It's December 21, 2012 and I'm here in New York City in the late afternoon, at my desk and preparing to go home.
My honesty continually gets me into "trouble" it seems, and my incredible sensitivity to feelings, my own and others, makes it difficult for me to portray myself wholly. People read "parts" of the picture and it's not their fault. The last time I wrote on this site, I was reaching out to other Wanderers, or whatever you might call them, and just voicing a feeling of exclusion; a sense that while I had a boatload of friends around me who were kind and smart and loving, I felt invisible in my spiritual evolution. So sometimes I'm an idiot and I like admitting that. I feel as though the internet and sites like this are symbols of our reaching out to each other, even to say "I'm here, don't worry"...but everyone in this new spirit world, at least right now, has an "answer', of course including myself. I am so interested in this. The idea of being a leader in a world that only needs internal leadership; of having answers that worked for us but won't for others. Being the authority in any one field or at least in this "field" of the new coming age is very satisfying and that also seems to be very dangerous and actually an antithesis of this whole awakening process.
I have read and studied thousands of words and pictures you might say, millions...from sincere, dedicated souls who are on a clear path and have been able to share that path; beginning at the tender age of 14 until today...they tell me I'm 57 years old now. I am expert in finding the "best" information and helping to pass it on. I have meditated for 30 years and sitting with the divine is one of the most cherished experiences of my life. I hate all the new age terms, but I suppose I am a lightworker, a wanderer, a starseed. It all sounds silly to me, as enlightenment must defy all categories, ideas and places. You either are on or you're not. And sometimes we're ON....sometimes we're NOT. I don't hide when I'm NOT because it all feels like it's bringing me to the next stage. But it's dangerous to write about those times; those moments when you are sad, or scared, or just feeling left out (I guess unless you are Wayne Dyer!). Since no one out there can know your whole history, it can seem that this one moment is ALL the moments and instead of a little encouragement and the collective knowledge that we are all ALWAYS OK, we address the specific, assume it's chronic and so on. I believe this awakening will also bring us to a lighter touch for our "issues". Nothing is so serious that it can't change. Encouragement and confidence in our own intuition will take us forward.
Right now, a dear friend of mine is performing at the Uplift 2012 Australia event. I knew him in NY, when he was just starting out as a performance poet, helped him wherever I could and encouraged him to move forward. I introduced him to the world of the "new age"; told him about The Ra Material, as well as many others, and I know he read and appreciated all of it. Through the years, he has grown and changed and today, he is with Barbara Marx Hubbard in a public celebration of ushering in this new age. He was braver than I was, clearer about his intention and didn't let anyone or anything get in his way. He didn't have an easy life either; he lived through a childhood fraught with pain. But I have to admit, the idea of "place" as much as I disdain the concept, brought me to a feeling of being "left out" again. I would have loved to have been in Australia with him and with a whole bunch of people who are focused in celebration of our spiritual evolution. But I don't feel I should be unhappy about being here, in New York either. I do believe it is not WHERE you are but what you feel. And even though I'm not with my friend in Australia, I can feel the connection to what he is doing. Something bigger than all of us is happening. And right now, this thing that's happening has nothing to do with WHERE you are in terms of geography, maps, places...but WHERE your heart is.
I was born in New York, Brooklyn to be exact and I have always been "this" way. No environmental issues led me to doing yoga when I was 12; reading Seth when I was 18; learning to meditate when I was 15. Not my family, or anyone at school, or any friends "led" me exactly to the loves of my life: studying and learning about my own conscious evolution and artistic expressions. I never saw New York as being chaotic or overwhelming; never saw it as being ugly or cold or unloving. Isn't that strange? It seems that "lightworkers" around the globe hate New York, or at least have such strong feelings about it being a horrible place to be, that it is a cliche to me. I once heard a senior student of Ramtha on a radio show talk about the horror of New York City; how no one was enlightened there...relishing in his own spiritual superiority as though this statement were unequivocal, he didn't see how ignorant he sounded. It seems that few are able to see (because it's really hard to see) is that you bring YOURSELF everywhere you go. Yes, this city is intimidating, especially if you weren't born here but if you are intimidated by it, no reason to decide it's devoid of all spirituality. How could ANYTHING, anywhere be devoid of the divine?
So on this very momentous day, when I have just found a lovely and kind response to a VERY difficult moment/blog for me on this site, I am reminded of the location of the infinite....which is everywhere. Appreciation, kindness, a loving glance...on a city street or a country church. It's all one thing and that one thing is hearts connecting. During this transition, let us not underestimate each other. Trust your divine self. In the end, that's the only place you will ever live. I'm counting on your connection.
Love to all as we enter a new adventure together.