you to turn hardline to the STS path and try to summon dark forces and now are just going to live your life being honest about what you feel. I wish you well with that, and hope things come together for you.

(07-27-2020, 10:25 AM)Asolsutsesvyl Wrote:

(07-27-2020, 12:30 AM)Black Dragon Wrote:

(07-26-2020, 11:23 PM)888 Wrote: [...]

[...] These structures are so pervasive and subtle abuse is passed from generation to generation when people think they are doing the right thing for one reason or another. It wouldn't be so pervasive if not for the influence of ET and higher density negative beings on our society. Beings like Belial and the others you tried to summon at one point. Nobody's forcing you to forgive wrongs that were done to you if you are not ready to, but I'm just trying to warn you against the "allure" of the STS path because then you would literally be taking the side of the forces that are responsible for your misery in the first place. To me that would be absolutely stupid and pathetic, weak, defeatist, and powerless, and I don't think you are pathetic or stupid enough to give your power away to the forces that have orchestrated all your misery. You would be right to be angry at THEM, if anyone.

They are the ones who sew the seeds in our society for the types of attitudes and behaviors your parents displayed towards you as a child. They are the ones who pull the strings on worthless teachers like that guy who was "mentoring" you, although he seems like he consciously chose this path and was actually dedicated to STS pretending to be otherwise. If you can't forgive people who were simply swayed by these forces into being a*******, then why did you, at one point, turn to them for power? It's their influence that made our society what it is and your parents what they were towards you. There is a huge irony and lack of consistency there in turning to them for power.

Also, you keep saying the STS path is "valid", and while from a purely objective/cosmological view that may be true, that's like saying you can forgive all the evils in the world as long as they happen to somebody else, but when they happen to you, they are not valid or forgivable. Child rape? Valid. Genocide, exploitation, corruption, valid. Racism and hate, valid(except the times it happened to you...). Parents being a*******? Not valid. Totally unforgiveable. I'm not trying to judge, just pointing out the huge dichotomy here so you can examine it and discern some things for yourself.

Thankfully, it seems you've steered away from those sorts of delusions that caused you to turn hardline to the STS path and try to summon dark forces and now are just going to live your life being honest about what you feel. I wish you well with that, and hope things come together for you.

So far, it's not clear how things are ultimately going to turn out. 888 may begin to care more or to care less about such inconsistencies, from the apparent overall ambivalence about it all at present. Caring less about it would, however, seem to go hand in hand with a turn towards the negative path. I point that out in terms of whether reason, and the window of opportunity for exchange through reason, matters or not in the end for 888, which remains an open question.

Basically, on the negative path, the driving force and its results matter far more than whether or not there is any consistency in terms of reason surrounding it, upon examination. Those who go to the greatest lengths in embracing the negative path ultimately stop caring at all about whether there's inconsistencies to their engagement, whether through a simple lack of self-questioning and an assertion that the self is always right (regardless of how self-defeating it looks to a sober outsider), or through going further into full-blown solipsism.

(07-27-2020, 02:42 PM)888 Wrote: I'm not angry at my parents anymore.

I think most of my trauma comes from humans who weren't consciously polarizing negatively, or ones who genuinely believed they were positive but were severely confused. There may have been negative entities influencing them, but it was ultimately the actions of that person / those people, operating out of ignorance. I have more respect for clearly defined intentions with a higher purpose (regardless of how vicious it may be) than voluntary ignorance.

Over the last decade, every time I've tried to embrace positivity ultimately led to imbalance and severe instability. Negative energy played a part in that... But during the time I consciously chose to harness that negative energy, although it came with its own set of issues, I began to stabilize. I do have gratitude for that.

Going deeper on any path serves The Creator. I'm fully aware of the apparent inconsistencies and I don't care.

Quote:The further an entity has, what you would call, polarized, the more easily this entity may change polarity, for the more power and awareness the entity will have.
Those truly helpless are those who have not consciously chosen but who repeat patterns without knowledge of the repetition or the meaning of the pattern.

(07-27-2020, 12:41 AM)dexter101 Wrote: hey there dragon,
think about how jesus felt when he first found out about his destiny. acceptance is the sto way. no matter what comes.yea you may be miserable but in accepting that you are in your mind at least free from suffering.
you know? you might be starving but in your mind you are totally at peace. thats nirvana. it is not a place but rather a state of mind. you might suffer in this world but if you are sto and truly awakened you will be free in your mind.

i know most of the time people will want the best of both worlds. they want security,money and or fame and of course love. but neither of those things are possible. you have to surrender to one of those ideals. be it positive or negative.
this is a fundamental flaw with the law of attraction movement. they think they can be millionaires and good people. but we all know the truth. deep down....

i hope you make it. good luck.

(06-02-2020, 12:48 AM)888 Wrote: I do 20 minutes minimum of silent meditation a day. I'll stretch it out to multiple hours if I have the time and inclination to, and I cycle through various meditative activities like the Wim Hof breathing method, yoga nidra, qigong, regular yoga, guided meditation / visualization audios, Hindu mantras, candle meditation, chakra meditations etc. on a daily basis... I'll do maybe 2-3 of the activities I listed a day, and switch them to maintain variety. I invoke and banish, and do Kabbalistic meditations every day (I'm going to stop for this next week or so because I feel very burnt out).

It seems like none of that's working right now. This is a very low point for me I guess. It felt like it was working at points before.

Anyways I'll listen to the interview you linked when I have the time to.
_________

I'm not going to give up, I'm really going to keep pushing until I either break through or everything falls apart for good, but it's really, really frustrating putting in 110% into everything, in the 'regular' world, and the spiritual world, and just feeling like I'm getting further and further from actual progress.

I just need to say this s***. I'm not looking to complain to anybody and I don't care if anyone even reads or responds to this at this point. I'm fucking frustrated and I just need to post this somewhere. I really need things to change.