As of now, me and my friend have no communication with the rest of my unit... isn't that great? Hehe I have nothing to worry about, it feels kinda exciting to be so incognito with the same people I'm working with. I don't know why but I'm excited for some reason. Maybe because a little heart to heart talk with my friend at the site here kinda motivated me. Thus, I am writing about this blog now :-) I'm pretty much a sitting duck like usual. I'm expecting a long and not-so-nice brief from those who outrank me back in the rear though, but there's nothing to worry about; I have faith! :-D

On another note though, I've been reading one of the Q'uo transcripts regarding Divorce. It's always one that I keep coming back to, especially during these times when I reflect on my marriage with my wife. This divorce has brought me to think ambiguously about it. Sometimes I have two opposing sides that both tell me, "what's the point of this divorce?" And "what's the point of this marriage?" No matter how hard I try to connect with my wife about this, she tends to veer from the subject and ignore me. We've had deep conversations before but it feels like we've never gotten to the heart of a lot of matters that I like to get to, whether it involves children, living together, our career, etc. I'm contemplating more and more, looking for answers to this divorce and our communication barriers. I kinda lean towards going through this divorce, but the fact that my wife wants to live with me kinda boggles my mind every time she mentions it. I think we'll have a more clear understanding of how to go about this when we see each other during our Christmas-New Years Break, because talking on the phone just isn't working that well for us. I kinda fear disappointing her as well some of the people I'm closed with. It's not from my own family, but rather from a close friend I know.

Well, that's all I have to say for now, I must go build a bonfire and call SOS lol. Stay warm everyone! :-)

P.S. I found out how to preview your blog entry too from the tool panel. It's the icon with a magnifying glass over a piece of paper with a picture of a globe on it. Just random stuff that may be of help for others ;-)

I'm currently here in Twentynine Palms as part of a field exercise. I've been here since the 5th of December and expect to be back in Pendleton no later than the 15th of December. After that, I'll be in Florida for the holidays from the 21th of December to next year the 4th. For now, I'm in the middle of a desert just sitting here on a small post with my friend watching over the trucks and radios we brought along.

It's been fairly quiet here, with nothing to do but eat, talk on radios, watch movies, and repeat. The only obstacles to face are the cold climate and boredom. I couldn't possibly go for a run even if I wanted to, since the terrain here is rough enough for one to twist their ankle. For now, I try to eat light for the duration of each day and eat snacks to keep my metabolism up. Staying warm is somewhat of a challenge, but it's manageable with a lot of warming layers and poncho liners on hand.

Sigh... it's been a fortunate time, a blessing in a way, to be able to spend some quiet time away from most of the rest of the world. It's brought me back to focus on the self and some of my close contacts. There's been something that's been burning mind though, and it has been for a while...

There's this desire that I want fulfilled, one that has been played in my mind over and over. It's not a simple desire of wishing something to happen for a brief moment. No, it may last a lifetime, just possibly. I keep getting mixed messages though. A part of me tells me that it won't develop into something more deeper and will simply stay lighthearted. After all, why the rush in things? It's been like that for the longest anyways. Then again, there's always the possibility that it can grow into something more. I feel like I have nothing to lose, and just my heart at stake. I'm willing to give it another shot if all goes well. Even with all that to say, I even doubt how it may go when, well, there's further contact. I somewhat fear of how I may fail and bring about another halt to such an encounter. It goes much deeper than all of this, but I really don't want to go into further details... I think I may blow too much out of the water here. It may just be too awkward not for just for anyone else, just someone specifically in mind. Well, it's back to watching some movies and maybe star gazing here. Till then... stay warm and cozy everyone :-)

I'm not gonna write every single detail like my other post. I find it a bit hard having to keep up with my own writing lol. I was writing another blog post, but I stopped halfway through the day and well, I lost track of thought and it just lost rhythm and my interest. Well, here we go now...

I had to come in to work at 8 in the morning and not 3 in the afternoon like my usual schedule would reflect, since I had to attend a safety brief as a result of not attending the one last week. After two hours of information regarding safety concerns, I came back to my shop to get any updates on the field op I'm slated to go to. I ran into two of my Sergeants and two of my Corporals, who seemed to be busy. One of my Sergeants pulled me to the side and asked me if I knew about the big news. I reassured him that I did, as he was really excited about me picking up Corporal next month. I was happy with myself that I was picking up Corporal, but it doesn't really strike me so much as a turning point in life. After that, I notified my Staff Sergeant about when I was coming out of Guard. I returned back with Castillo to the barracks after waiting for her for a while and passed out for a bit. 

When I started to wake up slowly, I heard a female voice say, "I wish." It sounded like it was said next to me, or at least inside my mind. I replied and said, "What do you wish?" After a while of waiting for a response, the female voice spoke again and said, "If it's true..." I replied with: "What do you mean?" I felt like I have already fully awaken and my contact with this female entity was gone. I don't know who it what it was but I wanted to keep talking to her... she sounded sweet...

I guess those pleasures come and go...

Sigh... I feel like I lost some positivity in my polarity. I'm just not enthusiastic like I should be. I know that there's a field op get ready for and a ball to attend in just a matter of days, but I have yet to even touch my uniform or my gear. I feel like I'm sinking into another one of these holes filled with sorrow and despair. Maybe it's part of these cycles where I dip into the trough of the 18-day wave and undergo difficulties. I don't plan on thinking so much about this, but I plan on letting through this feeling and not being scared to. Like Q'uo would mention something about this: "Tend to that self like a dear child that needs attention and comforting." Something to that effect.

I think I'll sit here and see what lies under my skin. I'm calling it a short night for me.

 (08:32) Yup, another day at Guard here lol. Don't know any other way to start this entry. Thanks to my friend Castillo, I'm able to enjoy another morning with a hot cup of vanilla chai and a batch of blueberry munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts. All of this with a side of Mozart's Piano Concertos (No. 9 is my favorite!) to keep me company. It's yet another foggy day as well, a thick misty veil that's expected to last all day based on the empirical data that I've gathered. I guess throughout the day, I'm just gonna add in little details of information about my day or thoughts that may not really reflect upon my daily undertakings, but rather random thoughts that just pop up:

I just found out that I can finally copy and paste words from my mobile phone to the Bring4th blog entry field! It means a lot having to simplify this whole process of copying and pasting from paper to electronic format. I can now write down my thoughts faster! Yay! :-) This means that when I go to the field, I can write a blog entry down right from my phone and not have to write each of them down on paper and wait until Christmas timeframe to type them all down. Success!

(09:55) I'm currently listening to this Japanese band named "school food punishment", one of my favorite among the Jpop/Jrock genre (I can't tell which genre they fall under; they're so diverse in taste ;-) ). They disbanded around June of 2012 and well, I always wanted to see them live as part of my to-do list if I ever get the opportunity to go to Japan. They have some wonderful gems within their collection, and they don't really sound all similar to one another; probably one of things that make it hard to depict their overall personality and who they really are. All I know is that I have yet to listen to all of their albums, but I really love their albums "school food is good food" and "Riff-Rain". I hope to hear a taste of each of them in the new bands that they become affiliated with.

One of the newfound delights I've been able to experience is switching from the Gingerbread OS on my Android HTC Evo 3D phone to the Jellybean OS. It is amazing! There is so much more functionality and less annoyances to deal with, compared to the old operating system.

I can finally control my music from the lock screen WITHOUT having to rely on the stock music player (the player itself has more annoyances to add to the list, but it'll just leave it as that).

Some of the new features such as a quick pop up message window upon a new message received rendered some of the apps I had installed useless, which meant less clutter on my phone and it just felt better having it as part of the whole OS.

Multi-tasking is so much more fluent with an easier, accessible app switcher. Sure, thus function is available in Gingerbread, but did it show a preview pane of what's going on in the running app? I think not! This simply allows me to jump back and forth easily, possibly being able to refer to the preview pane itself than the app as to save time, when properly done. Terminating programs are as simple as well. With a simple swipe of the app in the pane, it kills the app, so you don't have to open the app again to exit it. Especially useful for force closing unresponsive apps that's giving you a hard time. I think this serves as a better substitute than having to install third-party apps to terminate other apps --which links back to my second statement about less apps to--, you know what I mean?

Transitions! Oh how smooth this OS is! It runs very slick and fluent, and not choppy and rigid. Moving from one app to another is effortless! What else can I say about this OS, it is just really cool seeing the apps in transition between each other and makes my phone feel less old lol.

I'm surprised how HTC themselves have given its users the tools to root their own phone and give them more freedom over their phones. I think that's one of the nicest things I've seen a company has done to respond to their customers' feedback and concerns.

I have Cyanogenmod 10/ Jellybean 4.1.2 Gangnam style ROM installed on my phone, in case there's any nerds out there that can understand where I'm coming from with this lol. I think this ends my nerdy self preaching portion:-)

(20:02) Well, I got on my shift now and surprisingly, the fog from earlier today was gone. I brought with me a gallon of water and a Xyience energy drink for safety measures. Earlier today, before I woke up to do evening colors, I had two different dreams, both of different scenarios. 

The first one was of me meeting with this woman I met online on Craigslist as part of looking for a friend to hang out with. A little background on this before I go on into details, we met online and chatted for a while, but I simply stopped talking to her shortly after meeting her. She gave some hints about having an affair with me behind her husband, and after my first experience of doing something like this before, it didn't left a good taste in my mouth. Now back to the dream: we met in a place that seemed like a indoor recreational area with arcade games and I guess we planned on meeting there to hang out or something. She asked me why I haven't been texting her back lately, and I confessed to her that I didn't feel like talking to her anymore and then we parted. I feel like I should tell her how I really feel and not keep her waiting. It kinda bugs me in a way that I still didn't tell her. I'll see about this soon.

My second dream consisted of me wrestling and fighting this guy which I can't remember the reason why. He was Caucasian and had a much larger and bulker frame than me, but I somehow manage to wrestle him and roll him over with my much smaller frame. It was somewhere outside, and all of the action was going on this surface of grass. There was the asphalt on one side of the grass, and a fence bordering the other side. There were other bystanders watching as well, and perhaps there were others directly involved, but I don't remember well. As for the outcome of the fight, I was able to stand on my legs but I didn't see my opponent. I can't really say who won or not. As I walked away, I saw what seemed to be an ambulance with a couple of my other acquaintances in it dresses up in these reflective vests, like road workers. They all were staring at me with indifferent faces as I passed and said sarcastically, "Thanks for the f***ing help, guys!" That ends my second dream. Well, all I can say about this is that might reflect with some confusion that I face within myself, as well as the feeling that I don't get treated the same way that I would treat someone. Indeed this is some catalyst to chew on and take dearly as a viable nutrient for the self to digest. I hope to catch more of these dreams and record them as soon as I can.

(21:34) I miss having the companionship of another person very close to me in person; a delight that I left behind with my wife. It aches me to have someone's warm body next to mine and long hair to brush from her face. I miss those kinds of sweet moments that make my heart feel warm and being able to share that warmth back. I sometimes wanna cry because of the absence of such a luxury. Sigh, finding the love in these moments is indeed difficult, but I wish to keep my heart open and find it once again. Like a romantic Spanish song goes, "it's better to have loved and lost it than to have not loved at all."

Well, this is all I'm gonna write for now. I have a feeling my note-taking app is going to keep crashing the more I type on it. I'll keep blogging more later on. For now, I'm gonna finish my shift here and call it a night. Thank you for reading!

                It’s fairly calm here on my post, like it usually is. It’s my turn to take third shift, so if I’m ever to make a complete entry without any delays in between, I must write as much as possible before people start rushing through my post and hinder my ability to do so.

                I would say that third shift one of my favorite shifts, simply because I get to interact with people a lot more and be able to greet with others a hearty salutation. It sounds kinda weird but I see it like being the man or woman that greets you as you enter Walmart or some other store; the only difference being that I have some form of protection on me to preserve property and the lives of others as well. I always like to go by the famous quote “Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet” by General James Mattis. It may sound a bit out of the question, but I see it simply as a quote that tells me to keep my situational awareness in shape whenever I stand guard on my post.

                I’m constantly stopping now because there’s a lot of thoughts going through my head that just flow from one strand to another and I slip away into them, which I’m not afraid of letting myself do so, but I must stay focused and keep writing! Lol

                Now that I’m on the subject of the ever-flowing thoughts that pervade the vicinity of my mind, I kind of want to talk about this phenomenon I’ve been experiencing, nothing out-of-this-world crazy though, hehe…

                As the days go by, I tend to sit down and let the soft-spoken voices deep down my subconscious mind emerge to the surface and simply let their voices be expressed to the fullest. They simply rush to my head and have their say… and to say the least, it makes me feel like I’m somewhere peaceful within the confines of my own body. It brings out something that feels pure in nature; something that stimulates my whole being in a special way. These thoughts themselves, though, bring about some of the deeper truths that reflect a portion of myself that I desire to know more, to settle a quarrel with, or even take a snapshot back in time and “experience” an event that already occurred with a different mindset, like being able to experience certain moments without the infringement of another’s free will—an important rule of thumb I like to abide to. They’re most effective during a quiet setting and a sound mind that remains open and receptive to any thought that comes about, at least in my terms. Well, I can’t really occupy myself much longer in writing as I expect a large influx of people to come by shortly, so I say that you have a great day and/or night!