Thinking love, not feeling it

[breakingties]

I have a problem. Im not feeling love anymore, im just thinking it.I use to think "I love everything" or "I love my father", "I love my friend", etc. but when i check with my feeling state, i am numb. And also lately, i got 5th density vibes coming to me, everyone is so wise, and i am learning so many things, but when it comes to love, it is like i almost forgot how it feels.

Any advice ?

[ada]

According to Ra, love is present in every moment. And the more you tune in or call for it the more it becomes. How love feels or what it is that you need to feel to know that it's love is probably complex and undefinable. Love could be any feeling that you have across your emotional/energy system. It could be the breeze of air that touches your cheek, or a certain melody that moves you, a smile or a nice comment to a stranger, the opening and sharing of the heart, the desire to reach out, serve, connect.

You say "anymore" and it makes me think you mean of a past emotion or state and compare that to your current state, I think you already have all the love that you could possibly want, but you're unaware, or have certain mental/energy blockages that don't allow love to fully flow or be felt undistorted.

My advice, if it resonates, would be to allow the time and space to ponder on these feelings and thoughts and to find acceptance.

[Sacred Fool]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?" This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

[RitaJC]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

[Plenum]

I have a problem. Im not feeling love anymore, im just thinking it.I use to think "I love everything" or "I love my father", "I love my friend", etc. but when i check with my feeling state, i am numb. And also lately, i got 5th density vibes coming to me, everyone is so wise, and i am learning so many things, but when it comes to love, it is like i almost forgot how it feels.

Any advice ?

Maybe you need to feel a really big hug from a trusted friend.

Touch is something missing from many people's lives.

You know - someone's arms wrapped around you.

[Glow]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I don’t think if it’s not for all equally we can say it isn’t love.

To focus your love is what everyone does because one cannot delve deeply into everyone/everything in this dimension. It takes time, devotion and intimacy building to go deep with another part of creation. Yes on the surface love all equally but to focus and build affinity and depth with a few beings in a more focused manner is still an act of love.

The deeper one goes into another the deeper the capacity to love them because you can see more of them.

Doesn’t mean others are not as worthy of love just means the focus has allowed deeper exploration and for the love to be known in a more profound degree.

Different strokes.

[Glow]

Just adding to the above.

When I found someone I could go deeply with that is where my heart fully opened to universal love.

Like a key into a lock. To focus upon the love they brought out of me allowed my heart to bloom.
To me at least till then there was love/compassion for all but there wasn’t the warmth and depth of feeling for all. the key that opened the lock made it move to a new level I’d have not of reached otherwise.

Maybe each is different but focused love can certainly be love and unconditional even.

[flofrog]

mmm, interesting. I agree Glow, I think there is a special joy in getting a hug or as you say " allowed my heart to bloom". At the same time we may feel a very unconditional, in general, over one day, for our human family, and compassion when we feel we have it at last a bit easier and see others still struggling quite a lot. So I think those 'two" loves can be simultaneous, and honestly how lovely to have a hug...

[the]

I have a problem. Im not feeling love anymore, im just thinking it.I use to think "I love everything" or "I love my father", "I love my friend", etc. but when i check with my feeling state, i am numb. And also lately, i got 5th density vibes coming to me, everyone is so wise, and i am learning so many things, but when it comes to love, it is like i almost forgot how it feels.

Any advice ?

If I correctly understand what you mean , first thing is CONGRATULATIONS!!! not many people are at this stage yet.

I have same "problem" sometimes, but I would rather call it "catalyst".

at my current level of ignorance, this is an indicator. we need to change our love from "conditional love" to "unconditional love", or to say, remove more blockage.

I took Zingdad's course "connect to higherself, shed light on shadow" and took healing sessions, that really helps, actually through sessions, I realized my problem is lack "self-love" and was told a certain ways to build it.

in my case, one reason I lack "self-love" is since childhood, there're so many belief systems that suppressed myself. so now I am trying to break those belief systems, and follow my heart as much as I can. If you read my other posts, you will see that I am currently replacing Service To Self/Service to Others belief system with "creator consciousness" now.
Also I am trying to do something really passionate about, that is, many times doing crazy things or things many others wouldn't understand.

another thing (probably only work for me and some people): when I am reading book, I am resonating with its energy, so get your favorite book that have 6th density frequency, e.g. LOO, the Ascension papers, read again and again, feel resonating with it, I think this actually changed our frequency to 6th density/unconditional love level.

Another thing is meditation, as always, it releases those energy blockage, even release a lot of blockages that we are not aware of. some of my friends keep asking me to do more meditation, 5D consciousness is wisdom/knowledge. they told me my knowledge is inaccurate. and only can I understand their words after my consciousness at a higher level. I kind of agree with them, because when I look back, I realized I have been breaking my belief system again and again.

but I still haven't do meditation a lot yet :-)

connect to nature is another good way to feel the love.

anyway, congratulation to your progress again.

[loostudent]

A home where special loving feeling is spontaneous and also cultivated by simple gestures is important. Cultivated means it involves also some discipline (care, investment) to mantain. A step further is seeing all as one - that's compassion or universal love. It's always a free choice even (especially) when there are no feelings. In short: love is not just a feeling.

[AnthroHeart]

According to Ra, love is present in every moment. And the more you tune in or call for it the more it becomes. How love feels or what it is that you need to feel to know that it's love is probably complex and undefinable. Love could be any feeling that you have across your emotional/energy system. It could be the breeze of air that touches your cheek, or a certain melody that moves you, a smile or a nice comment to a stranger, the opening and sharing of the heart, the desire to reach out, serve, connect.

You say "anymore" and it makes me think you mean of a past emotion or state and compare that to your current state, I think you already have all the love that you could possibly want, but you're unaware, or have certain mental/energy blockages that don't allow love to fully flow or be felt undistorted.

My advice, if it resonates, would be to allow the time and space to ponder on these feelings and thoughts and to find acceptance.

I agree. Love is our natural state. It can get so intense it's unreal.

[AnthroHeart]

Just adding to the above.

When I found someone I could go deeply with that is where my heart fully opened to universal love.

Like a key into a lock. To focus upon the love they brought out of me allowed my heart to bloom.
To me at least till then there was love/compassion for all but there wasn’t the warmth and depth of feeling for all. the key that opened the lock made it move to a new level I’d have not of reached otherwise.

Maybe each is different but focused love can certainly be love and unconditional even.

I find universal love to be impersonal. It's not that lovey-dovey feeling like between two people.
I prefer love that's tailored for you.

[AnthroHeart]

A home where special loving feeling is spontaneous and also cultivated by simple gestures is important. Cultivated means it involves also some discipline (care, investment) to mantain. A step further is seeing all as one - that's compassion or universal love. It's always a free choice even (especially) when there are no feelings. In short: love is not just a feeling.

That doesn't invalidate the feeling of love.
At one level, love is bliss.
Joseph Campbell said "follow your bliss."

So even if it isn't love for you, follow your heart's desire, whatever it is.

[kristina]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I guess I understood Peregrine differently here. I think to focus, let's say, love upon my roses doesn't mean I don't love my wild geraniums. I love them both but I may focus my energy on the roses for a moment to ask myself why do I love them so much? As if I am exploring ideas, concepts, emotions, etc....human stuff. If I want to explore why I feel I cannot love, I may turn to an opposite which is something that I know I do love and try to understand from that perspective.
I also understand what you are saying Rita as love is self generating and needs nothing to explain it, to compare it, to feel it to seek it as it is already there without the seeking. However, I think when someone is feeling a certain way it deserves further investigation and attention.

[AnthroHeart]

kristina, I like what you say about loving one thing does not negate loving another.

I have been questioning lately about loving/worshiping a portion of God, rather than the whole thing
which is beyond understanding. Does loving this aspect of God mean I don't love the whole God/Creator?
I don't think it does.

[RitaJC]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I guess I understood Peregrine differently here. I think to focus, let's say, love upon my roses doesn't mean I don't love my wild geraniums. I love them both but I may focus my energy on the roses for a moment to ask myself why do I love them so much? As if I am exploring ideas, concepts, emotions, etc....human stuff. If I want to explore why I feel I cannot love, I may turn to an opposite which is something that I know I do love and try to understand from that perspective.
I also understand what you are saying Rita as love is self generating and needs nothing to explain it, to compare it, to feel it to seek it as it is already there without the seeking. However, I think when someone is feeling a certain way it deserves further investigation and attention.

Sure. Only calling all kinds of different experiences "love" creates lots of confusion.

I'd distinguish between having a special emotional connection to something or someone, having a specific preference for a shorter or longer while etc. etc. Those are all parts of the human experience and absolutely legitimate.

By calling those love and seeing love as an emotion only clouds the truth about what love really is: the only true reality, the creative source of all experiences etc. etc.

But, as always, that's just how this entity sees it at the moment

[kristina]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I guess I understood Peregrine differently here. I think to focus, let's say, love upon my roses doesn't mean I don't love my wild geraniums. I love them both but I may focus my energy on the roses for a moment to ask myself why do I love them so much? As if I am exploring ideas, concepts, emotions, etc....human stuff. If I want to explore why I feel I cannot love, I may turn to an opposite which is something that I know I do love and try to understand from that perspective.
I also understand what you are saying Rita as love is self generating and needs nothing to explain it, to compare it, to feel it to seek it as it is already there without the seeking. However, I think when someone is feeling a certain way it deserves further investigation and attention.

Sure. Only calling all kinds of different experiences "love" creates lots of confusion.

I'd distinguish between having a special emotional connection to something or someone, having a specific preference for a shorter or longer while etc. etc. Those are all parts of the human experience and absolutely legitimate.

By calling those love and seeing love as an emotion only clouds the truth about what love really is: the only true reality, the creative source of all experiences etc. etc.

But, as always, that's just how this entity sees it at the moment

It seems fairly obvious to me that a lot of seekers of truth experience the question, what is love? You are absolutely correct in you understanding because it is mine too. This seeker may be experiencing the first stages of discovering that love isn't what it thought it was! I feel we have to go through "this" to get to "that". So, we first question ourselves and our intentions with other selves.

[RitaJC]

You might use this time to search inside yourself and ask, "What do I truly love?"  This manner of seeking could be quite profitable.

Also, you might do the same but differentiating between what you would most dearly give love to from that which you would seek it from.

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I guess I understood Peregrine differently here. I think to focus, let's say, love upon my roses doesn't mean I don't love my wild geraniums. I love them both but I may focus my energy on the roses for a moment to ask myself why do I love them so much? As if I am exploring ideas, concepts, emotions, etc....human stuff. If I want to explore why I feel I cannot love, I may turn to an opposite which is something that I know I do love and try to understand from that perspective.
I also understand what you are saying Rita as love is self generating and needs nothing to explain it, to compare it, to feel it to seek it as it is already there without the seeking. However, I think when someone is feeling a certain way it deserves further investigation and attention.

Sure. Only calling all kinds of different experiences "love" creates lots of confusion.

I'd distinguish between having a special emotional connection to something or someone, having a specific preference for a shorter or longer while etc. etc. Those are all parts of the human experience and absolutely legitimate.

By calling those love and seeing love as an emotion only clouds the truth about what love really is: the only true reality, the creative source of all experiences etc. etc.

But, as always, that's just how this entity sees it at the moment

It seems fairly obvious to me that a lot of seekers of truth experience the question, what is love? You are absolutely correct in you understanding because it is mine too. This seeker may be experiencing the first stages of discovering that love isn't what it thought it was! I feel we have to go through "this" to get to "that". So, we first question ourselves and our intentions with other selves.

What I meant by "this entity" is what others know as RitaJC

[kristina]

I can't agree. My knowing right now is that love is what we ARE, no need to seek it from anything or anybody and it's impossible to determine "What do I truly love?" because love creates everything from itself and loves everything equally. What is excluding anybody or anything isn't love.

What @breakingties is speaking about is attachment in my current understanding. And, with spiritual maturity, we are getting liberated from that naturally.

I guess I understood Peregrine differently here. I think to focus, let's say, love upon my roses doesn't mean I don't love my wild geraniums. I love them both but I may focus my energy on the roses for a moment to ask myself why do I love them so much? As if I am exploring ideas, concepts, emotions, etc....human stuff. If I want to explore why I feel I cannot love, I may turn to an opposite which is something that I know I do love and try to understand from that perspective.
I also understand what you are saying Rita as love is self generating and needs nothing to explain it, to compare it, to feel it to seek it as it is already there without the seeking. However, I think when someone is feeling a certain way it deserves further investigation and attention.

Sure. Only calling all kinds of different experiences "love" creates lots of confusion.

I'd distinguish between having a special emotional connection to something or someone, having a specific preference for a shorter or longer while etc. etc. Those are all parts of the human experience and absolutely legitimate.

By calling those love and seeing love as an emotion only clouds the truth about what love really is: the only true reality, the creative source of all experiences etc. etc.

But, as always, that's just how this entity sees it at the moment

It seems fairly obvious to me that a lot of seekers of truth experience the question, what is love? You are absolutely correct in you understanding because it is mine too. This seeker may be experiencing the first stages of discovering that love isn't what it thought it was! I feel we have to go through "this" to get to "that". So, we first question ourselves and our intentions with other selves.

What I meant by "this entity" is what others know as RitaJC

[ttwagneriii]

To me, the term Love comes with embedded misunderstanding, much like the term God. The word itself is a closed concept and places an expectation that is is something to given, taken, and even achieved. Emotional love, the serotonin drenched brain state is not the point. Those chemicals come and go naturally. Placing the expectation on yourself that they be present in maximum quantities at all times is unrealistic and will leave you feeling like a failure when your brain takes a much needed rest.

Acceptance and understanding is the point. Can you accept what/who you are experiencing and understand that it TOO is a manifestation of the Infinite Creator? Can you do this for yourself? If you can work into your perception the acceptance and understanding that everything in your awareness is the point, then you will find your being in a present state of love.

I think the real job for us here in 3D is acceptance because our faculty for understanding is severely limited. For me, I can say I understand my perceptions, but I really think I'm saying I accept them as part of the creation and the Law of One.

A few quotes:

Ra, in 5.2 says "Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders."

Ra 46.9 "Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst."

Tao 10 says 'Can you bear heaven's children in all that you do and are?" I love that one.

This is love. For me, anyway.

[kristina]

To me, the term Love comes with embedded misunderstanding, much like the term God.  The word itself is a closed concept and places an expectation that is is something to given, taken, and even achieved.  Emotional love, the serotonin drenched brain state is not the point.  Those chemicals come and go naturally.  Placing the expectation on yourself that they be present in maximum quantities at all times is unrealistic and will leave you feeling like a failure when your brain takes a much needed rest.

Acceptance and understanding is the point.  Can you accept what/who you are experiencing and understand that it TOO is a manifestation of the Infinite Creator?   Can you do this for yourself?  If you can work into your perception the acceptance and understanding that everything in your awareness is the point, then you will find your being in a present state of love.  

I think the real job for us here in 3D is acceptance because our faculty for understanding is severely limited.  For me, I can say I understand my perceptions, but I really think I'm saying I accept them as part of the creation and the Law of One.

A few quotes:

Ra, in 5.2 says "Each acceptance smoothes part of the many distortions that the faculty you call judgment engenders."

Ra 46.9 "Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst."

Tao 10 says 'Can you bear heaven's children in all that you do and are?"  I love that one.

This is love.  For me, anyway.

 Emotional love, the serotonin drenched brain state is not the point.  Those chemicals come and go naturally.

This is part of the chemical body and the way I understand it to be, this is part of the experience until you discover something much deeper. I feel this chemical and energy exchange when I around my best friend and lover. It is a part of the experience.

Placing the expectation on yourself that they be present in maximum quantities at all times is unrealistic and will leave you feeling like a failure when your brain takes a much needed rest.

I think feeling like a failure is also part of the experience and it can be part of our journey especially once we have awakened as this seems to be in your response a type of catalyst. The body is the product of the mind.

64.20 ▶ Questioner: In the healing exercises, when you say examine the sensations of the body, do you mean those sensations available to the body via the five senses or in relation to the natural functions of the body such as touching, loving, sexual sharing, and company, or are you speaking of something else altogether?

Ra: I am Ra. The questioner may perceive its body complex at this moment. It is experiencing sensations. Most of these sensations or in this case, nearly all of them, are transient and without interest. However, the body is the creature of the mind. Certain sensations carry importance due to the charge or power which is felt by the mind upon the experience of this sensation.

For instance, at this space/time nexus one sensation is carrying a powerful charge and may be examined. This is the sensation of what you call the distortion towards discomfort due to the cramped position of the body complex during this working. In balancing you would then explore this sensation. Why is this sensation powerful? Because it was chosen in order that the entity might be of service to others in energizing this contact.

Each sensation that leaves the aftertaste of meaning upon the mind, that leaves the taste within the memory shall be examined. These are the sensations of which we speak.

93.11 ▶ Questioner: I would like, if possible, an example of the activity we call Catalyst of the Mind in a particular individual undergoing this process. Could Ra give an example of that?

Ra: I am Ra. All that assaults your senses is catalyst. We, in speaking to this support group through this instrument, offer catalyst. The configurations of each in the group of body offer catalyst through comfort/discomfort. In fact all that is unprocessed that has come before the notice of a mind/body/spirit complex is catalyst.

*the senses of the yellow ray, chemical body. This would include the chemical serotonin. Serotonin would provide an opportunity for a sexual energy exchange, or further work done in the red, orange, green or indigo ray depending on how balanced the entity is.
I do not look at these experiences as negative or silly per se as this is part of our experience as a human being. It also can indicate where growth can take place. And always, it can indicate how asleep an other self or self is. This is a great tool and the chemical body, in my opinion, is a spiritual tool as it provides opportunity for spiritual growth.

[ttwagneriii]

Oh believe me, I am a loud advocate for full engagement with 3D and you're right, its all part of the deal otherwise it wouldn't be there for us to experience. And frankly, I am amazed by the subtle and exquisite tool kit the Logos has armed us with to have these experiences. Serotonin is no exception.

My only point in that I used to get tripped up by my own definition of love. It was too narrow and I felt like I was somehow doing it wrong if I didn't feel the same love for a stranger as I do for my wife or one of my kids. By resetting my definition to acceptance and understanding, I didn't have the same conflict.

[AnthroHeart]

If you correct a child or a pet for bad behavior, then that's not acceptance, is it?
Even if you try to do it lovingly as possible.

Does acceptance mean you allow everything?

[ttwagneriii]

Yes. I let my kids and dogs play in traffic and I just bought my 12 years old a Jule until he is old enough to build his own meth lab.

Or not.

Currently, as a parent, I see my self as sort of a steward. My kids, being entities in their own right, deserve their own walk, but the Logos designed parent/dependent child construct here on Earth has temporarily put me in a position of responsibility in relation to them. Until they can understand and deal with the potential harm that can come as a consequence of their choices, I believe it is part of my own development to care for and protect them from dangerous outcomes. If this means correcting bad behavior, then that is what I will do, acknowledging my own imperfection in the delivery. I think that is why we have parents. So that when we are young, we can experiment with choices and get lovingly corrected with out major fallout.

Also, I do let them screw up when I think they are capable of handling the results. As my kids have gotten older, my degree of oversight has lessened and lessened, but I'm always here to help if they ask.

[kristina]

Oh believe me, I am a loud advocate for full engagement with 3D and you're right, its all part of the deal otherwise it wouldn't be there for us to experience.  And frankly, I am amazed by the subtle and exquisite tool kit the Logos has armed us with to have these experiences.  Serotonin is no exception.

My only point in that I used to get tripped up by my own definition of love.  It was too narrow and I felt like I was somehow doing it wrong if I didn't feel the same love for a stranger as I do for my wife or one of my kids.    By resetting my definition to acceptance and understanding, I didn't have the same conflict.

Your last paragraph is well said and I struggled (struggle) with the same. I still have some poo poo things going on in that area. I am still balancing some of these areas. The good news is there is an end in sight as the balance is the healing.
This has been a good thread! A lot of wonderful comments.

[ttwagneriii]

This is a good thread because I think it is so central to the path and, due to our distortions, so easy to get it wrong. While rereading this stuff, I recalled Ra saying that the blue ray(5th chakra - wisdom) is the first ray of radiation of self. This struck me as inaccurate because I had always imagined love as action and something that could be, well, radiated. However, if I regard love - acceptance and understanding - as a state of being, and the level of my green ray activation being the amount of love that I am ready to receive, then it makes sense: Be Love.

Being Love means doing the healing and balancing(developing acceptance and understanding)necessary to receive the love of the Infintite Creator, which, because of the Law of One, is all things. To drive this home further, Ra said that the action of Free Will upon Love makes Light. Light, or vibrational energy, is what makes up everything in 3D. So anything we can experience in 3D is, according to Ra, literally made of Love. It is just up to us to see it.

Now, this is a lot of intellectualization, I know, so let me use an example. Have you ever been around someone who was in a state of love? Did they actually have to do anything for you to feel what they were? No! Just by being in that state, anything around them cannot help but to resonate with them. I can get this same sort of sympathetic resonance by being around natural things/entities like a flower, tree, dog, horse, etc or forest/ocean, field. Even a rock or a bug, but I am a simple creature :=). Those things just ARE in a very undistorted way and their beingness, shimmering with Intelligent Infinity, has the ability to affect the environment, and for a moment, make me forget my excuses.

See, we are capable of the same thing, except for "insert excuse here." And it is those excuses that we have set before ourselves that are our life's work.

Let the excuses fall away and be Love.

[breakingties]

Thank you all guys. I found the love again Sorry for my arrogance on this forum.

[ttwagneriii]

Update: this is what I get for posting...

So, 2 week after I wrote the above post, I get my "acceptance and understanding" line put to the test twice! In both cases, the individuals doing the testing were what I objectively and non-judgementally describe as self-absorbed, pretentious, bores. With out going into the minutiae, I will provide a few unsolicited quotes:
"Yeah, I though about buying a place in Belize, but they just don't have the infrastructure, so I'm thinking about Costa, but I'm picky, picky." This went on for 75 minutes.

And:

"There's some things I promised myself as a kid I'd never do as an adult: cut my own grass, clean my own pool, or fly coach." This went on for 2 days.

Not once did either of these guys ask me a single question about what was going on with me. I'd do my best to act interested in their drivel, but inside, I'm asking myself what the heck I was supposed to be getting out of these inane interactions. I don't need somebody to ask me what is going on in my life, whether they are actually interested or faking it, but do I really need to sit thru a monologue about the miles per gallon you get driving your "party bus?" I am in no way saying I am perfect, but it would be inaccurate to characterize me as unconcerned with my spiritual progression, ignorant of the concept of unity, or uninterested in my fellow beings. Basically, if I'm awake, I'm trying.

So I had to really think about why these two identical lessons were being placed in front of me. Certainly I can accept that they are there and who they are. As far as understanding goes, I recall Ra saying something to the effect that if someone wants to stay asleep, adjust their pillow. Fine, but I just couldn't figure out why I was anywhere near them. I tried out several theories: maybe I need more patience, maybe these people get a benefit from being listened too, maybe I need a pool so I can get someone to clean it. None really felt right and in the case of being a good listener, it occurred to my that by being too attentive, I may be enabling their ego inflation.

The only thing that really felt like I was paddling downstream instead of against against the current was that I need to try and be less like what I found so unappealing in these two people. It's a simple lesson and kind of embarrassing that what I need to work on was not being a self absorbed prick. Or put in a positive way, I need to further develop genuine interest and concern for the people who are directly in front of me. Ask about them. Ask about their kids and their lives. Remember their names, for crying out loud. Like I said, embarrassing.

So I tried this change. Usually, I'm pretty good at applying help protocols to whoever I'm interacting with, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a bit of remove in this process. I just kind of let how busy I am create a barrier between me and others. Lately, I have tried to let go of that, close the emotional gap I maintain, and just try and relate. Not like I give a s***, but because I actually do give a s*** about these other manifestations of the Creator. What is amazing is how sweet it feels when I remember that I really do care and why. I think that is what rubbed me wrong about those two guys blowing their own horns: they really don't care about me or anyone else and the ugly fact I was confronting was that maybe that is true about me to some degree. In fact, I now know it was.

So, for me, "acceptance and understanding" required a little tweak: give a s***.

I'm sure I'll edit some of this later. The nuance in this lesson for me is difficult for me to describe.