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Why Do You Seek?
Published by Bring4th_GLB on March 25, 2009 9:34pm.  Category: General


Some time ago I was in a discussion with a great soul. She and I are both earnest and sincere seekers, each of us passionate to the core to - as best as I can say it in one word – evolve.


We were together exploring and articulating the various motivations for our seeking. What was it that prompted us to follow a slightly different path from the norm, ask questions which usually go unasked or unconsidered, and seek that which we don’t know?


To obtain the answers to these questions, I embarked upon a safari into the wild and distant regions of my conscious mind. Narrowly escaping death at the hands of the man-eating animals that populate the remote reaches of my psyche, I returned with some answers to these most provocative and central questions. Unfortunately I was not able to go deep enough into the bush – from which few return – to gaze into the abyss of unknowing and ask the timeless self: “Why is it that I, in this incarnation, intensely pursue that which offers no tangible or material reward, that which promises only a death for the personality self, and that which is from beginning to end a mystery of the highest order?”


What my inner adventure returned were these seven reasons for living the life I have lived since approximately 1998, for thinking the thoughts that I think, and for expending my energy in the attempt to unveil, understand, and become the mystery of truth.


These seven reasons are behind my seeking:

  1. The recognition that there is something terribly missing from my life for which the World can not provide. No amount of material satisfaction, possession, circumstance, pleasure, or gratification can properly substitute for.

    In my ignorance and confusion, I still turn to these things as if they can fill that emptiness – every pleasant or pleasurable sensory experience does have its immediate and temporary rewards – but ultimately all attempts end with the emptiness with which they began. (Except for sex. Ninety-nine percent of the time, sex if phenomenal.)

    Many, many a seeker who has found him or herself in this position (of becoming cognizant of the empty nature of all things) inevitably realizes that that which they truly hunger for can not be obtained from the external world. While all things external are as every bit the Creator as is the self, the problem is that the seeker has a false relationship with those things – be they people, jobs, material objects, etc. – as long as he or she is living a life of separation in which the self is perceived separate from all that it experiences.

    Thus do I seek to heal this primal schism within the self, to find what is missing and much needed *not* within the poor substitutes of the material world, but exclusively in the Creator’s love, the Creator’s light, and the intelligent infinity of the Creator itself.

  2. The recognition that consensus reality is profoundly a realm of shadow, half truth, and untruth. That, while the essence of the Creator is contained within all things and IS all things, consensus reality – that system which we were raised in and which most call “life” – is a shadow of ultimate reality whose function is to hide rather than reveal the truth. (Coming to this realization, I am told by my friend, is an experience known in a Christian context as: “Ruined to the Ordinary”.)

    The truths with which most identify, while containing great moral and ethical values integral to the pursuit of truth, nevertheless often fall very short of the universals and unconditionals of which eternal reality is composed. By and large they tend to be transient, superficial, and concerned with a life which will perish along with us at the time of our deaths.

    Consensus reality is in the main an illusion because it has become opaque to the One Creator which it represents. It has become opaque because it was designed that way, I believe, so that we would come to the Creator by faith alone; and it has become increasingly opaque due to being caked with millennia of layer upon layer of cultural and collective distortion.

    Thus what we perceive when gazing at the world around us is a false reality. We see projections of our own fears, beliefs, and misperceptions. We see things as being separate from us. We see a dream but do not realize that we are the dreamers dreaming the experience. We see that the Creator, which is all things, is incredibly *not* apparent in the everyday experience, in the environment in which we live our lives, and most markedly in the collective reality with which we all identify. (So true is this that one can be confronted by the Creator in every moment of every day and still go on debating within whether they should "believe" in God or not. Actually quite beautiful, if you think about it.)

    From this can be extrapolated the understanding that something is real only insofar as it is transparent to the Creator within. That goes for a person, a thought, and a rock. Thus do I seek not to take consensus reality at face value and trust its wisdoms and its truth, but rather to see through this realm of shadow and to render consensus reality transparent to infinity.

    William Blake:

    ---“If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”

    ---“To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower To hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.”

  3. A response to a call or an invitation within. A response to a genuine, bone-aching need. The need to know for myself, on the level of experience, the truth of the highest order and magnitude, the mystical and unitary truth of the One.

    This need, I imagine, is born from that pivotal experience in the seeker’s life called “awakening”. That moment or time period when the self realizes or sees for the first time that all it had previously known consists of empty forms, imbued only with relative and temporary meaning, devoid of true substance. That time wherein the self has the opportunity of the “peek through the curtain” and knows on a level beyond rational thought that it sees its destiny, its heart’s truest desire.

    This need/hope/passion is something which first began sometime during my 18th year and which, over the subsequent years, I have gradually and increasingly become conscious of. I am not sure what triggered the alarm clock to go off within. What I do know is that once “awakened” – not necessarily to “the truth” but to the *possibility* of knowing the truth through systematic and disciplined self-exploration, healing, acceptance, and knowledge – I could never ever go back.

    This modality I call “seeking” beginning with the so-called alarm clock experience, continues to drive me further into the unknown. It is a fire; it is a passion; and it is the substance of my soul. This passion is fueled continually by unexpected moments of inspiration, experienced either during contemplation, while reading spiritual literature, or as a result of loving interaction with another. While I often am out in search of inspiration, it at the same time often finds me when I don’t seem to be looking for it. Fairly frequently, I would estimate, inspiration strikes me and soar into the heart of infinite possibility I do.

    Thus do I seek as a natural consequence of honoring – and following through with – the organic evolutionary impulse that makes its presence in my heart unmistakably felt.

  4. The inability to distract myself for very long from this calling of my heart. I do enjoy certain activities and do look forward to simply not attempting to climb Mt Everest in my mind, but it is not for long that I can keep my mind away from its natural inclination and center of gravity, from that central spring of desire which seeks to reach always upward.

    So I suppose this would be an extension of the previous reason in that honoring the calling is frequently almost automatic because I can not distract my attention often or long enough. No activity can occupy my mind to the extent that it pushes out the desire for the Creator.

    Thus do I seek as an inability to be in a non-seeking configuration for overly long.

  5. The need to heal myself of pain. The above mentioned reasons are positive in that I am seeking to gain or become or realize something, albeit through the loss and sacrifice of the small self. This reason, however, is a negative one in that I am motivated to seek the truth by virtue of the suffering I experience, in that I wish the suffering to end!

    I am often in mental and/or emotional and/or spiritual pain, or, in its milder forms, discomfort. Why this is I am not entirely sure. It seems to be of (what I can only describe as) an existential nature. By that I mean that I can not link it to any particular outward circumstance. I can not say: “My spouse abuses me. I work three jobs to raise my family. I have leprosy. I am oppressed by a totalitarian government. I am the victim of a crime. I am constipated.” By all appearances, my outer world is in exceptional order and harmony. And I am luckily not constipated. I can’t thank the stars enough for the circumstances of my life. Yet there is a chronic level of pain which persists. (Which I understand to be in common with any who awaken to the truth of unity while living on a planet where separation (and often fear) reign supreme.)

    Fortunately, being with Valerie for these past two and a half years has done a great, great deal to ameliorate the extremities of the hurt I had for many years slipped into. Being with her has stabilized my emotions and subdued much of the feeling of being totally, totally alone in the world.

    What remains of this exquisite agony is a clarion call to seek the truth because it functions as a messenger which brings the world-shattering, confusion-bringing truth of the final unworkability of living the life of the ego. That is to say, it is the suffering which communicates to me more effectively than anything that living a life of chasing the endlessly shifting (and false) needs and desires of the so-called ego is a confused and limited path which must eventually be let go of - to meet its end in the light of day. Without that suffering, I suppose, I would be content not to make any changes but to continue on seeking that which is transient and not particularly related to the evolution of my spirit. Without the suffering, I might not notice the walls of the Matrix veiling the truth from me.

    Thus do I seek to bring an end to the suffering, to find equanimity, tranquility, and peace within my heart.

  6. The recognition that The Beatles were great prophets. : ) "All You Need Is Love" is overlooked as a trite set of lyrics when in fact they speak to a supremely profound truth. Love, compassion, kindness, giving, selflessness, concern for others, open heartedness, or understanding --- whatever word or group of words which indicates this critically important, critically needed, and critically real energy which we call “love”.

    Without it, we are as Paul describes in the Bible:

    1 Cor 13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
    If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
    If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

    I believe that all of the lessons for every single person of the six billion plus on this planet all revolve around love. Multiple lessons we each have to learn in our lifetimes; not one of them is not in someway related to love. This is our goal. To love ourselves, others, and the Creator. To follow and honor this “greatest commandment” offered by Jesus:

    When Jesus was asked, "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?" he replied, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind' - this is the great and foremost commandment, and there is a second like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself'. The whole Law and Prophets hang on these two commands."

    I have so much work to do in this department. I have more judgment and criticism and hard heartedness than I would care to admit. I know of the experience of love. I know how it improves every situation it meets. I know how wonderful it is to share it with someone, whether male or female, old or young, stranger of family. I know how much better the world we be if everyone gave it and shared it. I know how great it feels to love someone else and I know what a tear-jerker it is to see the selfless things that people do for love. I seek because of my love of the truth, which is another way to say, my love of the Creator. Thus do I seek to open my heart to that sweet flow of love ever more fully and deeply.

  7. The desire that runs very deep within me to serve others.

    I see day in and day out – within my sphere of relationships and within the information I receive from abroad about the world in which I live – how many people suffer at the misunderstood energies of their own mind. I don’t mean necessarily physical suffering, though there is plenty of that to be beaten down by, but more so the suffering of depression, of feeling disempowered, of anxiety, stress, self-doubt, loneliness, confusion, and being the victim. The suffering that hatred and animosity and greed and all the other so-called deadly sins bring to the individual, as well as to those he inflicts his ignorance upon.

    Many do I know and have met who, like most of us, are caught in this web of suffering and can not find the way out or the right combination to unlock the door into peaceful pastures. Not only are most of us “caught”, we even more fundamentally continue to perpetuate, endlessly, our own suffering. In our sheer ignorance, we spin new webs of pain and suffering for ourselves, all while in the pursuit of our own happiness.

    While of course I see so many people experiencing moments of joy, gratitude, and well being; while I see a great deal of happiness, I also see the confusion and the pain running so strongly through many lives including my own, distorting our perceptions and leading us astray. I see it affecting the whole operation here on planet Earth. If we could bottle suffering up, it would be this planet's number one export.

    What many I encounter in the throes of their own self-created pain lack is the basic awareness of the *possibility* of healing, transformation, and rebirth. Without that knowing, without that peak through the box to a vast and infinite universe outside of its tight and constricted walls, people are not motivated to seek the truth, to pray for it, and to ask for help. People do not understand that their conceptions of their identity and of the world in which they live are not the totality of themselves. The do not have the faith which leads one outside of the barriers of consensus reality and into an experience of the timeless nature of their true identity. They don't grasp that something greater than themselves can be appealed to and that something greater will respond.

    I am drawn forward, as the above six reasons indicate, because of some undying hope of a life outside of this pain … I have an inkling of what could be. This inkling or hunch or whatever you would like to call it is the greatest blessing one could receive. Without the knowledge that there is much, much more to us than the life we experience inside the "Matrix", we are lost and doomed indefinitely to repeat our mistakes and perpetuate our suffering. Which is why waking to the illusory nature of life (as most experience it) is a precious gift. As a result of this realization, one will of necessity begin to develop the will and the faith to search for and inevitably discover their own answers.

    I have this body-convulsing need written into the structure of my DNA itself to serve others, to help people out of their suffering. As I have moved along this path, I have more and more yearned to understand the true situation of the world. When I select what information I will take into myself, whether it be from a movie, a book, a website, or a live speaker, I am often looking for something that will help me to both intellectually but even more so emotionally connect with the world on a deeper and more profound level, especially to the true suffering and horrors of the world. When you really begin to look at the story of humans on this planet, you will soon meet with the inescapable reality of the brutality and cruelty and the mistreatment people have inflicted upon one another, both on the individual and the group level. I want to know this, to know the reality of the situation so that I might find a way through it to the higher reality.

    This seemingly omnipresent suffering pains me. I desire intensely to help alleviate it… somehow. But despite my many and varied attempts to learn more about the truth, I realize that there is practically nothing that I can say that will really and truly help another to actually recognize their own native power to learn what they came here to learn and to experience the ability to consciously create their own universe.

    I can offer my own philosophical understandings to another and tell them of the infinite nature of things, but no matter how heartfelt and sincere my expressions may be, without the corresponding level of experience to match the words, no combination of the most eloquent phrases from my mouth can really open another’s eyes to the possibility of mystery and infinity. If I myself am living by these spiritual principles (as I am now attempting) and would stand up and die for what I consider to be the highest truth, then this vivifies the words and increases their impact. But the ultimate way to reach people is to *become* the truth which I seek. I believe in this way I could be of the greatest service imaginable.

    If I could realize experientially that unified reality of love within, then my very b-e-i-n-g would be the greatest testament to the truth. By simply radiating, on an energetic level, a pure flow of the Creator’s love and light, I would be of immense service because I would be sharing “information”, so to speak, about the true nature of reality, about the limitless nature of the self. I would be an advocate for unconditional love, limitless light, and a single, unified reality. This service would happen not by virtue of any action I could take in the outer world (though action is often a helpful concomitant of the service of being), nor by any words that I could speak, but by simply opening my heart to all with whom I came into contact. I could sit, and breathe, and be, metaphysically speaking, a lighthouse in this darkness.
    I have a long… oh so incredibly long… way to go before I can let the Creator shine through my eyes, my hands, and my heart, but this is eventually the service I hope to offer to those about me and those out there so in need of aid. Thus do I seek to serve others, to help them open their eyes, if only just once, to their true and divine natures so that they may grasp the infinite possibilities that belong to one aware of universal truth.

I am open to the possibility that there is more within me of which I am unaware which motivates my seeking. For now and likely for a long time to come, this is the best understanding I have for embarking upon a path unlike any taken by any I knew – family, friend, or acquaintance – within the first 18 years of my life. That there is more to me is in fact what I seek to discover. The unlocked potential calling to me from behind the folds of the curtain and within the realities of my dreams is almost tangible some days. I can almost taste the delicious smells drifting through the air, emanating from the plates of food at an unseen but nearby banquet. Someday I will enjoy the feast itself and share it freely with others.


May 2008

   1 Comment    Add a comment

peelstreetguyMan, do I ever feel your position, brother. My words are inadiquit. The YES song, 'and you and I' comes to mind. Of course it's way better with the music, but here are the lyrics.

I. cord of life

A man conceived a moments answers to the dream,
Staying the flowers daily, sensing all the themes.
As a foundation left to create the spiral aim,
A movement regained and regarded both the same,
All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you.

Changed only for a sight of sound, the space agreed.
Between the picture of time behind the face of need,
Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid,
Emotion revealed as the ocean maid,
All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you.

Turn round tailor, coins and
Assaulting all the mornings of the crosses
Interest shown, never know
Presenting one another to the cord, their fruitless worth;
All left dying, rediscovered cords are broken,
Of the door that turned round, locked inside
To close the cover, the mother earth.
All the interest shown, they wont
To turn one another, to the sign hide, hold, they wont
At the time tell you, watching the world,
To float your climb. watching all of the world,
Watching us go by.

And you and I climb over the sea to the valley,
And you and I reached out for reasons to call.

Ii. eclipse

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid,
Emotion revealed as the ocean maid,
As a movement regained and regarded both the same,
All complete in the side of seeds of life with you.

Iii. the preacher the teacher

Sad preacher nailed upon the coloured door of time;
Insane teacher be there reminded of the rhyme.
Therell be no mutant enemy we shall certify;
Political ends, as sad remains, will die.
Reach out as forward tastes begin to enter you.
Ooh, ooh.

I listened hard but could not see
Life tempo change out and inside me.
The preacher trained in all to lose his name;
The teacher travels, asking to be shown the same.
In the end, well agree, well accept, well immortalise
That the truth of the man maturing in his eyes,
All complete in the sight of seeds of life with you.

Coming quickly to terms of all expression laid,
As a moment regained and regarded both the same,
Emotion revealed as the ocean maid,
A clearer future, morning, evening, nights with you.

Iv. apocalypse (anderson/bruford/howe/squire)

And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning.
And you and I reach over the sun for the river.
And you and I climb, clearer, towards the movement.
And you and I called over valleys of endless seas.

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