Sexual Revolution

[Confused]

That's what I meant by "excellent"

You have always been a pithy personality, while I have been usually long-winded so far!!!

When am I ever going to learn your efficiency, and spare the energy of others and myself??

[Ankh]

Ahktu, it makes loads of sense! Sexual arousal is what I perceive as being pain in the a$$. Sexual arousal from looking at a tree branch? C'mon! Do I want to have sex with the tree branch? Of course not! But when it comes to other humans, whom I can actually have sex with, then it's kind of difficult. I am starting to channel these energies into pure love. But sometimes, there are like bells ringing everywhere in the body – you see a pure beauty in an entity, and it's hard to not to think about it. And as we perceive it as being too taboo, too intimate, too this and that, it becomes an issue. It is nothing wrong in this union! It is pure and joyful. But oh, so distorted here.

lol @ vampire! I am not that good to inhale the energy as I am in sending it. I kind of “breathe in” the essence of the other self, and when there is a match I shiver in my spine, heart, neck etc. Which of course raises many questions. Why this one, and not that one? Who is s/he? Do we know each other from the past? Are we brothers/sisters from the same soulgroup? And so on... There are few of them that I've met that are of the “same vibration”. It can be liken to a pole inside my body with many lights. And when there is a complete match all lights turn green turning that other self into a magnet. And what is the closest way of experience each other in 3D? (Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like with sexual union with someone of the “same vibration”?)

Yes, I've written a science fiction novel but need to edit it before sending it to a publisher. The novel is about another planet, where development of the “human race” went the other way as compare to Earth. Their evolution was more harmonious, evolving sexual energy transfers and metaphysical matters. Among them there incarnates two Wanderers and two Guardians. All veiled. But Guardians are quite powerful and when they penetrate their veil they do it completely and can live in a god-like manner. But they are bound by heavy responsibilities and universal laws, and they are watched, so they don't use their powers in public. But when they have sexual energy transfers with Wanderers – well, fireworks and sungasms! You would loooove that novel!

---

Ankh, Ra repeatedly said in the LOO that the body is a creature of the mind. I think your urge to experience (or to express intimacy for) 'others' physically, is a bodily extension of what you feel in your mind - ONENESS.

Thank you for reminding me of that. It gives a depth to further ponderings.

Sometimes one just catches a wave and floats with it. But most of the time one is waving his arms instead and has no clue of what is going on. Thank you for your kind words, brother.

---

You didn't get that?

Me neither.

[Brittany]

I've been given the official title of "whip cracker" while my supervisor is on vacation. I think my STS dominance complex might be rearing its head again...O___O

[Confused]

Of course, with the negative image they get these days, it isn't something I'm that open about.

It is interesting you say that. In many communities across India, snakes are venerated as divinities. Of course, if a real one comes up in front, people will run helter-skelter or attempt to strike it down

Two snake gods are a prominent part of Vedic astrology as well (Rahu & Ketu). I think they roughly correspond to the lunar nodes of Western astrology. In fact, the Hindu god -- Shiva -- has a snake wrapped around his neck. It symbolically stands for something very esoteric and deep, which I do not remember now.

And I think in Ancient Egypt as well, snakes represented two polarized aspects of the same divine power. The positive adorning the eye brow, and the negative coiled at the base of the spine. I think that is what Ra said. Most Egyptian Pharaohs are portrayed having a snake jutting out of their forehead too. So it all depends upon the intention, as to whether they become positive or negative. And regarding torture, ahktu, my humble suggestion is that please do not read too much on those subjects. It has a very strong negative energy that can energize inner distortions of violence.

And ahktu, I have a question on female sexuality. But I am not sure it can be asked here. It is nothing personal, vulgar or indecent. It is a straightforward question, but that which is awkward to be asked in terms of taboos surrounding sex. It is an innocent question in many ways. I am in love with a very sweet female and if/when the time of union comes, I would like to know certain things about female sexuality beforehand. Can I PM the question to you? I promise it is very innocent, and not at all personal in the slightest aspects.

[Brittany]

I wasn't really *wanting* to get into the torture...I was just browsing through pics of deviantart and ran across a very disturbing picture that happened to have very graphic descriptions of torture. It made me want to throw up.

I don't mind if you PM me.

[Confused]

I wasn't really *wanting* to get into the torture...

Oooopss....sorry for an unnecessary suggestion from my side. How STS of me??! Like Ra said that STS folks dispense unasked for wisdom in terms of feeling that they can guide others

[Brittany]

It's bizarre, but even as a child I would think about torture a lot, but I couldn't stand to actually see it. I had this fascination with the subject, but if I saw even an insect suffering I would start to cry. I also had a fascination with bondage and slavery. I would tie up my dolls and tell my mom they were slaves, which freaked her out. (Yes, I realize this is creepy and probably vaguely disturbing.) As I grew into adulthood it transformed into a fascination with BDSM...basically, consensual torture and consensual slavery. That enthralled me, that people would willingly submit to, even beg for that kind of stuff. I'm not sure where it all comes from...childhood trauma, past life trauma, trust issues, sex issues...but at least I know I'm not alone. It's quite the popular taboo here.

---

Wow, I'm tired. O___o Must have sleepy sleep.

I leave you all with this song...one of my favorites.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXnXBMkC7KY

[Brittany]

I feel like I need to talk about something that happened to me, but it's creepy and depressing and I don't want to muck up the funny forum. I don't really want to post it in the other forums, either...I don't know. I can't stop thinking about it. XP

[Confused]

I feel like I need to talk about something that happened to me, but it's creepy and depressing and I don't want to muck up the funny forum. I don't really want to post it in the other forums, either...I don't know. I can't stop thinking about it. XP

This forum is not just for fun, but for supporting each other emotionally, while that is required.

There is nothing strange under the Sun. Please feel free to write.

[Ankh]

I agree!

[Brittany]

I apologize to people for dumping this here. The mods can delete it if they want.

After that...stuff...I saw last night, some old memories came rushing back. Stuff I try not to remember.

It's about this "vision" I had about a year ago, during one of my fits. I was suddenly transported to this forest, where all the trees were black and the sky was red. I saw this old cabin, and I didn't want to go in but I got drawn in anyway.

The first floor didn't look so bad. There was a living room and what looked like an office, with a desk and papers and stuff. Then I went downstairs, into this crude type of basement. There were people down there...horrible things had been done to them. They'd been tortured in the most unimaginable ways. They were all terribly mutilated, but the most horrifying thing was that some of them seemed to still be alive.

I was freaking out at this point and I went back upstairs, and ended up stopping on this other floor. It was this big empty room, and there was this lone man chained to the wall. He had the most beautiful face, but the beauty was lost because of all the suffering I saw on his face. There was nobody around but it looked as if he was being tormented.

I tried to talk to him but he didn't seem to hear me at all. His eyes were glazed over. I felt the most powerful need to help him. I went over and started pulling on the chains that held him to the wall with all my strength. They broke, and he fell to the floor, but he still didn't move or give any sign that he even noticed I was there. It was like no matter what I did, there was nothing I could do to help him.

As soon as this happened I got sucked back upstairs. There was a man in the office, and the sight of his face chilled me to the bone. His skin was grayish black, with cracks in it as if it was charred. He had these leering yellow eyes...the sight of him filled me with terror. He said something like "What are you doing here? You shouldn't have done that." He seemed extremely angry. After that I got forcefully expelled out of the cabin and came back to my senses.

Walter had had his head on my stomach the whole time. He'd been holding me, trying to comfort me. When I came back he asked "Was it all in red and black?" I was blown away. Apparently he had seen parts of it as well.

After that the vision of that man haunted me for days. I kept seeing him hanging there, suffering, with no one to help him. I also had continuous other "visions" that had the same level of disturbing imagery. In one I was pulled onto a spaceship where people were being tortured and experimented on. In another I wound up in this room where everyone was going crazy and eating each other.

This stuff was real to me. And it was horrible. It was a very dark time in my life. For the most part I tried to just forget all about it, but that stuff I saw yesterday brought it all back. Every once in a while I'll ask W "remember that thing we saw" and he'll grimly be like "yeah." and then we just don't talk about it anymore, because it bothered both of us so much.

It pisses me off that my subconscious would produce crap like that. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of effed up nutcase. No matter how hard I try, I can't get the memories out. I've tried going back and changing it all in my mind, making everyone alive and happy and sending lots of light and love, but it doesn't really work. I want to forget it.

[Confused]

ahktu, I see that torture has been somewhat of a constant theme in many of your normal dreams as well. There seems to be some issue with physical torture in your past.

If that is the case, then two possibilities open up -- either you were tortured upon heavily or you were involved in torturing in some past incarnation(s) of yours. There is either heavy guilt (as perpetrator) or extreme rage (as sufferer) at the injustice or both

Our world has seen much torture happen to individuals (like European inquisition, etc). So it could be possible that we either could have been perpetrators or victims or both. More over, if it can happen on our planet, so can it across infinite parts of infinite creation. I think the time has come to consciously bring this aspect of our repressed planetary psyche to the forefront for healing. Not many want to acknowledge that things like torture exist in creation.

---

Don't know whether I am making sense. Only my thoughts.

[Ankh]

What thing did you see yesterday?

I have images of negative kind too, but not that powerful as yours, or that kind of horror. So I have a little idea of how much it must affect you!!! Jesus Christ!!!

What I do nowdays when my visions come is to see them from the perspective that I have now, not how it was then or what I felt then, but what I am and feel now. Feelings/emotions/thoughts that are attached to them are being bathed with love from within. But my visions are like baby dolls compare to what you've just told.

What if this man, that is so beautiful, but has no life in him, - is your spirit?

[Confused]

Yes, it could be very symbolic as well. But ahktu seems to be personally suffering from repressed and deeply painful memories.

[Brittany]

I wish I just *knew* what pre-incarnational crap I drug with me into this life. If I knew, I could make my peace with it.

A guy who read my akashic records said that someone from a long time ago had put a curse on me to leave me in constant pain, because he was angry that I chose a different path than him. When I heard this, I instantly felt nothing but compassion. If this guy was real, I wasn't angry at him. I don't think I'd have a hard time forgiving anyone who tortured me in the past...who knows, I might have deserved it.

But if *I* did the torturing...I wish I could find the people I did it to and apologize to them. I mean, if I was in Orion...God only knows what kind of stuff I did. I might have gone after some of you guys! I would do anything to make up for it. I'd let them torture me if it would make things better (doubtful).

[Confused]

I think the key could be to decode the two main protagonists in the dream -- The man with the beautiful face who has been chained to the wall & the man in the office who did not want you there.

[3DMonkey]

Maybe you watched Caligula when you were a newborn.

[Ankh]

GUILT! An undeserved guilt! Do you carry the whole world on your shoulders, ahktu?

[Confused]

And for me, the key is somewhat this -- as soon as you succeeded in breaking the chains off the beautiful man, you were sucked up into the office of the evil looking man. And he railed at you for coming to the place and for setting the captive free.

What does the captive symbolize? And what does the evil looking man who was angry at the release of the captive symbolize? I do not want to sound like a detective here at the expense of your horrible personal experience, ahktu, but did something very notable happen when you first had that dream?

And what reminded it of you today? Was it the torture excerpts you read, while searching for deviant art? And did you not make dolls while young of the 'master & the slave', in effect, the captive. Just some pointers for you to consider. For I could be just spouting inanities.

[Brittany]

Sometimes I feel like I can feel the pain of the entire world, like six billion people are screaming in my ears. I can feel all of it. They beg me to help them, but aside from sending them love, there's nothing I can do. Their screams never stop. I've just learned how to ignore them most of the time.

I wish I could understand what this place *was*. The crackly guy...he seemed surprised to see me, and extremely angry that I was there. It felt like I stepped in on something I wasn't supposed to see. If it was all a product of my subconscious, some symbolic thing, is my subconscious hiding things from me that vehemently?

---

It wasn't a dream, btw. I was awake the entire time.

[Ankh]

I just had a thought, what if our mind shows us something that we need to process. You said it yourself, you are into the torture in some kind of way, but can't seem to handle it when it happens for real, for instance, when you see it happens to the bugs and alike. But you can't seem to drop this issue in your fantasies, even if you want it. So, what I was thinking is maybe your mind is trying to heal you in this distorted, sick way. Because we are not supposed to repress things that are coming up into the surface of the consciousness. Sometimes we have to and need to, in order to handle it. But in this case, maybe, it's time to deal with this stuff? I know that it's going to put you down for several days maybe, but if you "give in" and bathe in it, maybe you will come out later more clean and light in the mind/body/spirit wholeness than ever?

[Confused]

But if *I* did the torturing...I wish I could find the people I did it to and apologize to them. I mean, if I was in Orion...God only knows what kind of stuff I did. I might have gone after some of you guys! I would do anything to make up for it. I'd let them torture me if it would make things better (doubtful).

Yes, that is the greatest challenge. To know that *I* could have been the torturer. And even modern day police and military regimes use extreme torture. I am sure just as we converse, some one out there in some part of the world is experiencing some physical torture of a kind, in the hands of security/criminal apparatus.

So yes, these things are real and are happening just as we enjoy the love & the light of the LOO. ahktu, if indeed it is true that in some past incarnation you have taken part in some such activity, then what can essentially be done, according to you? You said you wanted to make up for it. You need not get tortured for that. You could enter human rights advocacy for prevention of torture and give your complete self for the cause, like Albert Schweitzer did for his chosen cause. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Again, I could be speaking nonsense. In case it speaks to your situation, it will resonate with your inner self.

[Brittany]

I just don't GET what my problem is. Like you said, Ankh, I hate it and fantasize about it at the same time. Characters in my story get tortured a lot, but I build them tough so they are able to take it.

It...god, it's hard for me to talk about this. I feel like such a freak. The thing I fantasize about, is torturing someone with their permission. Convincing them they enjoy it. Making them beg for more. It's erotic or something, but it disgusts me at the same time. It only ever goes so far in my fantasies. I've fantasized about whipping or beating people (not to mention having those things done to me), even branding them or something like that, but never the really weird, crazy stuff like what I saw online last night. That just makes my stomach turn. I wanted to throw up. I still do.

A lot of times in these fantasies, I am both people at once. ARRRGH...I sound like such a psycho. This stuff comes up again and again and I don't know WHY. I've been this way since I was freaking FIVE and it's CREEPY!

[Ankh]

Sometimes I feel like I can feel the pain of the entire world, like six billion people are screaming in my ears.

I know that. I used to carry the whole world on my shoulders. I could not even interact with others sometimes, seeking solitude, as I thought that everybody was blaming me for something. There was always something that I must have done, that was my fault and everything gave me guilt. If I listened to others, I could always find something in their words that confirmed it.

[Brittany]

I wonder, was I wrong to pull that guy down? It seems like my presence was tolerated until I did that. What does it MEAN? I hate symbols! Why can't somebody just explain it to me flat out?

[Confused]

Sometimes I feel like I can feel the pain of the entire world, like six billion people are screaming in my ears. I can feel all of it. They beg me to help them, but aside from sending them love, there's nothing I can do. Their screams never stop. I've just learned how to ignore them most of the time.

ahktu, I just had a strange thought.

Is the 6 billion people = the beautiful captive man with strains of extreme suffering on the face?

Is the crackly guy = some individual from the Orion with whom you were working on the STS path; but who hid from you what the complete path entails (like physical torture). Once you knew that the folks of Orion were involved in such things, it could have been possible that you decided to leave that polarity and that soul group, and decided to shift to STO.

And that entity could have placed a curse on you for leaving the STS for the STO. But initially you chose the STS, signing up for it, not knowing the full implications. But once you knew of the inner workings such as torture, you decided to leave, which brought the wrath. You saw what you should not have seen, or at least, before the time was right for you, according to that crackly guy.

And were these guys who first introduced the seed of physical torture on planet earth, which makes you feel responsible for all beings on Gaia?

Does this make sense, ahktu?

---

ahktu, I felt a strange sensation all over my body when I wrote the last post. I was tingling all over. May be it is mental excitation!

[AnthroHeart]

For me it's more that I feel distortions, and imbalance when I focus in on the Earth. I work to smooth out the energies as best I can, and then hold a certain vibration. For me it seems to work pretty well.

Sometimes I feel like I can feel the pain of the entire world, like six billion people are screaming in my ears. I can feel all of it. They beg me to help them, but aside from sending them love, there's nothing I can do. Their screams never stop. I've just learned how to ignore them most of the time.

[Brittany]

I can't imagine graduating onto the negative path without knowing what you were getting into. I mean, you have to be really cold and uncaring to even get into the bottom ranks. 95% STS. And I can't imagine them just trying to hide it and play innocent. From what I remember, people were very open about who they were. We're Orion! The evil empire! Mwa ha ha ha!

I do wonder if somehow I was seeing something that was actually real somewhere, though. Quo has said I have an extreme sensitivity to the inner planes. I wonder if I was just seeing what was happening in some dimension down there or something?

Saying that the one man may have represented everyone, though...that part makes a lot of sense. There was so much suffering on his face it was unbearable to look at him.

[Ankh]

I might have gone after some of you guys! I would do anything to make up for it.

Maybe this is it? Suppose you've done it to me. I understand what you mean! It is easy to forgive others, but what if *I* was the bad guy?!!!

But we are here, ahktu, and we don't know what we did. Probably some nasty and sick stuff! Think about when Ra said that they had "somehow" harmonious transition from 3 to 4D, but they still had some people doing a "holy war" on them! And to 6D, where they are now, it took them 3 billions (!!) years along that harmonious transition. Do you think that all these years and gazillions of incarnations were all about rainbows and unicorns?

And still, what I wanted to say is, we don't know what we did or not. But the present moment is here...

[Brittany]

I hold you all in contempt of treehouse.

And there we go. Just forget it. I always do this...I just end up making myself look even more ridiculous.