03-22-2018, 02:02 AM
(03-22-2018, 01:24 AM)Xatu Wrote: I feel that, in this dark world, those who seek only to help and serve tend to be treated as doormats. It feels entirely improper but i have encountered noting but this.
My family situation seems to mirror this greatly. Having been ostracized because of my polarity. Even from a very young age (mother incapable of loving me).
This lapse in love has led me to seek it to the utmost degree wanting nothing more than to help others.
I just find it hard to distinguish the polarization for these "students" shall we call them, from either positive or negative. In turn, the negative/STS adept can fully utilize the services provided by the STO oriented individual, in a selfish manner.
I find in my heart that this is happening in my current situation and it couldnt feel more wrong or incorrect to me. I feel like im trying desperately to convert someone to a different polarity who very well may have chosen a path opposite to mine currently. Yet i still pour my love into this individual, in return, they continue to abuse me and make very little efforts to change.
Leaving this person is not an option, given their instability, and im very certain id feel empty or without purpose if i wasnt to have a "project" of sorts to be channeling my love into. Not to mention the immense guilt id feel if they committed suicide as they often threaten.
As for reducing the strain this is having on me, yes it is immense, i have recently turned to self-medicating with hard drugs and its scary. However i dont see the drugs "possessing" me as they do others, rather, they give me a temporary release and relief, perhaps hearkening back to what it may abiently feel like on a more dense planet. Not really abusing them just using as medication in small doses really.
And having wrote this all just now I begin is see the paradoxical nature of why i even made this thread.. I knew that creating the thread will not reveal anything that could not be seeked or gained or known prior. Theres absolutely no hope of me leaving this situation at this point and i knew this already. I guess i just wished for support in knowing, perhaps, that situations like this can be common.
When i research higher realms all i can think of is how deeply i want to show this to my partner, to let them see a better and more free reality and ultimately grow spiritually. Even is they are STO polarized (not 95% probably) i think their higher self is guiding them towards the STS path but perhaps in a way that is very slow. Like multiple lifetimes or another cycle slow.... the question then remains... do i continue to follow and seek to help this individual polarize? Is it selfish for me to leave? Or maybe in my STO to them, im helping them polarize to STS?
Thank you for your responses.
If you honestly don't think you can leave then I would use this as a learning experience for yourself and your partner. I would research depression, codependency and personality disorders. Then I would examine both of your histories to study how certain circumstances and traumas have resulted in your current dynamic and personal biases.
You may discover that you have the strength to leave at a later date.
Just continuing to do as you are doing would be enabling your partner at this point. I don't see that as a wise service. However providing motivation for self knowledge is always a beneficial service in my book.
Self medicating with drugs is a slippery slope. No one starts off thinking they will end up losing control. You're right to be worried, I would stop it immediately. Focus on diet and exercise for stress relief (I know easier said then done)