Unfeeling

[Questioner]

Peregrinus, with a layman's detailed study of psychology, I think you're completely safe to conclude you're not a psychopath. I see that absence of compassion saddens you, whether you see it in the masses or in yourself. In my opinion that is very clearly a non-psychopathic reaction on your part.

Your excerpt about Stoic philosophy sure has some parallels with the Law of One material. I didn't realize that you had so recently discovered this material. Are you going through the Ra books?

Thank you for the Pineal work explanation. Those all look like healthy habits that would be helpful for me as well. I'm already doing some of them. If there is not already a thread here about caffeine, I might start one some time.

As for Spock, remember the character was supposed to be have had one human and one Vulcan parent. He had an internal effort to utterly suppress the human emotions, which came to the surface anyway in ways Spock found unwelcome. Throughout all versions of Star Trek, purebred Vulcans were more consistently logical and emotion-free. To relate this to the Wanderer concept from the Law of One, maybe between your Wanderer and human spiritual pedigrees, one is more emotional, and other has been mostly effective in shutting down those emotions.

Love, to me is ensuring the happiness of others, and giving all I can to ensure that.

The bigger questions, then, include: What is happiness? How is it found? Can we ever actually ensure or block the happiness of another person? If happiness is getting what you want, can someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want really be happy?

---

My latest Chakra test. It appears I am gaining in balancing, though my orange ray is still weak, and how do I throttle back my third eye? I think my head is going to explode from the pressure of it.

From the Ra books and other sources, I see these associations with orange ray:

The integration of apparently disparate, inert materials into an integrated organism, as with single-celled organisms who imbue the elements with the emergent synergetic properties of life.

Within the individual, the lumbar plexus, distribution of nerves involved in voluntary motion of the lower trunk, groin and upper legs: where we pivot, take a stand or choose the direction we walk in, being outgoing without suffering a stiff back from a fixed position, free of undeserved guilt that would make us freeze.

Within humanity, expression of individual, personal power, through movement and growth of the individual. In a positive sense, respecting the personal power of others. In a negative sense, denying the rights of others to have their own personal freedom.

The power of teamwork, as in team sports or mass transportation - again, walking or kicking.

Emotions and happiness (you're definitely working very hard on this one)

Connection to physical self-care and self-expression activities including water, food, sexuality and parenthood. If imbalanced, potential problems with lungs, kidneys, low thyroid, depression. Applying usage of water, correct bladder function and centered calm in the sense of martial artists who are free to pivot in any direction as circumstances change. (Bruce Lee is awesome to watch at this.)

"The orange-ray body is the physical body complex. This body complex is still not the body you inhabit but rather the body formed without self-awareness, the body in the womb before the spirit/mind complex enters. This body may live without the inhabitation of the mind and spirit complexes. However, it seldom does so." - Ra, Session 47

Healthy self-esteem and goal-driven expression that promotes one's own growth. Joy, pleasure, sociability.

The third eye chakra is associated with the pineal gland, ESP/psychic phenomena, meditation, spirituality, intuition, and physically, blood flow to brain, eyes and head.

Is there a chance that you've been pursuing spiritual enlightenment at the cost of not being grounded in the physical world, where you need to walk around in this life?

[Peregrinus]

Your excerpt about Stoic philosophy sure has some parallels with the Law of One material. I didn't realize that you had so recently discovered this material. Are you going through the Ra books?

The stoic materials I found on Wiki. Yes, I just found the LOO recently, drawn as though the moth to a series of lights, which ultimately led to the LOO. I am currently on session 89, reading two to three sessions per night before bed. I have just found out and have actual joy/elation in the fact that conversation/channelling still goes on via Q'uo. I still have so much to read, yet the materials are like a mirror of what I already understand/know. I also have many questions, but will not compile them as such until I have read all materials, so as to ensure the channelling time is not of waste, if my questions are to be given consideration of the asking.

Thank you for the Pineal work explanation. Those all look like healthy habits that would be helpful for me as well. I'm already doing some of them. If there is not already a thread here about caffeine, I might start one some time.

Caffeine? Please, do put this post together, with haste. I would enjoy to learn of what you can consider or show to be negative effects of such and one what body system(s) the effects correspond to. I drink coffee, though lately have been drinking some tea, and having worked in China, did drink tea there for a couple years, though I have always enjoyed caffeine... which is the reason I drink coffee.

To relate this to the Wanderer concept from the Law of One, maybe between your Wanderer and human spiritual pedigrees, one is more emotional, and other has been mostly effective in shutting down those emotions.

I am unsure as to whether my limitations of emotion are the result of incarnate adaptations, or of pre-incarnate programming, however, either way, I see my heart chakra is open and functioning, irregardless of how I "think" I feel. As long as a balance can be obtained, that is satisfactory to me. I think my trying to open my orange has resulted in increased green ray activity, though how and why that is the result I am unsure. I have come to the realization that whatever is blocking orange ray activation is my final hurdle to balance.

The bigger questions, then, include: What is happiness? How is it found? Can we ever actually ensure or block the happiness of another person? If happiness is getting what you want, can someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want really be happy?

I see happiness, just as I see sadness, or indifference, in the eyes. The eyes never lie. Of course, one cannot ensure another's happiness, but one can place happiness in front of them and allow them the choice.

From the Ra books and other sources, I see these associations with orange ray:

The integration of apparently disparate, inert materials into an integrated organism, as with single-celled organisms who imbue the elements with the emergent synergetic properties of life.

Within the individual, the lumbar plexus, distribution of nerves involved in voluntary motion of the lower trunk, groin and upper legs: where we pivot, take a stand or choose the direction we walk in, being outgoing without suffering a stiff back from a fixed position, free of undeserved guilt that would make us freeze.

Within humanity, expression of individual, personal power, through movement and growth of the individual. In a positive sense, respecting the personal power of others. In a negative sense, denying the rights of others to have their own personal freedom.

The power of teamwork, as in team sports or mass transportation - again, walking or kicking.

Emotions and happiness (you're definitely working very hard on this one)

Connection to physical self-care and self-expression activities including water, food, sexuality and parenthood. If imbalanced, potential problems with lungs, kidneys, low thyroid, depression. Applying usage of water, correct bladder function and centered calm in the sense of martial artists who are free to pivot in any direction as circumstances change. (Bruce Lee is awesome to watch at this.)

Healthy self-esteem and goal-driven expression that promotes one's own growth. Joy, pleasure, sociability.

Thank you for these. Each one is another piece of the puzzle. I can garner something useful from each.

"The orange-ray body is the physical body complex. This body complex is still not the body you inhabit but rather the body formed without self-awareness, the body in the womb before the spirit/mind complex enters. This body may live without the inhabitation of the mind and spirit complexes. However, it seldom does so." - Ra, Session 47

In this case, I must pay more attention to the body? I have always had the innate ability to dissociate the mind from the body in order to remove myself from physical pain. Perhaps I must now do the opposite, and relearn to feel the blood flowing, the heart beating, the sensations; to get close to the bodily veil as it were.

The third eye chakra is associated with the pineal gland, ESP/psychic phenomena, meditation, spirituality, intuition, and physically, blood flow to brain, eyes and head.

Is there a chance that you've been pursuing spiritual enlightenment at the cost of not being grounded in the physical world, where you need to walk around in this life?

I have not been grounded to be sure. I am beginning to feel as though I hover and glide, not walk. I feel as though I inhabit half the spirit world and half the material world, but it is a place of elevated vibrational frequency, thus I am finding it difficult to want to go back to normalcy again. I am on a path which I must follow to the end, wherever it may lead. It is my time to do so.

[fairyfarmgirl]

Inherent in being a wanderer is having one foot on Earth and one foot in the Cosmos... it is an act of balance to be able to do so---- Spending time in nature at the base of a boulder and/or a tree over the age of 10 years will assist you in grounding. Notice the Earth... Sing her a Song from your HEART and grounding will occur naturally. Really be in the experience. Feel the sensations of Touch. Then listen and hear the sensations of Sound. Taste the air... the tree, the Earth... Smell the scent of the Tree and Forest and Earth... Look and See the Beauty around you. Notice the Colors and hues the play of light and shadow... Breathe it in... Breathe in the experience of Living deeply into your body... Feel the breathe go into your lungs and circulate through your body and out your feet.. Feel and Be present. This is a way to balance being here and there at the same time. It is not the only way... just simply a way.

--fairyfarmgirl

[Memorandem]

Hey Peregrinus. I was reading this part of the Cassiopaea stuff and thought it might pertain to you.

In short:

"A warrior loses compassion because he no longer feels self pity." - Don Juan

Feeling sorry about someone without taking action has no value; it is a wasted action and a waste of energy better used for other things.

So feeling sorry for another person is really only self pity, because you remember feeling their pain. Some people call this empathy but really it only amounts to pity.

Pain is caused by a real problem; pain can't be resolved through pity.

A warrior is a man of action; he brings his purpose to the hilt. If it doesn't make any real difference, it's not an action, simply a reaction. (actions add energy to a system; reactions simply rebound energy in some way, and some energy is always lost in a reaction - reactive systems die off)

What I think you're missing is something you're better off without. My experience is that most if not all of human emotional experience is just wishful thinking and logically erroneous trash that can be done without. It may give some tingly sensations and feel sort of like an LSD trip at times, but it is really just unhelpful and is just a manifestation of the flaws we've concatenated over our many thousands of lifetimes, and things which we would leave far behind with proper knowledge (I feel emotion only gets real after the 4th chakra activation and beyond; conventional emotion has never seemed realistic or authentic to me in any sense). I feel I started out here being of moderately high evolution, and then because of *pre-birth memory loss* I slowly declined as I was incredibly confused. That is my fault; you might aim to climb the highest mountain but if you just start climbing anywhere you'll get to a peak and not know whether it's really the highest one or not. Sometimes you have to come back down, learn a little more, and then try another peak. If you lose everything just in a simple matter of memory loss, then it should show what your knowledge and spiritual evolution at that point was really worth; ascension is not about getting to the highest peak, it's about doing well in everything without compromise, the best possible. A little is not enough. If you can't commit, then your life will end typically and be recycled as a "learning experience". I would like to avoid that, because I would be adding my current flaws to he random soup that gets transmitted to my next incarnation.

Here's what I was reading from.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/wave11c.htm

This is excellently written. This starts in the middle of the chapter; to get the whole scoop start at the beginning of chapter 11 from the index at the left of the page.

I'll quote more specifically:

Remember what I said at the beginning?

I had seemingly achieved a state of love and acceptance for all people, for all paths, for all who struggled in ignorance. ... I was, in a certain sense, in as bad a situation as I had been when the "voice" had told me that I must "learn" about evil. ... what I didn't know was just how subtle and torturous... deception could be and how it manifested on an individual, personal basis.

Now, what conclusions can we draw from all of this?

I have recently asked several friends to have a look at this particular narrative in order to discover if their analyses of the events is anywhere similar to my own. I was very grateful at the clarity of their responses which are so astute I would like to quote them in part.

"C" writes:

What comes up for me is:
1. The hierarchy of the attack system may or may not be known consciously to the conduits, especially those at the lower rungs of the hierarchy.
2. Compromise can be fractional or great; attacks come through integrity breeches of the chosen relay, and spread by contagion or artifice through to any weak spot of the end person.
3. One can observe strings, little nagging ideas or "small faults" which can be explained away or overridden by other more positive or engaging attributes of the person in question. 4. On the other hand, "weirdnesses" or "personality quirks" are not necessarily indicators of contamination at all.
5. The obvious "love and light" fallacy brings up a point of interest for me personally, and this relates to 3 above. [i.e. Forgiveness.]

On the topic of forgiveness: this is something that can easily go on automatic, and appears to be a point where one can easily go blind to these little strings.

When one is faced with attack, one needs to be very clear on the dynamics of a situation, and where one has consciously or unconsciously overlooked/forgiven someone for some wrong or fault, it creates weakness in one's own integrity. And by integrity I am not limiting my definition to moral integrity--I mean this as more of a generic "wholeness."

When you go down the path of forgiveness, you also open up the realm of not-forgiveness. I think that the subject does warrant some new inspection/reworking of thoughts. I think that forgiveness going on as [an] automatic mental process is a Christian program. There is also the question of how can students truly forgive each other when every action/counteraction is part of lesson?

I'm not advocating the holding of a grudge either by this.

True forgiveness implies a canceling out of the other person's weak spot, an acknowledgment that the damage has been ended in the Forgiver.

Forgiveness can be viewed in a mundane way as a judgment (just as a refusal to forgive can be judgment). It does not guarantee that the underlying weakness in the forgiven person has now been addressed and resolved. It also implies to the forgiven one that the forgiver has resolved his own lesson. Are we as humans really qualified to do this?

Seemingly to me, in a similar way, when we make allowances for others' weak spots by reason of judging that their other good qualities "cancel out these weak spots," we agree to overlook, we can also close the door to receiving information about our own more unconscious aspects from our true friends. Integral to this type of scene of course would be the ability and means with which to make effective corrections and improvements. And of course each member would have the right and responsibility to maintain his/her own integrity. Any organization would be subject to contamination, and would be as strong as its weakest link.

Therefore, the individuals in the group would really have to be completely responsible as individuals for their participation in the group. Each of us has weak spots and points where we can be "used," just as others' weak spots can be used to wreak havoc on us. The question is to what length am I going to shore up my own weak spots and to assist others who are willing to do the same?

What are our strengths and our weaknesses? What do we nurture? What do we watch for in our own ranks? Are we willing to kindly give and receive help in this direction? What can we do to mutually assist in strengthening our union and each other? Seems there should be an astral immune system, parallel to a physical immune system. If there was such a system, I would expect that integrity would be a measure of the health of that system. Knowledge protects, not forgiveness.

[There are] no guarantees that one won't get attacked, but one can minimize the duration or severity of the attack and adverse effects as one goes through life. "Forgiveness" can be a blinder to knowledge. ... I know also that I have swept correct original impressions under the rug of "forgiveness" and have regretted this later.

[In terms of Forgiveness and Love and Light] the forgiven party now "knows" he is not responsible, and if it ends there without further inspection, the source can use the same or similar modes for future feeding.

To the degree that the target of attack employs a simple "turning of the other cheek," he is marked for further attack, for as long as his energy can be siphoned off.

On the other hand, if both the attacker and the attacked can honestly and openly inspect the mechanics of the attack, and be willing to take steps to repair the holes in the integrity of the relationship, there is a formidable strength. i.e., turning the petty tyrant around.

[In any relationship where such attack transpires] if a person can observe and realize on his own steam and without judgment or blame that he is being used in this way, there is hope. But no guarantee. ... One has to be able to also commit to knowing one's own limitations, be ready for other varied and sundry modes of attack and betrayal coming through the weaker party, and also take responsibility for his part in the other's evolution and growth - even if the correct next action is to withdraw for one's own sanity and so as to not disrupt the lesson of the other.

A very good analogy of what is described above was then given by another friend, "L," who wrote:

We all have on our "spiritual" armor, our shield and sword. I picture us standing in a line. The warrior standing next to you has to be outfitted in the same gear; you can't take off your breast plate and give it to the warrior next to you because he woke up late and forgot to bring his; your chance of getting pierced through the heart would be ten fold; nor could you be fighting with a warrior standing next to you that didn't do any training - he just decided to wake up and put on some armor that day.

In other words you have to be on equal footing [with those with whom you associate closely.]

But also like a warrior, you don't leave your injured behind and if you see them being attacked from all sides you charge in swinging your sword. These people are your comrades, they are closer than family at times of battle.

This reminds me of something I read in Carlos Castenada's books: don Juan said "A warrior loses compassion because he no longer feels self pity." In many ways this is true. I think of forgiveness as just a "letting go," knowing that some things have to happen in order to fulfill a lesson; that everyone has their role to play.

And that is the point: everyone has their "role" to play in the "lessons" we are all learning. And we can use these lessons to get better at who we are and what we do, or we can retreat into the cocoons of our belief systems, closing our eyes to the marvelous wonder of the universe and the great Cosmic Drama.

Yes, in a real sense we ARE all one, but we seem to be under a mandate to discover our true options, CHOOSE our role, and act it to the hilt, bringing down the house with applause and cascades of flowers when the final curtain comes down.

When the play is over and we all meet "backstage," we may clap each other on the back, shake each other's hands, and congratulate each other for a fine performance! But that is a different level. There seem to be many more acts in the play before we reach 7th density. And if we are NOT playing our part well, we can very likely be "pulled from the play" and "recycled" as an extra! We are in the middle of the play. And we cannot become playwrights or directors until we prove that we can act. And this "acting" seems to involve very specific choices and behaviors so that the play will be "successful."

So, back to practical terms in the Cosmic drama: a very difficult situation had been "survived," and a very interesting lesson had been learned. But, that was not the end of it. Not by a long shot! Whoever or WHATever it was that wanted to kill me had NOT given up. I was about to learn that when you block it from one direction, it sneaks around and tries to find another way to get in. And sometimes, the way in is through your own mind!

The rest of the series is written just as well.

Also, if you're interested in stoicism you might be interested in this Yahoo group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stoics/

- Memorandem

[transiten]

Well nowadays utube is filled with UFO from all over the world, filmed with shaky cameras and soon there's a possibility there wil be a disclosure from either the french, bristish or american governments..

...hence i don't get the notion that ufo cannot be proved by ordinairy scientific means..they are visible to the naked eya as far as i can see..

..or did i misunderstand something english not being my native language

transiten waiting for the femimine principle/the queen of the throne of cassiopeia to be resurrected[/b]

[Peregrinus]

There was a lot to think about in this post. Thank you for sharing this with us.

"A warrior loses compassion because he no longer feels self pity." - Don Juan

Very interesting quote...

Feeling sorry about someone without taking action has no value; it is a wasted action and a waste of energy better used for other things.

So, feeling sorry for another person is really only self pity, because you remember feeling their pain. Some people call this empathy but really it only amounts to pity.

Pain is caused by a real problem; pain can't be resolved through pity.

A warrior is a man of action; he brings his purpose to the hilt. If it doesn't make any real difference, it's not an action, simply a reaction. (actions add energy to a system; reactions simply rebound energy in some way, and some energy is always lost in a reaction - reactive systems die off)

This all makes sense, but one can only wonder what is on the other side of the fence... I've always thought there was something wrong with me because of this. I am learning to accept it as it is, and just allow me to love myself as I am. I can work on myself, but not out of dislike, but to make better.

What I think you're missing is something you're better off without. My experience is that most if not all of human emotional experience is just wishful thinking and logically erroneous trash that can be done without.

As long as I have love, I have everything. The rest, I am beginning to believe, is only part of the illusion.

---

Well nowadays utube is filled with UFO from all over the world, filmed with shaky cameras and soon there's a possibility there wil be a disclosure from either the french, bristish or american governments..

...hence i don't get the notion that ufo cannot be proved by ordinairy scientific means..they are visible to the naked eya as far as i can see..

..or did i misunderstand something english not being my native language

transiten waiting for the femimine principle/the queen of the throne of cassiopeia to be resurrected[/b]

I believe the answer to your question lies in three words. "Government cover up".

I could get into the entire scenario, people, places, events, and the reasons why, but I do not believe this is the place for such. Here I like to concentrate on positive.

[Questioner]

I am currently on session 89, reading two to three sessions per night before bed.

Similar practice here, except that my reading sessions are in the attic because this house doesn't have a basement.

I stalled at the tarot card discussions, and just realized that I need to meditate on each picture myself before reading the session.

Caffeine? Please, do put this post together, with haste. I would enjoy to learn of what you can consider or show to be negative effects of such and one what body system(s) the effects correspond to.

I actually don't have much documentation about it. I don't have the reference handy, but I do remember seeing information that caffeine blocks reuptake of some neurotransmitters. With more of these transmitters circulating in the synapse, rather than taken back up into the neurons, the flow of signals through the nervous system is increased. My health problems make me tremendously fatigued and confused at times. Caffeine usually helps me a great deal.

I see happiness, just as I see sadness, or indifference, in the eyes. The eyes never lie. Of course, one cannot ensure another's happiness, but one can place happiness in front of them and allow them the choice.

I like the way you put this, and I'm glad that some of the associations I found were useful for your journey.

[litllady]

Hello Peregrinus

Very interesting things you have shared here. I can relate to the idea of 'unfeeling' at times. Most often, its at a funeral that I feel something is wrong with me. Everyone around me crying...and there I sit, quite, still, just there. Like you said in a post, I just knew it was a part of the cycle.

I on the other hand am not always like this. If its a 'big' moment, most likely my feelings suppress and I am the rock holding others together and letting them know its ok. I would wonder though as a child...why do I seem so hard hearted?

Having children helped me with 'feeling'. But still...its like pulling teeth sometimes for me to do this. I remember my daughter loosing her dog (it was her first dog and she loved 'fancy' so much). When I had to sit down and tell her, I knew to expect her to burst loose with tears. She went nuts...pacing, crying, not understanding...how can something of life just be gone like that? I comforted her...but I wasnt feeling for her. For me, I just had to help her deal with it and make it through it. Then...she looked at me....and said in a loud distraught voice "Why arent you crying! Why am I crying by myself?" I thought....oh my goodness...this child 'needs' to see my hurt to KNOW I am hurting. I felt so aweful for not joining my other self, my child, in her pain. As she stared at me with hurt, my eyes became full of tears for her. She just felt that she was alone in her pain...and for me to show her she wasnt, I needed to 'feel' for her.

Over the years, I have became more emotional when it comes to my chidlren. They are somewhat of a reason that I cant accept moving on....unless I know they are going with me. I know this is my emotions, though I wouldnt know what emotion to label it as.

A GOOD CRY LAST NIGHT**
I was thrown way off guard last night...mabey it is from the excitement of joy I have let build up in me from finding this site. I was watching a new show (which is soo rare, hardly ever do I watch tv)...it was a show about uniting families. A mother had given up her daughter being that she was so young when getting pregnant...and the show built up on the emotional loss this family has had all of these years. Anyways...when they finally got to meet up....I had lost control of my emotions and was crying. It bothered me, and at the same moment....made me laugh! I was like, what is going on here! Either way....I think I needed that release. It is probably the first time I have cried literally sense the death of my daughters dog.

I fear funerals so much. Cause I dont want to look like the person that isnt really missing this person. I do care...I do love. The crying part is just not for me much. Its like I cant do it even when I try sometimes (with a few exceptions).

Sometimes I think the hard hearted people are here to help when it gets really hard. To give courage, to keep moving forward. Many have trouble fostering hope. I think the hard hearted ones will help others foster this is the times needed the most.



Thanks for sharing

[Peregrinus]

So.... now it appears all my chakras are overactive. I have for the first time in my life a full range of feelings... including compassion. This is all new to me, and comes like the waves wash to shore. I wonder how then to achieve balance by reducing the over activity of the chakas to a more balanced state... any suggestions? I am beginning to feel like I am going to lift off here...

[ayadew]

Peregrinus: Do you have the feeling of simply not knowing what to do with all the stuff you feel inside you, something tugging in the periphery of your consciousness that's just out of reach? Perhaps that is "over-activating", you're reaching for stuff that's not available currently but quite soon; your progress being a little too 'fast'.

[Peregrinus]

Like I said, I feel like I am going to lift off, 3/4 of the way in 4D already. I hear the frequency of the vibration all the time now. I am increasingly feeling at one with love itself, with all about me, feeling the consciousness in everything, and I do mean everything. Even a cup I can love... I just don''t know how to slow this down. We have three years until the shift. I'm ready today...

[Aaron]

Like I said, I feel like I am going to lift off, 3/4 of the way in 4D already. I hear the frequency of the vibration all the time now. I am increasingly feeling at one with love itself, with all about me, feeling the consciousness in everything, and I do mean everything. Even a cup I can love... I just don''t know how to slow this down. We have three years until the shift. I'm ready today...

I hear you 100%, my friend. Days melt together now and it's just one long conscious "time" where the love vibration gets stronger every minute and easier as a mind/body/spirit to connect to. The sun is rising. The snow of discontent is melting and humanity is coming into realization of conscious springtime love. Soon the green things will pop up.

In these next three years, it is the time for the rest of humanity to open their eyes. Use that extra energy you have been blessed with to best wake others up. Infuse that energy directly into a situation, BE there and offer your unique reaction to the moment. That extra energy belongs to others, so let it flow to them! You can't reach out and forcefully open someone's eyes though. They have to do it themselves. So, to help them figure it out, say "I see you." with love... they will put 2+2 together and figure out that to see, they have to open their eyes too.

Yesterday, one of my co-workers was washing dishes at the sink and I did something kind of new. Without saying a thing or making a sound, I psychically greeted her and was hit with her presence. It was repulsive to me, kind of prickly and afraid, full of thoughts. I wanted to draw back to my safe sanctuary, but I just smiled at it and saw her presence as another self and shared with it the gift of immense love that was/is freely flowing from me. She stopped, and turned around and smiled at me, beaming, then went back to work. And she had been in a bad mood up until that point! I saw it as her stirring and smiling contentedly in her sleep... coming closer to awakening.

So I say, don't slow it down! Let that extra love flow into the world and polarize it!

[Questioner]

The sun is rising. The snow of discontent is melting and humanity is coming into realization of conscious springtime love. Soon the green things will pop up.

I love the way you put this. It reminded me of:

"No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

[Peregrinus]

Today I came to the realization I have no excess. I just have more for others!

[ayadew]

Peregrinus, my friend.

I am currently in a state of non-feeling after my 25-day period of constant anguish and despair. I remember myself as having many feelings before this, but I just can't find anything inside of me these days. It's only been a week since I got out of the nightmare, so I am perhaps slowly regaining myself.
It's quite boring, just watching the world experiencing itself with not much desire from myself to interact. Is this how you feel or have felt?
People say they love me. I have almost forgotten what that feeling is like. I can remember it though, and sometimes there's a tiny spark, but not today.

"There's a season for everything" said those of Hosts of Heaven. Is this perhaps the season for a state of complete rest? It's almost like being dead inside.

Patience is perhaps the lesson here..

[Ashim]

The blue bird of happiness is on its way, just stay aware and look for our Creators "footprint".

Love & Light

[ayadew]

I await it

[Aaron]

I realize that your post was directed towards the P man, Ayadew, but I thought I might share something that helped ground me a few days ago.

I was feeling like I had lost touch with myself, in that the feelings and reactions to the life experience I was having at that time were somehow not coming from the right place or not of their usual quality. It seemed to me to be the absence of the usual love and feeling.

I tried meditation, but that didn't work. (meaning it did not bring peace) I didn't understand why I was suffering when there really was nothing to suffer for. I reconnected with myself by entering a state of vivid remembrance of my life experience from the present moment as far back as I could remember, linearly. In essence, I lived my life backwards as far as I could remember, reviewing the experience, the people I've met, the places I've been, the things I've said and done, the things that others have said and done to me and with me. I realized that love had been present all along, and with this coming into awareness of it, I simply doubted that it was there just because I could see it now. I was suddenly critical of my condition because of the sustained heightened awareness of it over the past 6 months.

I'm not sure if you are suffering from disconnection of loving self essence as I was, or if you are truly discovering some other part of yourself, and giving it too much attention. Maybe your eyes are being drawn to the only cloud in the sky.

There is also, of course, what you said to me not too long ago when I asked for help. Sometimes, the self tests the self to see if you have really learned at this stage. Maybe you are just seeing whether or not that, after your recent experience, you have realized that without effort, love can come from you at all times.

[ayadew]

Aaron.. thank you, any help is appreciated.

I realize I have lost myself. Going back to who I am is what I will do. Thank you.

[Aaron]

A Q'uo session about letting go, which I just read and found very insightful.

http://www.llresearch.org/transcripts/is..._0115.aspx

It also seems to contain some thoughts as to how the group aspect of seekers works. This may lead to some answers on the other thread pertaining to the "possible social memory complex".

And you are forever welcomed and thanked yourself, Ayadew.

[Peregrinus]

Peregrinus, my friend.

I am currently in a state of non-feeling after my 25-day period of constant anguish and despair. I remember myself as having many feelings before this, but I just can't find anything inside of me these days. It's only been a week since I got out of the nightmare, so I am perhaps slowly regaining myself.
It's quite boring, just watching the world experiencing itself with not much desire from myself to interact. Is this how you feel or have felt?
People say they love me. I have almost forgotten what that feeling is like. I can remember it though, and sometimes there's a tiny spark, but not today.

"There's a season for everything" said those of Hosts of Heaven. Is this perhaps the season for a state of complete rest? It's almost like being dead inside.

Patience is perhaps the lesson here..

If you have no feelings, then what is there to be impatient about?

What I learned in all of this is that I did have feelings, though they were stuffed down and hidden so far away that I had forgotten they existed. I was numb, plain and simple, and perhaps this is where you are. If you are numb, then nothing will matter. Nothing will make you happy but for a fleeting instant.

Now, you will note that there are two feelings which you will still have, but they will only pop to the surface every now and then. The first is love, and the second is lack of love, manifesting itself by rearing its ugly head in some telltale short bursts of anger or despair.

My suggestion is to simply be unfeeling. Allow yourself time to heal. Talk about it. There is such therapeutic value in that. Watching a sunrise is still one of the most fulfilling experiences I have known on this earth. Watch a few. Pet a dog. Smell a flower. Find joy in the occasional moment, and if you do that enough, the period of time in-between the moments will get closer together.

[Biu_Tze]

I got to about the bottom of the first page, saw a chakra test result, and was curious where one can find such a thing? I'm quite curious to see my results.. I feel very void of emotion too, except compassion.. and fear.. and sometimes anger.. lol...

---

oooh, just read your all post, got rid of my lack of emotions! woohoo, tis inspirational, numb I am.. after my dad died and I smoked pot ignoring all my feelings.. thats kinda what to expect no? I love my compassion sooooooo much tho, I have this mental toughness, I will never give up again, I know that I have a great capacity to love in me.. and that keeps me going no matter what. Thanks a lot for this thread

[Peregrinus]

Link --->>>> Chakra Test

[Biu_Tze]

Thank you sir

[Peregrinus]

I am only a humble servant...no sir by any means.

[Biu_Tze]

If thy be only a humble servant, I desire the service of being able to take the lowest position!

[Peregrinus]

We are all one brother, of the One Infinite Creator, thus there can be no position, for one can not be above, or below, the self. Simply be

[Biu_Tze]

I think by your show of superior knowledge you have in fact given me my wish, and yet in the same breath retained your state of being.. interesting move good humble servant. ^^

[Peregrinus]

Brother, again you give me elevation when I desire no such thing. Can you not accept me simply as an equal?

[thefool]

Peregrinus- Thanks for the test link. It was informative.

My thoughts- The test is good confirmation of something that you already feel. But it is just a test designed by another person. So I would not put all my nuts in that basket

Also The whole discussion of feelings or lack there of, reminds me of Ra's self -discipline tool:

1- Understand yourself

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"it is necessary to examine the self. The polarity of your dimension must be internalized. Where you find patience within your mind you must consciously find the corresponding impatience and vice versa. Each thought a being has, has in its turn an antithesis."
______________________________________

2- Accept yourself

______________________________________
"The second mental discipline is acceptance of the completeness within your consciousness. It is not for a being of polarity in the physical consciousness to pick and choose among attributes, thus building the roles that cause blockages and confusions in the already distorted mind complex. Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders."
______________________________________

3- Understand others

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The third discipline of the mind is a repetition of the first but with the gaze outward toward the fellow entities that it meets. In each entity there exists completeness. Thus, the ability to understand each balance is necessary.
______________________________________

4- Accept others

________________________________________
The next step is the acceptance of the other-self polarities, which mirrors the second step.
_________________________________________

5- Observe deeper mind

__________________________________________
The fifth step involves observing the geographical and geometrical relationships and ratios of the mind, the other mind, the mass mind, and the infinite mind.
__________________________________________

So in fact it is a good observation that you may be unfeeling. Now accept and move on (easy to say, how un-feeling of me ). I remember Q'UO addressing this topic and mentioning that every one feels differently.

My feeling is that we make a big deal about the so called feelings. You can love in your own way without being all cozy and sensitive. If that is not you, that is not you. Every one is precious in their own way and they need to love themselves for who they are and not try to follow an image. If we all become exactly the same then world will be a very boring place indeed :-/

Don't feel about not feeling, lol.