The starry sky outside the windows
07-04-2017, 01:32 PM, (This post was last modified: 07-04-2017, 10:52 PM by siriusaqua. Edit Reason: want to add a little pic with my story. )
#1
The starry sky outside the windows
Hi, everyone! I'm new here.

I feel a little shy sharing my feelings and story, but also feeling very relieved that there are many people feeling the way I'm feeling
-------- The loneliness, and the feeling of not belonging in this society.
-------------------------

Exclamation First, please forgive my English as my first language isn't English.

----------
About me and my story of loneliness:

I'm an concept artist, who likes to paint imaginary worlds and objects as my occupation. I like to do this ever since I had memory. Therefore, those imaginary worlds became the only place I can find peace and escape from reality.

Ever since then I was fighting against my mother's thought of having a "well-being" child. She wanted her child to have a "practicle job" in the future, like doctor, lawyer, or high salary job instead of being an artist. Meanwhile, I was not accepted by my classmates at school either. I was always pushed to the corner, because I do not found the toys or games they were playing amusing.
(Also, I was always observing them and trying to be a part of them, so I was a really quiet one. Maybe that was a part of the reasons why they liked to tease me.)

I never fought back, not because I gave up. I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want to use the same insulted words to harm them, even though they were the one who didn't care about other's feeling. But surely I was afraid and very very sad every time I came home. My mother didn't seem to understand deep emotion, and she sees "crying" as a sign of weakness. Therefore I further compressed myself and learned to keep it all to myself.
(I'm also very envy people who have siblings, because I was also alone when I was at home.)

Anyway, Being rejected by my family, and society (school), made me felt like I'm "anti-social".
Ever since I had memory when I came to this world, I strongly felt like I don't belong here. I've never shared this feeling, because i knew this is conflicting with human's expectation as being apart of a sociable society.

------------------
On the other hand, I've never fell asleep easily.

Whenever that happened, I would climbed out of bed without my parents knowing, and looked out from the windows. I looked at those stars, the moon, and planets in the pitch black sky. They are glistening and it comforted my sorrow from this world.
In day time, I enjoyed looking at the cloud's changing into different forms. The blue colored sky sooth my pain from being rejected by this society.

Deep in my heart, I always have a ridiculous thought:
I wish I could have a pair of wings and fly towards those stars and the big blue sky.

I want to leave.

There were several time I wanted to jumped out of the windows or killed myself in the tub. I wished all this pains would end once I end my life. But there's a voice always telling me "Even thought I do so, I'd have to come back to finish what I haven't finished.", although I still don't know what I have to do until today.
________

I'm now in my late 20's. It took me this long to finally look pass all the people that harmed me. Also I'm starting to build a relationship with compassion and love between me and my mother, who didn't understand me.

It is just few days ago that I found out Ra's Law of One. I was skeptical in the beginning, but every sentences speak to my heart. Especially the description about "wanderer" caught my attention. I can't say for sure if I'm 100% wanderer from other planet, but my emotions and what I had been through told me those are real, and so very... "ME"!

Furthermore, I found Carla's book about wanderer. I just read about all those little stories from different wanderers, I cried!
I have tears of joy! I've never thought that there are people who feel the way I do! Because I was always so alone!

Therefore, I felt strongly trying to find others like me, and I found this place.

------

Sorry for this long post with probably not proper English.
Thank you for reading the whole thing also. Smile

Now I know more about the Law of One, and why I felt this way my whole life. I feel so relieved!
I finally feel a flow of "love" from everywhere, even the people I dislike or strangers on the street.

--------

I found a piece of art I did last week:

[Image: DCnf-yvXkAASi7B.jpg]

This perfectly sums up my feelings throughout my life. Just thought it's nice to put it here.
-------


Oh! And nice to meet you too! Smile  Heart
---- LOVE & LIGHT 愛與光
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07-04-2017, 02:15 PM,
#2
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
(07-04-2017, 01:32 PM)siriusaqua Wrote:  It is just few days ago that I found out Ra's Law of One. I was skeptical in the beginning, but every sentences speak to my heart. Especially the description about "wanderer" caught my attention. I can't say for sure if I'm 100% wanderer from other planet, but my emotions and what I had been through told me those are real, and so very... "ME"!

Furthermore, I found Carla's book about wanderer. I just read about all those little stories from different wanderers, I cried!
I have tears of joy! I've never thought that there are people who feel the way I do! Because I was always so alone!

Therefore, I felt strongly trying to find others like me, and I found this place.

welcome.  And thanks so much for sharing Smile

Heart

Beautifully expressed.  There have been quite a few members whose first language is not English, and yet they are able communicators, because the strength of the feelings and intentions carries through.  And that's very much the case here.  

Thanks again.  And great to hear about your experience with this Material.  It's truly life changing.

Namaste.
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siriusaqua
07-04-2017, 03:07 PM,
#3
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
(07-04-2017, 02:15 PM)Bring4th_Plenum Wrote:  
(07-04-2017, 01:32 PM)siriusaqua Wrote:  It is just few days ago that I found out Ra's Law of One. I was skeptical in the beginning, but every sentences speak to my heart. Especially the description about "wanderer" caught my attention. I can't say for sure if I'm 100% wanderer from other planet, but my emotions and what I had been through told me those are real, and so very... "ME"!

Furthermore, I found Carla's book about wanderer. I just read about all those little stories from different wanderers, I cried!
I have tears of joy! I've never thought that there are people who feel the way I do! Because I was always so alone!

Therefore, I felt strongly trying to find others like me, and I found this place.

welcome.  And thanks so much for sharing Smile

Heart

Beautifully expressed.  There have been quite a few members whose first language is not English, and yet they are able communicators, because the strength of the feelings and intentions carries through.  And that's very much the case here.  

Thanks again.  And great to hear about your experience with this Material.  It's truly life changing.

Namaste.

Thank you so much for reading and replying! I truly appreciated!!

I'm still working on my English speaking, and writing skill, but yes! I believe in the strength of feelings.

Again, thank you very much for saying welcome to me. Smile
Namaste to you too! Heart
---- LOVE & LIGHT 愛與光
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07-04-2017, 03:23 PM,
#4
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
By the way...
I do not know where to ask this, but there's something strange happened last night before I fell asleep.
____
I had a strong feeling wanting to ask the universe where did I come from, so I allow myself wandering in the universe. ( I do not know if I'm making sense.)

And then I saw a specific arrangement of a constellations. I saw the pattern clearly. (Later on I googled it, it looks like Sirius.) Then I was wondering in the alley ways in a modernized city. (It doesn't seems much different than ours). While I was walking on a slope towards the end of this alley way, I saw some people waking in the distance. I ran towards them but then I clearly heard a "boom" from my left side. Everything was blackout.

I almost thought it was something outside my actual world, but I knew this came from this vision.

I opened my eyes, and I saw my room. My body was paralyzed. I was very scared, because I thought my body was very vulnerable. I tried to move my toes and then struggle to wake up but at the same time I knew that I could closed my eyes and continued this vision.

But I was so scared.

So I struggled to wake up with all the strength I had. Then the next second...
I was panting, and everything images were very clear. I wasn't asleep at all, so it wasn't a dream from sleep.
---- LOVE & LIGHT 愛與光
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07-17-2017, 05:20 AM,
#5
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
Hello and thank you for sharing those sorrowful feelings, I am glad that you found your path in this veiled reality. The drawing you made brightened my eyes and heart, it's very meaningful.
Might I ask where are you in the Law of One material? How much have you read?
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siriusaqua
07-17-2017, 11:13 PM,
#6
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
(07-17-2017, 05:20 AM)Sprout Wrote:  Hello and thank you for sharing those sorrowful feelings, I am glad that you found your path in this veiled reality. The drawing you made brightened my eyes and heart, it's very meaningful.
Might I ask where are you in the Law of One material? How much have you read?

Hi, thank you so much for reading all of that and replying.

I'm still slowly trying to finish the Law of One material. I feel like it really take times to comprehend certain parts with more complicated paragraph.
But right now I'm readying Volume 3 (no. 57).

I think there are some certain few words that are translated differently, so I'm thinking about reading the English version after I finished reading the Chinese version to help me understand it more.
---- LOVE & LIGHT 愛與光
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sunnysideup
07-18-2017, 08:11 AM,
#7
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
Heart

I have so much reply to make!! your story is very familiar to me!

your art is wonderful !

your words help me feel less alone

thank you
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siriusaqua
07-19-2017, 10:23 PM,
#8
RE: The starry sky outside the windows
(07-18-2017, 08:11 AM)smc Wrote:  Heart

I have so much reply to make!! your story is very familiar to me!

your art is wonderful !

your words help me feel less alone

thank you

Although I don't know your story, but your words really make me feel warm. *sob
I feel you!

Thank you so much for replying, and letting me know your thoughts too!!
You make me feel less alone too!

Again, thank you too! <3
I wish you're having a really good day!
---- LOVE & LIGHT 愛與光
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