I think I have a problem...

[im_not_me]

Sometimes I get curious, and often it starts out of pure curiosity. Tonight it started with searching for uncensored pictures of the OJ Simpson murders, one thing led to another and I'm looking through over a hundred of pages at best gore, this has happened before when I searched for Kurt Cobain's, and other times I've searched for police body cams out of the blue. I peer into these brutal scenes with complete sorrow. Why do I do this? Do I have a problem?

edit: I'm serious, I would like some help, is it a bad thing to entertain this curiosity? I feel awful for each victim of the carnage. I don't think anyone deserves to be killed, ever. Even killers deserve the appropriate healing. I'm not saying there shouldn't be justice, I think it's perfectly fine to prevent future crimes, and the whole topic of punishment is for another thread, I want to know if what I'm doing is wrong, a problem?

[earth_spirit]

-----

[ada]

I am probably not the correct person to help you with such, however I can still share an opinion.
Defining if you have a problem can differ by whom you ask and by what rules they follow.
The universe does not recognize rules. All of creation is one, therefore there is no right or wrong.

I too have been to dark web, I saw the most sickening and unbelievable nature of the human kind. People who wish upon nothing but their satisfactory as others suffer with pain.
Every step I have taken so far no matter how bad/wrong it seems to society was actually right/good for me to reach peace.

Do what you must to reach your own peace.

[BlatzAdict]

Perhaps it is to remind yourself of the painful feelings associated with heights of intense passion and I don't mean of the sexual kind I mean like domestic abuse or conflict of that nature.

But like attracts like, if that is all you expect then that is what you find. takes faith to believe that you will at least come across some decent people.

i used to have similar thoughts but i had to decide for myself is this what i want to feed my attention to? Is this what I want to manifest? Then making the conscious decision and sticking with it.

I suppose that goes with the tarot and the great way and having the two polarities beside you and increasingly, you have to make the choice, there is no not making a choice.

The way the system... or illusion of reality is designed is to push you forward in this loop. Learn the loop, try it out, make your choices, find those choices tested and tested.

Feel your spirit honed to a fine sharp sword. Tap the dust off of your shoulders. While whatever challenges you may of had seemed impossible, there was always a conclusion whether it was successful or not. Whether or not we are conscious of it, we are being pulled down the great way of polarization. And you ultimately have to choose to move forward.

More assistance of course is provided to the polarizations of service to others.

[Jade]

So, your initial impetus was curiosity, but then after looking at the pictures for a while your feelings turn to sadness/discomfort for the victims?

Ideally in this situation, if you wanted to sate your curiosity, the "highest STO" output of the action would be then to send love/light to the victims and the aggressors, recognizing their reality as Creators so hopefully in their next incarnation they don't make the same "mistakes". If it makes you feel bad to look at them, then the overall net gain is not positive, because you are contributing more bad feelings to the situation.

The other advice in the thread is equally good. Of course there is no right or wrong. But there is eternally a "better" way, and as long as we search for that, we'll always find it. You can use this catalyst in a positive way, for sure - the actions you are taking are not negative!! Just the consequences are (you feeling bad). If you can find a place of balance where you can look on such distressing pictures of gore with love, then you have achieved what I would guess you initially set out to do when you started looking at the pictures - to try to "erase"/"alleviate" some of the negativity instead of adding to it.

[Night Owl]

I think you have a problem if you don't like how it makes you feel and continue to do so. Try doing something like contemplating the genius and wonderful creations of humans instead of their worst crimes and slauthers. See how it makes you feel and then make a choice as to what you feel like doing again. I can totally understand curiosity. I think it is the driving force behind me being who I am. But I'd prefer contemplate the best of mankind rather than the worst. There is so much good to look out for. Music, films, architecture, books, pretty people, pretty cars, pretty nature, pretty drugs.... whatever can make your curiosity flow in a positive way. I think you wondering about it is already a sign that you don't like what you see. How about looking at things you would like to see?

[im_not_me]

Great responses. Glad to see I am not alone in this curiousity. My my, my curiosity has taken me alot of strange places in this little life. Prior to this thread I felt the only harm that what would become of it was that I was making this a reality - my reality - and I certainly don't want to cause anything similar to manifest.

Thank you earth_spirit & papercut for reminding me I'm not alone in this, you're both absolutely correct, whether or not it's right or wrong I should work for peace. That goes without saying no matter whatever what kind of polarization I chose. I respect both negative and positive entities equally because they are only doing what makes them feel at peace, in the end.

Blatz I like what you said about the loop. I know I want to harvest as positive, because I have memories of being in a STO SMC and going out and being of service. It's effected me all my life. I have always wanted to share my good times with everyone. It's like I'm a vampire that feeds on seeing other people happy too. I'm glad I've made this post, the line was starting to blur. Now that I've read your delightful responses and written my own I feel better about myself and more focused on my intentions and attentions.

Jade thank you for offering advice on how I could use this as a catalyst, I honestly did not realize by having a negative emotional response I would be doing no good. I will try undoing the little damages by doing this again tonight except with intent of taking my time and sending love and light, then I will do my best to never fuel this curiousity in mind. I will do best in the future to stay reminded that I need to retain a positive response for everything, not just for my own sake, but others' too - because it's a shared illusion.

And matrix, I like that you mention that, I've been practicing recognising the creator in people when I see them doing impressive arts, it feels great and comes along naturally now. When art or genius invokes a positive emotion in me I feel blessed to be able to appreciate being incarnate in 3rd density so well. Somethings I'd like to see? Hmm, I think right now the things I look around for most often are signs of the harvest. I've been experimenting to see how well telepathy is coming along. I find that emotional telepathy is growing overwhelming stronger and stronger. I see signs of more coherent linguistic telepathy coming along too. One experiment which was simple to try was using a deck of cards with my partner and we visualise and repeat in our minds the cards identity and guess it. This works with a normal deck of cards and is also challenging yet wonderful art to practice with tarot, it can get interesting when you intentionally dismiss the cards appearance and in turn think about the cards archetype and try to guess. Another area I pay close attention to is how well can people peirce the veil and recover glimpses of their spacial memory. From what I've seen there is also a significant growth in dual activated bodies.

[Night Owl]

There is already enough of our incarnations focused on the bad sides of things. You don't need to be one of them. You can feel and be the glory of the universe instead. How does that sound?

[im_not_me]

There is already enough of our incarnations focused on the bad sides of things. You don't need to be one of them. You can feel and be the glory of the universe instead. How does that sound?

[AnthroHeart]

There is already enough of our incarnations focused on the bad sides of things. You don't need to be one of them. You can feel and be the glory of the universe instead. How does that sound?

Sounds wonderful. I like to believe that the best is yet to come.

[Night Owl]

It is my friend. This spining ball is ever complexifying it's magnificience in every way possible. Even the negative ones. Each day a new song is composed that testify of the new level of glory reached by the creator. Meanwhile a serial killer will find a way to spread it's negativity like no one ever did before. They are in constant balance. Nevertheless, this experience is in a constant upward spiral towards glory and magnificience.

[Aion]

Well, I mean I think it's normal to be somewhat fascinated (or terrified on the other end of the spectrum) with the results of violence and the way it can dismantle the body. I think there is some degree of empathy that can come in to play when you realize that you are made of the same fleshy substance as those you are viewing. Perhaps it is a way some people come to terms with their own mortality, and the mortality of others.

[im_not_me]

Well, I mean I think it's normal to be somewhat fascinated (or terrified on the other end of the spectrum) with the results of violence and the way it can dismantle the body. I think there is some degree of empathy that can come in to play when you realize that you are made of the same fleshy substance as those you are viewing. Perhaps it is a way some people come to terms with their own mortality, and the mortality of others.

Exactly. You get it.

[Aion]

If you would care to you can try an exercise where each destroyed individual or creature you are viewing is made whole and perfect again (by visualization of it healing or transforming), which could be seen as a way to offer support to that intelligence but also as a way to balance the perception of the mortality of the body in your mind with the immortality of the spirit. Thus, see that for each broken body there is a pure spirit.

[im_not_me]

If you would care to you can try an exercise where each destroyed individual or creature you are viewing is made whole and perfect again (by visualization of it healing or transforming), which could be seen as a way to offer support to that intelligence but also as a way to balance the perception of the mortality of the body in your mind with the immortality of the spirit. Thus, see that for each broken body there is a pure spirit.

That's a good idea, Aion. What I had begun to do at first was imagine what they felt during the moments they were freed, and try to visit that time/space and embrace the love/light with them. But your idea is good too, will implement that into it.