Guilt

[Light seeker]

Dears,

Recently I’ve made a hard work of introspection and I could say that I’ve entered the hall of mirrors. I saw the multiple facets of myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I’m deeply ashamed. Now I realize that I’ve been guiding my acts from the self during all these years. I’ve been serving the self much more than I thought. I feel I failed to realize my real purpose. How I arrived to that point of unawareness and egotism (even when I thought I was doing the right thing) is something I simply can’t understand.

At the moment I feel totally knocked down, unable to react. I know I’ll have to heal this but right now I feel helpless and at a loss.

It’s not that I seek your words of solace (although anything you say is welcome). Your very presence is my support. I just needed to share this with you, my brothers.

Thanks for being there and for making the world a better place.

L/L

[unity100]

then just immediately start fixing what you have done, or what you have not done.

[LsavedSmeD]

Dears,

Recently I’ve made a hard work of introspection and I could say that I’ve entered the hall of mirrors. I saw the multiple facets of myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I’m deeply ashamed. Now I realize that I’ve been guiding my acts from the self during all these years. I’ve been serving the self much more than I thought. I feel I failed to realize my real purpose. How I arrived to that point of unawareness and egotism (even when I thought I was doing the right thing) is something I simply can’t understand.

At the moment I feel totally knocked down, unable to react. I know I’ll have to heal this but right now I feel helpless and at a loss.

It’s not that I seek your words of solace (although anything you say is welcome). Your very presence is my support. I just needed to share this with you, my brothers.

Thanks for being there and for making the world a better place.

L/L

Forgive yourself and accept yourself. Bring this dark side to sit with you in the light.

Forgive, accept, balance, and love both yourself and all else the same - you'll be just fine.

[JoshC]

Negative emotions like to fuel themselves on, so I'd suggest moving into a more positive emotional state first. Then what they said ^

[LsavedSmeD]

You could always use the mantra that I say frequently, "All is well".

As it always has been, you made it this far didn't you .

[Aaron]

Although probably not in the magnitude that you describe, I think I can say I've had similar experiences. I'll be on my merry way when suddenly, it will hit me that something I've done or said was actually very self-serving or coming from a base of very little self-awareness. And of course, it didn't seem that way to me while the situation was unfolding.

It's surprising and shocking, but it can also be humbling. This life experience allows you to show yourself to yourself in such a unique way. You're now viewing the situation from a different angle. You can see the cause and effect clearly now, and understand why you did or said such and such. The sides of yourself that you've seen are the sides that you're trying to come to meet during this life experience. It shouldn't be a disheartening thing to have a lot of work to do! We're all in that position!

If you want to share more specific information, perhaps I or others will be able to share more as well.

[Cyclops]

Well what can I say, I don't know but when I finished reading the post an overwhelming sadness fell upon me. First I would like to thank you for making me feel this pure emotion of sorrow. I would also like to show you something from which there might be a look to the other side of the coin. As always here is the messages straight from the teachers who themselves state they make perceived errors and still enjoy illusion with the mystery which is ever before them.

Q'uo here offers the concepts of the dark side of the self and complete unity of consciousness, there is a lot of mention in uncovering and being the unwise judge here.
Q'uo Saturday Meditation December 29, 2007

Because everyone has a dark side. And within your third density it is easy for you to put that dark side in the shadows of self and not acknowledge it. It is difficult for an entity who wishes to be truly of service to acknowledge that shadow side that is the murderer, the rapist, the liar, the coveter, and so forth. Yet, if all is one, are you not all things? Indeed, all of us contain the three hundred and sixty degrees of various kinds of energy that make up the awareness that is the whole of you.

And one of those tremendously difficult jobs for anyone is to go into the shadows and bring out that shadow side to look at, to acknowledge, to come to understand, and to ask if it will join you, if it will cease being part of the dark side and become your grit and your determination and your perseverance.

That is the true function of the so-called dark side. And you can realize all of yourself if you can acknowledge the dark side in the first place. The desire of many is simply to deny that there is anything in the consciousness except love and light and positivity. Yet, there is a whole other side of self to be collected, respected and honored and used.

And this process is becoming more and more difficult because whereas before the end of the age was so prominently close it was quite easy to ignore the dark side of self, in these latter days of third density, when an entity desires to become a truly realized and focused spiritual seeker, he must go collect those shadow bits that he has not acknowledged. And this is difficult now, where it used to be easier, because of the constant barrage of vibrations of truth, so that all of those things at which you least wanted to look are now popping up quite prominently and saying, “Look at me. Acknowledge me. Let me tell my story and please learn to balance me in and make me part of who you are, for we truly belong, we shadow elements of the equation of one.”

Therefore, we encourage each of you to take courage and look in that mirror as it comes to you, for all that are related to you by friendship or working relationship or family, all entities that are in your life, are mirroring you to yourself. When you see those things that you like, then you are happy to see those mirrors. Yet some will come to you and mirror those things you do not wish to see. My friends, embrace those things you do not wish to see, not in judgment but with a genuine and whole-hearted desire to integrate that into yourself.

To find it in the first place is very difficult. When one has mirrored something that is distasteful to one, one wishes simply to put it to one side. And yet we encourage you to allow it to come close, to embrace it, and listen to the story it has to tell. Find that energy within yourself. Not that you would murder anyone, but say you gaze at murder; find the murderer within yourself. Go after that murderer and ask it to join you, or to rejoin you. It is as if you are trying to bring all the members of yourself together so that you may be completely integrated as a unit and have no internal divisions where you do not wish to look.

In that way, when you enter your own open heart, you have no strife within yourself, saying, “I am a terrible wretch; I don’t deserve to be here.” Or saying, “No, I am very, very good, I am not wretched.” You can let all of that judgment go and bring your whole self into that open heart where the Creator is waiting for you with unconditional love.

Again of the perceived faults and how there needs be an embrace for the seeker who truly wants to accelerate their spiritual evolution.
Q'uo Sunday Meditation November 10, 1996

Unity, when it is absolute, is without awareness. Each of you is a portion of that unborn and undying awareness, that heart of all creation that is the one original Thought. Within that thought of infinite love there lies no shadow. However, we as well as you walk the path of duality and exist within a series of physical vehicles, enjoying the experience of living within various densities and conditions of body, mind, emotion and spirit. In all of these densities of unimaginable variety lies duality.

Thusly, it is well to remember that the light side and the dark side of your self alike are portions of that shell of manifestation which represents the totality of your self. The learning, the experiencing, the growing that is done within incarnations throughout the densities is a growth hemmed in on every side by limitation. Within this world of finity the light and dark create a tremendous dynamic. Within this dynamic rest all of those who sleep; that is, all of those who are within incarnation yet who are not yet aware of themselves [as] consciousness experiencing itself. Those who are spiritually unawakened rest in the center of that dynamic betwixt light and dark.

To the sleeper who has awakened this dynamic is useful and very fruitful, for in striving to accentuate and increase the rate of learning or evolution in a spiritual sense the polarity of intended action can carry a very strong message to the deeper mind and the more difficult it is to find a positive polarity, that is, the more the dark side of the self is engaged in working through catalyst, the greater the opportunity to polarize positively the seeker has.

Thusly, when things seem the darkest, when the self sees the self as that darker side, this situation in itself is a gift and the way to open that gift is simply to accept and absorb that awareness of the self’s darker side while allowing the heart to remain open. When that open heart approaches the darker side of self its gift is to be able to know the light while gazing into darkness. Thusly, in the spiritual or metaphysical sense there is no such thing as a disaster or a catastrophe. An old hymn this instrument knows is, “The Body They May Kill, His Love Endureth Still.”

This instrument is aware of that which the one known as Don called the “180 degree rule.” We find this phrase pleasant to use, for it is succinct and accurate. One’s relation to one’s dark side should be one of gratitude and love, for the dark side is that which strengthens and enables the light side. Each experience of the darker side of self is that which burns away pride and what this instrument would call egotism. It is well when one sees that side of self which has those vices and sins, if you will, in abundance not to turn away but rather to embrace, to love, to accept, and to forgive that part of the self for being.

Ah Aaron which is always a pleasure for me to read because he is often very skillfully direct in his teachings of mystery. Here we have the excerpt on the self to self relationship, judgment and perceived imperfection.
Aaron The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 16 March 22, 1993

The relationship of the self to the self, how to learn to cherish this self so that one may fully cherish all selves—that is the gift of your incarnation. Can you begin to see, then, that the distortion that leads to not cherishing the self is part of the gift and not a barrier in the way of learning of this love? If there were not that arising of sensing the self as imperfect, of the arising of low self-esteem and all those many emotions that lead to less than treasuring of the self, with what would you practice? What if this self always appeared to be perfect? Somewhere on this journey of yours, you are bound to meet that which does not appear to be perfect. Without this practice, you would judge it and have strong aversion to it. All that which you judge within yourself is the gift for practicing non-judgment and unconditional love.

As humans, you work so strongly with habit and your habit says, “Judge! Get rid of!” You are so immersed in that pattern. First, you begin to see the pattern, to bring mindfulness to bear on the arising of judgment. What is this low self-esteem? You might ask yourself in a situation in which low self-esteem is present, “What if I really liked myself here despite whatever heavy emotions are arising in me? What if I really treasured myself?” When you ask that question, you may begin to see the ways that low self-esteem becomes an escape.

Unconditional love is very difficult. The human feels hurt and wants to fight back, feels betrayed and wants revenge. The human sometimes does not feel ready to be as responsible as some judgmental inner voice suggests that it should be. You have habitually used this pattern of moving into dislike of the self as an escape from the direct experience of the heavy emotions and the need to be responsible for them with kindness. It is uncomfortable not to like the self, but it perhaps is even more uncomfortable to recognize the true divinity of your nature and that you are capable of unconditional love. Here is the child pouting, “I want to get even!” The child wants to get in that one good kick. The child that is loved despite its pain and anger is far less likely to need to kick. When unworthiness arises, ask yourself, “If I were not feeling unworthiness, what might I be feeling?” What heavy emotions which are so terribly discomforting does the unworthiness mask? Can you see how much ego there is in unworthiness?

Aaron The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 16 March 22, 1993

How do you begin to forgive yourselves? You cannot learn to cherish yourself until you forgive yourself for being less than perfect in this human form. You are not cherishing the perfect, but the human.

There are many practices one might use. As Q’uo suggested, prayer is very powerful. Ask for help. When you feel yourself condemning yourself, give that to the Divine and ask for help with it. “Lord, this human is fallible. I have hurt others and myself, and now I’m filled with condemnation of myself for that hurting. Help me find forgiveness and compassion for this imperfect human that I am.”

Please notice that there is a difference between the sense of unworthiness itself and the relationship to it. When you experience unworthiness, you may then watch the arising of aversion to it and attend first to that aversion, asking yourself, “Can I just be present with the unworthiness and watch it? Can I be present with any emotions, voices, fears, memories within me which prompted the arising of unworthiness? Can I let the whole thing be and just watch it?” This gentleness brings in light and space. The heart opens. There may still be the remnants of the anger, jealousy or greed that prompted the unworthiness. There may still be an aversion to all of that, the unworthiness and the emotion, because they are uncomfortable. But they are attended to skillfully.

This is where Q’uo’s image of bringing the heart center into the lower chakras may be seen. There is no force here, just a willingness to be present with all of the confusion without judgment, letting it all float. Then the unworthiness does not solidify, a self does not solidify to combat the unworthiness. Instead there is a gentle love offered to the self that is experiencing so much pain, including unworthiness. It allows a shift in perspective to this angel aspect of the self which is perfect and which you know is worthy. Within that shift, you begin to find wholeness. There is nothing left that needs to be gotten rid of. Just letting it be, allowing it to be present or to dissolve at its own speed while it is offered love.

What you will find is that your increasing ability to offer love begins a new pattern, a far more skillful pattern whereby, as I suggested yesterday with the arising of fear, the arising of unworthiness becomes a catalyst, not for the offering of more disdain to the self but a catalyst for compassion. This reconnects the lower chakra centers to the heart center. It reconnects the spirit body to the physical and emotional bodies, and you come back into wholeness and into balance. It is here where even a sense of unworthiness becomes seen as a valuable gift for your learning, and you embrace it rather than wage a war with it.

Q’uo January 20, 1991

You see, to the Creator you are never guilty; you are never unaccepted. To the Creator, you are always in a paradise, but each of you is in an illusion which decries the apparent inaccuracy of our previous statement, and it is only by faith that you may securely feel that love, that acceptance, that forgiveness, and that support. It is only by faith that you may continue standing when you feel that life has cut you off at the knees. It is only by faith that you can stay alive when you feel that your life is not worth the living. Feelings of despair are normal portions of the experience of humankind in third density. There is no negative feeling, passive or active, of which you are not fully capable, given the appropriate circumstances.

It is vitally important that you are able to see that, scattered as you may be in this illusion, there is within you a center, a core that is the very treasure of all that there is. Within you is a spark of love that, whether you wish it or not, unifies you, not within the illusion, for there you must struggle to learn, but within that underlying reality of your spiritual self.

Let us gaze one last time at the struggle of the self with self. Which portions of yourself do you not like? You may write these things down about yourself, or you may trick your conscious mind by attempting to write down those things which you like and dislike about an entity whom you truly, seriously, have arguments with, or dislike. When you write down those things which you are willing to give to that entity of goodness, and when you write down that entity’s faults with which you are so in a struggle, you will discover that you have written about yourself. This is a useful exercise for learning how each entity within the illusion of third density distorts the Love and the light that moves through the universe in a way unique to itself.

In hopes that you may truly love yourselves and one another with confidence and faith, we leave you in the kingdom of eternity into which this basic attitude delivers you. We thank you for the beauty of your vibrations and for the peace of your seeking. In its persistence and depth there is a beauty not often seen among your people, and we are humble before third-density pilgrims such as you who struggle and weep and survive to hope and have faith and love tomorrow. Move that tomorrow, my friends, into the present moment, and never let it go, and you shall be one, and all shall be well. And when you cannot do this, forgive yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself, for these are the tools with which you learn to love all that there is.

Every error and mistake as we perceive them to be is said to be a gift to the creator.
Q'uo The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 30 November 19, 1995

It is your challenge to find ways to open the heart to the present moment and the love therein. You shall fail according to your cruel judgment, again and again. We ask you to know deeply and surely that each mistake, each error, each missed opportunity, is a gift to the infinite One just as much as each moment when you judge yourselves to be, as this instrument would say, “on the beam/in the groove.” Clumsy or graceful, awkward or flowing, your spirit is utterly beloved.

Nothing needs forgiving as said here and therefore there is true forgiveness. Also of the gradual uncovering of truth and shadow.
Aaron The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 30 November 19, 1995

There was never anything to forgive, but from the human perspective you have practiced forgiveness. And that practice expands you out of the small ego self and into the heart we all share, into that place where there is no individuated self taken as real, but only the illusion of individuated self, as you are learning, too. Thus, you practice forgiveness not so much to forgive, although that is the idea within the relative mind, but to stretch the heart, to move out of your illusions of separation.

I would speak also to the strength to your aspiring. There is such pain in many of your hearts because you see this brilliant light of the Divine and you see the shadow in the self and feel, “I can never be worthy of that.” You then wish so badly to be rid of the shadow. This is a piece of every seeker’s path, that dark night of the soul. But when you pass through the dark night, you begin to see the truth of what Q’uo just said—that the shadows are seen only because of the inherent luminousness of your being. The brighter you shine, the starker are the shadows. Just let the light shine. Be the light and give kindness instead of contempt to this being who has agreed to also carry shadow.

Concepts of how there is temptation to judge those things which one sees of oneself when close to the light.
Q'uo Saturday Meditation January 10, 2009

There is no such thing as a mistake, because the results of that mistake will inevitably true themselves through time, bringing you onto the path you chose before incarnation by a series of serendipitous turns and twists. Consequently, you can rest from a concern that you can get off the track in a final or permanent way. The track goes with you and a homing sense within you shall steer you in whatever vector is necessary back toward your true and fundamental desire.

Consequently, we would encourage those who seek to become ever more full of light and more transparent to the will of the infinite One; to examine with love and not with judgment those moments of temptation, those time of listening to the insidious voice that would distract you and use up the energy of the day in doing those things which, upon thought, you may not prefer to do.

As you become more mature, spiritually speaking, and more seasoned, you shall feel again and again that you have done nothing but take a step back. But this, my friends, is due to the fact that as you stand closer to the light you see every blemish, every chink in the armor of light that lies within yourself. And that too is a great temptation. It is a temptation to move away from spontaneity and being present in the moment, to turn to self-judgment and self-recrimination because you see these self-perceived imperfections. And yet, this too is the shadow side of self, that insidious voice that takes you away from the straight path of being transparent to the light and open to the moment, so that you may cooperate with whatever is occurring, whether it would seem to be a positive experience or a negative one.

Self judgment/self disappointment and the gifts given unto the one.
Q'uo The Aaron/Q’uo Dialogues, Session 28 November 18, 1995

That core being the establishment of a truly peaceful and non-judgmental attitude with regard to the self in all of its human vagaries. We have encouraged you to have mercy on yourselves and to allow healing, to touch the jagged edges of the wounds that the self’s reaction to catalyst have caused. But how to do that? We are not speaking of releasing the self from the processes of self-determined ethics. We do not discourage the seeker from creating personal standards or from attempting with a whole heart to fulfill and honor these ethical commitments; but rather, our concern is that the sense of self not be diminished in the self’s regard by the straying from the subjective structure of perceived righteousness or justice.

This work is important to the emerging metaphysical being. To enter into these processes with healing is for many difficult due to the self’s disappointment with itself. We might suggest as a tool to be used in moments of self-judgment, the visualizing of a scene upon the stage of consciousness in which the Creator’s hand is downstretched, open, palm upward—that hand being as tall as you, you being just able to reach into the palm to give to this outstretched hand of love the gifts of your humanity; for we assure you that the Creator finds these gifts precious. Here is the thing not done. Here is the thing done in error, omissions and commissions that you perceive as erroneous. Give them up. One by one let them tumble into that palm, one upon the other. Here, envy and pride … all the sorry gifts of the undisciplined self.

Now look upon these bits of colored stone that are the form of these metaphysical gifts. To you, when you gave them, they were gray, ugly, broken pieces of self, fit only for the trash. Look now and see the beautiful colors of these shards of a life broken as they gleam and shine—blessed, accepted, and transfigured by the love of the infinite One. These are gifts indeed.

Ra The Law of One, Book I, Session 1, January 15, 1981

In an infinite Creator there is only unity. You have seen simple examples of unity. You have seen the prism which shows all colors stemming from the sunlight. This is a simplistic example of unity. In truth there is no right or wrong.

http://trailblazing.royalsociety.org/photos/1672SA2.jpg

There are even more sessions and excerpts which I haven't even began to list here. Some of these concepts include the desire of the infinite one for all experience and all distortions to be explored and all of the complex reasons for existence given by the teachers, how all catalyst comes from the divine source as gifts, the completeness of the creator which knows no bias, free will which is experience itself and that one original thought of unconditional love which is the creation seen and unseen in all of it's unity. Is there really need to be ashamed of the infinite one if it is all things paradoxically? Don't you see that the source through the prism is all of those higher colors including the lower colors? yet the source is the same as the spectrum of colors because these colored distortions are what gives the creator experience which was the first distortion. Like Hatonn said "Pure water has no taste"...

Will you smile, if you know you can be nothing but deity?

[LsavedSmeD]

Once again those quotes moved me. Such powerful words.

[Questioner]

Hi Lightseeker,

Your words convey a sense of depth and passion, with a courageous determination towards growth. I feel you were right to reach out for a loving hand of encouragement from a community of faith, even though you don't know just what to say or think right now.

Here is a quote I just discovered last week:

At some stage you must move on and place your focus on your bright future, and leave your sorrow and grief behind you.

(This was from a non-LLR channel that seems to be compatible with the Law of One teaching. The other quotes here give you plenty of specific passages from Ra and Q'uo.)

The way I feel about your post:

There is a part of you that feels a connection with a higher sense of purpose, of love, compassion, being aware and present and free of egotistic selfishness. Rest in that connection, ask whatever your higher powers are - God, your guides or angels, the greatest vision of your own power for good - how you can forgive yourself.

As the 12 step programs say, take your own inventory, and then be ready to make amends where this won't injure anyone (including yourself). Do what you can to be in a right, peaceful relationship with those who you love, as much as this is available.

If bridges seem to far burnt to cross back, let go with love and pray that the help you couldn't provide will be brought to those people through Heaven's mysterious ways.

And then lift up your eyes to the horizon that inspires you, and move forward into a more gracious and loving future you, building your better future with your choices right now. Pray and meditate for guidance about what misunderstandings led to your negative choices in the past. Discover the principles that, had you known and used them, would have protected you from the wrong turns. Then apply those principles today, and make your correct turns now.

[Gohava Sebi]

Don't worry about it. Just keep your head up and stay in the moment. Things like this are SUPPOSED to happen. How else would you learn if you did not fall down every once in a while? You are not meant to be a perfect person because that is impossible. You are here to learn like everyone else so it's okay to feel down. It's just a feeling to remind you of happiness.

[Light seeker]

Dears,

I really appreciate your attention and support. All your messages are full of empathy and compassion. Cyclops, thanks for taking the time to compile those precious quotes. You are all certainly beings of light and I feel your presence close to me.

I have to say that I’ve gone through the darkest night of the soul. But now here I am once again, a survivor of myself, and I’d like to share with you the outcome of my experience.

I really had a bad time. I was literally drowned in tears. I felt lost and confused, like a child, and as such I asked for help to our elder brothers. I pleaded for guidance to "my" guardian angel (I really saw the most angelical being of light in the sky when I was a child). Immediately something inside me turned and urged me to express my deep gratitude to The Father for these bitter hours and for all the previous experiences that had led to that moment.

Suddenly all those faces, those situations, those painful scenes from the past came to me asking for healing. All that old hurting and resentment came to the surface. I embraced all of them, knowing that at the time they were not opponents but just my masters, following their own path of seeking. Then I saw myself, and yes, there was so much to heal and forgive. I became aware of all the damage I have inflicted to myself, and the equally damaging effect that had on others. And then the process of reconciliation and forgiveness of myself began. In that new process for me I’m now, knowing that I’m just a child from the spiritual point of view, but a child of the Creator, after all.

Questioner, your sound quote certainly applies to me now. I hope to move on without all that grief and sorrow I have just left behind. And I hope to go on sharing my human path with you, my brothers.

Unity, LsaveSmeD, Josh, Aaron, Cyclops, Questioner, Gohava Sebi, thanks so much for being there. Blessings.

L/L

[Monica]

Light Seeker, we have all experienced this. Especially right now, as we near the Harvest, all of our shadow aspects are rising to the surface where they can be illuminated.

My suggestion is to remember to love and forgive yourself, as you integrate these darker aspects of yourself and heal and transmute them.

The concept of guilt is often misunderstood in New Age circles. In an effort to avoid guilt, remorse is often avoided as well. But remorse is healthy; whereas, guilt is unhealthy if it lingers past the point of reconciliation. Remorse has a purpose: to alert us to that which needs healing.

My suggestion is to allow yourself to feel that remorse, and, as unity100 suggested, take action to remedy the situation as best you can. It might not be possible to 'undo' those actions, but you can resolve to learn from them so they're not repeated in the future. As you are taking these actions, remember to forgive yourself, for only forgiveness breaks the cycle of karma. It's just as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others.

Blessings to you for your healing!

Edit: I wrote this before reading your update. Beautiful!

[Shemaya]

Lightseeker,

It's so good to hear you are moving forward from the pain you described. The loving beings on this forum are a wonderful support for that

It helped me also to have gratitude for my painful experiences as well. I often repeat the H'onopono prayer,

"Thank you,
I am sorry,
Please forgive me,
I love you."

Peace to you!