Sex addicted husband

[Mary147]

Hi everyone,
I don't know if this is the right place to talk about my problem. Recently I found that my partner is a sex addict! He is 6 years younger than me, and we got married 3 years ago. He always watches porn films and when I ask him about that he replies that it gives him a kind of pleasure. I understood from his talks that he is a victim of child molestation and I was feeling sympathy for him. I really don’t know to explain my feelings. He always wants to have sex, and only sex. When I don’t say yes, he keeps pressuring me which he is doing for the past 3 years. He never showed any interest to talk with me. I truly love him like anything and I simply need him to love me back. I have tried talking to him regarding this, but it’s of no use. I contacted a sexual addiction treatment center ( mod removed ) in Montreal and got an appointment. But I am confused! How will I convince him for the appointment? Can you please share your suggestions regarding this? Thanks in advance.

[I am Shayne]

(assuming you're not trolling)

I/we have found that a good all-encompassing response to any situation is to just give love. It seems like you're doing very well. Do what you believe is best, with great love, and you both will experience what you need.

[Spooner]

Hi everyone,
I don't know if this is the right place to talk about my problem. Recently I found that my partner is a sex addict! He is 6 years younger than me, and we got married 3 years ago. He always watches porn films and when I ask him about that he replies that it gives him a kind of pleasure. I understood from his talks that he is a victim of child molestation and I was feeling sympathy for him. I really don’t know to explain my feelings. He always wants to have sex, and only sex. When I don’t say yes, he keeps pressuring me which he is doing for the past 3 years. He never showed any interest to talk with me. I truly love him like anything and I simply need him to love me back. I have tried talking to him regarding this, but it’s of no use. I contacted a sexual addiction treatment center ( http://edgewoodhealthnetwork.com/what-we...addiction/  ) in Montreal and got an appointment. But I am confused! How will I convince him for the appointment? Can you please share your suggestions regarding this? Thanks in advance.

1. You need to care for yourself and make healthy boundaries. If you don't want sex then just kindly inform him that you'll want sex later and not to badger you about it.
2. Sex addiction is often an orange ray blockage. This is classic for abuse victims. The abuse means that their ability to feel emotional pleasure as an individual is hampered. Their sexual energy is all tied up with abuse which leads to a distortion of trying to minimize the personal aspect of sex as to not activate the orange ray center and thus trigger painful memories. This leads to an obsessive objectification based on red-ray sexuality. Because this sex isn't fulfilling emotionally he will constantly crave more. Until he can unblock his orange ray and feel pleasure in being himself in his body then he'll struggle with this nagging sexual need for release. Fundamentally this wound comes from his autonomy being violated with regard to sexuality.
3. Making appointments behind someone's back and then plotting to "convince him" is controlling. You need to respect his autonomy (see point 2). This will mean you need to be kind and clear about your needs and let him come to his own conclusion without manipulation. Please see this website on non-violent communication methods. It will help you communicate without manipulation which is critical for him as a victim of abuse.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent...n#Overview

[GentleReckoning]

Was he this way when you first got married, or did it develop over time?

[Cobrien]

Ask him if he's interested in tantric Sex! He apparent is starved for intimacy and in need of healing

http://www.livestrong.com/article/78000-...-massage/0

No such thing as sex addiction, sorry. No easy label, no quick fix

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Porn, ah porn.

One way to kill a passion in a man is to expose him to the endless lusting energies of porn.

I am going to suggest something that others might completely disagree with.  But I'm going to say, take control.  Don't let your husband push you around like you're a porn star, if you say no then he needs to respect that.  However, he needs to see what he's doing.

Maybe the next time he tries to get you in bed, why not play along up until you get in bed, then tell him you want him to go slow, and to be passionate, to push his hands over your body and skin, and to kiss you deeply.  Tell him what to do, tell him to talk to you, that you need that connection.  Be honest with him.

If you want to stop his porn habits, you need to show him what they're doing to your relationship with him.  Sit him down, be passive if you want or do it when he's in the mood and be abrupt, but above all, don't make it out as something bad or wrong.  That might just make him close up, not many guys think watching women be mistreated in porn over and over and over will change the way they interact with women, but it ultimately does.  That sexual imagery transforms the idea of 'woman' in the male mind.  Pornographic imagery has been showcasing abuse, objectification, and neglect for a while now, and now that it's so widespread it's showing up in society across tons of men.

You are his equal, put your hand on his shoulder, say no, explain why.  Sit him down, be honest with him, ask him to try the appointment and if he won't then tell him you need him to be less sexual (though maybe not physical) and more passionate about his physical interactions with you.

You're a human being, not a toy or object, you need more than one kind of physical connection to your loved one, you need him to calm his dick and let the blood flow to his heart lol

I was molested as a kid too, it does help fuel the need to make sense of the experience, you almost bury it in this false idea of what sex and sexual experiences are and are meant to be, it makes you somewhat unbalanced towards submissiveness or domination sometimes depending on how it's mentally processed and attached to later sexual experiences.

I really think you should sit him down and put down your foot as his wife and equal significant other, and I think you should explain to him what the problems are that you feel.

Use 'I' language instead of 'You' language, express yourself to him and help him see that you feel like he's withdrawn from you emotionally for sex, that instead of being soft with you as a lover, he's been pushy and hard on you sexually.

Help him see what you see, if you can connect to him and make him understand what you see and how you feel, you'll be able to help him help himself to treat you better.

On the flip side, don't forget to treat him with patience too.  Testosterone can make a person very arrogant, stupid, and thoughtless.  Remind him you love him, he needs your support the most of all.

As for the concept of Sex Addiction, I think it's more a mental issue than a physical one, he's yearning to fill some kind of hole and he thinks sex will do it but it's not enough cause he keeps wanting more (in the Ra Material this is an over activation and continued activation of the Orange chakra).  The solution might be to introduce him to more passionate and deeply emotional sex (bring green ray energy into the mix to stop the orange ray activation), this way when he's around you, he'll feel fulfilled from just being in your presence and not endlessly yearn for your body sexually.

Oh hey, Cobrien beat me to it, Tantric sex, or any slow and deep sex.  Change the mood, don't let him just get carried away as if he were in a porno, reconnect him to his heart by showing him how.

Some people here have a problem with teaching the man, I personally believe that if you want your significant other to be more compatible with you, they need to be taught, they need to learn.  No one can teach another about their partner quite like the partner their self.

Next time you can, set a romantic atmosphere, and a slow-paced mood.  Emphasize physical contact over sexual contact.  The energetic connection begins long before sex begins, the sex itself should become a transfer and not something lost in the moment but deeply experienced vividly in the moment.  Keep it slow to start with, and once you're both ready you'll know when to lose yourselves to each other, rather than to the sex.

On a funny note, you could make a poster above the bed next time he gets home that reads, "Make love, not sex, to me!" See if that brings the point home lol

OH, and if you want to reduce his porn watching, help him discover that he's spending too much time with porn, and not enough time with his wife.  The only potential issue here is if you enjoy your extra alone time from his time spent watching porn, you'll need to adjust to him being around more often too, and further you'll need to help him not kill time through porn if you're around.  That means if you catch him with porn, try to get him away from it immediately, there are better ways to spend time than watching porn.

Believe me, there really are.

[xise]

"26.38 Questioner: As you have stated before, it is a strait and narrow path. There are many distractions.

I plan to create an introduction, shall I say, to the Law of One, traveling through and hitting the high points of this 75,000 year cycle, possibly a few questions into the general future. After this introduction to the Law of One, as I call it, I would like to get directly to the main work, which is creating an understanding that can be disseminated to those who would ask for it, and only to those who would ask for it. For an understanding that can allow them to greatly accelerate their evolution. I am very appreciative and feel it a great honor and privilege to be doing this and hope that we can accomplish this next phase.

I have a question that the instrument has asked that I would like to ask for the instrument. She says, you speak of various types of energy blockages and transfers, positive and negative, that may take place due to participation in our sexual reproductive complex of actions. She states, please explain these blockages and energy transfers with emphasis upon what an individual seeking to be in accordance with the Law of One may positively do in this area? Is it possible for you to answer this question?

Ra: I am Ra. It is partially possible, given the background we have laid. This is properly a more advanced question. Due to the specificity of the question we may give general answer.

The first energy transfer is red ray. It is a random transfer having to do only with your reproductive system.

The orange- and the yellow-ray attempts to have sexual intercourse create, firstly, a blockage if only one entity vibrates in this area, thus causing the entity vibrating sexually in this area to have a never-ending appetite for this activity. What these vibratory levels are seeking is green-ray activity. There is the possibility of orange- or yellow-ray energy transfer; this being polarizing towards the negative: one being seen as object rather than other-self; the other seeing itself as plunderer or master of the situation.

In third* ray there are two possibilities. Firstly, if both vibrate in third* ray there will be a mutually strengthening energy transfer, the negative or female, as you call it, drawing the energy from the roots of the beingness up through the energy centers, thus being physically revitalized; the positive, or male polarity, as it is deemed in your illusion, finding in this energy transfer an inspiration which satisfies and feeds the spirit portion of the body/mind/spirit complex, thus both being polarized and releasing the excess of that which each has in abundance by nature of intelligent energy, that is, negative/intuitive, positive/physical energies as you may call them; this energy transfer being blocked only if one or both entities have fear of possession, of being possessed, of desiring possession or desiring being possessed.


* This should be fourth or green. Don and Ra corrected the error in session 32.

The other green-ray possibility is that of one entity offering green-ray energy, the other not offering energy of the universal love energy, this resulting in a blockage of energy for the one not green ray thus increasing frustration or appetite; the green-ray being polarizing slightly towards service to others.

The blue-ray energy transfer is somewhat rare among your people at this time but is of great aid due to energy transfers involved in becoming able to express the self without reservation or fear.

The indigo-ray transfer is extremely rare among your people. This is the sacramental portion of the body complex whereby contact may be made through the violet ray with intelligent infinity. No blockages may occur at these latter two levels due to the fact that if both entities are not ready for this energy it is not visible and neither transfer nor blockage may take place. It is as though the distributor were removed from a powerful engine.

This instrument was able, as an example of this working, to baffle the Orion group during [tape blank] experiences, as you call this substance, due to the fact that it effectively completely opened other-self to third-ray— we correct this instrument, it is growing low in vital energy— green-ray energy and partially open other-self to blue-ray interaction. May we ask if you have any queries before we close?"

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Thank you Xise!!!
The bolded is the part in the Ra Material I was referring to.  (Guess I should've added the quote lol.)

Get the green chakra (heart) energies to flow and he'll experience something more fulfilling than any sex can bring...

[anagogy]

You guys realize this is a spam account right?

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

What, am I born with this knowledge?

Someome delete/report the thread then lol

[Minyatur]

You guys realize this is a spam account right?

Where you see spam I see catalyst, it's a catalyst bot.

[anagogy]

You guys realize this is a spam account right?

Where you see spam I see catalyst, it's a catalyst bot.

[sjel]

You guys realize this is a spam account right?

What, am I born with this knowledge?

Someome delete/report the thread then lol

Haha! Yeah, I don't know how I'd know that. My gullibility seems to be higher than usual lately. I remember Ra saying Carla was quite gullible, and that this was in some ways a positive attribute.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

I saw it as someone to help.

...is that like a spirit guide trying to help a fictional character?

[anagogy]

Just so everyone is aware, just because it is a spam account, you are free to continue the conversation if you find value in it. I was just pointing out some information it appeared you might not have been aware of.

I also wanted to say: it is possible I'm wrong and it isn't a spam account, but it just gives me very spam vibe, and there was another post recently also about an addiction center in Canada being advertised with another poster that I suspect is just somebody advertising an organization they are promoting.

[Jade]

"Addiction in Canada" repeating is suspicious enough that I went ahead and removed the links in both posts. However, both posters have spent many hours logged in on the forums, and the threads have meat, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and not purge them... for the time being.

[Minyatur]

You're killing Montreal's economy Jade :/

[Spooner]

You guys realize this is a spam account right?

Where you see spam I see catalyst, it's a catalyst bot.

I think talking to bots might be a great analogy of catalyst. It's a mirror for ourselves. If we can use a spambot to work through our own perceptions and responses to addiction then that's not the worst use of time.

[Sacred Fool]

If there were more of this, would it be "Spam-a-lot in Camelot?"