Uncertrain

[lily]

Hello! Glad I found this community! I meditated today for the first time in a very long time but experienced something I am not certain I ever have. I have only used meditation to relax in the past and when anything seemed strange I ignored it or stopped meditating for a while. Today, I felt as though my body was being magnetically pulled upwards, specifically my head and mid torso. While feeling as if though I was fighting it, my perspective shifted to view myself more outwardly very closely from my right side. I could hear muffled speech and slight visions of loved ones who have passed rotating through the foreground and background of my mind. Then the view completely shifted as if though I was looking at myself from the back yet over my side. I saw myself scream with no sound, stop, then scream again starting silent then a small scream came out. Suring the entire experience I never really lost sense of where I was or what existed in my surrounding but shortly after the mild scream I came to reality if that makes sense. I am only familiar with spiritual development through a few books and articles. I do not know what this experience means or what to do. I am a bit uncertain about continuing my meditation until I can understand a little better what I am getting into. Does anyone have some advise or similar experience?

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Came to reality.  Sounds familiar to me...

I'd say you're experiencing your own shadow self.  Nothing to be scared of, an openmind and lack of fear might be of great benefit sometimes since this world and its societies can twist you up good inside into what looks like scary things, and which may even be scary things, but ultimately not dangerous or ominous things.

Meditation can allow your higher self to give you some interesting experiences that'll hopefully (maybe usually) lead to a desired future.  Sometimes they're wonky, or weird, sometimes crude or inappropriate.  Some people here call bad experiences greetings, I think its all the same in a positive sense.  Bad is positive inversed basically.  Its ultimately happened and thus meant to.

Try asking the Universe and your Guides and maybe the Ascended Masters to protect you in meditation, and try to seek a facet of yourself related to your meditation desires at some point to start looking into A) Who you are Yourself truly, B) and to get an idea of where to start looking into why you're here. C) Also because trying to communicate with your higher self is naturally safe and protected by your own being, plus many others both Guide, Ascended Masters and maybe more.

Or you could say Angels, I think they're all related or answer similar calls.

Just don't freak out, you're safe and sound inside your own mind's silence.  No need to worry!

All of those things are our societal standards of what is what, when we limit ourselves to fit those standards we automatically push down aspects of ourselves where they begin to cause distortion in ourselves causing distortion externally of us.  Sometimes in our health which leads to further catalyst.

Do not fear your darkness, you and it are the same being.  Just realize when you look into it, it is also looking into you.  If you meditate to darkness in mind (not the same as just emptying the mind) sometimes your shadow self will just intuit to you valuable explanations as to why you are who you are today.  She's probably a 'bad' person, but when you love yourself, she'll love you, especially if you accept her.

My shadow self is a similar sort of experience without the actual experiences, but a similar series of mental thoughts in a meditation of my shadow self brought similar sights to mind.  Past away loved ones, overlooking self (I saw myself looking through me), a sort of silent then apparent fear or horror. Then anxiety and doubt and uncertainty.  Sometimes our minds can magnify the experience if we allow it to become very personal or emotional.  That's what being openminded and remembering you're safe is beneficial to figuring out these experiences.

The first time I ever had an external occurrence in a meditation was when I was 16 and was laying down meditating midday for 2 hours.  I heard a vibrating resonant female voice say 'No Repair' clearly in my mind and to this day I have no idea what that means in any context to anything.

Meditation can be mysterious.

[Minyatur]

I get the magnetic pull of torso and head, usually feels like I'm receiving energy so by not fighting it you let it in. Always make interesting meditation sessions. That happened to me yesterday, but it never turned out into something scary.

[AnthroHeart]

You are your YOUniverse. You fill it completely. So what is there to discover but more of yourself. - Bashar

[Jade]

When one meditates for the first time after a long time, as you mentioned, there is a lot of subconscious build up that needs to be processed. What you describe sounds almost like a bad dream - or at least one where it was too intense to process what was happening. If possible, try to make meditation as regular as you can (every day) and your subconscious will become more adept at processing and communicating in this state.

[lily]

Thanks! I just want to add that the experience was not necessarily a bad or scary one. Just different from what I had expected to gain through the meditation. You have all helped me to gain new insight on how to approach this and I look forward to continuing this journey. The way many different areas of my life have started to realign show me I am on the right path. Once again, I am so happy to have found this site. Please feel free to continue to share and guide on this forum and I will share and update as I explore, also.

[lily]

I do think the military service is probably very applicable to how you feel - being taught and told that your body no longer belongs to you is hard to get over. But you are sovereign, your body does belong to you, and the energy you use does, too. So I'd say this is definitely orange ray in nature but also affected by yellow-ray blockages after having been told that you belong to the country to be used, so to speak. I'm not sure what exactly they -say- to you but I don't think it's in any uncertain terms that your body is no longer yours to make decisions about.

This seems quite accurate to me. The experience I mentioned in my uncertain forum actually dealt with yellow blockage. There is a lot that comes with military experience that change a person on the inside. Which in part can explain my encounter with my shadow self. I think that is partially what I feel in regards to an aversion to physical touch. As in, the parts of me that are so human, the very parts I do not like similar to what The_Tired_Philospher spoke of when he said, "And I still am, not for lack of trying but people... People hurt me. Their ugly attitudes, their pithy excuses to mistreat others. Their gross demeanors. Their theft and madness and cruelty."

It is that very energy that is real and within me that merges when people get too close. In addition to what would be left of the positive that I tirelessly attempt to hold on to drains effortlessly into another's pitiful esteem. Honestly, I feel more blockage in the green lately and nothing is seen but a feather. This just becomes so frustrating.

Just thought I would share this in this forum. Idk who reads what or anything but I feel like I am missing something and the input on here helps so thanks.

[Karl]

Cool stuff. Sounds like you're about to make a dramatic shift.