04-16-2013, 10:16 AM
Whoa man. Today I came upon the realization that throughout my whole life, I have always been attracted/addicted to people who will never truly love and accept me. Seems like this is the kind of life I have chosen, and the means of which I am offered the opportunity to either grow or suffer terribly, depending on how I react to the opportunities.
After seeing the pattern of it all, I am so much less angry with those that have rejected me out of purely selfish reasons. It is as if any kind of anger towards them is because I still have expectations of them, such as expecting my family members to love and accept me, expecting to find a group of friends in my school of which I can belong, or expecting the society to not force me to conform and instead accept my slightly different way of thinking and living life. It is all about expectations, and the anger that arise when these are not met.
I guess the sole cause of anger is none other than unfulfilled expectations. Once you start to think of how justified you are at being angry with the selfishness of people or the imperfections of the world, or seek all you can to prevent any future sufferings of the same kind, then you completely miss the point again and become trapped in yet another cycle of false happiness and pain. The addictive false happiness/comfort when you temporarily succeed in compensating for your fear through the fight or flight response, and the eventual pain that you manifest and attract to your life with the very fear itself. And with every bit of complaining or self-pity, you further prolong your own sufferings unknowingly.
Under an immensely heavy veil, life on Earth is just like playing a computer game on the highest possible difficulty level. I guess the only cheat code comes from being able to perceive more and more, the unifying pattern underneath it all!
After seeing the pattern of it all, I am so much less angry with those that have rejected me out of purely selfish reasons. It is as if any kind of anger towards them is because I still have expectations of them, such as expecting my family members to love and accept me, expecting to find a group of friends in my school of which I can belong, or expecting the society to not force me to conform and instead accept my slightly different way of thinking and living life. It is all about expectations, and the anger that arise when these are not met.
I guess the sole cause of anger is none other than unfulfilled expectations. Once you start to think of how justified you are at being angry with the selfishness of people or the imperfections of the world, or seek all you can to prevent any future sufferings of the same kind, then you completely miss the point again and become trapped in yet another cycle of false happiness and pain. The addictive false happiness/comfort when you temporarily succeed in compensating for your fear through the fight or flight response, and the eventual pain that you manifest and attract to your life with the very fear itself. And with every bit of complaining or self-pity, you further prolong your own sufferings unknowingly.
Under an immensely heavy veil, life on Earth is just like playing a computer game on the highest possible difficulty level. I guess the only cheat code comes from being able to perceive more and more, the unifying pattern underneath it all!