Today is the 34th anniversary of the death of Don Elkins, and recently it has come to my attention that the nature of his death, by his own hand, is a topic that usually is not openly discussed by people who love the Law of One. The topic of suicide, in general, seems to be an uncomfortable and stigmatized one, as it is often viewed as a failure on the part of the deceased to meet life’s challenges. Many people have a friend or family member that has left this illusion by that means, and it is very painful for those left behind. I am sure that people’s reticence to talk about Don’s death is largely based on love for him, for the Law of One, and for L/L Research. There may be a desire to guard the reputation of the Ra contact by avoiding conversations about Don’s mental illness and suicide. I can feel your love and support in this regard, and I thank you for your heartfelt concerns.
I want you to know that, despite our great sadness in losing Don, Carla and I maintained faith in the possibility that Don’s decline was the result of his undying dedication to others--namely to Carla--and to his life’s work. He was truly a beloved companion for Carla, and was my best friend for the time that I knew him. Carla and I always wished to honor his memory by acknowledging all parts of his journey including the nature of his death. The factors that one must consider when talking of how Don’s life came to an end are almost beyond most people’s ability to comprehend because they are multiple in nature and have probably been reproduced only in a handful of instances in Earth’s entire history, if at all.
The primary factor was the “magical” nature of our spiritual work and, therefore, its susceptibility to negative interference. According to Ra there is a spiritual principle that when positive information, such as we were gaining from Ra, is consciously sought, this choice must be balanced by the availability of negative offerings from service-to-self entities. The “playing field” is automatically “leveled” by psychic greeting, so that the difficulty of our seeking is synonymous with the strength, or purity, of our free-will choice. In other words, spiritual work is never without sacrifice of one kind or another, as the power of a positive (or negative) choice equates to the difficulty of making it. The work of negative entities in this regard is usually called psychic attack, but Ra used the term “psychic greetings”. Ra mentioned this in 69.17:
“Secondly, that which we and you do in workings such as this carries a magical charge, if you would use this much misunderstood term. Perhaps we may say a metaphysical power. Those who do work of power are available for communication to and from entities of roughly similar power. It is fortunate that the Orion entity does not have the native power of this group. However, it is quite disciplined whereas this group lacks the finesse equivalent to its power. Each is working in consciousness but the group has not begun a work as a group. The individual work is helpful, for the group is mutually an aid, one to another.”
So we were in a unique situation in that our work with Ra had attracted the attention of a fifth-density negative entity who wished to stop the Ra contact and remove the light that it produced. And the way that it went about that work was described by Ra in 80.4:
“Questioner: What is the reason for the fact that the entity is able to act through physical distortions that are already present [as] opposed to being unable to act on an entity who’s had no physical distortions at all?
Ra: I am Ra. The key to this query is the term, distortion. Any distortion, be it physical, mental, or spiritual in complex nature, may be accentuated by the suggestion of one able to work magically; that is, to cause changes in consciousness. This entity has many physical distortions. Each in the group has various mental distortions. Their nature varies. The less balanced the distortion by self-knowledge, the more adeptly the entity may accentuate such a distortion in order to mitigate against the smooth functioning and harmony of the group.”
Each of the three of us in the Ra contact had a variety of distortions that were used as targets of opportunity by our negative friend throughout the Ra contact. Just like any seekers, we still had much to learn. Carla pre-incarnatively chose arthritis as a means of focusing on her inner work—instead of on outer work in the world. This constantly was being intensified by our negative friend, sometimes in very mysterious ways but always according to the metaphysical laws, if you will, that provide for this balancing of difficulty in the face of choice. My tendency towards anger at myself in order to learn compassion for myself, for example, was intensified many times in my life as I made mistakes and responded by breaking a tool or an object.
Don was always very cautious and wise in anything that he did. In the last two years of his life his wisdom became distorted towards worry and fear that his employer, Eastern Airlines, was going bankrupt and that Don would no longer be able to support our work or L/L Research. He also was worried about Carla’s deteriorating physical condition that was being intensified by our negative Orion friend of fifth density. But his greatest worry seemed to be that Carla’s spirit might be displaced into negative time/space by our negatively oriented friend. This had almost happened during a Sunday night public meditation on August 16, 1981. (68.5) This emphasis on the worry aspect of his wisdom constituted a free-will choice that could be, and was, intensified by psychic greetings. When Don asked Ra how our negative friend operated in regards to our group Ra said in 62.20:
“ Questioner: What is the objective; what does the, shall we say, the leader, the one at the very top of the pecking order in fifth-density Orion, have as an objective? I would like to understand his philosophy with respect to his objectives and plans for what we might call the future or his future?
Ra: I am Ra. This thinking will not be so strange to you. Therefore, we may speak through the densities as your planet has some negatively oriented action in sway at this space/time nexus.
The early fifth-density negative entity, if oriented towards maintaining cohesion as a social memory complex, may in its free will determine that the path to wisdom lies in the manipulation in exquisite propriety of all other-selves. It then, by virtue of its abilities in wisdom, is able to be the leader of fourth-density beings which are upon the road to wisdom by exploring the dimensions of love of self and understanding of self. These fifth-density entities see the creation as that which shall be put in order.
Dealing with a plane such as this third density at this harvesting, it will see the mechanism of the call more clearly and have much less distortion towards plunder or manipulation by thoughts which are given to negatively oriented entities although in allowing this to occur and sending less wise entities to do this work, any successes redound to the leaders.
The fifth density sees the difficulties posed by the light and in this way directs entities of this vibration to the seeking of targets of opportunity such as this one. If fourth-density temptations, shall we say, towards distortion of ego, etc., are not successful the fifth-density entity then thinks in terms of the removal of light.”
So since we would not detune our desire to serve the One Infinite Creator our negative friend wished to put out our light by whatever means possible. Each of us experienced numerous psychic greetings although Carla certainly bore the brunt of them.
As Don’s worries continued to grow Carla became concerned that her beloved companion, or B.C., as she called him, was suffering too much. So she told him that she would like to take over his worries and be the strong one. He could be like her, “small and foolish”, instead of having to shoulder all these worries. Carla did not know that this offer had real and dangerous metaphysical implications. Don really didn’t imagine that anything would come of this offer when he off-handedly accepted. But Ra said that since Don and Carla “had been as one since before time” (75.23) that this agreement resulted in a “deleterious energy exchange” between them. Ra described this deleterious energy exchange in 106.13:
“Questioner: Could Ra recommend what I should do to improve my state of health?
Ra: I am Ra. We tread most close to the Law of Confusion in this instance but feel the appropriateness of speaking due to potentially fatal results to the instrument. We pause to give the questioner and the scribe a few moments of space/time to aid us by stepping away from those distortions which cause us to invoke the Law of Confusion. This would be helpful.
[A few moments pause.]
I am Ra. We appreciate your attempts. Even [confusion on your behalves is helpful. The questioner has, in the recent past, allowed a complete transfer] of mental/emotional pain from the questioner to the instrument. The key to this deleterious working was when the instrument said words to the effect of the meaning that it would be the questioner and be the strong one. The questioner could be as the instrument, small and foolish. The questioner, in full ignorance of the firm intent of the instrument and not grasping the possibility of any such energy transfer, agreed.
These two entities have been as one for a timeless period and have manifested this in your space/time. Thusly, the deleterious working occurred. By agreement in care and caution it may be undone. We urge the attention to thanksgiving and harmony on the part of the questioner. We may affirm the previous recommendation in general of the skills and the purity of intention of the one known as Bob, and may note the sympathetic illness which has occurred due to the instrument’s sensitivities.
Lastly, we may note that to the one known as Peter several aspects of the distortions experienced by the questioner, the instrument, and the scribe may be quite apparent and rather simply traduced to lesser distortions.”
The deleterious energy exchange was never undone. What happened to Don, instead, was that his armor of light that allowed him to deal with any situation from a position of wisdom was removed and all outer stimuli came crashing in on him causing him great mental and spiritual pain. This continued to increase for the remaining eight months of his life. On top of that, both Don and Carla were in the midst of initiation at this time. (106.3 and 106.12) Initiation often is difficult all by itself to go through, but now it was added to the deleterious energy exchange and the attention of our negative fifth-density friend.
Don’s great worry about Carla’s spirit being displaced into negative time/space also led to a curious question that he asked me in the fall of 1983. He asked me if I thought it might be possible to make a deal with our negative friend to leave Carla alone. I told him that there would be no way to trust such an entity of negative polarity whose sole aim is to control you. So I really don’t know how this question and Don’s consideration of it played into his death, but I would not be at all surprised to discover one day that our negative friend was able to use this thought in Don’s mind to help bring him to his end.
The three of us lived in the house in Louisville, Kentucky for seven months before Don died. During all that time he was in mental, physical and emotional decline. He lost 70 lbs. and went from 220 down to 150 lbs. He put himself into the psychiatric ward of a local hospital, but his psychiatrist went on vacation for the first three weeks of Don’s stay there. And when he returned from his vacation he had very little to do with Don since Don didn’t want to talk to him. Eventually Don was able to feign improvement enough to be released. He told us as we were driving home that he was no better, and each day seemed worse than the one before it. Carla feared that his body may eventually fail due to not eating.
One day Don mentioned to me that he felt that his death was immanent, by one means or another. Reflecting on this today, it’s still impossible to know whether Don’s feeling came from his intuition or from his confusion. That day, Don told me he was thinking of killing himself because, if he was going to die anyway, he did not want to die in the hospital. Carla and I faced a very difficult choice. Neither of us wished to violate Don’s free will if he was making conscious decisions. However, we were not convinced of Don’s presence of mind. We certainly feared losing him to an unconscious act. We believed in the greater possibility that Don’s mental illness, which was enhanced—or even brought about—by psychic greeting, was taking center stage. We felt it was causing him to believe in the imminence of his death, and in the doctors’ inability to help him, and was leading him to contemplate suicide. We did not think that Don wanted to die; but only that he could not see a way to survive. To us, for better or for worse, Don’s confusion constituted a call to service. Carla and I did our best to apply a love/wisdom balance to Don’s predicament. I signed a mental inquest warrant to have Don taken to the hospital for a seventy-two hour stay to evaluate his situation.
When the police came to serve the warrant Don put a .38 revolver to his head and told the police to leave. It was then that Carla ran up the stairs to be with him but was pulled back by police officers. At one point during the ensuing standoff Don gathered all the coats in the house and put them on the porch so that the police could keep warm on a cold November night. Even through the agony of his current state of mind he could still feel compassion for the police in the cold night air. After a six hour standoff the police decided the situation needed to end and shot tear gas into the house. This drove Don out into the back yard where he shot himself and died instantly. Carla and I always believed that Don went outside to shoot himself so that Carla could continue to live in the house.
Three days later Carla saw Don in a waking vision, and he told her that everything that had happened had occurred as planned and that all was well. He said that we would not be able to understand how this could be true until we, too, went through death’s door. Within another two days Carla saw Don once again in a waking vision and was given the same information. So now Carla has passed through death’s door and knows the good reasons for which everything happened, and the rest of us are left to ponder yet another mystery on the journey of seeking the truth of the Law of One.
We cannot know whether Don might have survived, had things gone differently. Ra said many times that “There are no mistakes.” That is easier to say than to comprehend, but I believe that is where our faith plays the crucial role in our spiritual development. Each of us in our spiritual journeys will find many times when we cannot fathom how what is happening to us can be without mistake. And yet when we look back upon how our spiritual journey has unfolded we all can see many places where things did not look well at all but turned out well as we moved further along our paths. In this case, Carla’s life may well have been saved by Don’s sacrifice. Don was an incredibly conscientious, ethical man. He was also quiet and mysterious. I believe that there is much he sensed, knew, or experienced but did not discuss. I believe in his utter positivity and in the fact that all his conscious choices were designed to bring about a positive outcome for others, even at his own expense. Whether or not Don ended his life with presence of mind, his actions may have preserved Carla’s life—whether by ending the Ra contact, or by some other means that allowed Don to accept the interference of our negative friend so that Carla could go on sharing her love and light. After all, they had changed places and this precipitated Don’s decline.
After Don’s passing, Carla and I felt almost as though we had entered a new incarnation together. Carla’s tireless work in service to the One Infinite Creator would continue for thirty-one more magical years. During that time, Carla and I were able to serve one another in ways that we feel were in fulfilment of our pre-incarnational plans. Carla was finally able to balance her tendency, since childhood, to give of herself without expectation of return, with the ability to accept the love offerings of others, represented by her accepting my care while she was confined to her hospital bed. In this way, she balanced her sense of unworthiness. For my part, I was able to open my heart in unconditional love, thanks to the opportunity to meet Carla’s daily needs. After her passing, and as a result of my experiences with Carla, I felt finally able to love myself. I was later inspired to ask Jesus to come into my heart and have since felt an ability to more fully open my heart to anyone around me. Every day I thank the One Infinite Creator for everything in my life. I do believe that all is well with Don, with the world in which we find ourselves, and with the world within us. All is truly well.
In Praise and Thanksgiving,