05-05-2012, 06:32 PM
Greetings All! Here is my story. It's not cohesive, yet pretty much sums up most of everything. I came across the Law of One Material on April 28th, 2012. It has confirmed A LOT for me, so I refer to it often in order to clarify what I feel, or give clear words to what comes up.
It's pretty long...
And there you have it. So I sit and wait, observe and try to take it one day at a time, moment by moment.
I'm beyond being seen as sane or insane by family. Finding the circle support I do need is going to be tough. >.< And time consuming. >.<
Thank you for Reading!!
.:.Danu.:.
It's pretty long...
Quote:I can recall, as far back as I can remember [most notably at the age of 7], feeling as if I as not only from a 'different planet' but just very, very different. Yes, I've even felt very special. Yet I refrained from discussing this with my 'friends', since it usually led to being picked on and ostracized.
I remember talking about ancient Egypt to my mother, about how it used to be very different from what I learned or heard about. That there used to be crystals on top of some of the pyramids, the sky was nothing but 'light', yet there would be a light source in the sky as well...similar to how the sun and sky appear to be on this planet. Only at that time, the sky was simply light. Pyramids led to other places/realms/worlds, and the paths that led form some pyramids to temples were made of light - not completely solid but one could walk upon them. I also felt like I was there, so long ago. But the way I remember it, isn't what I learned or have been told.
Maybe it wasn't this Egypt [here on Earth] that we read about in the history books, but I've always felt that there was so much 'more' to Egypt than what historians claim to know about.
Playing in the backyard always felt like it was a world of magic - the trees were portals, the vines graced with white flowers homes to fairies and other magical beings; and I knew there was a way to get from one point to another through nature. I just couldn't figure out how.
This wasn't an active imagination of a 7 year old - it's something I've held with me through to my adulthood.
In playing with my dolls as a girl, I always imagined being the main 'Barbie' with an entourage of powerful people, helping me on a large journey. There were times where i needed to be rescued, and I always was. I had super powers! And I loved playing my story through my toys. It was the safest way to explore my 'self'.
I always moved between truly being authentic in my expression and playing the game, just so I could be accepted by others. No one spoke about magic mirrors, distant worlds, and having super powers. That was to remain child's play. In High School I found solace in watching certain Japanese anime - not because they were fantasy, but mainly because the music kept my head above the water. It wasn't like the mainstream music - it touched something deep with in me, replaying that constant message that was difficult for me to decipher at that age, yet confirming that I was different.
I made friends with the geeks and the anime addicts. I didn't watch all of the anime that were the biggest hits - I managed to be drawn to only the ones that spoke directly to me; the ones that, well, literally retold MY story. Oh, how I truly wanted to share these things with others; even with my own mother! But I could not. No one around me was where I was.
I recall going through a period where I suspected my mother of knowing she wasn't my real mother; that I was born of some being that existed in a far off galaxy in a distant realm. I remember having a dream of a "King" that exists in the Universe, and meeting my brothers and sisters. We gathered twice thus far, in all of my soon-to-be 28yrs. It was in a dream, but I remember being happy to see my 'siblings'; talk briefly about being related and at how refreshing it was for our "father, the King" to gather us in this beautiful place of Space. It was hard to tell who was the oldest; I came to realize that we were all the 'same age'. I even wanted to stay in that place and never return to my room.
You can guess how disappointed I was on both accounts.
I felt disconnected to the people around me; besides my Earth mother and siblings, I really wanted nothing to do with 'ordinary' people. They drove me crazy. Their problems and issues didn't make any sense to me because there was so much more; I would always say that there's 'more' and that what they're complaining about was only temporary. What annoyed me was that they were aware of it, yet felt the need to remain focused on that issue [whatever it may have been]. I never understood why...
And to this day, I don't. The only answer I've come to is: Free Will within Ignorance.
My first year of college was amazing! It nearly drove me insane because I confirmed for myself that I was not only NOT from Earth, but from an entire different Place. Not this galaxy; from another, very, very far away from this part of the woods. Another realm if you will. It's within this same Universe, but the space around it is very different. I tried explaining it to a Priest of Ifa [as that is the religion I was brought up in, yet no longer follow] and he felt that I need help. I remember trying to explain to him how 'time' works; and that there is a power much higher than what's taught in Ifa. He didn't believe any of it and told my mother I might have to be evaluated and admitted.
She didn't agree, yet told me to try and have a normal life; to live the life of a growing adult and let my search for myself come at a later time.
I listened. And I forgot almost everything. I wrote my dreams in a dream journal, which I still have; I am thankful I still have it because it came in handy recently.
I got caught up in the world and forgot my Self.
In 2006, after graduating from my undergrad studies, I returned to NYC [after having been in Florida] and tried to develop a career in dancing. It's something I felt extremely passionate about. It wasn't that I found Bellydancing to be an 'old woman's dance'; it's that dance itself was a powerful too; a tool that is used to create.
And to Create anything.
When I started teaching it in NYC and joined a professional dance company, everyone around me suggested I find a backup plan. They felt I wouldn't survive or make a living as a dancer or an artist. I argued; I felt strongly against their suggestion and tried to explain the importance of dance; at how I had to keep dancing; at how my ancestors would come to me and tell me to keep dancing; at how Bast and Sophia would come to me often and tell me that I needed to keep dancing. Alas, I lost the battle and ended up listening to everyone else.
I tried the alternate route of becoming a certified NYC teacher and I hated it. I enjoyed expressing my art to my students; but anything not having to do with that, made me feel sick.
It had gotten to the point where I felt this deep burning inside of me. And I feel this now, when I think about doing things out of alignment with my purpose. But this was a concept that was difficult for everyone around me to understand.
I ended up getting my masters in Transpersonal Psychology, with a specialization in Creativity and Innovation. The entire process felt like I was coming back to my Self. It felt good, and refreshing to come across other people that had an understanding of ME.
While at the same time, I also felt they were missing something: that there's so much more. I would say this and try to explain where it could take them, and I was always met with "It's a personal choice and sometimes this little is enough". I would respond to myself that 'no, it wasn't enough. It's necessary to keep going.'
After graduating and participating in the Transformational Life Coaching program they offered, I felt like I was on the verge of going crazy once more. I realized that I was trying to integrate what I KNEW, and FELT into a place where people were not ready to go yet; in a place where people couldn't even be themselves.
It's so simple, I would say. And they would say no, it's very difficult. And I didn't get it. I felt like I was being rejected by the people of Earth.
Last year I taught English in China. It nearly killed me; the Universe threw obvious signs into my pathway, telling me to stop playing around and get Serious. I listened - somewhat. I resigned from a promising career at Disney English and decided to go to Thailand and start my expressive arts work; work I thought I should be doing, since it was fulfilling my creative outlet and the needs of everyone else around me. I was trying to recreate the very thing I tried to do in America, in a place where people are deeply asleep, and in a way that I was not supposed to.
I was met with prejudice and unfriendliness because my skin color is light brown and I looked like a Muslim to everyone; the situation caused my health to deteriorate drastically. I almost ended up on the streets [after having run out of money]. My immediate family was on public assistance at the time, my sister [who usually helps me out financially whenever I needed] wasn't working and couldn't rescue me. So it was my extended family [those I hardly speak to] that raised the funds for me to fly back to America.
That entire experience decimated the foundation I'd built for myself - my beliefs and what I thought I should be accomplishing here on Earth. I no longer desired to have children or integrate with the people of Earth in that way, and I planned to end my life. Yet each time I would go forward with accomplishing this plan, I would be thwarted.
The first plan was while I was in Thailand, a day before I ran out of money. I was visited by a couple of entities and peacocks - and was asked if I was aware that I was protected by peacocks since childhood.
I wasn't aware of that. But I'd come to a state of calm about ending my life. Yet when I woke up from this dream, I felt nothingness. Whole and empty.
When I returned to America, it took the entire month of February to heal physically from this event. Yet I still felt out of it.
I was then hit with a large realization: Truth. I cannot explain it clearly, but I cried, and asked "What's the use of having truth if all people want are Lies?" So I planned my second attempt. This time, Source came to me. She/It is the course of my creation. I recall seeing her twitch in Her slumber, atop a throne on a gold step pyramid. When she awakened [because the desire to leave was so strong within me], she embraced me. I saw this in sleeping and waking state. I could close my eyes and see myself embraced by Her.
She said to me that something great will be destroyed, that I couldn't take my life. That it took a great deal of planning and coordination to get me here at this time.
I demanded that all be given and provided from that point onward; that I no longer wanted to participate in this stupid game because I stopped caring about humanity; I didn't care if 'they' became annihilated by my actions. It's a sucky place to be in and I wanted out. Provide or I go. Those were my terms. She gave me a box with items to use, or some sort of gift, and stood atop the pyramid, waiting for a time to go back to sleep.
She now slumbers, again. I'm still breathing; I suppose that's the reason.
But that didn't stop me from thinking about leaving, or planning an opportune time to do so. The bottom line for me in March [of this year] was: humanity gets no contribution from me. I speak, and no one listens. No children will be born from my womb onto this decrepit planet. Humanity isn't deserving of that. Absolutely not. In that case, why the hell am I here? I can't leave cause something will be destroyed, yet I cannot stand being here. There's a deep burning and sickness that comes with it, with the thought of interacting with people because society says so.
Then, the announcement came: "They" were going to scrap Earth as a failed project. I dreamt of being above Earth in some sort of office with only windows, one of my guardians to my left, and three beings of notable presence in front of me - one sat behind a desk and the other two stood behind the one sitting at the desk. There was a female sitting at the desk; she had an open book in front of her, with a quill pen in her right hand. She dropped the pen in the book, folded her hands and looked at me saying, "Are you sure?" They weren't happy with the results, and my cry sparked movement to end it all. ME, my soul, my self, looked down at the Earth and thought for a moment, and then answered. "Wait, not yet. Just give me chance, since I'm already here."
I cannot name them, but I felt very close to them. Waking up, yes, I was a bit surprised that my Soul said to wait; apparently, at the time of the dream, I realized that there's more to this than what I assumed.
I did tell my mother, and I believe THAT dream helped her to see that I'm not supposed to be frolicking aimlessly around the Earth fulfilling everyone else's wish. I need to be doing my work. Yet at that time, I didn't KNOW, what it was; since it wasn't what I thought it was.
The only thing I did know, at that time, last month, was that I needed to be ME.
I engaged in visual art to express myself, and a language of movement came through. A series of Chronicles and more, came through, which is a retelling of my story - my existential story. I realized that it is a language not of a verbal nature, but of a vibrational/felt sense one. Those that are attuned to it, will understand. I also began crafting keys out of craft wire, and those too relate to my story and purpose.
How? I suppose I will know in time.
Lastly, I came across a story I'd written a little over 6 years ago, titled "The Crystalline Sphere". In this story of 4-unfinished chapters, there are 4 spheres [planets and their moons] that make up a star system. There is a power that surrounds these spheres, which makes the Crystalline Sphere. The four leaders of these 4 planets died, which caused the power of the Crystalline Sphere to weaken. The legions that existed on these four planets once tried to take total control of all four spheres, but are now divided - half want to restore the Crystalline Sphere, and the other half want to have supreme control, and use the power for their personal gain and means. In this story, there is a woman that is destined to utilize the power that makes the Crystallin Sphere whole, but she requires the assistant of a certain man, and the conception of his child, so that her power can be amplified and balanced, in order to complete this task.
After reading my story, I remembered ME. I remembered that I'd written that because it came to me in a dream. I then remembered my journal entries that pretty much contained all that I needed and reminded me of ME.
[The most telling was of one that simply said, "If he dies, you die; and vise versa." This is in reference to an eye in the hand that exists above my head, that I was born into this world with. It's connected to something greater, and the 'sorority' is a danger to it, so I must stay away from the sorority. I'm sure 'sorority' was used as a means to symbolize something else, but this wasn't the only dream that hinted at my being connected to something of great power, and that balance in the bigger picture remained with my vibrancy, and that if I died, it would be destroyed, and this destruction isn't something that Either side wants].
Earlier this month [April] I was told in a dream that I needed to restore the Crystalline Sphere. I realized about a week later that the dream was indeed referring to this star system.
Just last week I felt a pushing upward by the Earth. Each time I looked at the tree in my mother's front yard, the trees on the street on the block, the greenery in the backyard, or the grass in the front, or the plants inside of the house, I felt as if they were pushing me upward. I'd close my eyes and bring into my mind a group of trees I danced for while in California during my seminar for school, and even in that image, I felt as if I was being pushed upward.
In a dream I had that same week, I was being pushed upwards by hands that came out of the Earth - these hands were of the Earth, made from the dirt of the Earth. They lifted me upward into Space, where I was placed into a small pocket of Space. There I was cradled by the Universe. Then this space I was in began to move away from the Earth; the hands of the Earth didn't disappear, they remained stretched out towards me. So I reached my arms and hands out towards the Hands of Earth, and without touching them, energetically connected in order to pull Earth along. I didn't want Earth to be left behind. It wouldn't have been a good thing if it did. The Earth was being guided through a corridor. Things moved slowly but deliberately and VERY noticeably.
I woke up and understood a lot more than I did the day before. All I need to do is be myself; it's in doing that that helps the Earth. And that's what I am here for: the Earth.
I'd gotten so caught up in everyone else's way, thoughts and ideas, while at the same time tried to modify myself in order to belong or feel like I belonged here - knowing deep down that that wasn't the case.
I am glad that I woke up. I'm just trying to figure out the HOW; am thankful for having the mother I have, seeing as she is finally giving me the time and space I need and asked for years ago.
I at least know that 'my kind'/my people are out there, and we are searching for each other. We came here with an agreement, with a plan to assist me in "restoring The Crystalline Sphere". I have about a century to do just that.
Where I am now is simply taking it one day at a time, bringing more cohesiveness to my 'existential story'. It will be a part of my Full-time venture as an artist.
I'm also honestly not peachy about starting a family. Un, uh. I've always had the desire to 'mate' with someone that is on the same vibration frequency like me, or higher [if possible]; or that there's only a specific kind of being/person that I can mate with. Something would break and die within me if I didn't hold true to that. And after my earth shattering experience in Asia, I hold fast to it. So no babies for me, unless it's with that specific being - one like myself. My mother thinks it's a phase I'm going through [I am the oldest and everyone else is waiting for me to have children, and she wants grandchildren], but I gently remind her when she gets sentimental that it's not going to happen unless 'He' is delivered.
My wake up call in Asia didn't influence this decision, it enhanced it. I've always felt that there was a specific person i should be with, largely due to 'essential' compatibility. Sexual partners amount to 2 - and this was well before my wake up call. Being around Men of this plane makes me nauseous. I prefer my brothers and sisters I met in dreamspace. I wonder if they're here?
So that's my story - I am a Wanderer...a very, very Old soul. I answered a cry by Earth itself, and came all this way to help it. And it seems to be something that I do - go from system to system, when it's in distress, bringing it into 'balance' or 'restoration'.
My governance/domain, is really far from here. It moves and grow as I do. It's not just a galaxy, but some of the space that exists around it. There's one star system that is a favorite of mine, where I can see a planet and it's moon at the horizon, from where I stand when I do manage to visit through thought [and sometime a lot of concentration]. There's a pool in my garden that rejuvenates and heals once one falls into it, breathing and drinking in the 'water'.
I've tasted ambrosia, seen it, and long to be continuously sustained by it. When I eat my fruits, especially pomegranates, I picture ambrosia. It is light with specks of gold - liquid yet not solid; Crisp like the air that exists at the start of each season and of the change of each season here on earth, and the very breath that exists above all surfaces of water. It's really hard to describe.
But I long to go home. I miss it there. Maybe I don't get why I'm here, or maybe I no longer wish to deal with it anymore. All I know is that if I did leave ahead of schedule, things would not fare so greatly for those of this Star System.
And there you have it. So I sit and wait, observe and try to take it one day at a time, moment by moment.
I'm beyond being seen as sane or insane by family. Finding the circle support I do need is going to be tough. >.< And time consuming. >.<
Thank you for Reading!!
.:.Danu.:.
![[+]](https://www.bring4th.org/forums/images/collapse_collapsed.png)
I was looking for a teary-eyed smiley because that was something that came up in my breakthrough conversation with my mom and sis. Yes, I always knew I had an important task, but never saw how it could possibly work while I carried my facade. And so I told them that I didn't feel supported by those around me, so I created a facade hoping that I would find a way to integrate the two and make it work, and it obviously blew up in my face. It's always been that way and that is why I wanted to leave prematurely. 
.:.so much work to do.:.