Parenting Advice?
08-16-2009, 11:19 AM,
#1
Heart  Parenting Advice?
Wow, my first time to join a forum and my very first post! This is a bit daunting but exhilerating at the same time. I will try to be brief with my question but be patient because I love to write.
My husband and I are the parents of an amazing young woman who is nearing her 19th birthday. She has recently isolated herself from any face to face contact with anyone but her father and I. She suffers panic attacks when she goes anywhere away from home. As my username indicates I am fairly certain she is an indigo. Here is my most pressing interest and what brought me to this moment. What do I do or say when she stands before me in tears, overwhelmed with fear, distressed to the point of her body being affected in ways that are unusual to most people? She often says her eyes aren't seeing right and sometimes parts of her, usually her hands, feel like they don't belong to her.
My difficulty partially lies in the area of my search, during her lifetime, for the truth and the big picture. I have successfully closed doors in her mind that will now be difficult to open. I know this is vague, but perhaps if anyone is willing or able to help, the clarifying details can be added if/when necessary.
I must say this is a wonderful forum and I am honored to be able to participate! Thank you
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08-16-2009, 12:44 PM,
#2
RE: Parenting Advice?
hi indigomama and welcome to bring4th

i think the absolutely most difficult part of being a parent is recognising that sometimes there is little you can do but offer your love, support and your complete acceptance

i don't know much about anxiety related disorders other than seeing my mother struggle with panic attacks and the physical symptoms of those (dizzy, migraines, chronic fatigue syndrome etc) that took probably around 3 years for her to overcome. the underlying reason for those attacks seems to have been that she felt out of control of some aspects of her life. once she began addressing those issues she improved.

i'm sure your daughter has within her power the ability to understand her issues and to begin to address them, perhaps some external counselling would help her through this process.

regardless of the responsibility you seem to feel, remember that what your daughter is going through is, in all probabilitiy, catalyst that in the longer term will be a source of tremendous growth for her. it must be painful and heartbreaking to watch her suffering. love her and accept her and her situation and know that this period of difficulty won't last forever.
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08-16-2009, 01:10 PM,
#3
RE: Parenting Advice?
Thank you, Lorna! Yes, my daughter has much in common with what your mother went through as far as physical symptoms. I believe my daughter also struggles with the control issues. She does not want to become an adult, feels inadequate, etc.

Thanks also for the encouragement. I understand through TLOO that demonstrating love and acceptance is the best and possibly only thing I can truly do, unless she asks for specific help. I think part of me rests in the knowledge that all is as it should be but the mom in me wants to be sure I don't personally do anything to mess things up! If I can't actively be helpful then I hope to not accidentally be hurtful. You have given my some much appreciated reassurance. Thanks!!
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08-16-2009, 03:43 PM,
#4
RE: Parenting Advice?
Hi IndigoMama and welcome.

It sounds like your daughter suffers from agoraphobia. It's a fear of going outside the safe secure environment and what basically happens in fear is that we develop strategies to avoid the fear. If we are successful in avoiding the fear we will strengthen the strategy and the idea of breaking the strategy causes the fear in turn. Also fear of fear is often a complicating factor. The result of this is that we keep making our worlds smaller because we avoid ever more parts of it in an attempt to avoid fears.

The obvious cure is to invert the behavior, keep making the world bigger by experimenting with adding new behaviors to it.

There's nothing you can do. But everything she can do. And you can be assisting in this. What I mean to say is that you cannot treat her, she can only treat herself on her own choice if she refuses you can't make her, and forcing it likely makes it worse. Gentle encouragement accomplishes more on the long run.

What a psychologist would do is explore what goes on in the head. Get a little familiar with the particular thoughts that cause trouble for this person. And then gently create the fearful situations. Going from easiest to hardest. Not taking the next step before the client has belief in being able to do it. Not to conquer them in one go but to systematically desensitize the person to the fear provoking stimulus. All the while avoiding the panic attacks and giving them the feeling of control. The client decides. Shrinks encourage, but the client decides. At least that'd be my choice.

The good news is that this is usually a phase. And more than with most difficulties her personal choice is a very important factor in the outcome. It's a process of baby steps. But with every step the feeling of being in control becomes more obvious and believable.

For advice I would suggest that in this particular situation it might be more important to be a coach than a parent. When a parent could say "You'll do this young lady" a coach would say "Lets agree on a goal and work at it together." For her it's important to want to deal with it, to get the idea that she can deal with this. That she gets the space and time to deal with it and finally that she feels she has control over how to deal with it. This will turn the strategy of avoiding troublesome situations into a strategy designed to conquer the situations in the long run and with a little common sense and a lot of "jokes about the self" and with baby steps you can really get somewhere. Most people consider it a good time looking back even if it seemed stressful in advance.

For example if you're at a diner, maybe you could let her do the order, let her negotiate every aspect of the situation so it becomes easier for her. If she already has trouble going to a diner, just see if she can control the variables in a way so that she feels it'll be possible.

Speak out the goals and intentions and really stick to them for example if letting her order comes up, say it way in advance that its an idea let her know she has control and say that you plan to ask her if she wants to do it and that a yes or no then is final. Then follow that protocol it will make it predictable and thus less scary for her. It's ok to say no because there will be a next chance.

You get what I meant when I said: "There's nothing you can do. But everything she can do." ? If she's not in control how can she learn to feel in control?

Theres this blog by a bloke, a "code monkey" who is extremely introverted. The situation is not exactly the same because he is a bit older and he's introverted, not phobic, but because he is so analytical he describes his emotions and fears well and honestly. It offers a beautiful insight into social fears and a great attitude in how to deal with them, I thought it was inspirational. Since it's a blog, the last posts go on top, so you want to look up the last posts those regarding day one and then read them in reverse. He's now approaching two months after choosing to do this and he's already made a few new friends and having a great time. He is still not lucky on romance though. And his comments on this area are endearing. I think it's only a matter of time before some lady notices him. In the mean time maybe his story can give us some insights. Wink

These are just my thoughts on the situation and I cannot possibly expect to oversee it at this stage so take the ideas you like and leave the ones you don't. Smile
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08-16-2009, 09:20 PM, (This post was last modified: 08-16-2009, 09:23 PM by Monica.)
#5
RE: Parenting Advice?
Hi Indigomama and welcome to B4!

My son had anxiety when he was little. He fit the description of an Indigo. However, when I read all the available books on the subject, I concluded that many of the symptoms attributed to being Indigoes might actually be nutritional deficiencies, toxicity from vaccines and other poisons injected into the body, pesticides, environmental poisons, etc. For example, children by age 2 (TWO!) have already received their entire lifetime's allotment of pesticides!! That's not even taking into consideration all the other poisons they are exposed to, and more vulnerable to because of their smaller size.

I have witnessed dramatic, and I do mean dramatic changes in behavior when children and teens received help in the form of cleansing the body, nourishing the brain, and resetting the vibrational blueprint via homeopathy and superfoods. This is not to say that Indigoes don't possess special characteristics; they surely do! But my opinion is that many parents accept out-of-balance symptoms as being inevitably attributable to their being Indigoes, when they might in fact be caused by physical, tangible substances that. It seems reasonable to me that Indigoes are just more susceptible to such toxins than their 3D counterparts.

I would be happy to share with you my experiences with my own son, if you like. Just send me a pm. I can offer a few suggestions, the first being to consult with a homeopathic doctor conversant in detoxing from environmental poisons, and therapy utilizing constitutional remedies. Choosing the right constitutional remedy requires great skill, but when the correct one is given, the person can experience an entire new outlook on life! I've seen it happen several times with family and friends (as well as myself!) I can also recommend some books. Best wishes.
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08-17-2009, 07:53 AM,
#6
RE: Parenting Advice?
Hello Ali and Monica and thank you for taking the time and effort to share with me! Eventually I will learn how to 'cut and paste' to respond to parts of peoples' comments but for now I will just do what I can.

Ali, Your description of the fear and her action/reaction to it is right on target. I agree with what you say is the "obvious cure" and how it is up to her with encouragement from her dad and me, and yes, pushing her gets us nowhere. I do understand what you said, "There's nothing you can do. But everything she can do." She has always been very independent in many ways, and stubborn. She is extremely bright, intuitive, and sensitive. I recently described our situation to a friend as trying to catch a little bird who is in your house. The bird is scared and fragile and you have to be smart and careful in how you deal with it. I look forward to checking out the blog you mentioned. Anything that would help us understand her better would be beneficial.


Monica, what you said about allergies and things rings true for us. She has had various allergic reactions to a variety of things over the years and is vigilant at monitoring not only what she eats but also skin care products, make-up, etc. You are much farther down the path than I on the Indigo topic so I would very much appreciate hearing your suggestions on books,etc.

Thanks again to both of you!!
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08-17-2009, 09:34 AM,
#7
RE: Parenting Advice?
Something that would help is something called the 'Human design chart'. An astrology system. If you were to look at hers you can see where she's sensitive etc. And how she can best make her own decisions.

There's also something called the 'blood type diet'.
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08-17-2009, 10:47 AM,
#8
RE: Parenting Advice?
Hi Phoenix! I will look into the 'Human design chart' and I think I have heard of the diet but it was a few years ago. I will check out both of them. Thanks!
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08-21-2009, 10:58 AM,
#9
RE: Parenting Advice?
Good Greetings IndigoMama:

I am an Indigo and a IndigoMama myself... lol... As an aside--- just because someone is 18 years of age does not make them an adult. Adolescence continues on until the age of 25 for most Indigos. Their bodies will continue to grow and develop--- as will all internal systems. To see someone as an adult at the age of 18 is not necessarily so for the individual. Some Indigos will require longer parental support than others...Some are so super sensitive that they choose parents who have a strong protective parenting style to insure their survival.

I am not surprised your daughter does not want to leave the house. I rarely leave mine these days except to go out into the backyard (which we all find to be loud and shocking as we live not far from an expressway) or to go to the beach (at sunset when everyone is going home) or to the store near closing or opening time. I find the way I cope with the traveling to and fro and all of the stresses of the fading 3D reality (fighting for its life to the very last straw) is I focus on the Light.

I am the Light. Then I bless everyone with the Light by saying I bless their hearts. And I use intention. I say something like, " I am intending that my experiences outside my home will be harmonious and full of light." This helps me and perhaps it will help you and your daughter too
Anxiety is a common symptom if shifting as is not wanting to interact with the denser reality of 3D--- with all of its negativity and toxicity. As is feeling as if your body is not part of you--- which from the perspective of the Soul is very accurate. The body is a tool in which to interface with the more solid realities of 3D, 4D and 5D. As we shift and progress in Ascension we take on more light and hold more light. In doing so our bodies shift to a more cystalline structure and become lighter in form. What you are describing sounds like classic ascension symptoms. As we gain more light awareness of other realities, timelines, and dimesions increase to the point where many of us (myself included) regularly interact with non-physical beings (that 3D humans are not aware of) but co-exist with us. Some of these beings are called Angels, fairies, Devas, Ascended Masters, Guides, Guardians--- etc. Ra has an excellent hail to weed out the undesirable sts entities: I hail you in the name of the One True Infinite Creator. (wait about 20 seconds) then say: I bathe you in light and Love.

As to closing doorways--- so your daughter has access to portals within herself--- and she allowed you to close them? And now you feel as if the door need to be opened--- you do not remember the key? I am only asking questions that pop into my awareness. I believe there are threads here on this forum discussing this. I am sure if you look with an open heart you will find that what you seek.

A spiritual clearing may be in order. I wrote about this on another thread--- I will see it I can find it and I will pm you.

The Human Angel (which all Indigos and Indigo transitioning into Crystal and Crystal are) is a soul whose bubble of biology is being shifted from carbon based system to a crystalline based system in order to hold more light. This is what ascension is intergrally about... holding more light within.. and sharing that light with Love in service to others.

In my experience, this shift is supported by eating as much raw food that is as organic as you are able to afford or procure. Eating 50% regionally grown foods is also helpful. The key is to choose foods that have as much living energy (ie sunlight) stored in them. This means green leafy vegetables, root vegetables such as burdock root, or daikon radish. Other vegetables--- but try to avoid the nightshade families (tomatoes, potatoes, eggplant. I do have to admit that Tomatoes are my favorite fruit.. a nightshade plant family member... but I no longer eat very much of it often as I find I feel very lethargic when I do. I now use it as a condiment like in salsa or ketchup (organic of course but not raw) Tree/bush/vine ripened fruits. In the NE of USA this means Apples, Quince, rose hips, plums, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, and cranberries-- these are the more common fruits-- Organic Nuts--- I really crave pine nuts and almonds. Natural/Organically regionally produced whole and raw grains (eat them sprouted) in the NE of USA that is oats, buckwheat but I find that I also crave quineoa and rice and corn... So it just depends. I usually try to eat what is in season or stores well through the winter such as apples and winter squash and burdock root... as well as other foods that I buy... I have a very limited budget at this time so I do the best I can with what I have. This means using what is available and affordable for me--- but I follow the rules of the least amount of ingredients the better it is--- So wheat flour---I choose just that: wheat flour and so the list goes on.

We eat a lot of yogurt and eggs for protein as well as dry beans that I soak for a couple of days in water that I change daily. I generally cook our beans as the kids will not eat them raw. But they are sprouted when I cook them. The same for our grains. I try to sprout them before using (not always as I do have 3 kids and a life LOL) and then cook them. I still buy flour (but I make sure it is 100% wheat flour-- non GMO from a small regional producer and miller) as the whole family loves a little biscuit bread (it is cooked) for breakfast along with fruit and nuts and yogurt. We eat very very little yeast as it contributes to depression like symptoms and increases anxiety and lethargy in all of us. This has been a hard habit for my husband to kick the yeasty bread habit. He feels better when he does not eat yeasty bread--- but loves to eat it so much he will eat a whole loaf in one sitting--- same with the kids and then everyone is irritable, cranky, depressed and anxious afterwards!

We are what we eat and Food is Medicine. Sometimes, the symptoms of anxiety and depression suggest that there is a vitamin deficiency... generally lacking in vitamin b's and C and some minerals such as magnesium and calcium. These nutriments can be found in sea weeds and other foods... I am most familiar with seaweeds because that is what we eat... there are other regional super foods as well. It just depends on where you hail from and what you have growing in your region that you live in.

The only way to tell what will assist you the most to eat is to use a method of kineseology and/or to keep a food diary to see if the particular food will support your body as it is shifting. As you gain more light what foods were good for you will change as well.

I use the feeling method when I am choosing foods for my family and I. I hold the food item in my hands and if I feel a pleasant sort of YES! feeling in my Heart and Solar Plexus--- I use that food. If I do not get this feeling I do not use this food.

Also by eating the food and then observing how you feel emotionally and physically after eating by keeping a food diary can also assist you in determining what foods best nourish your soul and body. Some people use a penduleum to dowse the food--- others use the kinesology muscle testing--- I am sure there are other ways... once again I am only sharing that which I do know from my experience as an Indigo and as an Indigo transitioning to crystal parent of transitioning indigo and crystal children. It is a wild ride. I like to call it cultivating my wild Heart and the Hearts of others for in the wild Heart resides the Love that is the Soul.

click here for some articles concerning ascension symptoms: http://www.emergingearthangels.com/ and here http://www.evo-lution.net/blog/posts/indigo-children-and-adults-symptoms-of-spiritual-awakening/

-fairyfarmgirl
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08-21-2009, 05:37 PM,
#10
RE: Parenting Advice?
Good Greetings to You fairyfarmgirl!
Thank you for all the great insight and info. I am pressed for time but will try to respond to the part about doors having been closed. Getting this into a nutshell will be interesting....

I was raised in a Christian family, as was my husband. When the doors were open we were there. Neither of us kept up church attendance when we had a choice as adults. We have a strong faith and have shared that with our daughter. We home-schooled her from 3rd grade and often joked that we were home-churching as well! In my nearly endless search for truth I enevitably ran into and through the NWO and conspiracy stuff, I tried to stay on the right track as a believer, and I always felt life was a game and for some reason we weren't being given all the rules. I kept trying to find the rule book and searched the religions of the world but all were lacking. I don't know whether it was my desire to follow rules or part of my nature or a combination of the two but until I found TLOO I was extremely judgmental. Definite lines not to be crossed between right and wrong, good and evil, etc.

My daughter, bless her heart, is a willing student. She looks to her dad and me for guidance and direction. I have shared so many philosophies over the years and reversed myself so many times that I hesitate to spring this one on her even though I know it is what I have been looking for all these years. I have been adamant about having nothing to do with yoga, etal; nothing to do with magic, withchcraft, etc.; ghosts, UFO's, ET's, paranormal stuff, probably 'of the devil'. (Is this funny or what?! LOL)

Anyway, I hope to add more later and I sure appreciate your input!

Thanks Again!

A three hour break but now I am back. I hope the above made sense, I wrote it in a hurry. The doors I have closed for my daughter were born of an attempt to protect us from evil in the world. I didn't understand the Big Picture and, now that I do, it will take time and a delicate touch to reopen the world of possibilities that lie at our fingertips. Thanks to the good words of wisdom from the people here at this forum, whether in this thread or others, I already see progress! Our conversations, our interactions, and our attitudes all are evolving and I see real change taking place. YAY!

I suspected there was something of a spiritual nature to my daughter's physical challenges. We already had figured out that anything giving her trouble in her mind gets played out in her body. We have witnessed it time and again in a variety of ways. She has had a range of allergic reactions from the environment to food to cosmetic/skin care products. None are particularly bad or require any treatment but they are there and she is careful about trying new things. I really appreciate what you said about anxiety and feeling that the body is not a part of you. She struggles with both. As an aside, I want to express at this point that she truly is an amazing young woman. I keep saying this about her but I can't get over it myself. She loves to laugh, she is very bright, she has good sensibility, strong intuition(kinda scary at times =) ), she is a hard worker, and a willing helper. She is very sensitive, caring, and I sure wish others could know her the way that her dad and I have the great privilege of knowing her.

The dietary thing is something we are slowly working through. This is slow because my hubby loves to eat and up until the recent past he could eat with abandon and have little or no problem from it. Now that we are dangerously close to 50, he is putting on the brakes and it will be easier for all of us to switch gears together. We have progressively made healthier choices through the years but we have more we could be doing. I think it's so cool how you do all that healthy food buying and prep and know so much about it! The kitchen is not my favorite place. I have been up and down the scales more often than Pavorotti! HA I have a love/hate thing with food but I am now learning how to deal with even that thanks to LOO!
Okay, my family will be wanting to get back to our movie soon so if I think of anything else I will write more tomorrow.

This is way fun!!
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08-21-2009, 09:23 PM,
#11
RE: Parenting Advice?
Good Greetings Indigomama:

The best way to show the truth is to see the truth inherent in the infinite number of ways that Spirit is expressed through the vehicle of religion.

I personally love the female Christian Saints. Recently I have been studying them--- as well as the writings of Mother Theresa and Martin Luther King and Peace Pilgrim... All come from the philosphy of Christianity. They also all express the LOO in their writings... only they do not call it so--- A suggestion then is to begin study of Influential "Christian" women who changed the world with their Love (not little love--- but through universal love.

This type of study will cultivate tolerance of different ways that Universal Love is expressed as Service to Others. Then you can guide her to seek knowledge and study of the cultures these women were from... more knowledge cultivating a greater tolerance toward others... This will lead to new connections. For instance, the study of Mother Theresa who lived and worked in India will lead to a study of Indian Culture and history and lead perhaps to the Great Poets of India---- who spoke such great Truths through their poetry and then to perhaps Buddha and Siddartha... all will then lead back to the principles of Universal Love... The Law of One and Mother Theresa.

Christ Consciousness is aligned with the LOO. Where as Christian Doctrine is aligned with human whims and love with a little l (which is conditional love)

One of my favorite ways to describe the Law of One to children is I have them look up at a ceiling made of ceiling tiles... I say to them... "See that ceiling?" They will all say yes... I will then ask them to tell me what they see. Sometimes they will immediately say, "it is made up of little tiles." And then I will say... "and do you see how all those little tiles are part of the big picture... the ceiling--" This is a principle of the LOO all is part of the One, the Whole---the source--- or as some call this Life/Love--- God.

I have changed my position on how I express my spirituality with my children but the tenets of my faith have always stayed the same... Seeking toward Oneness with God... by cultivating my Heart and Mind through Harmony and Compassionate Wisdom with Self and Life, the Earth and all the people around me... everywhere I go.

Bless your Heart!

elizabeth



(08-21-2009, 05:37 PM)indigomama Wrote:  Good Greetings to You fairyfarmgirl!
Thank you for all the great insight and info. I am pressed for time but will try to respond to the part about doors having been closed. Getting this into a nutshell will be interesting....

I was raised in a Christian family, as was my husband. When the doors were open we were there. Neither of us kept up church attendance when we had a choice as adults. We have a strong faith and have shared that with our daughter. We home-schooled her from 3rd grade and often joked that we were home-churching as well! In my nearly endless search for truth I enevitably ran into and through the NWO and conspiracy stuff, I tried to stay on the right track as a believer, and I always felt life was a game and for some reason we weren't being given all the rules. I kept trying to find the rule book and searched the religions of the world but all were lacking. I don't know whether it was my desire to follow rules or part of my nature or a combination of the two but until I found TLOO I was extremely judgmental. Definite lines not to be crossed between right and wrong, good and evil, etc.

My daughter, bless her heart, is a willing student. She looks to her dad and me for guidance and direction. I have shared so many philosophies over the years and reversed myself so many times that I hesitate to spring this one on her even though I know it is what I have been looking for all these years. I have been adamant about having nothing to do with yoga, etal; nothing to do with magic, withchcraft, etc.; ghosts, UFO's, ET's, paranormal stuff, probably 'of the devil'. (Is this funny or what?! LOL)

Anyway, I hope to add more later and I sure appreciate your input!

Thanks Again!

A three hour break but now I am back. I hope the above made sense, I wrote it in a hurry. The doors I have closed for my daughter were born of an attempt to protect us from evil in the world. I didn't understand the Big Picture and, now that I do, it will take time and a delicate touch to reopen the world of possibilities that lie at our fingertips. Thanks to the good words of wisdom from the people here at this forum, whether in this thread or others, I already see progress! Our conversations, our interactions, and our attitudes all are evolving and I see real change taking place. YAY!

I suspected there was something of a spiritual nature to my daughter's physical challenges. We already had figured out that anything giving her trouble in her mind gets played out in her body. We have witnessed it time and again in a variety of ways. She has had a range of allergic reactions from the environment to food to cosmetic/skin care products. None are particularly bad or require any treatment but they are there and she is careful about trying new things. I really appreciate what you said about anxiety and feeling that the body is not a part of you. She struggles with both. As an aside, I want to express at this point that she truly is an amazing young woman. I keep saying this about her but I can't get over it myself. She loves to laugh, she is very bright, she has good sensibility, strong intuition(kinda scary at times =) ), she is a hard worker, and a willing helper. She is very sensitive, caring, and I sure wish others could know her the way that her dad and I have the great privilege of knowing her.

The dietary thing is something we are slowly working through. This is slow because my hubby loves to eat and up until the recent past he could eat with abandon and have little or no problem from it. Now that we are dangerously close to 50, he is putting on the brakes and it will be easier for all of us to switch gears together. We have progressively made healthier choices through the years but we have more we could be doing. I think it's so cool how you do all that healthy food buying and prep and know so much about it! The kitchen is not my favorite place. I have been up and down the scales more often than Pavorotti! HA I have a love/hate thing with food but I am now learning how to deal with even that thanks to LOO!
Okay, my family will be wanting to get back to our movie soon so if I think of anything else I will write more tomorrow.

This is way fun!!
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