Seeking guidance through fear

[Celestial]

Hi everyone,

There are some things on my mind which I feel that some of you may be able to clarify for me.

In my 26 years of this life I have experienced a great amount of trauma. A human being approached me about four years ago now, and this person taught me about free will, and the truth about the illusion of the world in which we live, and that those who have been residing in a position of perceived superiority for some time now. Over time it became clear to me that this person's role was to help resolve this trauma.

If I go into any more detail, much context needs to be given. You are welcome to ask me about this if you feel that it would help you to answer my questions or gain a better understanding of where I'm coming from. As simply as I can put it, this person was catalyst, expressed this to me, and I seemingly chose Negative/StS. With this choice came a profound shift I experienced in my consciousness.

I made this account in 2019 after reading the Law of One to try and make sense of what has happened to me, or what the shift was. Naturally, the first person I asked about this was the person I've mentioned in the past few paragraphs. They obviously, very clearly understood, but would only offer vague responses to the question: "What is happening to me?"

I will give you some examples of the person's responses:

• "I don't know if you chose it, or it chose you."
  
• "I've heard and read about a lot of journeys and experiences. But no one with a hand quite like yours."
  
• "Do you want to be alone in the darkness?"
  
• "[You] can make all this go away for [yourself], but the one thing that has to happen is basically guaranteed not to happen."
  
• "It would take a torturous amount of willpower."
  

I have spoken to people both in person and online who have, through being adept at connecting or channeling, a strong connection to the present moment, or a deep intuition with regards to how they perceive the essence or being of others, have been able to similarly sense what has happened, and my situation, and relay information that I don't believe they would otherwise be able to know. The reason for this is that I believe every interaction with another person or being is charged with some sort of energy, and when an interaction occurs an exchange of that energy occurs, however slight. This energy that is exchanged contains meta information that can be read on its own. For example, the content of what I'm writing here is really quite meaningless, but the intention and emotion behind it is something that can be read and understood separately by someone who recognises it.

The Law of One is the way that I've chosen to make sense of what has happened. It is my map for navigating the future. Please keep in mind that everything I've said above is just my interpretation of it (other than the quotes of what the person said). For example, I've said that my choice for my friend acting as catalyst for a Negative/StS choice may not be true. It could simply be that I did not choose and therefore missed out on a lot of polarity.

The real thing here is that I don't want to be alone in the dark, but just typing that or saying that doesn't seem to be enough. It seems that is where I am headed. I've tried to make sense of this, and as I understand it, I had a chance to avoid that fate, so because of a choice I've already made, that's where I'm inevitably going and I can't do anything about it now. So once again I've tried to understand what the darkness could be from a Law of One perspective.

There are a few conclusions that I've come to regarding my situation, and what this darkness represents.

1. A hard life
The darkness represents a life that is characterised by choices which lead to a path of difficulty. This is a metaphorical word used to describe a lack of warmth and profound pain and loss that must be experienced and endured throughout the incarnation. The darkness here represents a Hellish state of mind and a self imposed prison in which the present moment is always being avoided at all costs.

2. Genocide
The darkness is a word used to describe a life of isolation away from others. This could occur if perhaps the majority of the population were wiped out by war, disease, government etc. and everyone that I knew died. I would effectively be a human segregated from my environment, and cut off from the whole. It may mean never speaking to another human again.

3. Negative Time/Space
The darkness here is not used to describe a state of the mind or the world. This is a conscious experience either after death of the physical complex or what the conscious experience transforms itself into. Ra says that for Negative Time/Space to be experienced as darkness, a positively polarised individual must be inside of it. The higher self however, reluctant to enter, would trigger an incarnation ending the experience. However, while I don't know if I'm a positively polarised being (as far as I'm aware, I'm having a 3rd density human existence), to be in negative time/space this way could be experienced as darkness and my higher self would not necessarily have to trigger another incarnation. I could potentially be there, consciously suspended in nothingness forever.

4. The Sinkhole of Indifference
The darkness here is used to describe what I experience alongside others who have not polarised enough to incarnate on a 4th density positive or negative planet. This will be experienced as a great disappointment, but an opportunity will present itself to reincarnate back into another 3rd density planet for another cycle.

If I had to choose between what the darkness means, it would be anything except for three. The image in my mind that I get is a star that goes so far out, and so far away from all of the other stars that none of the light from any of the other stars would ever reach it again. That star would only experience an eternal darkness forever, and that is what terrifies me. I would much rather become a Negative/StS being than have to experience that. Option 4 is also terrifying, but at least I would not be alone and there would be a chance to correct the mistakes and trauma. Perhaps it would be a little easier next time as well.

Because of this fear, as traumatised as I am, I try and savour every moment that the light in front of my eyes is still here. As long as there is vision, sound, feeling, I have something to be grateful for as I am not alone. There is someone, something, anything, being picked up on my sense radar, and that's something to be appreciated and savoured. As much as I take this life for granted, in this moment, I am not there yet. I am not in the distant, outer reaches of space experiencing the cold loneliness of eternity.

Perhaps this is something you might be able to offer some advice, guidance or comfort on. I wish there was still a chance for me to move into 4th density with all of you but the message I am getting is that I've already made my bed. "Good luck, enjoy the darkness. Best wishes to you, hope you find something that makes all that worth it. See ya." But I'm still here. If I accept that's the extent for me and there's no more catalyst, I just lay here in fear of how eternally terrifying it's all about to become for me. I just don't want to be alone in the dark like that person suggested. He seemed to suggest that I've "asked" the Universe for this.

One last thing... is that if you need my permission, I don't know how some of you do it, but you have my permission to connect to me for the purposes of reading and gathering information about my Soul. It may seem counterintuitive but it's the only way I feel I'm going to find some peace right now.

[boundlessheart]

Hi Celestial,

You are so much closer to the light than you think you are. I felt so much fear in your post, and based on what I understand you to believe, it makes sense that you would be scared. But I don't think what you've come to believe is at all true. I'm a Reiki practitioner and I connect with people's guidance as part of my practice. Since you gave me permission to gather information in your post, I will tell you that it's my sense that your fears have become so strong that you have become almost completely walled off from your guidance. I offer healing free of charge, and I'd be happy to send you distance Reiki if that is something that you would be interested in receiving. You can message me if you have questions about that. Please know that no matter what, there is always reason to hope.

[boundlessheart]

I want to add that there is so much unseen help available, but it has to be asked for, and if you feel like you have no reason to hope, you also won't have a reason to seek the help. But it's there for us all and given to us the moment we request it.

[LeiwoUnion]

I just want to say this one short thing. To me it was obvious that you radiate energy/light instead of absorbing it; take it as you will, Celestial.

[Dtris]

There can be no darkness without light. Darkness is nothing to fear. It is just another beautiful experience in our beautiful lives.

You can never be alone in the dark. This is a primal fear that originates from the time when human's didn't have fire and night time was dangerous. Even so there is nothing to fear for you are never alone. A person always can access their own guides, helpers, higher self, and the Almighty Creator. When you give yourself up to the all encompassing love of the Creator you will find you have never been alone and never will be, I promise.

Of your 4 ideas on what the darkness represents, those may all be true to you, symbolism is primarily personal although some symbols like Darkness and Light are archetypical. None of your ideas are archetypal in nature.

1. A Hard Life- Every challenge in life, every tragedy, every pain, and every loss is a profound opportunity to be one with the creator. Re-joice that you are able to suffer, for that means you are able to seek the creator.

2 Genocide- Humanity as it currently exists may not be long for this world. As 4th density beckons humans will evolve into the next step and those that need to repeat 3rd density will have to go elsewhere. This is just part of the inevitable march of time, nothing to be feared. Even if humanity destroys itself with war that is still just a small blip in the endless history we will experience.

3. Negative Time/Space- This is an irrational fear. Unless you are engaging in deep trance and doing profound light work you have no danger of being misplaced here. Even if you were you would eventually incarnate and be fine. Most people that end up here will simply be between lives on STS planets. Again there is nothing to fear from negative time/space. It is no different than positive time/space and serves the same purpose.

4. Sinkhole of indifference- This is where so many people get stuck, neither the dark or the light are strong enough to attract most people and they go thru life rejecting catalyst and will do so again. Nothing about this is a cause for fear. You are aware of the choice, now you must make your own choice.

Here is what they don't tell you. The choice is but a moment, but it is a moment that extends thru our entire life. One moment you may choose yourself over another, and another moment you may choose another over yourself. No single action will define your choice. It is the culmination of all the small choices you make, that will define the choice in the end. It is something which must be continuously chosen again and again. Only thru this persistence will a real choice be made and become part of your very being. So do not worry if you waver, do not lament for falling to temptation, every moment is another opportunity to become one with the creator.

Right now all you see is fear. It is but a turn of the perspective and you can be as full of love and hope as you have been of fear. The choice is yours.

[Diana]

...the message I am getting is that I've already made my bed.

Welcome Celestial.

I personally do not think that anyone at any time has already made their bed. This universe is constantly changing, constantly evolving. Even advanced adept STS individuals, according to Ra, can switch polarities rapidly in 6D. So I do not think you or anyone is stuck with any path and its potential consequences.

Something we can all agree on no matter what one believes is: We are here now, and we have this life. At the very least, we can decide how to live this life. Not that it is easy—human society can be chaotic and challenging. Since we are under a veil here, we really can't know what lies beyond (though speculating and exploring is something a lot of us are compelled to do, me included). So what I do, while wondering endlessly about the bigger picture of existence, is endeavor to make the best out of this life at hand right now. That is not to say I do anything great, or I don't make mistakes every day.

So, even if you become that star so far away from other stars, space is not empty. There are entities everywhere in many dimensions. Shining light to them is also a good thing. But since you understand something about energetic pathways, maybe you will consider that no matter how isolated you may feel or imagine yourself to be in the future, everything is still connected at a level not always perceived.

A great book that deals with the idea that we can be limited in perception is Flatland. It's a thought experiment in fiction form to advance thinking on what it might be like in a different dimension higher than our own 3D existence. You may find it interesting.

[Sacred Fool]

"What is happening to me?"

 
Hi there, Celestial.  I also welcome you here to this little corner of emptiness.

You might consider that what's happening to you is that you are undergoing a challenge to your limited way of knowing yourself which was pre-programmed for this incarnation.  Ra suggests that the more seriously challenging events which define our incarnations are pre-planned, and if that feels right to you, then you are right exactly where you should be in trying to understand your own being in light of this trying catalyst.

What is the challenge here? 
Perhaps this is not about where you're headed on the outside so much as it's about knowing what you are on the inside...and understanding what can block you from that knowledge.  It might be that what you are is light and love, and what's blocking from that is also you, and that is darkness.  That is, we are all ultimately capable of the full 360 degrees of experience, from the lightest light to the darkest dark.  Over time we become more and more aware of the these different degrees, so to speak, and how they all interact with one another can become a complex affair now and then.  In your own case, you seem to have crossed high amperage wires which were not insulated from one another.  And so you are frying slowly in the heat which was generated.  Naturally, this could inspire some fear in one's response.

I would offer two suggestions.  One is to download and read this story written by Don Elkins and Carla Rueckert well before L/L Research was created.  Although fiction, it gives a little perspective on negative time/space which you might find of some use.

https://llresearch.org/library/the_cruci...r_pdf.aspx

Second, regarding the darkness within you which might be blocking your acceptance of love and light, to me this boils down to a simple and insidious thing: a sense of unworthiness.  You say you did some thing, but who sits in judgment of your consequent worthiness to be forgiven?  Anyone you know?  Who determines whether you are condemned to a severe fate or are worthy of the infinite love of which you are composed?  It might be that this is the department of self that, when you programmed this experience, you were hoping you would discover?  And if you dis-cover it, you may find that it is a place where no one is at home.  You may find that you've wriggled through a worm-hole into a place where such judges and juries are merely of appearance and have no more substance than the deluded can afford to give them.  From there you may find a new path onward.
  
 

[flofrog]

Hello Celestial,

welcome here too.
I really believe, in time of darkness, and after trauma, in our own power to keep seeing the flickering light, exactly as you said.
So I find your courage quite great.
The one thing that worked for me was to grant day-to-day life my full attention. In Buddhist life you pay full attention to the minuscule actions of day to day life : so whatever I needed to do, washing dishes, cleaning the floor, a table, I would start to do that with complete intention and… gratitude that I was able to do this. It seems very mundane but this is how I gradually found safe ground.

I so wish you a safe journey Celestial

[flofrog]

Also Celestial, something else helped me a lot. It's really difficult when we are in pain and fear to give gratitude, but giving gratitude when we start our day changes our day. It is really difficult to give gratitude to humans, as usually trauma comes from our human family, but you can give gratitude to the trees, to the sun, to Earth. Gratitude brings softness to our soul, it slowly changes our perspective, it is some sort of a balm really..

[jafar]

Hi Celestial

Darkness is a catalyst for light, through darkness one will find and understand more about light.
As metaphor, people in the bright city seek dark wilderness only to be able to see and appreciate lights coming from the stars in the night sky.

Fear is a catalyst for courage, through fear one will find and experience courage.
Without knowing fear how can then one know courage?
That pretty much the answer of 'guidance' that can be achieved through (conquering) fear.
Face the fear, don't run from it and you will earn your courage.

Law of free will is paramount, you are free to choose and walk the path of your choosing.
No one else can enforce it upon you.
Whatever path that you choose the destination will be the same.

It's like group of friends going hiking in the weekend, once arrived at the foot of the mountain each will have local guide assigned to them and each will choose the path of their choosing to go to the peak of the mountain.
The path of each individual is different but the destination is the same.

Some might choose the easiest path, there's a cable car that goes straight to the peak.
It offers easy, beautiful scenery and pleasant experience yet not much of a challenge.
Some others might choose the unbeaten path because it offers the hardest challenge, a possibility to face dangers coming from slippery ground, tall cliff to climb and dragon to encounter. For some it offers much richer experience in comparation to the cable car path.

There is no right or wrong path to choose as each path offers you unique experience, all of the path will lead to the same destination. And the right to choose is your prerogative rights, others can try to influence you to choose the path but that's their limit, they can only influence you but not choose it for you or enforce it upon you.
Guidance is always available on any path that you choose.

Once arrived at the peak, each will share their story to each others about the experience of walking through the path of their choosing.

[Sacred Fool]

 
C, you may find this little tale compelling.
 
https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthre...#pid304617
 
 

[tadeus]

The real thing here is that I don't want to be alone in the dark, but just typing that or saying that doesn't seem to be enough. It seems that is where I am headed. I've tried to make sense of this, and as I understand it, I had a chance to avoid that fate, so because of a choice I've already made, that's where I'm inevitably going and I can't do anything about it now. So once again I've tried to understand what the darkness could be from a Law of One perspective.

You are not alone in the dark - they only want that you believe that you are alone.
At this time there are really big efforts to split the people, but it works only partially.
There is always the possibility to solidarise as you can see in different countries.

"Good luck, enjoy the darkness. Best wishes to you, hope you find something that makes all that worth it. See ya." But I'm still here. If I accept that's the extent for me and there's no more catalyst, I just lay here in fear of how eternally terrifying it's all about to become for me. I just don't want to be alone in the dark like that person suggested. He seemed to suggest that I've "asked" the Universe for this.

Yes - "find something that makes all that worth it" for the rest of your incarnation.  
Why are you here?
Maybe we have booked this journey with a insufficient travel brochure.
Maybe we can only show that we will not accept unintential slavery.
Maybe we cannot do more then to be and to give our light at this time - then this must be sufficient.

We are in difficult times now, and it is difficult to find some peace right now - but it will pass by.
Just see it as a game - don't try to find a sense in it, because this game is played by other selves in STS.
I would say seeing this (and your recital of darkness) is a sign to be in STO.

[Nikki]

I have read all the replies and see so much love and compassion. You will see how different we all are with all different experiences and trials in our lives. You can never be alone, we are all connected as one, one consciousness, One Infinite Creator. We perceive a division from the One Creator or each other but that is only an illusion, it is impossible. I see that you are searching outside of yourself for your answers to the confusion you are feeling within. As within, so without. Yes, we are both the light and the darkness. Acceptance of your self in love with comes love of self, with love of self comes healing and outward will change as you change. The darkness within will always move towards the light within, it is a great teacher and love all experiences. Claim it and love it to light. Have faith in your beautiful self, you are all that you are searching and reaching for. There is a saying in the bible (not religious) that explains so many things that we go through. " Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." I accepted my own ignorance and seeing myself, I too did not know and did not understand. This has lead to compassion of all brothers and sisters as well as the self. May this reply and all other replies lead you to your light.

[unity100]

I seemingly chose Negative/StS

Few people who chose negative path would dally around internet forums, giving and taking advice.

[IndigoSalvia]

Dear friend, as I read your words, I felt warmth, preciousness and depth.

Fear and anxiety from trauma have paralyzed me, both in the moment and afterward. Movement - any movement at all - from this paralysis, isolation, withdrawal, etc. is challenging beyond words.

I agree with Flofrog, and add: In moments of paralyzing, debilitating fear from trauma, I tried - through sheer will - to identify some tiny glimmer of joy, no matter how small or mundane. I had to look hard and set a strong intention, through the "darkness."

If I couldn't source this from myself - and I couldn't sometimes - I would ask someone I trusted to come be with me. I explained that I was engulfed in "darkness" and sought "light" ... would they share some of theirs? Just being around their light would give me an opportunity to remember what it felt like. It was like a tiny seed of Love/Light planted in me.

Today, that trauma is a profound teach/learn catalyst. I am still exploring and discovering it.

[Axiomaly]

I seemingly chose Negative/StS

Few people who chose negative path would dally around internet forums, giving and taking advice.

Seconded

[IndigoSalvia]

This quote is like a spiritual salve to me: deeply comforting to know that beings exists for the sole purpose of sending pure Love/Light when called upon. And We are One. Sharing with you in Love/Light.

21.15 Questioner: Then the Confederation gardeners did nothing, I’m assuming, until some of the plants in their garden, shall I say, called them for help. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

21.16 Questioner: When did the first call occur, and how did it occur?
Ra: The first calling was approximately four six thousand, forty-six thousand [46,000] of your years ago. This calling was of those of Maldek. These entities were aware of their need for rectifying the consequences of their action and were in some confusion in an incarnate state as to the circumstances of their incarnation; the unconscious being aware, the conscious being quite confused. This created a calling. The Confederation sent love and light to these entities.

21.17 Questioner: How did the Confederation send this love and light? Precisely what did they do?
Ra: I am Ra. There dwell within the Confederation planetary entities who from their planetary spheres do nothing but send love and light as pure streamings to those who call. This is not in the form of conceptual thought but of pure and undifferentiated love.

[greenl8]

I reccomend you overcome your fear first and learn what is really getting your attention from the dark.

The way it works is your fate gets sealed unless you think for yourself. And this is your moment as the what you want to pick. Some have a preference as to which side they go to so you should spend time evaluating what you want to do.

Contact me if you need help jacksonhick330@gmail.com

as this is my area of knowledge