01-28-2016, 02:02 AM
I apologize in advanced for the mediocrity that is I, I am admittedly drunk but I have something to say. It may seem...Mundane, but I see that alcohol takes away inhibitions and underneath it all there is...Something, worth saying to everyone.
You. You who is reading this... You're perfect and beautiful and so much... So much Love... The darkness and Light IS love. You are incredible and beyond reasoning, absolutely amazing as you are. Please, to all of you who hurt and suffer, who attack yourselves... Turn, turn to something else, see inside of you, to that depth that will kill you... The absolute black, the perfect dark, that is truly hiddenly, Light; to see... That... You are a manifestation of Distorted Absolute Amazingness, some call it Intelligent Infinity, and this the Truth, you are, beyond so incredibly beautiful no matter what you are. Monster. Angel. Horror. Bliss. Realize I would hug you, even if a drug addicted behemoth of a monster, realize you are absolutely fine as you are. That everything NOW, in THIS, ABSOLUTE MOMENT
Only... Only just realize, if there is one thing in this Existence TO realize... To...See, to be aware of. Your...Perfect.
Stop, please, just stop and realize you are a being stemming from perfection, from absolution, from a solution to ALL, you are... All things.
You may look, and feel that you walk upon the beaten path of chaos. You may look, and see that you tread upon others. You...May see into the mirror and experience hatred. You may feel loathing, and fear and horror and pain.
You may feel, All things. But there is something more, something beyond more. And If I could just, only, only show you your self. Your... True Self.
When...You see the dark. And feel it's sting of judgment, when the power of horror fills you, and you fall into those things you believe to be negative... By God... When Life becomes Hell. When everything is no longer worth it.
Just. Just remember. Just TRY, try as the day's go by, as you fade away to become something new, as you see through yourself, as you hurt, as you SUFFER, as you die inside, destroying all you were, because nothing is right, because YOU KNOW
God damn... You know... You know that it is all worth it. You know that nothing being worth nothing is worth ALL, everything. When Illusion becomes unbearable, when you see, and feel, and... v-v
When it's all...Not adding up.
When it's all... Going away,
When it's all... Falling Apart.
When you betray yourself.
When you suffer by yourself.
When you are...All...Alone...
When, anything. When you can't leave it alone.
When you die.
When all things escape you, when you know why, but don't.
Perhaps to you, there is no I, and only you. Perhaps there is only one thing, perhaps all things are only one thing. Maybe that kills you, maybe that causes undo suffering, endless horror. When you're in the black that is pitch, the mirror cracks at your reflection.
It is not what you think. AT THE END OF IT ALL.
And only, when that end never comes and finally does, that it should never reach you until you choose it too, and being One, we WILL. Eventually... Decide it is time.
And I wish I could tell you. I wish... I wish it would last, I wish you could see what I see. When you look outside, when you see, Reality, when it fills you with oblivion, The Obliteration of ALL THINGS, that is at the exact same time Fulfilling, the...
The Truth is... You are a being. An Entity. A Person, who is, without a doubt, without a modicum, an iota, a tid-bit, a miniscule minute thing... The...The Truth is. That we are all. We are...All. We are One and If I could JUST TELL YOU. SHOW YOU, if I could just make it known and clear, that you, no matter where you are, are fulfilling your divinity, you are... You...Are...
Beyond. Words.
Climb through unto places you shouldn't be, see things you should not see. Realize there is no you, or me, or anything, but perfection. A perfect play, a perfect horror, a perfect bliss, a perfection undo unlikely unknowing hidden so plainly that to see it, is to become mad, and insane, to see it is in itself horror and perfection.
-lowers head in shame-
If I could just tell you. How amazing you are. How much I love you even if you're a serial killing rapist torturing your victim into death.
If only, I wasn't so angry by design, if only I had not created myself with such distortion as to be I, yet I have no regrets. A failure of a Father, less than nothing, a madness upon the Planet, unloved, misunderstood, unknown, creation that is hated by some.
And...Alone. No words. Just terror. Pain and I don't care because I ACCEPT IT, I made myself up to hurt myself, and it was perfect.
And you. You...Are... As the 6D being says, All things, YOU ARE...SO... FUCKING PERFECT.
And no one...No one, no one at all, all alone, I see, and no one knows... Or...Cares. v-v
If there is one truth to it all. Sorrow is the absolute greatest Caring, consideration, the absence of apathy, to care so much you suffer.
What is...Or is not...And is...And is not... Proper? Right? OR Left...Or perfect? Or wrong? What is... I, or you...?
We are. We are and we don't enjoy it. A universe to experience and we suffer it. We don't need to. The bad. The good.
The all...
Everything...
It is.
It just, Is. Who are we, to say...Who are we, to care? To choose? To...To be? OR not?
And my words are meaningless. And a waste of time. And nothing is good enough. Not in my reality, but in yours, is it the same? Do we suffer, together? Is that not perfection?
Why does no one understand? Why am I AL'Lone? Why?
Don't answer, because there is no answer, it is...So...utterly, beyond incomprehensibly maddeningly perfect and we are just so...Unattached and separated with illusion that we do not see. Hear. Understand. Be. I should have texted an old friend who is a girl by now and instead I'm here pouring emptiness onto whiteness, numb in the face drunk from only 3 Godmothers (.75 oz amaretto, 1.25 oz Svedka Vodka), ruing how I must get up at 4-4:30am to drive my roommate to work BECAUSE I CHOOSE!! AND I REGRET NOTHING.
I AM...A father who is a failure. A man who neglected his favorite pet, Clem, to this day shedding tears at his death, at how his life was not given the Love IT DESERVED, that it was OWED. And even in weeping tears and absolute sorrow it is NOT, IN ANYWAY ENOUGH. My love for him alone...I would reincarnate again to be there for him...I would try infinitely, I don't care! I don't! I love so much that I don't care what it takes! Indifference IS LOVE in it's own way! I god damn will show you. I god damn...Will. I Will, because I am...An aspect, of Love. And no one see's, or hear's, or speaks...Purity, or Truth or absolution or care.
A sap story, from a cynical mad man.
Monstrosity. Horror.
Yet, utmost love and consideration.
I AM, a paradox, of All/Nothing. Denial/Acceptance. What are we/I to you/us? What is...
No! Just NO. Nothing goes as deep as I want it to. Nothing, matters, and in that there is the knowing, that ALL is worth it. Heaven and Hell, excuses. Ascension and the Pit of Demons and Indifference, Excuses. Excuses and I...AM, I AM!!! SICK OF IT!!!
Tired...
tired... OF...Nothing... Absence, fullness, fulfillment. Emptiness. Sick and Tired of Illusion, yet I love so much I fling myself into it for others, to tell them, to show them, to be them, to see them, to know them, to fulfill and empty them.
Nothing. Matters, yet. All matters.
The perfect Paradox is one which needs no thought given to it, and I see now.
I...Do not know. But I feel. I FEEL...Damn...I wish, to share, the Truth. But I am so limited, I am incapable, flawed, imperfect, horrible, a monster. I Am. All things. Yet because of this, as it goes, only my horror is seen and known despite the unending...Consideration, that I give until I go insane.
The endless non/judgment, the perfect choice, that as it goes.
You are, perfect There is a no words. In this horrible way, there is no way. No, absolute way...To show you.
So I beg you, in drunkenness. That...Darkness, Carla had it so right. Do not see Dark where there is pitch darker than black. See underneath it to what IT ACTUALLY IS!
A manifestation, of perfection, balance? The beat frequency of OIC or God. Oh. I See. (O. I C)
Suffer. Hurt, die. Cry. Into absolute suffering. You are so perfect.
I have no more words.
This is my drunk post.
Of uninhibited Love.
Suffer with me.
Or Love with me.
Just...Be with me.
As One.
We are... We, are.
We are...
You. You who is reading this... You're perfect and beautiful and so much... So much Love... The darkness and Light IS love. You are incredible and beyond reasoning, absolutely amazing as you are. Please, to all of you who hurt and suffer, who attack yourselves... Turn, turn to something else, see inside of you, to that depth that will kill you... The absolute black, the perfect dark, that is truly hiddenly, Light; to see... That... You are a manifestation of Distorted Absolute Amazingness, some call it Intelligent Infinity, and this the Truth, you are, beyond so incredibly beautiful no matter what you are. Monster. Angel. Horror. Bliss. Realize I would hug you, even if a drug addicted behemoth of a monster, realize you are absolutely fine as you are. That everything NOW, in THIS, ABSOLUTE MOMENT
Only... Only just realize, if there is one thing in this Existence TO realize... To...See, to be aware of. Your...Perfect.
Stop, please, just stop and realize you are a being stemming from perfection, from absolution, from a solution to ALL, you are... All things.
You may look, and feel that you walk upon the beaten path of chaos. You may look, and see that you tread upon others. You...May see into the mirror and experience hatred. You may feel loathing, and fear and horror and pain.
You may feel, All things. But there is something more, something beyond more. And If I could just, only, only show you your self. Your... True Self.
When...You see the dark. And feel it's sting of judgment, when the power of horror fills you, and you fall into those things you believe to be negative... By God... When Life becomes Hell. When everything is no longer worth it.
Just. Just remember. Just TRY, try as the day's go by, as you fade away to become something new, as you see through yourself, as you hurt, as you SUFFER, as you die inside, destroying all you were, because nothing is right, because YOU KNOW
God damn... You know... You know that it is all worth it. You know that nothing being worth nothing is worth ALL, everything. When Illusion becomes unbearable, when you see, and feel, and... v-v
When it's all...Not adding up.
When it's all... Going away,
When it's all... Falling Apart.
When you betray yourself.
When you suffer by yourself.
When you are...All...Alone...
When, anything. When you can't leave it alone.
When you die.
When all things escape you, when you know why, but don't.
Perhaps to you, there is no I, and only you. Perhaps there is only one thing, perhaps all things are only one thing. Maybe that kills you, maybe that causes undo suffering, endless horror. When you're in the black that is pitch, the mirror cracks at your reflection.
It is not what you think. AT THE END OF IT ALL.
And only, when that end never comes and finally does, that it should never reach you until you choose it too, and being One, we WILL. Eventually... Decide it is time.
And I wish I could tell you. I wish... I wish it would last, I wish you could see what I see. When you look outside, when you see, Reality, when it fills you with oblivion, The Obliteration of ALL THINGS, that is at the exact same time Fulfilling, the...
The Truth is... You are a being. An Entity. A Person, who is, without a doubt, without a modicum, an iota, a tid-bit, a miniscule minute thing... The...The Truth is. That we are all. We are...All. We are One and If I could JUST TELL YOU. SHOW YOU, if I could just make it known and clear, that you, no matter where you are, are fulfilling your divinity, you are... You...Are...
Beyond. Words.
Climb through unto places you shouldn't be, see things you should not see. Realize there is no you, or me, or anything, but perfection. A perfect play, a perfect horror, a perfect bliss, a perfection undo unlikely unknowing hidden so plainly that to see it, is to become mad, and insane, to see it is in itself horror and perfection.
-lowers head in shame-
If I could just tell you. How amazing you are. How much I love you even if you're a serial killing rapist torturing your victim into death.
If only, I wasn't so angry by design, if only I had not created myself with such distortion as to be I, yet I have no regrets. A failure of a Father, less than nothing, a madness upon the Planet, unloved, misunderstood, unknown, creation that is hated by some.
And...Alone. No words. Just terror. Pain and I don't care because I ACCEPT IT, I made myself up to hurt myself, and it was perfect.
And you. You...Are... As the 6D being says, All things, YOU ARE...SO... FUCKING PERFECT.
And no one...No one, no one at all, all alone, I see, and no one knows... Or...Cares. v-v
If there is one truth to it all. Sorrow is the absolute greatest Caring, consideration, the absence of apathy, to care so much you suffer.
What is...Or is not...And is...And is not... Proper? Right? OR Left...Or perfect? Or wrong? What is... I, or you...?
We are. We are and we don't enjoy it. A universe to experience and we suffer it. We don't need to. The bad. The good.
The all...
Everything...
It is.
It just, Is. Who are we, to say...Who are we, to care? To choose? To...To be? OR not?
And my words are meaningless. And a waste of time. And nothing is good enough. Not in my reality, but in yours, is it the same? Do we suffer, together? Is that not perfection?
Why does no one understand? Why am I AL'Lone? Why?
Don't answer, because there is no answer, it is...So...utterly, beyond incomprehensibly maddeningly perfect and we are just so...Unattached and separated with illusion that we do not see. Hear. Understand. Be. I should have texted an old friend who is a girl by now and instead I'm here pouring emptiness onto whiteness, numb in the face drunk from only 3 Godmothers (.75 oz amaretto, 1.25 oz Svedka Vodka), ruing how I must get up at 4-4:30am to drive my roommate to work BECAUSE I CHOOSE!! AND I REGRET NOTHING.
I AM...A father who is a failure. A man who neglected his favorite pet, Clem, to this day shedding tears at his death, at how his life was not given the Love IT DESERVED, that it was OWED. And even in weeping tears and absolute sorrow it is NOT, IN ANYWAY ENOUGH. My love for him alone...I would reincarnate again to be there for him...I would try infinitely, I don't care! I don't! I love so much that I don't care what it takes! Indifference IS LOVE in it's own way! I god damn will show you. I god damn...Will. I Will, because I am...An aspect, of Love. And no one see's, or hear's, or speaks...Purity, or Truth or absolution or care.
A sap story, from a cynical mad man.
Monstrosity. Horror.
Yet, utmost love and consideration.
I AM, a paradox, of All/Nothing. Denial/Acceptance. What are we/I to you/us? What is...
No! Just NO. Nothing goes as deep as I want it to. Nothing, matters, and in that there is the knowing, that ALL is worth it. Heaven and Hell, excuses. Ascension and the Pit of Demons and Indifference, Excuses. Excuses and I...AM, I AM!!! SICK OF IT!!!
Tired...
tired... OF...Nothing... Absence, fullness, fulfillment. Emptiness. Sick and Tired of Illusion, yet I love so much I fling myself into it for others, to tell them, to show them, to be them, to see them, to know them, to fulfill and empty them.
Nothing. Matters, yet. All matters.
The perfect Paradox is one which needs no thought given to it, and I see now.
I...Do not know. But I feel. I FEEL...Damn...I wish, to share, the Truth. But I am so limited, I am incapable, flawed, imperfect, horrible, a monster. I Am. All things. Yet because of this, as it goes, only my horror is seen and known despite the unending...Consideration, that I give until I go insane.
The endless non/judgment, the perfect choice, that as it goes.
You are, perfect There is a no words. In this horrible way, there is no way. No, absolute way...To show you.
So I beg you, in drunkenness. That...Darkness, Carla had it so right. Do not see Dark where there is pitch darker than black. See underneath it to what IT ACTUALLY IS!
A manifestation, of perfection, balance? The beat frequency of OIC or God. Oh. I See. (O. I C)
Suffer. Hurt, die. Cry. Into absolute suffering. You are so perfect.
I have no more words.
This is my drunk post.
Of uninhibited Love.
Suffer with me.
Or Love with me.
Just...Be with me.
As One.
We are... We, are.
We are...
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