Being here on the LL Research site blog means a lot to me. I haven't been here for a while and recently, found myself re-reading The Law of One, which I haven't done in 14 years. It made such a great impact on me at that time, I feel as though it became part of me. At that time, I thought I couldn't possibly be a Wanderer. Somehow, back then, it sounded too special to me, though I knew from the beginning there are millions of us, making it not very special at all. Accepting this, at least for me, was something I had to grow into over time. I think this is pretty funny.

My relationship to spirit informs every aspect of my life. My journey has been wild and began when I was just a kid. Once I thought that meant austerity, denial of enjoyment; so much has changed over time. Since then, through Zen and American gurus, through organic foods and colonics in the 70s, I found my way through the "alternate" world, studying everyone and everything, meditating daily, frying ashram tofu for a hundred by 1985, sitting in all kinds of audiences listening, chanting...never quite fitting in anywhere, as much as I tried.

I didn't see how important it was at the time, but I found the book about Billy Meier called "Light Year" in 1988, and by the time we entered the 1990s, I was very comfortable with the notion of ETs. My long, strange, spiritually alternative journey had come to this point. Somehow it all fit together for me, though I can't say the same for many of my friends – the Buddhists, yoga practitioners and vegetarians around me at that time thought I was nuts. Seems like ETs were where even the boldest spiritual journeys would stop but not for this Brooklyn girl.

Of course, my usual combination of boldness and naivete kept me on that track, and over the past 20 years, I have learned so much about the "non human" presence here that there is virtually nothing I can't reference. And I have to thank George Noory and Art Bell for most of that...listening to their show religiously since 1995 has given me quite an education too! I found the Ra Material through my husband who found out about The Law of One through the Matrix books by Val Valerian/Leading Edge Research. I read the four books in 1995 right after my mom died. I found it strangely comforting at that time, absolutely unique and resonant with me.

I have always felt like I am not from this planet, and do not naturally understand many practices here, such as competition and violence, but also motherhood, family and things like that. Both ends of this distortion have baffled me, and my own life has seemed meaningless, as though I have nothing to contribute to such a place but that all I ever wanted to do was contribute and exchange in understanding with others.

Revisiting the Material now,  finding the old tapes and audio I bought years ago from LL, has brought me home in a way. I am reluctant to "belong" anywhere in this planet; I have so much been rejected and excluded in the past. and for me, "spiritual" groups have been no different, but recently, I asked my guides to help me find out who I really am, what my "purpose" might be here, and I was led back to the Law of One and then to discovering this blog. I have a blog on my website where I write about design, sociology and metaphysics but the "professional" aspect to my site discourages me from saying too much "wanderer" stuff. I hope this can be my place to be free with that. I don't know how often I'll be able to post  but this is a great opportunity to share wanderer experience as we grow into this shift.

As an aside, going back to re-read the material validated so many things I've read through these years. George Green's Ground Crew/Paradigm books especially come to mind. There is a thread that runs through his communications that the Ra Material discussed years before.

Re-reading the Ra Material these past few weeks brought me to such a feeling of gratefulness to Carla and this group.  As I begin this personal exploration, I put out the intention that writing here helps me to share and feel a free and true spiritual expression. In the end, you write your blog on the pages of eternity and the universe hears you. If your voice is true and if it's  your own, I'm sure it will be useful.