If you activate your green-ray too early, how do you repair the damage?

[ches]

A synchronicity of your video was it had 47 views, and that number is meaningful to me. It's my favorite 2-digit number.
Even Aleister Crowley, an apparently negative person became overwhelmed with the true nature of reality.

I just made my video public now, I guess if 47 people viewed it and I didn't get 47 "you have psychosis" comments.. then I might tip-toe into exploring that world more publicly. I think my "persona at work" is fearful of the "other people's thoughts" about it, because it's definitely not mainstream thinking and I just can't relate to any of them there, I definitely feel small and powerless in that environment since it all unfolded while I was working there. I just really want to be able to explore and talk about this stuff more openly, because otherwise it's kept all suppressed inside.

I've watched his videos in the past, and also just watched that one and a few others, but I don't know if I'm not well, but I fell asleep? hehe.. I don't understand why I fell asleep. But each time I 'woke up', he was saying things that I resonated with, like, my thoughts went to "hmm, I wonder if he got that insight the same time that I got that insight, and I wonder if we are getting the same information given-to us at the same time.. hmm.. I wonder if he is another version of me... hmm.. I wonder.. lol... " that was kinda amusing.

[AnthroHeart]

A synchronicity of your video was it had 47 views, and that number is meaningful to me. It's my favorite 2-digit number.
Even Aleister Crowley, an apparently negative person became overwhelmed with the true nature of reality.

I just made my video public now, I guess if 47 people viewed it and I didn't get 47 "you have psychosis" comments.. then I might tip-toe into exploring that world more publicly. I think my "persona at work" is fearful of the "other people's thoughts" about it, because it's definitely not mainstream thinking and I just can't relate to any of them there, I definitely feel small and powerless in that environment since it all unfolded while I was working there. I just really want to be able to explore and talk about this stuff more openly, because otherwise it's kept all suppressed inside.

I've watched his videos in the past, and also just watched that one and a few others, but I don't know if I'm not well, but I fell asleep? hehe.. I don't understand why I fell asleep. But each time I 'woke up', he was saying things that I resonated with, like, my thoughts went to "hmm, I wonder if he got that insight the same time that I got that insight, and I wonder if we are getting the same information given-to us at the same time.. hmm.. I wonder if he is another version of me... hmm.. I wonder.. lol... " that was kinda amusing.

I find that if I'm learning a spiritual truth or gaining spiritual knowledge, that it can knock me out too. I think it has something to do with the brain only being able to handle so much information at once.

I'm glad you're letting it out. While I haven't read every word you wrote, I can still resonate.

I have wondered too if I have a parallel self, though I usually wonder that about an anthro like my avatar/profile image.

I'm always wondering what happens after death. That's my main focus. Like who will meet me right after I die. It isn't morbid, but I usually get a thrill. Though sometimes I make my life choices by how well I think I will do in the afterlife. It can take me away from the here and now.

It is all HERE and NOW. In truth, even space and time are illusions. There is only ONE of us here. ONE being. ONE mind. We are the Universe experiencing itself.

But all this may be old knowledge to you.

[ches]

As to where I was when you needed me, eight months ago I was still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with this messed up planet, lol. I only found out about the Law of One in January I think? I DEVOURED it in a week or two and it seems that it was something of a keystone experience for me. Now, finally, the last thirty years of my life make sense.

I devoured it also very quickly, more like, in a rush to advance. At the same time that I read Law of One, I read the emerald tablets, dolores cannon, david icke, was into non-stop bentinho massaro and matt kahn and gosh I can't even remember now but it was intense, it was like complete-overwhelm and mis-match of information which also contributed to my mind going cross-eyed and not being able to make sense of anything. I had my truth, and all these others were ... 'resonating' with my truth, or validating my truth and I turned off my own discernment and just swallowed it all whole hehe.  When I first read Law of One, I was hopeful but also skeptical.. it scared me with it's talk of "Harvest" and the love/light stuff was kinda making me wonder if it was like a dark kind of channelling mascerading as light. So I didn't really get into it with the right mindset, it was more.. I hope this is valuable "consume" and then moved onto the next. I just never stopped intaking all this information.. I was very much in a rush for truth at that particular time. It's much more enjoyable to read it now in a calm way without all the extra-pressure that I had placed on myself before.

I won't derail this thread going into it, maybe I'll finally get around to that Wanderer Stories post I keep meaning to do.

Please do that, I'm very curious.

Thanks for putting up your blog links! I bookmarked your page immediately. I'm still devouring every writer I can find who has found the Truth, and it seems clear to me that you have.

Ego is happy for the validation lol,  big-me "creator/higher-self" all that truth-aspect of my consciousness is a believer, and little-me - this little avatar that I'm living creation out of right now, knows that from this perspective of whatever aspect of source I'm living now.. knows nothing, less than nothing of the magnitude, the infinite of what's possible, and knows nothing about anything ... but wants to know hehe and wishes this aspect knew so much more and is most of the time full of self-doubt or gets "certainty" then doubts that certainty because there are multiple-perspectives to look at anything and for everything we think we know, we might not know anything ... always seeking more clarity (I wish I could channel and ask all the questions I want to ask... been trying to do the ouija board too - it doesn't even move a little bit for me)

In fact...I just re-read your original post on the thread here, and I have come to believe that you did more than touch intelligent infinity. Contemplating your story, your description of the way your emotions and your mind and your heart chakra were functioning...what if you woke up that morning as a newborn fourth density entity?

I would've totally believed that and more at the time. I was convinced that we could just 'step into' whatever reality our consciousness wanted to step-into / create / experience, and it would just.. be that.
But since it didn't end up being that.. lol.. I totally resonate with what you said and I totally don't want to be crazy and have so many "mainstream" thoughts about what could've transpired, but also.. underlying that.. the belief is still there.. but so is the fear.

Maybe the psychosis was a necessary "creation" from within, to fully realize my unresolved blockages and programmes from the past. I really don't think I was ready for such an experiment, and therefore, I then created my own "downfall" possibly to something more "believable".

I really get confused between... the empowering feeling of knowing we are creating this, and actually having that belief - which changes our reality that we experience, via the placebo and imagination/intent/will/belief/etc. And the humbling of our ego. The keeping modest, small, calm, ease, peace. etc. I'm definitely experiencing the latter at the moment, and there is so much to be benefited from this experience, but ... when I was in that other mode, there was nothing like it - it was ... magical, love-filled, heart-centred, like.. no such thing as suffering in that particular sphere, and the feeling - you just feel so much love for the experience and everyone in it, that you want everyone, you "know" everyone could feel it and that together.. it was very liberating and freeing.... wonderful in the "wonder" sense of the word.. like, wow, anything is possible, wow. Like a child looking at exciting things for the first time, life sparkles. And now I'm dead lol.. and it's like.. oh crap.

If this experience was real, then I've stepped back for some reason. Either through dark forces or my own unconscious "creation of dark forces". As a means to deal with undealt with stuff perhaps, as some kind of weird evolution process - like my soul is screwed-up and celebrates trap-doors and hero-journey's out of them? lol.

In any case, I don't know if it's possible to repair anything "to get back to", or even if that's what I'm supposed to do (but I want to experience my heart again .. or do I? Just realized, I'm starting to get used to this not-feeling space, it just feels.. not-right, a bit empty.. like, I can't "tap-into" any love - from the creator or from myself or for others, it's weird).

I do wish I had've been able to finish my "save the world" phase first while I was in my 'save the world mode', because I was so motivated at that time and getting big things done. Now it 'doesn't matter'.. none of that matters. Now I spend maybe an hour on our project a week lacking the lustre that I had when I was all empowered, I had many websites and was creating networks to gather and unite with others and yeah, in the middle of it, lost it all, all faith, deleted everything, came "back down to earth" and had no belief in anything that I had experienced because it seemed like, by believing what I did - my life went to ruins.. and I didn't want to give anyone else 'false hope' that this was real because I wouldn't wish the hell-fire walk on anyone, that is the opposite of what I want for humanity.  The synchronicity of meeting my new lightworker-partner was why I joined his project instead of re-creating my own, because it's "similar" (lightworkers/wanderers/soulpreneurs, are almost identical in my eyes - he even had back&forth conversations with Carla when he was learning to channel) - so his project was almost the same as what I was doing before this happened and I can step back in more from a background, rather than the 'face'. I do need to rebuild my confidence now that I've had some kind of ego-death or maybe still in the process of actually, possibly. Still shrinking in a way. But also, can sometimes feel the opposite. Hmm. I don't know, maybe it's all just self-doubt.

It's a really interesting time right now. Have people here seen information about the eclipses this month? Tomorrow's full moon gets eclipsed, which is the start (or one of the high points) of an astrologically significant period culminating in the full solar eclipse in fifteen days. This presents a profound opportunity, I believe.

I'll look into the eclipses. I definitely feel a different - a stronger energy - hitting earth at the moment. Like, literally there are 3 conversations I'm having in facebook right now from 3 different friends who are considering suicide, and so something seems to be strongly unearthing undealt-with-s*** with people at the moment. I thought it might of been related to the schumann resonance - which I don't know that much about, but apparently it’s normal frequency varies between 7-8Hz and it’s been increasing over the past few years… in 2014 it spiked at 14-16Hz  & last year it hit 30-40Hz. This easter it zoomed up to 90hz and I'm pretty sure that I read last week that it recently spiked to 1000Hz. But yeah, don't know much about it (and just now tried to google the new data and can't find anything worth referencing) but it apparently does correlate with human consciousness and connection to source and all that good stuff lol..

What if the problem was that you took this step alone? What if you were vulnerable because you didn't have anyone else's support? What if next time, a whole lot of us take the step together, and in the linking of our minds and wills and intentions, support each other and guarantee, magically, that they can never de-evolve any of us again?

That would be the official birth of the Eden social-memory-complex.

Funny that a common theme coming out of my mouth over the past few years is "I just have to find the others.. #FindTheOthers".. etc etc etc.. over and over. (And one that fellow-youtubers were very strongly trying to dissuade me from saying.. because also like me, they were saying that no matter where we are, we need to do the work.. that it's not about finding others but going within).. but I think it's about both. Doing the inner-work, and .. finding the others. hehe. So definitely resonates with me... and so does this forum  And I guess also the new lightworkers project will hopefully help us all 'find like minds' and truly test this theory once and for all.  And yet, ever still be doing-the-work in the meantime, clearing blockages, working on all that we need to work on, etc. But yeah I'm not back in my beliefs yet, but these conversations are very helpful and relaxing to me, really feeling waves-of-blockages leave me as I'm feeling "free" to express these things that I've been suppressing xo

[Fuse]

I personally feel the Schumann resonance is one of the symptoms of the energetic changes. I definitely noticed Easter, lol. My dad's higher self orchestrated a violent motorcycle accident for himself a few days before that, and I spent Easter in the hospital with him. He had surgery that day. During his surgery, he astral-projected and caught all the places he missed while on vacation in Thailand a couple weeks before. He came out of anesthesia and told my brother and I about all the places he had gone, and described them like a poet or novelist would. I didn't think to record it. He doesn't remember a bit of it now. Totally kicking myself. Easter was a beautiful day, peaceful, like the world was glowing somehow. At first I attributed that to a really potent energetic cleansing I had done of the hospital from home before going over that day. Later I saw the Schumann and realized it wasn't just me.

I really noticed it because of the contrast, I think. A couple of days before, the day of the accident, I had my first in-the-flesh encounter (at least that I am aware of) with a negative adept, and the energies in the hospital had been pretty dark ever since.

When I got the call about the accident, I immediately dropped down and sent as much healing energy as I could to him, bathing him in light and doing what I could to set up healing protections around him. That might have been a mistake, because I think I might have alerted something.

When my wife and I got to the emergency room, we were just preceded by a priest, who turned out of a hall in front of us and walked straight to my father's emergency ward, just a few steps in front of us, without looking back. He entered ahead of the nurse leading us, then turned and smiled at us as we entered. I didn't notice much about it at the time, being a bit distracted by my first sight of my trussed up father, overwhelmed by the sights and smells of what happens to a person riding a motorcycle when a car hits them. My father was conscious, though incredibly disoriented (time was moving VERY slowly for him, minutes feeling like hours). But he was alive and there, and obviously going to recover.

I was relieved, but something strange began to happen while I was reassuring my dad. It was like the world began to contract in around me, like how they describe it when a fighter pilot blacks out from turning too hard. I broke out into a massive sweat, just drenched within seconds. I could still talk and was trying to say I'd just lie down there (on the ER floor???). My wife saw it happening thankfully and grabbed a nurse, who led me back out to the waiting room to sit down and get some water.

Now I have generalized anxiety disorder, a very thorough case of it, lol, so I've studied what a panic attack feels like in exquisite detail. This wasn't that, it was something different in just about every way. I had a similar experience one other time several years ago, a sort of mental collapse into myself that happened once while my wife and I were out shopping. I had no explanation for it at the time, but the effects were devastating. As it became clear that something was really wrong with me on this first occasion, I told her I thought I was having some kind of panic attack that was dramatically worse than anything I'd felt and we had to leave. I made it to the car, and rode part of the way in the passenger seat, but finally had to crawl back into the back seat, where I huddled in a fetal position and drenched the back of the car in sweat. I finally made it to bed, shivering so violently it hurt, thoroughly drenched the bedclothes, but thankfully passed the f%*k out. I awoke a couple hours later, still soaked through, but more or less back to normal, nothing a hot shower and dry clothes didn't fix.

So I recognized this feeling when it happened again in the hospital. But strangely, this time it was over much, much faster. As soon as I was led from the emergency room, in fact, I started to feel better. After a couple minutes sitting in a comfy chair nursing an ice water, I was fine. Still didn't understand what had happened to me at the time, but I dried myself off, shrugged off the experience and went right back into the ER.

That's the first time things got weird. When I came back in, the priest was bent over speaking to my father. But as he saw me come in, back on my feet and obviously fine, he stood bolt upright and looked at me a little wide-eyed. He just quit talking mid sentence, smiled awkwardly, backed away, and left. It registered as weird, but I was immediately too busy talking to my dad again to really process it.

It wasn't until a couple days later that I remembered this incident and I asked my wife about him, what he had said to them while I was gone. She said it hadn't amounted to much (my dad has a healthy disrespect for organized religion, so was smartassing the guy even in his rather wrecked state), especially since I came right back and he left so suddenly. But then she said something that stopped me cold. She added that he had seemed like an ordinary collared catholic priest, except for his weird, definitely unorthodox necklace. It was a tiny black leather bag with silver spiral designs traced on it that hung around his neck on a black leather thong. Suddenly that seemed very sinister, as did the only other time we saw him that day.

At one point while they were doing something gruesome to my father, they made us leave his room and stand in the common area outside. We were at the end of a short hall area with four emergency room wards off of it. They rolled in a patient on an ambulance gurney, a middle-aged man who was strapped down. We didn't think much of it, but after a few minutes a disturbance started.

The patient on the gurney was starting to freak out, yelling, cursing at the orderlies who were attending to him. There was a cop present, and we realized this poor guy was in legal trouble on top of being in physical distress. Chaos sort of descended there, thirty feet from us, with us cornered in the area right with it all going down. A head nurse saw us and raced over, first trying to shove us back in my dad's room, but when the doctors in there were like "oh God don't let them in here!!" she turned us around and hustled us right past the disturbance and out of there. We dodged a few more cops racing in as we were hustled out, and I turned to catch one last glimpse as we rounded a corner.

It was a scene of chaos, orderlies hovering carefully out of range of a gurney with a violent injured person strapped to it, cops racing over to subdue him while a big male nurse held up a syringe and squirted sedatives into the air. All of that made sense. But there, in the midst, was one really incongruous image. That damn priest in his black suit and collar was standing five feet away from the gurney, his hands clasped in front of him, motionless, ignoring the chaos around him and staring intently down at the head of the raging man, a weird smile on his face that pisses me off just remembering it. He was the eye of that storm, and no one seemed to care, not the cops, not the nurses, not the orderlies, not the patient who was screaming violent threats at everyone else...

He was gone fifteen minutes later when they let us back in. The patient was still strapped down, silently sleeping off his sedative. We never saw the priest again.

With everything else we were dealing with, it took me a couple days to put the pieces together, to realize what an anomaly the priest represented in the whole experience. So it wasn't until the night before Easter that I finally thought to ask my wife what had happened with him while I was out of the room. That's when she told me about his amulet and the weird vibe she got from it. (She had been pretty skeptical about the rabbit hole we've all found ourselves down here, at least up until that point. But bumping into an evil mage masquerading as a man of God in order to spiritually attack human beings in their most vulnerable state really hit her, I think. It certainly blew my mind when she told me. She had a devout Christian upbringing, and so was having a pretty hard time accepting the things I was realizing and discovering, until she saw it with her own eyes.)

As soon as she told me about him and I realized the implications, I performed the most intensive energetic or magical effort I've ever undertaken, burying that hospital under an avalanche of Holy Light, and setting up energetic protections to rebound his efforts back at him should he try to undo it or come at me again. It seems to have worked.

I was a bit amazed when I got to the hospital on Easter, then. It just felt like a totally different place, from the grounds to the people. Everyone was smiling, the sun was shining. It really was a delightful day, considering I spent it at a hospital while my damaged father went under for a major surgery. A day or two later I saw what the Schumann Resonance had been up to that day, and for a minute, I couldn't help wondering if I might have helped spike it in some way! Since then I haven't noticed any corresponding flares in response to other actions I've taken, so probably not. Perhaps I happened on a serendipitous moment energetically to perform a cleansing, and the power of a wave from the Central Sun energized my efforts. (As if serendipity is a real thing.)

Sorry for telling the whole story here, but it illustrates a point that I want to make as we work on figuring out this moment of spiritual transition. I've talked a lot about external causes for our challenges, the "thems" out there attacking "us." There's pushback against the polarizing us/them dichotomy out there, and I agree that this focus can be a distraction. You yourself wonder if you are really being attacked, or just attacking yourself. I should say, just so everyone doesn't think I'm part of the problem of pushing polarization, that I do tend to view this situation from the perspective of Unity. After all, to whatever extent "victory" is even a real thing, we really can only "defeat" "them" by sort of reaching past polarity to the truth of the Light, wherein the unifying power of the Original Thought is brought to bear in a way that simply dissolves distortions that are not purely Holy. (That's the power of the wide-open heart chakra, blasting out that intense creative Love in all directions of space and time. It's a weapon of mass destruction against Shadows.)

But once we've acknowledged that this is just a "game" in some sense, an inescapable conclusion that emerges from the truth that each of us is the Creator tackling an exploration of Itself from a slightly different angle, I do think it's important to focus part of our attention on what's happening right Now in our world. And right Now in our world, there are angles of the Creator that are exploring themselves in ways that afflict great harm on those around them. Regardless of whether they have a Divine Right to do so, the allotted time in which they could explore those things here is now passed. The Planetary Entity that is Earth/Gaia is evolving, ready to move to Her fourth density as a fully positive polarity world, during which she will manifest a new sensory and cognitive apparatus comprised of humans and other spiritual entities that are telepathically networked into the archetypal planetary subconscious that we've known as the akashic record. On that world, there will be no Shadows cast.

And that's where your search to Find the Others comes in. At some point, that switch is going to be flipped, apparently triggered by an emission from the Galactic Central Sun, and all of us who are prepared sufficiently will have our potentiated Fourth Density bodies activated. I don't know exactly what will happen at that moment...perhaps many of us will have the chance to undergo full Ascension right on the spot. But I do strongly suspect that at minimum, our telepathic linkage into the social-memory-complex will be forged, and we will find ourselves suddenly a multitude that is One. Talk about finding the others! Yeah, we're all connecting online already, but my carpal tunnels are really looking forward to the time when my mind can handle the communication by itself.

And that brings me to the timing, always a delicate subject. I make no predictions. However, I will say that the eclipses this month affords us some really, really powerful energetic opportunities that could trigger the shift, if doing so is within our power. Since I've massively rambled on here ;D, I will save the eclipses for their own post. There's a lot I'd say about that, and huge global meditations being planned that I'd love to see people here notified of if they weren't otherwise aware. I'm going to put something up in Spiritual Development & Metaphysical Matters about it. The lunar eclipse that kicks it all off is later today, so it's a good time to get word out. Full moons are a good time to start a new venture after all.

A final note, my father recovered remarkably well from his accident. He was severely damaged, but six weeks later he was back at work right on schedule, pretty much fine. I didn't try to heal him, as it was obvious to me that his higher self was working him very deliberately through all this. I'm glad he put himself through it, too, because I'm watching his Self destroy his business as part of the energetic changes (get out of advertising dad). He's integrating those changes quite well, and spiritually, much to my delight.

It's a reminder for us to watch out for our loved ones though! I know, and know of others, who are going through bumpier rides right now. I firmly believe their Selves have things in hand, but they'll use our loving hands too, if we offer them.

[Fuse]

Sorry again for telling such a long personal story on your personal story thread, hehe. To make it up to you, here's the link I usually use to check up-to-the-minute Schumann Resonance stuff. The only site I know that gives current data is the page for Russia's Space Observing System. I just let Google Chrome translate the page. There's a lot of of weather and atmospheric data available, but just click on the Schumann Resonance tab and they have a good graphical representation of recent activity. It's a good day to look too, it's been behaving crazily lately!

http://sosrff.tsu.ru/

[Steppingfeet]

I checked out that book last night and I found paragraph after paragraph of resonation & validation. Wow, the Dark Night of the Soul chapter was so much "my journey explained in a much more succinct way". I took so many notes I nearly copied the whole chapter. And even though I was perusing the book quickly last night because I wanted to glean what it was about, I did a search for "love" and found so many different paragraphs that I recognize in myself too.

So glad you dig! My opinion is that however far we have advanced technologically, however complex our society has become, and however sophisticated our thinking may now be relative to centuries and millennia past, the third-density human journey has been walked many, many times before us. The patterns of illumination, awakening, trial, doubt, initiation, death and rebirth, opening the heart, despair, the valley and the mountaintop have been described and mapped in abundant detail.

Which isn't to say that there is no novelty, or nothing new to discover. Just that we can glean guidance from those who have walked the difficult road before us.

When reading of the mystics, and mystically oriented literature (the Law of One material being one such (awesome) example), I too have found myself. There are any number of personality quirks and shallow desires within me that are explainable in terms of upbringing and conventional psychology, but as to the deeper yearnings and movements of my heart, that which draws me, the vision I hold, etc., is best related in terms of those who have been drawn forward on the same path. Though that path is walked in many costumes and contexts, so the Christian mystic and the Persian mystic each have something unique to bring to the table. There are infinite starting points. BUT, the language of mysticism is universal. Whatever the historical period, all mystics should be more or less mutually intelligible to one another.

Another book: Aldous Huxley's The Perennial Philosophy.

I almost feel like, every video I've done whilst trying to explain to others what I was experiencing (with the hope of catching the attention of ANYONE that was experiencing the same thing as me, but not finding anyone that I could go left-field with), but each video I did, was me expressing the experiences that these mystics in that book were experiencing with a mainstream-overlay. I really think that book you recommended is a must-read for anyone that's gone through what I have. Wow. Thank you.

You have been out in the wilderness, Ches. Completely (seemingly) on your own.

Fortunately near the very the start of my own absolutely bewildering death of an old identity and birth of a new, I had the Law of One (and other helpful sources) as a guiding companion. Not that such sources ever eliminated personal confusion, but they've helped to form a sturdy framework and foundation within which to proceed forward. And have helped to keep the guiding north star visible.

I absolutely applaud your initiative and fearlessness in sharing and documenting your experience as it unfolds for the benefit of others similarly (seemingly) lost.

Though there is ever more information available to guide the spiritual seeker nowadays, waking up on this planet is still fraught with terrible peril. Many are like you who can't reconcile that which is being born within them to the world that had previously been the totality of what they knew. It is a precarious position to be in, and I believe many don't find their way to guidance and subsequently end up in mental institutions, or jail, or distorted in some way.

I believe that if this world offered more reliable and fully accessible service to guide the awakening soul into full realization of who they are, virtually every awakening could transpire relatively safely for the person.

Re: The Doubt.
That's why everything screwed up but at the same time, if I had kept my faith at that time, when it was leading me into some kind of delusion I guess.. it was leading me straight into harm's way. I don't know to describe it but I do think that I had to stop everything before being murdered or seriously harmed by them because of what was transpiring. But yeah... I was "too big for my boots" in way where I thought I was ready for the truth of the universe and really overly-confident in my readiness for more (for EVERYTHING), and really wasn't ready at all.. now I let life unfold at it's own pace, baby-step-by-baby-step

Thanks be that you were able to pull yourself back from that. Lack of discernment is a serious issue. Especially in the chaos of values and standards on this planet, especially for the awakening seeker who is shifting between an old system of values to a new.

What you say above is connecting to what I was feeling but not articulating well. When that higher voltage energy (or increased spiritual vision) flows into the system, it will inevitably magnify pre-existing distortions, blockages, and imbalances within the system. Such that - unless the self has been rendered sufficiently transparent and humble, able to walk its path in a stable and balanced way - that increased energy can, as you indicate, go to the head. : ) Ones evaluations of one's role, or abilities, or identity can become, shall we say, inflated.

That's also why I included the final quote from Ra. And why I love that, I don't know, Buddhist I guess aphorism that asks the enlightened person what he did before becoming enlightened. He replies saying he chopped wood and carried water. Well then, what did he do after becoming enlightened? He chopped wood and carried water.

As Ra says, "The life experience becomes somewhat transformed and the great work goes on."

 

Can't wait for the podcast .. what day does it come out? I downloaded them all the other day and it's what I listen to when I'm driving and when on breaks at work, etc. I love it, I resonate with every single podcast, it's like.. you are "my kind of people" with the conversations you have. What a blessing to be able to do that each week. I've been trying to #FindTheOthers.. others that I can talk to as freely as you guys do about the topics that interest me.

Austin publishes it to the archive website every other Wednesday. So I think next Wednesday (Aug 16) is the next publication date. I'm surprised you can listen to us that much. I feel like we just dryly ramble on. : ) Glad you're finding something helpful in it!

[ches]

My dad's higher self orchestrated a violent motorcycle accident for himself a few days before that, and I spent Easter in the hospital with him. He had surgery that day. During his surgery, he astral-projected and caught all the places he missed while on vacation in Thailand a couple weeks before. He came out of anesthesia and told my brother and I about all the places he had gone, and described them like a poet or novelist would. I didn't think to record it. He doesn't remember a bit of it now. Totally kicking myself.  Easter was a beautiful day, peaceful, like the world was glowing somehow. At first I attributed that to a really potent energetic cleansing I had done of the hospital from home before going over that day. Later I saw the Schumann and realized it wasn't just me.

How cool that your dad got to experience some places in Thailand he missed, but d'oh! that he forgot about it.

It's frightful to think that sending healing energies to someone might actually alert something unwanted. I wish we knew for sure because egad!

Is it normal for a priest to be in the emergency wards over there? (It's kinda unheard of here - I spent 27 years of my life in and out of hospitals and I never saw any)

What was the priest saying to your dad, was he conscious?

I don't understand the significance of the amulet? (Maybe cos I don't know much about religion)

I performed the most intensive energetic or magical effort I've ever undertaken, burying that hospital under an avalanche of Holy Light, and setting up energetic protections to rebound his efforts back at him should he try to undo it or come at me again.

How do you do that?

Sorry for telling the whole story here, but it illustrates a point that I want to make as we work on figuring out this moment of spiritual transition. I've talked a lot about external causes for our challenges, the "thems" out there attacking "us." There's pushback against the polarizing us/them dichotomy out there, and I agree that this focus can be a distraction. You yourself wonder if you are really being attacked, or just attacking yourself. I should say, just so everyone doesn't think I'm part of the problem of pushing polarization, that I do tend to view this situation from the perspective of Unity. After all, to whatever extent "victory" is even a real thing, we really can only "defeat" "them" by sort of reaching past polarity to the truth of the Light, wherein the unifying power of the Original Thought is brought to bear in a way that simply dissolves distortions that are not purely Holy. (That's the power of the wide-open heart chakra, blasting out that intense creative Love in all directions of space and time. It's a weapon of mass destruction against Shadows.)

Yeah I also feel that I don't think we can be harmed, if we don't have weaknesses, that they are somehow .. a very balanced and important part of creation.. here to show us "where we need to work on", that they have a part in this too, that isn't sinister in the eyes of creation, but just feels it as a human - especially when someone is poking and intensifying your weaknesses and vulnerabilities which ultimately drives your inner-strength (or destroys you lol.. )

If the wide-open heart charka is a mass destruction, I don't know why everything went so bad for me. However, I did have to close it, and I still had "traumas" come up, so maybe I just wasn't ready and this was a massive lesson. Maybe you do get what you ask for - ready or not. Like, I was demanding/begging/yearning for answers, I wanted the truth of everything. I didn't think it would be harmful lol or dangerous, or anything. I thought that I would get answers, and in so many ways, I did, but it was too much for me.

Yeah the fullmoon or whatever is going on now is weird for me. Most of the time I'm really calm, fine, easy, but yeah various times over the past few days I've felt really dense .. actually I can't describe it very well when I'm feeling fine lol, but when I wasn't feeling fine.. that was crap and I couldn't "shift it" except for when I did meditations or after a nap/sleep.

My computer has been.. well I think it's on it's last days. Surprisingly today it's been fine (except for the rhs of screen), but yeah it's on it's way out and very frustrating when there's "no screen" - or when it just turns itself off when you are in the middle of a reply.

[ches]

Which isn't to say that there is no novelty, or nothing new to discover. Just that we can glean guidance from those who have walked the difficult road before us.

I think this would've taken me decades more if I hadn't of found the IChing when I did. I trusted noone, especially not myself or any "guidance". I turned everything off and shut everyone out and was just left with my crazy "none of this can be real, I must be the crazy delusional one" and anyone else that agreed with me that I must be nuts.

Fortunately near the very the start of my own absolutely bewildering death of an old identity and birth of a new, I had the Law of One (and other helpful sources) as a guiding companion. Not that such sources ever eliminated personal confusion, but they've helped to form a sturdy framework and foundation within which to proceed forward. And have helped to keep the guiding north star visible.

I'm getting into The Wanderer's Handbook lately and want to re-read the Law of One from a calmer perspective (rather than a "rush to advance" perspective as I was previously... when I was trying to injest all the knowledge of everything at once and I couldn't get it all fast enough lol.. from listening to mp3s/podcasts/doco's etc all through the night and while I was driving and reading books at the same time. I trusted my mind would kinda figure it all out and put everything in place and the "truth will be revealed". No wonder my mind went cross-eyed trying to organize the info. I was also in conspiracy groups and we were exploring our various perspectives about how the world works. Yeah. There is no race (but it felt like it was a race at the time for some reason).

I noticed the tape recordings of the channellings of the Law of One are available, but if they are just "one-word-at-a-time" that might be hard to listen to? Have they also been converted into audible books somewhere? I remember listening to some of them on youtube.

I absolutely applaud your initiative and fearlessness in sharing and documenting your experience as it unfolds for the benefit of others similarly (seemingly) lost.

I started creating the videos because I wanted practice because I was about to launch my online business lol. I never in a million years expected the subject to change the way that it did, or that I would be talking about mental illness or that I would still be posting videos asking "what the heck happened to me"... but it's been useful for killing off my ego and completely ruining my reputation-to-the-world, but also for going back and referring to and going "wow.. I really did believe that didn't I?".. if there was no "video evidence" of what I was going through, I wouldn't of believed it because each time you "upgrade", you don't really understand "past-self" as much. It's also how I can clearly see that I do care what others think - I do get my 'validation' from external sources.

It is a precarious position to be in, and I believe many don't find their way to guidance and subsequently end up in mental institutions, or jail, or distorted in some way.

Agreed. I kinda thought I might find sanctuary in such places, except that I don't like others controlling my freedom lol or choosing my food or telling me when to sleep and wakeup, or giving me prescription drugs, etc. But the "getting away from society" and being "free to be my crazy" would've been nice.

I believe that if this world offered more reliable and fully accessible service to guide the awakening soul into full realization of who they are, virtually every awakening could transpire relatively safely for the person.

When I "had answers", before the Dark Night. I honestly thought that I should go to all those places and free everyone. I didn't think they were crazy at all and I wanted to talk to them about what they saw and encourage them. hehe. I'm not up to that task anymore.

Lack of discernment is a serious issue.

Yep. I thought my 'unconditional love' lens was my mission. It was actually really difficult to un-knot this belief. I was so convinced. The IChing helped me most. And then "seeing myself" through other people's eyes, and seeing others "too loving". But I still kinda think that the only reason I want to get away from those people is because I've moved down a few densities. Like there was some part of me that thought that while I was in that state, that it was right. But when I became dark and negative, anything "light" and "loving" or "too much" became a source of annoyance to me.. and I wanted them to calm down too. On the plus side, that made me calm down more and there's so much healing that has been done. On the down side, this world would've been beautiful in that state hehe. When I was in it, I saw a heaven on earth. Not able to see that now and sometimes that feels wrong, and sometimes I feel way more stable because of it. It's hard to figure it out because both feels true (which is why the density thing kinda matches).

But I also wonder whether me "merging" energies with that guy... someone with sinister intentions towards me (and me being oblivious to that).. maybe there is something to that. That there is some kind of energy exchange where whatever is attached to them.... I don't know what to believe. My logical brain doesn't want to go there. My crazy brain really wants to know what happened.

I wish I knew how it really worked, what really happened, which truth is truth.

I've also explored things like um, what was it.. "Alien Love Bite", which was exactly what I experienced. She was talking about the same thing but she uses that term. Maybe there is some "other thing" that is doing this, but then it still stems from these weaknesses within. Are all these other people with their ideas "wrong" or are they just interpreting things in the best way they can understand.

I just want truth? lol

When that higher voltage energy (or increased spiritual vision) flows into the system, it will inevitably magnify pre-existing distortions, blockages, and imbalances within the system. Such that - unless the self has been rendered sufficiently transparent and humble, able to walk its path in a stable and balanced way - that increased energy can, as you indicate, go to the head. : ) Ones evaluations of one's role, or abilities, or identity can become, shall we say, inflated.

That definitely happened, wish it wasn't a "hindsight" lesson. lol. But then maybe that's why everything went the way that it went, or maybe there was no "meant to be" anything, but what unfolded was that particular lesson. And now I want to make sure I've done the work, but sometimes I also wonder if I'm always constantly looking for weaknesses and vulnerabilities and holes and traumas and pain... like constantly living a life of "shadow work" because I am fearful of this ever happening again, and I want to get back in touch with the closed-heart/seat of my soul.

Austin publishes it to the archive website every other Wednesday. So I think next Wednesday (Aug 16) is the next publication date. I'm surprised you can listen to us that much. I feel like we just dryly ramble on. : ) Glad you're finding something helpful in it!

That's too long to wait lol. Especially when you know it's already recorded hehe

Yeah I can listen that much because it resonates with my soul, and it's a subject I don't get to talk about in my daily life with anyone. If I bring this up, it's um.. "weird". I need new friends. lol.

[ches]

I find that if I'm learning a spiritual truth or gaining spiritual knowledge, that it can knock me out too. I think it has something to do with the brain only being able to handle so much information at once.

I'm glad you're letting it out. While I haven't read every word you wrote, I can still resonate.

I have wondered too if I have a parallel self, though I usually wonder that about an anthro like my avatar/profile image.

I'm always wondering what happens after death. That's my main focus. Like who will meet me right after I die. It isn't morbid, but I usually get a thrill. Though sometimes I make my life choices by how well I think I will do in the afterlife. It can take me away from the here and now.

It is all HERE and NOW. In truth, even space and time are illusions. There is only ONE of us here. ONE being. ONE mind. We are the Universe experiencing itself.

But all this may be old knowledge to you.

I wonder about death too, not as much anymore but when I was dying I think it instigated something within me. Then I thought I actually died which brought up a lot more (I'd died a few times in my life and only had the 'blackout' experience, like when you wake up), but I've had some other weird kinda NDE like experiences unrelated to those 'real deaths', and also when I surrendered completely after my health went really bad and I was bedridden and I 'gave up', I just let go. And everything was different after that. For one, I absolutely no longer fear death - I don't "long for it" or want to rush it lol, but I don't fear it anymore - whereas I used to live in fear of death.

So many possibilities whilst trying to figure out what happened. I felt like a different being. I even went searching for answers and thought that maybe I was a "walk-in" because everything was different. I contemplated whether I had stepped into a parallel reality or quantum jumped. I couldn't understand how I went from death to well (it didn't happen overnight but very quickly). I thought maybe another part of my soul had stepped in - like, that this aspect "couldn't handle it" and another aspect said "no worries - I'll do the next chapter!" and so "I" died and another me stepped in, and had to deal with the body that I had damaged badly but with the new mindset and mission, it worked with what it had. It was so freakin' bizarre (life was the same but relationships changed, health changed, I had changed - I was different). Slowly I've re-integrated the fact that maybe the surrender just let go of a lot of past stuff, and a new me emerged from it, but often I think... did I actually die? What happened? Maybe when you die and you still have uncompleted stuff, you just "continue where you left off", like.. you don't get that opportunity lol.. that you have to finish what you started, so you end up .. not dying from your perspective, that you step into the same existence until you have done what you came here to do (maybe we die all the time, and this is our normal from this lens that we've created). And that doesn't make sense to a lot of theories out there, but it's kinda like how I experienced it so I try and make it work sometimes with my limited knowledge of the infinite possibilities of all that is.

This is completely unrelated to what I've been talking about on this post, this happened a couple of years before that. It's what "healed me" and put me on this crazy path because it opened up a never-ending stream of questions that I needed answers about.

When I do the tarot or talk to 'whoever it is that is answering'. I think about those who have passed-away and wonder if it's them. But I don't know who would meet me on the other-side because I haven't considered myself really close to anyone that has died. But I've had some really awesome shivers/goosebumps experiences with our dearly departed, and recently was led to someone and that was major shivers (good ones, like "conformation" ones). And interestingly I should be moving into that house temporarily soon and we'll see what comes of that. Definitely feel led to explore whatever it is that is happening in that house and it's connection to the transitioned as 2 people that I am friends with transitioned there in the past year.

Whilst I do believe we are creation exploring creation, I'm still trying to live this particular aspect, because when I don't, I get in trouble lol. When I feel like I'm getting messages from the other-side, or creator, or other beings/allies/helpers.. I have moments when things just feel so confirming, like - I'm so certain, it doesn't feel random.

Other times, I don't feel a connection at all. But there's a sense when you're "tapped in" and I want to understand it more and tap-in more, and I also want to make sure I know how to 'not tap in' to whatever led me into trouble lol

I'd never heard of anthro until your messages, I don't know much about them - never crossed paths with the word before, let alone seen them until you

[AnthroHeart]

I've never actually had an NDE. Though I've had a couple of dreams where I had died, and it was exciting. Even one where I experienced God and it was blissful.

Yeah, anthros may seem strange to someone who's not used to them. They are essentially animals that have human characteristics. I think they are the most beautiful thing in the Universe. Though I haven't met any angels to light beings to know.

A couple of times I thought I was dying when I inhaled my own saliva accidentally and then could barely breathe and was gasping for like a minute or two.

My furryhuggers thread has more anthros in it: https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=3578

So did you say you have tapped into intelligent infinity, or was that someone else that said that?

It's slow going for me. I just have to rest in the energy of Love/Light from my spirit guide, and slowly that is taking care of my blockages.

I did have one experience where my solar plexus was cleared all at once, and it felt quite interesting. It's since become blocked again a bit.

Yes, I've gotten some interesting messages from other beings. But I can't always take them at face value. Had I done that, I probably would have had a long stay at a mental hospital. I've been to mental hospitals like 3 or 4 times. Each time like 10 days.

I'm not that close to anyone who has died, or really anyone even alive. Maybe some other furries (people who like anthros) I have as friends. But I have been betrayed by a number of people in my life. Life has not been fun for me at all. My breakthrough experiences were pretty much terrifying. Though there was awakening experiences as well.

[AnthroHeart]

By the way ches, have you learned to use a pendulum for asking your subconscious yes/no questions?


Here's my thread about my study of anthro shamanism: https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthre...?tid=14383

[ches]

I've never actually had an NDE. Though I've had a couple of dreams where I had died, and it was exciting. Even one where I experienced God and it was blissful.

I had a "day-time" experience like that.. I was actually sitting here at the laptop (which is setup outside) and had a "hugged by life" experience, where every cell was filled with love and I saw / felt / knew the truth that we were one, we were connected to everything, all is a part of it, it was blissful, so nice. I spent 2 years trying to re-experience it with no luck, now I'm just hoping it wasn't a one-time glimpse into what's possible however what others mentioned earlier could be the reason why I haven't experienced it again - that I've got blockages.

So did you say you have tapped into intelligent infinity, or was that someone else that said that?

I called it "Download knowledge from source".. I think it's what people might experience when they tap into the Akashic records (the closest thing I could find when I was like.. woah what the heck was that? lol) .. but mine was different in that it felt like I had been given the answers to everything.. like I understood creation/life/everything, it was like a pouring of knowledge / a sharing of all that is, and in that space that I was in.. I understood it so perfectly, so clearly. Then when I got up to share it with the world... as I tried to describe it and "share it with everyone" ... it all dissipated lol and I couldn't remember anything (at the time, I thought that it was being "taken" from me). It did adjust the way that I looked at the world though, even though I couldn't describe it. My blog post about what I remember is here: The Download of Knowledge from Source

Another person on the forum referred to my experience as tapping into intelligent infinity, and that the reason why it stopped was because I "closed down my crown chakra".. which is possible too. I also haven't had another experience as full-on as that. Just smaller downloads (where I was compelled to write 2-3 hours upon waking every day for months) but nothing like that one.

It's slow going for me. I just have to rest in the energy of Love/Light from my spirit guide, and slowly that is taking care of my blockages.

As much as I was addicted to advancing and knowing everything at speed before, I'm happy to take it slowly now too. It feels like I'm starting again from scratch in a way but going too fast was a lesson, it hurt my life and it hurt my progress in so many ways because I overwhelmed myself with new information and my mind couldn't compute. System failure Reboot required I guess, and that's what I think I'm going through now, some kind of reboot where all the past stuff is released, and allowing 'life' to show me step-by-step what I'm ready for rather than trying to force the process. I do feel stabilised now but things got extremely confusing when I didn't know what was real and I'm even a little bit scared to get back into the Law of One, but feel drawn here. Now I feel like a baby re-learning things for the first time.

Yes, I've gotten some interesting messages from other beings. But I can't always take them at face value.

This is a massive problem I had as well. Do I trust my "knowing" even though it was leading me straight into the hell-fire? But I "knew" that I was right? That's the scary part. Mind is fragile. Need to work on all our s*** so that we're ready for it when it shows up.

But I have been betrayed by a number of people in my life. Life has not been fun for me at all. My breakthrough experiences were pretty much terrifying. Though there was awakening experiences as well.

I spent my whole life in angry-victim-sick-mode until that death-experience where I awoke as a new being with different outlook on life and many questions. And it felt like I was never going to experience victim-mode again ... until that Dark Night when I lost faith in my own truths and then had nothing to fall back on because "my truths, led me into danger".

But in a world where you don't care about your own reputation, when you can be authentically yourself and have unconditional love/acceptance for all... there would be no Dark Night.
The Dark Night I think comes about when you lose your reputation due to your own beliefs (not just the way "others" see you, but the way you see yourself, like - you yourself create some kind of identity that you yourself are not approving of). I hope that it's 'only on earth' where we care about such things as our "reputation to the world". But yeah here, we validate our experiences based on what "others are experiencing". Outside of this earth-experiment.. we would be free to explore all aspects of us. Here it seems we're restricted to the social-norms and when we feel compelled to step-outside of that, our programming has a tough time trying to re-write itself when the "social-norms" are hard-wired.

I also have been betrayed and this massive betrayal when I was feeling "oneness/love for all" was a big part of my downfall because - now I can't trust my own instincts. My intuition/guides whatever... put me through that. I felt like I couldn't trust "whatever was supposedly helping me" nor myself for being so delusional as to trust that others are 'just like me' beneath their mask to the world.

But how much growth do we get out of it? Out of facing ourselves. But for me, I definitely didn't want to learn that life wasn't as I saw it because it was beautiful in that state, I was full of vitality, had so much expansiveness being connected to whatever I was connected to, and so much 'purpose' because of my delusional 'mission' (which doesn't always seem delusional.. but I was getting pretty 'out there'.. even in my own mind / not what I expressed to the world). I didn't want to lose that unconditional love that I was tapped into. The world is much darker without it.

When I believe that what I experienced was "right", life is kind of awesome. When I believe that it was "wrong", life sucks and is heavy and dense. But.. I did learn how to get grounded and balanced from it. I just never saw that as a "good trait". I liked being happy/high/fun/in another realm/raising the vibes - helping others become happier, etc etc. There's so much I don't understand, but it did force me to work on my past, on all my traumas, it introduced me to the IChing which I never would've experienced, actually there's so many things that it led me to that I would never of come across if not for the unique experiences that I've had. I just still ever-doubt where life is leading me. So taking it slowly right now, re-learning at a very very slow pace.

[ches]

By the way ches, have you learned to use a pendulum for asking your subconscious yes/no questions?

Yes, but I don't trust my own subconscious.
So now I use the pendulum as a permission-slip.. an "intention-tool" to clear energies and do healings, and get conformation of whether I'm feeling other beings around me.
Like, sometimes I have this sense that they are here.. and with me... and when I pickup the pendulum.. it's sooooo strong.
Othertimes, it's not as powerful, and that's when I put it away because I sense it's not really connecting with anything.
But when I have that strong urge to pick it up, generally it goes nuts and that's when I send love and healing and try and clear energies around my workplace or around myself, or around co-workers that are going through tough-times. I do this in the back of my van in the staff car park lol.
What about yourself? Do you use a pendulum or any other 'tool'?

[AnthroHeart]

Well I've used the pendulum to ask a lot of questions about anthros, since I want to sometime become an anthro shaman. In infinity there are an infinite number of them. I'm trying to experience oneness and infinity, without actually trying to. When I aim for something, that something changes because I have observed it.

I used to use some animal totem tarot cards that I had. I've got some books about the spiritual meanings of many animals. I often see repeating numbers, and look up the meanings of those.

I used to send love into the world, but realize that it would spread myself too thin. I send my spirit guide love and light and do an energy exchange with him.

There were 3 times when I heard in my head him speaking to me. Little short things. I asked an embarrassing question and heard the words "I wouldn't".
Then another time he spoke about my parents who were watching a movie with me "they're not really there."

And then one that I think came from a negative being saying "would you kill your dog to save the Universe?"

So yeah I find it hard to trust the inner me sometimes. And God I see as an impartial, infinite presence, as also being All That Is, without identity. Except we are God experiencing itself.

I used to be energy sensitive to the point where I could feel distortion ripples. I could analyze two choices and determine which one produced less distortion. Like whether I should post in a new thread, or make a response to the current thread I was in.

I used to be able to feel crystals and how they copied your energy field and amplified it. I have a quartz crystal wrapped so it produces a scalar field that is supposed to amplify thought. I used to use orgonite. But I don't really use tools beyond my pendulum now.

The pendulum only goes nuts when I'm clearing a large area, then it spins around rapidly and pretty strongly.

I don't know of any other people who have made a point to study anthros from other planes of existence. I saw my guide once as an anthro and just touching his ear made me cry for a few seconds.

I have felt immense love one time while sitting alone on the couch. I was so hypersensitive to it, it made me cry for a minute or so. Since then my heart doesn't open as fully, I believe  to protect me from being emotionally overwhelmed. The love that I will feel in the afterlife will probably be more than I can handle.

I know we will go where we are comfortable in the afterlife. I may push a little more because I want to make the effort to progress. But I don't want to end up in a density/subdensity that is more than I can handle. The greatest fulfillment I can imagine how would be to have an anthro body in the afterlife. I can't do it in this life, unless I travel the astral planes. But those can be dangerous.

[Fuse]

Ah, sorry, of course. The significance of the amulet, if any, was that it was definitely NOT a traditional Christian symbol in any way. It gave my wife a dark, creepy vibe, and I don't think she really believes in vibes, lol.

And yeah, this is America, the land of in-your-face religiosity! Of course there are priests prowling the hospitals! In all seriousness, it's usually a nice idea, most hospitals have a small, fairly non-denominational chapel somewhere, and they'll take grieving or upset families in there, or patients with strong beliefs, etc, and there are usually some chaplains on staff. The best parking spots in the lot are reserved for them. (You'd think servants would want to park far away so others could have those spots, but...)

I don't think this guy was one of the official chaplains though. If he was legitimately there, I believe it was under false pretenses. He started saying something about being available for not just the usual spiritual things apparently, but it's hard to get a word in edgewise with my father under normal circumstances, so he never got far enough for my wife to figure out what he was getting at.

As for the mechanisms of protection, etc, it's my basic method for magical practice. I'll spell it out in detail, as you may have noticed I tend to do. Ahem.

First, invoke the Higher Self. I say something like "I invoke my Higher Self" (profound I know) or "I AM imbued with my Higher Self" and imagine it as so. I've had good effect with advice to visualize or imagine the HS as a column of electric blue light descending down and encompassing me. But individual creative expression is important here, so one should be encouraged to follow any internal guidance you feel.

Then, the spell or meditation or whatever you call it must be energized. To open the gateway, I have personally found it necessary to focus loving and worshipful thoughts at the Creator, which seems to result in a resonant reverberation of vastly more powerful Love back into my multidimensional self. (I suspect that this might be a necessary step for STO positives, given that we go through the heart chakra to get there. We of the Light radiate, rather than magnetically pull, as does STS, so it makes sense that we'd have to send something out to initiate the flow of usable energy, rather than demand it.) In my case, one of my gifts is that I can feel energy strongly, and I can definitely tell when the channel opens. It's an intense feeling. But even if you feel nothing, you should proceed in trust that it's there once you've made your connection to Source through radiated Love.

Once the power is flowing, it is then free to be programmed to effect changes within this space/time. To program the desired effect, again, simply visualize or imagine the outcome you want to see having already happened. In the case of the hospital that day, I just visualized an enormous column of the purest white Light I could imagine blasting down over the whole area with all the Creative Holy Fire that Source wanted to send their way. I imagined it remaining to shield the area, and said something to the effect of "Those with evil intent shall find too much Light here for their comfort and shall flee! Any efforts they undertake to undue these protections shall result in the Light of the Creator surrounding them for their own healing and restoration!" (I doubt it was so poetic in the moment, lol.) I think it's a good idea to visualize the actual energy itself appearing in space/time somewhere to do the work, as opposed to just visualizing the result and forgetting about the energy. Just a sphere or column or cloud of Light somewhere at a point of focus seems to do it. This is just theory on my part, but the more specificity in the working, the better.

Then, the matter is deliberately viewed as solved in the mind. I just use a quick prayer of gratitude for the success, but a simple act of will is fine for the more practiced, I believe. The final step is to take action, or move forward in light of the new reality you just created. (And there's an infinity of ways in which to accomplish that as well, of course.)

I'm far from an expert at these matters. I've never had any initiations, or anything. But I've seen powerful things come to pass. I've also gotten cautions from my Higher Self that I should pass along about being very careful with where and how you choose to apply this knowledge. I can't imagine that applying STO magical methods to STS aims would turn out well for the caster. At the very least I'm sure it would be very depolarizing.


So that was White Magic 101. Good news! The final's cancelled!


Perhaps synchronously again, I have a suggestion for something that you should apply the above to immediately, Ches. You referenced the "alien love bite" lady, which makes me think you heard the same interview I did! This interviewee on a show I was listening to answered a question at one point about someone who had tried to take a demon into herself on behalf of someone else, and she had gone on and on about how brave and dangerous that is. I thought of you immediately, not because I think you're demon infested necessarily, but because it's likely that the nature of the unprotected effort you made to take his darkness into yourself was successful on some level. If that is true, realizing it is actually great news, because it will be very easy to clear. Just...you know...WM101. Cancel any agreements you made.


One other thought on a separate topic, and hopefully others will share their experiences, is that as the energies have been really ramping up, I have experienced times over the last couple months where I had some weird (mild but annoying) pains, usually around chakra locations, and stretches of fatigue. I'd have been worried but my HS responded to queries about it that parts of my physical body were experiencing restructuring on a cellular level, which would result in some mild discomfort and need for extra rest to recuperate. It's been mostly fine this last week or so, but everyone is at a slightly different point in their development. You might be further along than me, but less of a wuss, and didn't even notice the stuff that made me need a nap.

[Steppingfeet]

I think this would've taken me decades more if I hadn't of found the IChing when I did. I trusted noone, especially not myself or any "guidance". I turned everything off and shut everyone out and was just left with my crazy "none of this can be real, I must be the crazy delusional one" and anyone else that agreed with me that I must be nuts.

Good point. Guidance can only be offered insofar as it's requested or willing to be received. Someone in your shoes or similar is not going to be aided by even the most applicable guidance. I suppose such a one, then, is on their own, or more on their own than my be necessary.

I'm getting into The Wanderer's Handbook lately and want to re-read the Law of One from a calmer perspective (rather than a "rush to advance" perspective as I was previously... when I was trying to injest all the knowledge of everything at once and I couldn't get it all fast enough lol.. from listening to mp3s/podcasts/doco's etc all through the night and while I was driving and reading books at the same time. I trusted my mind would kinda figure it all out and put everything in place and the "truth will be revealed". No wonder my mind went cross-eyed trying to organize the info. I was also in conspiracy groups and we were exploring our various perspectives about how the world works. Yeah. There is no race (but it felt like it was a race at the time for some reason).

You are a person of stamina and drive. That is a potent quality for the long spiritual trek - once it is balanced. I can only guess but it sounds like you are finding that balance while still wielding and honing your hunger.

I've always enjoyed this quote from Huston Smith's The World's Religions:



***
The Buddha laid tremendous stress on the will. Reaching the goal requires immense exertion … by what William James called “the slow dull heave of the will.” “Those who follow the Way,” said Buddha, “Might well follow the example of an ox that marches through the deep mire carrying a heavy load. He is tired, but his steady gaze, looking forward, will never relax until he comes out of the mire, and it is only then he takes a respite.” … Velleity—a low level of volition, a mere wish not accompanied by effort or action to obtain it—won’t do.
***

I noticed the tape recordings of the channellings of the Law of One are available, but if they are just "one-word-at-a-time" that might be hard to listen to? Have they also been converted into audible books somewhere? I remember listening to some of them on youtube.

Jim has actually narrated nearly all of L/L's books. He does a supreme job. We are on the cusp of launching the first one: Living the Law of One 101. Austin is just waiting word from Audible. By next year we'll have published the Ra Contact as well. : )

Btw, your description of "nothingness" brings to mind something that I recall St John of the Cross describing as "aridity." It's been too long for me to comment in an informed way, but there are stages when emotions and senses seem deadened or numbed, especially relative to the vivid sensitivities that preceded.

[Bring4th_Austin]

Can't wait for the podcast .. what day does it come out?

Right about......now!

https://www.bring4th.org/forums/showthre...?tid=14776

We did our best to talk about the topic. I hope that it is somewhat helpful, but if not, this thread has been incredibly inspiring to read in its own right. Thank you for sharing so much about your experiences.

[ches]

There were 3 times when I heard in my head him speaking to me. Little short things. I asked an embarrassing question and heard the words "I wouldn't".

I asked everything of the IChing, and got responses saying "I wouldn't" too, and "This is not appropriate".. and yet now I can't even find those answers in the IChing. Weird.

I used to be energy sensitive to the point where I could feel distortion ripples. I could analyze two choices and determine which one produced less distortion. Like whether I should post in a new thread, or make a response to the current thread I was in.

That's kinda cool, was this when you had your higher chakras open before you were ready kinda thing, like it was negatively affecting your life to have this ability?
It reminds me of posts I did when I was exploring parallel realities, and when I was realizing that I saw life from a much broader-wide-lensed perspective, where I could see many, many like 30 or so different perspectives/aspects of a situation and how it could all play out.. "in the same moment", without needing to decipher each one, it was just "all this extra information is available". I still have it but I also have my fear/doubts that lessen it alot and "keep me in my place, keep me in this reality, keep me trying to be the same as everyone around me".  Third Eye Awake Or Expanded Perspective?

I used to be able to feel crystals and how they copied your energy field and amplified it. I have a quartz crystal wrapped so it produces a scalar field that is supposed to amplify thought. I used to use orgonite. But I don't really use tools beyond my pendulum now.

I don't feel the energy of crystals. I have friends that poke fun of me because they don't believe me
I used to use orgonite too.
re: crystal - In what way is it supposed to amplify thought?

I have felt immense love one time while sitting alone on the couch. I was so hypersensitive to it, it made me cry for a minute or so. Since then my heart doesn't open as fully, I believe  to protect me from being emotionally overwhelmed. The love that I will feel in the afterlife will probably be more than I can handle.

Yeah for me I think it's closed for my own protection or by my own subconscious will and self-doubt of "not believing in myself" or something like that. I don't want to "fly too high" or stand out or be over-confident or "too much / too happy" etc, because that will lead to embarrassment and uncomfortableness in others, and yeah. It feels like I'm not giving myself permission to experience an open heart again because everyone around me would be uncomfortable because that is not the density they are experiencing. But when I was in it, it felt like "everyone should be there", that we are this wonderful experience creating experience and we can be this beautiful experience ... except that everyone has been programmed to shut-that-experience down.

[ches]

Then, the spell or meditation or whatever you call it must be energized. To open the gateway, I have personally found it necessary to focus loving and worshipful thoughts at the Creator, which seems to result in a resonant reverberation of vastly more powerful Love back into my multidimensional self. (I suspect that this might be a necessary step for STO positives, given that we go through the heart chakra to get there. We of the Light radiate, rather than magnetically pull, as does STS, so it makes sense that we'd have to send something out to initiate the flow of usable energy, rather than demand it.) In my case, one of my gifts is that I can feel energy strongly, and I can definitely tell when the channel opens. It's an intense feeling. But even if you feel nothing, you should proceed in trust that it's there once you've made your connection to Source through radiated Love.

I used to feel everything, and I know what feeling you are referring to, but yeah that's the feeling I can no longer tap into or access.. for 3 years now.

The final step is to take action, or move forward in light of the new reality you just created.

Man, I'm glad I joined this forum. I really believed in quantum jumping and parallel realities and being able to create our own realities etc before I made everything about me "wrong & delusional". So it's good to re-access these ideas again that I felt so strongly about beforehand.

You referenced the "alien love bite" lady, which makes me think you heard the same interview I did! This interviewee on a show I was listening to answered a question at one point about someone who had tried to take a demon into herself on behalf of someone else, and she had gone on and on about how brave and dangerous that is. I thought of you immediately, not because I think you're demon infested necessarily, but because it's likely that the nature of the unprotected effort you made to take his darkness into yourself was successful on some level. If that is true, realizing it is actually great news, because it will be very easy to clear. Just...you know...WM101. Cancel any agreements you made.

This past week I've been researching negative entities and spirit attachments and stuff, because I just want to explore all possibilities and cover the whole ground. I really don't want to though, but I also don't want to leave any stones unturned, as this just widens the infinite-perspectives for me and allows me to draw upon more solutions, tools and answers if I find the need to.

I re-found the interviews that I listened to about the Alien Love Bite thing and started taking more notes about things, just want the expanded awareness and resources.
Paranormal Interference In Love

I'm now gathering together a list of affirmations, rituals, and selection of words to invoke the cancellations of agreements and contracts. I have ironically done this many times in the past but not finished any of them (nor had any belief in them while doing them because of the self-doubt and not wanting to delve into crazy). Like, I felt compelled to collect the data but not do the ritual. Although I've done cord cutting and some weird other rituals to try and re-neg on whatever I "took on" by crusifying myself to protect another, but yeah, this has been a subtle calling for a while, and even if it does something on a sub-conscious/placebo level of "completion-work" so that I can step back into a world that I want to create.. who knows.. but any 'intention tool' should help move things along hehe. I do feel a little bit nuts delving into this area though but once it's done, it's done and I can get that curiousity and inner-calling out of my system.

One other thought on a separate topic, and hopefully others will share their experiences, is that as the energies have been really ramping up, I have experienced times over the last couple months where I had some weird (mild but annoying) pains, usually around chakra locations, and stretches of fatigue.

OMG this past week, has been very different than normal which is why I haven't responded to any of the forum posts. Not just distracted by this research but feeling strongly these energies. I found a blog post that I resonate with about the eclipses:
PORTALS OPEN TRIGGERING THIRD EYE ACTIVATION

I've been sick and feeling heavy-negative triggered reactions, psychic attacks and so on. Then a calmness where I can't even experience that feeling anymore. When I'm in it - I can't get out of it, and then it shifts and it's gone. It's very weird. I hope it's to do with the energies lol.

[Fuse]

I'm all for going all out in an effort to clear yourself, but make sure not to overcomplicate yourself into a place where you don't do it at all. If this is a warning you don't need, then it's just my daily reminder about this to myself, lol. But I have been making a lot more progress since I started following that advice.

If there's anything to the negative influences angle on your problem, it would be expected that the entity or entities would do everything they could to dissuade you from dealing with it. If it's true, you can't trust the instinct to hesitate. You also can't trust that voice that keeps whispering that you're crazy. I checked out enough of your videos and blog posts to know that you're not. Quite the contrary, you're sane in an utterly crazy world. It is what it is, lol.

I'm glad to hear that you've gotten through the bumpy ride to the calmness part! Hopefully everyone else is getting there as well. I've felt better the last week or more, but the past few days, it does really feel like the darkness has entirely run out of places to hide, and has spilled out onto the surface like the infection it is. Now we can finally start to cleanse the resulting mess and heal the wounds. It's as if the planet is breathing a sigh of relief at the absence of some of its pain.

I can feel this massive, breathless anticipation, like we're stepping through the door into the climactic scene of the movie all the angels are watching.

[ches]

Still also trying to tackle the initial catalyst, and finding a couple of Ra quotes to ponder why this completely twisted my beliefs around when I thought that I was incapable of ever changing my beliefs that we are creating everything, everything is here to help us, everything is perfect and nothing is a mistake and all that.. but still, it happened and although I know I've gone through and healed so much and done what I can, this catalyst still exists, it's been a great teacher so far but I still want to "nip it in the bud" lol and so many possibilities as to why I haven't been able to "breakthrough".

102.11 Ra: I am Ra. Each entity must, in order to completely unblock yellow ray, love all which are in relationship to it, with hope only of the other-selves’ joy, peace, and comfort.

With this quote, what came to mind is the incest again.
When he brought it up, I was in that .. maybe I was crazy, but I did completely accept what he was saying. I was concerned about what was going on in that something felt off & I felt that he was in a lot of pain/guilt/suffering about 'something', but I still saw the perfection in creation and I saw that everyone chose their incarnations and catalysts and all sorts of things. As I wasn't privvy to the details, I was unsure whether he was raping her or if it was consensual or if he was just turned on by that kind of stuff and that my mind just automatically went to 'concern for his little sister', from our conversations.

I was in a blissful, accepting state, and I did think that if there was a problem, that encouraging him to trust me and having that 'safe space' for him to .. I don't know, be able to confess and discuss and be open about his experiences so that he can release whatever needs to be released and be what he came here to be. I don't know.

After he turned on me and made "me" the demon, ruined my reputation, etc. I never said anything to anyone and kept his secret but I was so betrayed and often times, I would go through the very big struggle in my mind about whether I did the right thing. Like, prior to this catalyst, I had really just started to be authentically myself and open up and be free, surrendering to life. Especially after the experiment and feeling the oneness with everyone. I was truly "out there" somewhere. Lifted-the-lid of all that was possible in the world, instant manifestation, awesome syncronicities and lots more that can be put on a different post but I was in a magical land and then.. I got entangled with this mess and I couldn't understand how I created it when everything was going awesome in my life before that. I did need to "not fly so high" and I have learnt so much out of this, but some things still stand out as unresolved.

After we started seeing each other regularly, one by one the things he said brought up all my past fears and traumas. I saw it as a gift. I did - I saw everything as here to help me, and any fears were for me to work on, that I was only given what I was ready for and I must be ready for this. I'm here to help, I'm the only one that can. Fears are here to be transcended. Blah blah blah.

After it stopped, I came out of the "trance" that I was in (not immediately), but to try and "make sense" of what had just happened, I turned myself into someone who was wrong.. that I shouldn't of believed that we should love and accept everyone unconditionally. I should've reported him to the authorities or at least contacted his family to see if his sister was ok - was he harming her or was he "having a joke on the girl who accepts everyone". Was he evil? Was he dangerous? What the heck is going on here?

But I was tormented by this for a long time. If she was in danger.. I did nothing. I might of been the only person he told this secret to and I did nothing. Even after he betrayed me (I thought because of his guilty conscience - he had to protect his 'own reputation' or something and so he made me the joke so that he could hide behind that if his secret ever got out?) Who knows, only he knows the reasons why he turned on me. Maybe even because I accepted him when he didn't or couldn't even accept himself or maybe the stress just got too overwhelming. I can't guess what someone else's motives are for being unkind to another who is trying to help them. But I also went "loopy", so even that could be a factor, I got too crazy for a normal mainstream person to deal with.

But after I made myself "wrong" for believing in "spiritual stuff", then came the absolute guilt and confusion about whether I was supposed to do something, or whether it was "vengeance" that I was feeling. Like, my own ego having taken a big hit, wanting revenge.. but even though my thoughts went there, I also wondered if it was because I still didn't really believe anyone should be in prison or in mental institutions etc, because I didn't think anything in this world was wrong. I had no discernment, no barriers, no sense of right-wrong.. until I was wronged. And then, I despaired for myself and I despaired for his sister and I despaired for anyone else that was probably being harmed by him too. Was I  supposed to help his sister? But then I don't even know if she is being harmed or if it's consensual or if it was a joke.

And now, since I've been ever-trying "to not be a believer" in the Law of One concepts (whilst still having them underlying in there, as "I hope it's true still".. but for my own sanity and to navigate this world without getting harmed, I had to "come back down to earth") it's been difficult to rectify this and other specific parts of it.

From this new space, I'm not sure that I agree with my "past-self", the one pre-this-catalyst. I don't think I agree that there is no wrong. I see the creator in all, or rather I see 2 parts now to each entity... there is this soul-aspect that I see in all, and then there's this clueless-human-avatar that does really bad things to people and "danger, danger, danger" and I feel helpless because he did put me in a place where I could never report it, and I don't want to report it because I don't want "conflict" and I don't want any kind of "negative attention on me", and I don't want to ruin anyone's life. And then there's possibly innocent life that I ignored. Maybe not my problem, but it keeps lingering. If I'm wrong about us all choosing our incarnations and catalysts, then I was wrong to not help her. I probably can't do anything about it, but I need to .. reconcile it within myself. The conflict within me was burning for a long time after this, this - not knowing what to do with the information once I "came down from my high/bliss" and realised that there could be a child in harm's way and I was too "off with the fairies" to help her. But then it could be all a joke-on-me?

This is the stupid thing with whatever happened.. this spontaneous kundalini-awakening.. this "psychosis" or whatever it was that I most certainly was not ready for, my mind was not experiencing the same reality as what "mainstream people" see. I was in a different realm seeing everything from a different perspective, and now that I'm "back in 3d", I have this and other things to try and come to terms with. Maybe just verbalising it here will help me let it go because I don't think I can take it further now even if I wanted to, but it's "there", hovering, like an unresolved incomplete thing that I don't know what to do about.

18.5 Ra: I am Ra. The proper role of the entity is in this density to experience all things desired, to then analyze, understand, and accept these experiences, distilling from them the love/light within them. Nothing shall be overcome. That which is not needed falls away. [...]
It is, shall we say, a shortcut to simply ignore or overcome any desire. It must instead be understood and accepted. This takes patience and experience which can be analyzed with care, with compassion for self and for other-self.

42.10 [...] Ra: ....we shall briefly iterate that to the balanced entity no situation has an emotional charge but is simply a situation like any other in which the entity may or may not observe an opportunity to be of service. The closer an entity comes to this attitude the closer an entity is to balance. [...]

I think I'm trying to figure out whether I was "sane" at the time of "accepting" or "insane" for accepting, and that after the catalyst "wronged-me", is when I started to see myself as "insane" and unable to "accept everything". It was like a complete turn-of-events in my mind when I started seeing everything the way "the rest of society sees it" and it was horrorfying and traumatizing, not just what might of been occurring with his sister, but when I realized I was being wilfully harmed and could've been murdered, and my ego was hurt because I lost trust in the world and in others and in my own intuition and yada yada yada. And for a while afterwards, I was still tapping into unconditional love and unable to "disbelieve" my own delusions of the one-ness thing but when I crashed, I crashed hard because it tore-apart all my beliefs and I had nothing to grab onto except crap - I was insane.

And now.. I'm trying to tap back into and really believe in this stuff again but it's just not an easy process because it was believing in this stuff that "broke me" but then I still think I must've designed this challenge for myself somehow and that I am going to find a way through it, but.. yeah getting there, piece by piece, month by month but far out, the big sign "I want to believe" is dwelling all around me, but these things that come up to remind me of why I lost belief in it, but I still want to believe but I don't want to be delusional so I have to wait for life to lead me back there, and I'm trying to accelerate a bit because it's already been 3 years, and I guess I'm seeking that 'insight', that ah-ha moment that brings me back into alignment with my mission and path, and truly "know" that I'm on a positive path.

What's interesting is that now a relative has come back into my life after 30 years, and I've found out that her husband has been sleeping with her daughter and it's tore the family up and they are going to court and her 27-year marriage is over and how does she reconcile what happened under her own roof with her own daughter and now she's homeless and has 2 kids, and no job and no safe space and health problems and all sorts of things, and this also just brought all this up again. How do we reconcile incest and accept all is one and accept that we chose our incarnations and catalysts, and that we're creating all this. And how much of this is negative-entity influence or 'chosen catalysts' and so on. And All is Well. #BogglesTheMind

[ches]

I'm all for going all out in an effort to clear yourself, but make sure not to overcomplicate yourself into a place where you don't do it at all. If this is a warning you don't need, then it's just my daily reminder about this to myself, lol. But I have been making a lot more progress since I started following that advice.

If there's anything to the negative influences angle on your problem, it would be expected that the entity or entities would do everything they could to dissuade you from dealing with it. If it's true, you can't trust the instinct to hesitate. You also can't trust that voice that keeps whispering that you're crazy. I checked out enough of your videos and blog posts to know that you're not. Quite the contrary, you're sane in an utterly crazy world. It is what it is, lol.

I'm glad to hear that you've gotten through the bumpy ride to the calmness part! Hopefully everyone else is getting there as well. I've felt better the last week or more, but the past few days, it does really feel like the darkness has entirely run out of places to hide, and has spilled out onto the surface like the infection it is. Now we can finally start to cleanse the resulting mess and heal the wounds. It's as if the planet is breathing a sigh of relief at the absence of some of its pain.

I can feel this massive, breathless anticipation, like we're stepping through the door into the climactic scene of the movie all the angels are watching.

This week has been kinda crazy. Sick and weird pain but calm, and then these "negative-reminders" that dwell and trigger and poke
I feel something going on with everyone, globally.

I agree that the entities are probably doing everything to dissuade me from dealing with it, but honestly I don't know enough about them to do anything other than whatever I've done and I don't feel "cleared", or maybe because I don't feel like I have enough information to be able to clear... which is why I'm researching more.

I do a lot of pendulum-clearing work but I still lack the belief in a lot of this because I've spent the past 3 years trying to make everything mainstream even though all this stuff has been coming out occasionally, I've been doing mostly "mainstream" work like working on childhood traumas and self-esteem stuff, and ego-work and actually just keeping myself really small. I do epsom salt baths, burn sage and meditations and have bought different programmes, and EFT and I don't know, actually I think I've done about 30 or 40 different things that I've listed on my blog, but yeah, I don't think I've "nailed-it" or know enough. Next step is working on contracts/agreements that we may of unknowingly taken on in this incarnation that is not part of our path, and seeing if that works, even on a placebo-level.

But I think what's going to work for me, is coming back to my truth, which is that.. this is true somehow. The Law of One and the ideas of that nature. But I'm still "not there" because it still feels "dangerous" to me because of the crash.

But maybe I need to get the heck away from that work-place and all the people who I keep myself so small around because I'm so humiliated by what "they" see, I'm finding it difficult to re-empower myself because they don't see life the way that I do, and .. I don't want to stick my neck out of place.. like I don't want to "fly high" again and these people remind me of that because when I go in there, I feel dread and a really heavy density and I'm not like that when I'm not there, but it's because of everything that transpired - my catalyst's 'success' in turning others against me (becoming besties with the managers, etc.), and me not sticking up for myself because of my beliefs in sacrificing myself for him & because I didn't want anyone at work knowing what had transpired when we both have to continue working there.

I used to believe that you could "be the lantern" anywhere, but I only succeeded to be the lantern there for a little while and then this happened and now I don't know how to shift my energy/vibration when I'm at work. I always had faith that I would be able to do it, but now I'm recognizing that it's probably not meant to be. I can't help those people when I keep myself so small there, and I've spent too long using that place as "shadow-work".

[JayCee]

Ches, your story reminds me of my own experience, and the savior complex afterwards and then the deep deep fall from grace and the feeling of having lost it all etc.
imo those things happen to keep us searching, to give us a glimpse of what is possible.
re the incest thing about your work colleague - is his sister underage?
Can you find that out?
because if she is a minor, you could inform child protection services.

[Fuse]

God! What a mess! I am EXTREMELY sympathetic about terrible working conditions. You have absolutely GOT to get yourself out of that mess. Find a new job immediately. Cut the negative creeps out of your life completely. Keep us apprised of the process here, or however, and we'll support your efforts energetically. But the mandatory part of healing this sort of problem is getting your vibration high and being able to keep it up there to create a brightly lit soul where they just can't hang. Having to go into a workplace that is an emotional hellhole pretty much guarantees that that's impossible. I can assure you that this is true from past and painful (and not dissimilar) experience, lol.

This world is, it would seem, owned and operated by people who believe themselves to be evil wizards, and act accordingly. There are lots of places where the dark holds sway to a sufficient degree that it can snuff out a Light. It's their free will to reject the lantern you shone, after all. Kick the dust of the place off your sandals and move on to find those who both need and want your Light. I think you should definitely feel free to "hope only of the other-selves’ joy, peace, and comfort" from a distance, from a place where you are not subjected to their nastiness and vibration-lowering negativity. Nothing about loving them requires you to let them victimize you.

I'm especially sorry about the mess with the guy's little sister. I couldn't imagine what I would have done. I can say that I don't feel like you handled the situation incorrectly. You didn't know sufficient details to know for sure whether there even was a crime, or if it's a crime of consensual incest or something worse than that. There's nothing you could do to find out that wouldn't result in his parents being questioned about it, probably in really horrifying ways. Maybe it would have been worth the destruction to himself and his family? Hard to know, but it seems to me very unlikely that anything other than destruction would have resulted, whether what he was saying was true or not.

What is it about we of the Light who stand on the threshold of this evolution that attracts crazy negatives to us? I was married at one point (very briefly) to a young woman I thought I knew, who proceeded to disclose across a series of months that everything I knew about her was a lie. It went to extremes like numbers of prior sexual partners, a previously unmentioned former career as a stripper, and scary past drug dealing activities that could necessitate a sudden "hitting of the road," if the wrong people showed up. Yeah, I hadn't signed up for that. One of the craziest disclosures, though, was an incestuous relationship with a stepbrother. That was just a stepbrother, but I still got the sort of queasy "eww, now what the f&$@ do I do" feeling that comes when you find out about something like that. I didn't know how to handle it either. I wish her the best, and bear her no ill will whatsoever, after sixteen years. But we aren't in contact, and likely won't be again unless and until we both make the social memory complex, lol.

Your words about keeping yourself small and hiding your light really hit home. That's got me thinking, and I realize suddenly a lot of ways I've been doing that, and I sense that it's no longer the time for that sort of thing. It's time to get big and loud and shiny. Here's to that!

You've had some hard experiences, but you find yourself with opportunities as a result, like suddenly finding yourself with a family member to whom you can offer some other-service, who really needs someone to talk to who understands the horror she's going through. Having your spouse cheat on you would be bad enough, but with her own daughter? Good God. She needs the light, and you are capable of Bearing It to her.


*edit* sorry JayCee, you typed your post while I was typing mine...didn't mean to counter your point without acknowledging it. ;D

[ches]

Ches, your story reminds me of my own experience, and the savior complex afterwards and then the deep deep fall from grace and the feeling of having lost it all etc.
imo those things happen to keep us searching, to give us a glimpse of what is possible.
re the incest thing about your work colleague - is his sister underage?
Can you find that out?
because if she is a minor, you could inform child protection services.

I don't think I can find out anything for sure, I know she is younger but literally, when I was "tapped-in", I was getting so much information from whatever it is that feeds us information and they were all .. mis-matched. From my own "knowing" ... the "download of knowledge from source"... all was perfect, creation was perfect, all was as it is and we could relish in the opportunity to experience this life with all it's contrasts and obstacles and challenges that we have placed there, or we could be in despair about it and either way - after we have finished this incarnation - we still relish the exploration of whatever it is we learnt/experienced as "creation experiencing creation". That was the basic principle that I was living when I was "in the high".

Then there was the dreams and visions that came during the "catalyst":

The Dreams: they felt benevolent in nature but feeding me stuff that would've ended in catastrophe in that I would've "sounded insane" if I had've repeated it in the 3d world that we live (an earlier video shares some of what the dreams were providing, but they were really full-on realistic movie/dreams that were really strong conversations that I remembered upon waking).

I don't get any of this anymore, it only happened when I was "tapped-in" to the experiment, it wasn't just with him either, it was with a lot of people. But in that video I was trying to recall just the past 2 weeks at that time, which was with 2 people from work, a manager in which the dream told me about a food product that was causing her allergens and illness of health and brain-fog/lethargy, etc and the dream told me to let her know about - Pine Nuts of all things.. that was an interesting conversation to try and bring up randomly to a manager lol but I did.. )

...and the other was the dreams that were word-for-word scripts to give that co-worker about some kind of force/entity/energies that were attached to him that were basically manipulating him to do "evil", and I don't recall everything now that it's 3 years later, but it was definitely not something that I was able to voice to him in-person, instead I attempted to do healings on him, um, "intention-reiki" kinda things... drawing out whatever was troubling him, helping him by providing a safe-space, holding him.. being present/open, and also through my own prayers in a way.. asking that whatever is causing him all this distress that I will take it for him. I honestly felt really empowered at that time, and I didn't realize how full-on my ego was when I was in this "higher-state of being" but I felt invincible in a way and really thought I could take whatever it was that was harming him and that my being could transmute it. It didn't seem crazy at the time (it felt completely crazy afterwards though when I "came out of that state").

The being in the dream, I "saw" or "interpreted" as his younger-self/his child-self asking/begging for help, and later, I realized that it might not of been his soul or soul-family asking me to help him, but other multi-dimensional beings manipulating me.. because can you imagine if I had of repeated any of that to anyone that doesn't know anything about this stuff? And me, not knowing anything about this stuff either. It was so "out-there". I was very much in denial about them really existing but also partly coming to terms with it at the same time.

From my logical mindset, I think it was some kind of trauma/psychosis of my own (when I had the kundalini energy or whatever it was open up my lid on the universe.. I "willed it" into my being not thinking that it would even work - let alone consequences - let alone that I wasn't ready, cos I was arrogant I guess lol that I was striving to advance and I wanted to know the truth of everything and .. kept pushing myself to learn more).. .
From my "crazy" mindset (like after I got the "fear", after all the triggers of past-things coming up, after he brought up rape and incest and speaking ill of others and so on.. basically, after I started getting "doubt" and "fear"), I thought it could be other beings feeding off either his or my energy and putting in potential scripts that would cause more "stuff" to feed off or whatever they intended. Since we were intimate, there was also this "succubus/incubus" type of energy too and that was so new to me. I consider myself asexual (I don't "feel the urge to have sex" - in other words, I relate more to the "Don" in the Law of One trio as far as sex is concerned). And this ended up being so completely away from my normal self that at first, I thought this new being of me..  was triggered by the surrender/experiment... it allowed me to be "completely free" in this world, and I didn't think of consequences or betrayals or anything.. I just had complete oneness/trust with the universe and then.. these "weird things" started happening and I was in that "nutty" state.. and didn't have my little "logical friend" or "scared ego" to help balance back to making some "3d" sense.

The dreams also inferred that we're all .. soul-family. All of us. That we're here to help each other, we're all part of the same soul-family and that all is well / all is part of it. That part, I really truly understood & believed 100% at the time (but don't now.).

At the same time that I had dreams, I had random full-on visions. These visions did not feel "benevolent" in nature. They felt "malevolent" but even so - I was 1.) Excited to have visions, being that I had never had them before and this felt like a new "superpower", that I thought was a part of "breaking-through-the-lid" on the universe.. part of the "success" of the experiment.. being able to read other people's minds and stuff, but 2.) Freaked out about where the information was coming from and that they were so horribly opposite to the dreams. The "visions" showed me him "poking fun at me".. they showed me that he was standing around with his friends and co-workers, sharing our private conversations, figuring out what to write to me to see what answer I would come up with, sharing everything that I sent him whilst I was trying to show him that he can trust me, and basically showing me that I was the "joke".

So I had a decision to make ... do I trust my dreams (soul-family helping each other, but crazy references to neg-beings that needed to be extracted), trust the visions (that basically made me the in-house joke to everyone at work but that I felt were coming from something very-negative in nature, and could be "paranoia" from my own fears), disregard both and just trust him (he was kind and shy in-person), and all the while we're seeing each other all the time and talking and I'm not mentioning any of this stuff that is coming up for me, but they are happening and I'm trying to "figure out which one to trust", which one (if any) was truth.

I thought maybe I was getting paranoid because of whatever was happening and I decided that I would trust the dreams over the visions because that was the "preferred reality", seemed more benevolent to me, and the dreams makes him "innocent" of all wrong-doing, and puts me in a better light and so on. It also seemed like the right idea because that meant any fear that came up, was my own responsibility to work on, and it was also more in alignment to what I believed at the time, with the creation-exploring-creation, so it put me in a place where I could "create a better timeline" somehow and work through the things that were coming up and stay happy.

However, as time passed, I realized that the visions were the more accurate out of the two, and that just blew me away - how could I have manifested this.. how did I create this.. etc. etc. how did I end up putting myself in a situation where this could happen.. it was so.. cross-eyed for me because it was bliss in that higher-state and I really felt that's how this world should and will be when we all open our hearts to oneness and see each as the perfect beings they are. This was not a romantic love-based relationship. This turned intimate out of "care" and "sharing trust", it was not like a love-based relationship. It was me seeing pain in his soul, and surrendering my own to help him. It was not normal (and this was also a lesson for me - never become intimate with someone without both hearts-being open because that just added confusion and complexity to it).

I definitely wasn't thinking about 3d-consequences when I was experiencing a 4d+ kind of dimension .. and honestly.. .I still struggle trying to get my mind around it because when I was in it, it was like all the beings in that realm had "upgraded" too.. it was like experiencing the same people, in a higher-dimension too.. until I came "out of it". I have no idea how to explain this to anyone that hasn't experienced it, and I'm still trying to find anyone who has experienced this and if they managed to "get out ok" (and I want "back in" lol.. but without losing my logic and discernment.. like, when I go back.. I will have balanced my lower triad of chakras before opening up to any realm that I am not ready for).

Then my normal 3d mainstream brain that wants to really figure this out, thinks.. it must've been some kind of PTSD kundalini/psychosis thing because when I was "in that reality".. I couldn't see normal 3d mainstream anything. I think this must be what "insane" people in mental asylums are like. Your reality is real to you, but not to anyone else.

When I was in that realm, I wasn't thinking of his sister in any negative/concerned way, not the same that I did when I came "down". It was like.. I understood that creation wants to explore creation.. there is no wrong, just society places "wrongness" in us, programmes this "wrongness" in us, and yet from that higher-space, that higher-realm, it's all perfect.. it's all .. beings exploring other beings.. and it's all love-based, it's not .. wrong at all.. its.. beautiful and interesting and .. the only reason we feel shame in it at all, is because we have these "rules" that say that one thing is "right" and another is "wrong" but that we experience all in this realm and it's not wrong.. it's just learning "what its like" to be that, do that, with that person and .. it's all.. perfect.. it's learning, it's exploring.. it's beautiful.

What I saw.. from my state.. is that he was troubled by it. That he didn't have the same "life is perfect" perception that I did, and I wanted him to release that guilt and suffering that he was carrying and explore that .. what he thought he had done 'wrong' in the past, can be cleared as you walk your "rightness" of you in the now and from now on. That you forgive yourself and all others, and then you step-into the creation that you want to experience. Basically, I wanted to hand him a bottle of whatever drug it was that I was on at the time (the higher-perspective, not an actual drug lol).. to experience reality from the "creator's eyes".

When I came down from that state... basically because I started to doubt-myself because all of sudden, I'm on the outer and I'm starting to get stressed and fear, and that nothing I'm saying is making sense and he's starting to get scarier and scarier in his text messages (not face-to-face, but via text sharing some really awful stuff).. I think that's when I realized I wasn't up to the task on this one and that my life was in danger with him and I started to doubt my beliefs (because life/the universe was showing me that I was wrong). Then he cut off communication completely and started spreading the rumours and it's like I manifested "the visions" - the very thing I didn't want to believe.

Now, since posting what I posted a couple of days ago ( a release for me ), I'm starting to see that there is nothing I need do about his sister. That anything I do .. will cause conflict, drama and a nightmare for all involved and that some skeletons are best to stay in the closet. And maybe, just maybe him "confessing" whatever he felt safe to confess to me, was enough to stop doing whatever he may of been doing that is harmful to other-selves and to himself. We don't know what ripple-effect we have in other people's lives, but I hope that him telling me, has changed the ripple-effect of what he may of been doing to cause harm, if that's even what was going on to begin with (because I only know that he was "into it".. and I don't know if he was only "into it" with mates-around-a-beer-table text-messaging the crazy-high-girl kinda thing.. like, to see "just how far this girl really accepts all the bad things in life) because I don't think like that.. I don't think how far to push someone else or hurt someone else or make-fun of someone else.. some people do, and I guess that was his lesson/teaching to me, that not everyone who seems kind, has your best intentions and that some people's "sense of fun" is to bring-down others.

If I brought in any kind of authorities.. it's just heresay. He could go to jail, he could become a nemesis towards me for life. He could arrange for my murder. It would destroy their family. It would destroy any relationship that I & he also has in the workplace - other coworkers, other friends. It is "my word" against his and I don't want the limelight. And ... with these Law of One kind of teachings... I don't actually see it as wrong and punishable, if someone sees that they are harming someone and "stops it" of their own accord and starts to become a better person because of doing that harm to another, then maybe that was the catalyst they enlisted to experience in this incarnation. And also.. what if I'm wrong? What if he was into it, but not acting upon it? Then I'd have caused distress to perhaps hundreds of people in the ripple-effect for no reason.

But it was distressing at the time not knowing what to do or if it was my own "ego" being hurt. (Because I see that in other people.. when their ego gets hurt, they want to 'lash-out' at others) and I wonder how many people are in jail out of someone's ego being hurt, that don't actually need to be in jail to get their lessons.

Oops, sorry for the book.... I guess I'm doing more release-work here. lol... "Bring4th therapy" - don't worry about replying.. I think I'm just "expressing" / learning more about myself.

[ches]

God! What a mess! I am EXTREMELY sympathetic about terrible working conditions. You have absolutely GOT to get yourself out of that mess. Find a new job immediately. Cut the negative creeps out of your life completely. Keep us apprised of the process here, or however, and we'll support your efforts energetically. But the mandatory part of healing this sort of problem is getting your vibration high and being able to keep it up there to create a brightly lit soul where they just can't hang. Having to go into a workplace that is an emotional hellhole pretty much guarantees that that's impossible. I can assure you that this is true from past and painful (and not dissimilar) experience, lol.

Yeah I've been getting that message for years but my "wanting to prove that I can get past this, even deep in the situation" has kept me there, and also not understanding it has kept me there. It's like I wanted to find some kind of completion to the incompletion, to rectify it, to fix it, to repair it, hehe. And I also thought that if I could do that there, that I would have so many more answers for others who are going though similar traumas - where I can be of service to them. That maybe if I could "relight-my-light" even in this darkness, that those who are in situations where they cant' seem to find a way out, that I would have answers for them. But yep.. I'm finally getting the message that that place is actually keeping me in a lower-density and I do need to get out. Sad about that, but the job sucks anyway. I do think I might have to stay there for a couple more months while I transition to a new area to live, but when something is "in it's last days", it should be easier to navigate because you know that it's "not long now... "

This world is, it would seem, owned and operated by people who believe themselves to be evil wizards, and act accordingly. There are lots of places where the dark holds sway to a sufficient degree that it can snuff out a Light. It's their free will to reject the lantern you shone, after all. Kick the dust of the place off your sandals and move on to find those who both need and want your Light. I think you should definitely feel free to "hope only of the other-selves’ joy, peace, and comfort" from a distance, from a place where you are not subjected to their nastiness and vibration-lowering negativity. Nothing about loving them requires you to let them victimize you.

Yep, you're right.

I'm especially sorry about the mess with the guy's little sister. I couldn't imagine what I would have done. I can say that I don't feel like you handled the situation incorrectly. You didn't know sufficient details to know for sure whether there even was a crime, or if it's a crime of consensual incest or something worse than that. There's nothing you could do to find out that wouldn't result in his parents being questioned about it, probably in really horrifying ways. Maybe it would have been worth the destruction to himself and his family? Hard to know, but it seems to me very unlikely that anything other than destruction would have resulted, whether what he was saying was true or not.

Yeah I kept wondering if life put me there for that, but then... I didn't do it, and so.. life might of had other plans. I don't know. There was never clarity about anything there, there was just more confusion built on more confusion, especially because I was not "normal" at the time. If I ever "open the lid on the universe again"... I'll go bush and be away from everyone for a while until I can adjust

I was curious as to what "Law of One" followers think about incest and other things that in mainstream seems so "wrong". I'm still curious but probably only from my own point of gaining validation for my potential choices.

It's very weird how this incest thing keeps coming in my life. When I lived in a girl's home, I lived with a lot of girls who had been the "sex-slave" for the entire-family of brothers and fathers and uncles and grandparents and so on. Then meeting him, re-brought to surface all the undealt-with-stuff from back in those days. And now with the relative of mine. I wonder if this is a catalyst that I haven't quite understood yet. I accept and then it's "brought up" again. So maybe it's something that I need to "understand" from a spiritual and physical perspective in more depth. Maybe it will be ongoing and answers will come. It's weird that it's so unexpected and yet shows up every decade or so.. :/ I wonder how common it really is, maybe way more common and just "not talked about".. hushed-hushed because of the guilt/shame surrounding it.

What is it about we of the Light who stand on the threshold of this evolution that attracts crazy negatives to us?

Lol I don't know. I considered myself a "crazy-positive" at that time. And now I think I'm a "negative, trying to turn positive". Although it depends on the moment

I was married at one point (very briefly) to a young woman I thought I knew, who proceeded to disclose across a series of months that everything I knew about her was a lie. It went to extremes like numbers of prior sexual partners, a previously unmentioned former career as a stripper, and scary past drug dealing activities that could necessitate a sudden "hitting of the road," if the wrong people showed up. Yeah, I hadn't signed up for that. One of the craziest disclosures, though, was an incestuous relationship with a stepbrother. That was just a stepbrother, but I still got the sort of queasy "eww, now what the f&$@ do I do" feeling that comes when you find out about something like that. I didn't know how to handle it either. I wish her the best, and bear her no ill will whatsoever, after sixteen years. But we aren't in contact, and likely won't be again unless and until we both make the social memory complex, lol.

Wow, I've had the same thing in the past too. In a long-term defacto relationship that yeah everything was a lie and secret after secret revealed over the years that blows your mind, but helps you learn acceptance of all sorts of things that you probably never would've come across in any other way and so maybe part of the perfection of creation and it's 'attracting of opposites' and how we.. harmonize with chaos. I learnt a lot from that particular relationship. I think we learn so, so much from our romantic relationships where people share their most intimate secrets with us over time and we sort of.. are their light-house in releasing some of those past-curses, but sometimes their troubles become major troubles for us too. That was me in the past too. Way before this particular catalyst. We're probably always experiencing some kind of catalyst while we are here, but hopefully as we keep learning and upgrading, and more accepting, maybe they become more positive in nature.

Your words about keeping yourself small and hiding your light really hit home. That's got me thinking, and I realize suddenly a lot of ways I've been doing that, and I sense that it's no longer the time for that sort of thing. It's time to get big and loud and shiny. Here's to that!

Yeah not ready yet, at least not in that particular work environment, but the rest of me is almost-ready to step out of smallness and back into wholeness, but this lesson definitely showed me that we're not invincible lol, and that there is sooooo many perspectives, infinite ways of looking at every situation and learning and exploring.

You've had some hard experiences, but you find yourself with opportunities as a result, like suddenly finding yourself with a family member to whom you can offer some other-service, who really needs someone to talk to who understands the horror she's going through. Having your spouse cheat on you would be bad enough, but with her own daughter? Good God. She needs the light, and you are capable of Bearing It to her.

Her husband is also the father of the daughter.  But I don't think this is an opportunity for me to help her. It's just being "brought to my attention" for me to work on. I say that because I'm not on the list of the "officially" told. It's still this "secret" that noone knows. I only found out because I think her dead-sister wanted me to bring it up to her, as it came out of my mouth automatically whilst we were having a coffee after catch-up-dinner (and I had no idea why it came out of my mouth only that we were talking about her dead-sister at the time, and then I came out with this blab about incest and exactly her situation came out of my mouth... and then afterwards, I was told that this is actually what they are going through at this time and I was mortified with myself that noone had told me and the trauma it may of caused her by me bringing it up in the way that I did).

So her sister must've wanted me to talk to her but the way that it came out, I doubt that she will be coming to me for help because it would've sounded as if I had brushed it off as not being very serious because I was using it as an example of how everyone has their own catalyst that they are facing - and everyone thinks their problems are worse than other people's because what each are going through is uniquely troublesome for them & never been experienced by that unique individual before, because it's their unique catalyst. I used her exact-example of incest as an example, along with death of family members, someone losing their legs in an accident, another person hungry on the street, another who is living as a prisoner, another who is in love with someone that doesn't love them back, another who is having chemotherapy for their cancer, and so on. I basically "nullified" her pain by having this random conversation about catalysts and only finding out "afterwards" that this is the exact catalyst they are going through, so I don't think she'll be coming to me for advice and.. I still have to "keep it secret that I even know about it" because otherwise the other person who confided it in me.. blah... damn society and their secrets. So much shame in society where they feel like they can't tell anyone anything and it's all kept in closets. I want to live in a more open-authentic world where we can talk about anything without having to keep so many secrets. New earth anyone?

[JayCee]

Wow you guys do write a lot!
No problem, Fuse
I think you asked about opinion on incest in general somewhere, Ches....
if it is consentual and both are adults, I see no problem with that. Only they should absolutely use birthcontrol ....
aristocracy has been inbreeding for centuries and look at the results, haha.
And I wanted to add, I don't think what you experienced has to do with too early green ray activation, it is something else. I need to think more about it in order to be able to put it into words.
Everything about those visions and downloads you mention reminds me a lot of my own experience. I cannot say there were negative ones though, it baffles me that you had those of negative entities and such.
It does not ring true with the otherwise unconditional love and general high.
Or did the negative visions come later, after those love feelings had gone? sorry, maybe I misunderstood.

Edited: may I ask what exactly the unusual mind experiment exactly was? I am curious. Thank you. And maybe it was green ray activation - I was going to say something else but I have forgotten already.
Think tonights eclipse is already blowing my mind

[ches]

Wow you guys do write a lot!
No problem, Fuse
I think you asked about opinion on incest in general somewhere, Ches....
if it is consentual and both are adults, I see no problem with that. Only they should absolutely use birthcontrol ....
aristocracy has been inbreeding for centuries and look at the results, haha.
And I wanted to add, I don't think what you experienced has to do with too early green ray activation, it is something else. I need to think more about it in order to be able to put it into words.
Everything about those visions and downloads you mention reminds me a lot of my own experience. I cannot say there were negative ones though, it baffles me that you had those of negative entities and such.
It does not ring true with the otherwise unconditional love and general high.
Or did the negative visions come later, after those love feelings had gone? sorry, maybe I misunderstood.

I don't know what it was either.. (that's why I'm here asking the questions and sharing anything that I can think of that might help me figure it out).
I've been thinking lately I should consider the timeline of events leading up to the catalyst that brought me down again lol.
But in a nutshell and there were plenty of other experiences around these few years, but the big ones that I remember briefly in this moment are:

1.) Death of self... I was sick & dying .. bedridden and in despair. I had a surrender or death and when I "came to".. I was a different being with a different attitude and I healed myself over the coming months from death to vibrant health and happiness. It put me on the path of "wtf" basically lol. The "WTF" was that. Who am I.. what are really capable of. Am I walk-in? Did I actually die and go into a parallel reality? Everything was different but the same. I was different. It was like another part of my soul said "just go.. I'll take-over from here". So many concepts and rabbit holes I've gone down from that experience lol, but.. it put me on the absolute path of "truth-seeker".

2.) Oneness "hugged-by-life" experience. I was sitting in the backyard on the computer, when suddenly I was overcome with unconditional love and oneness with all that is.. I was part of everything and there was so much love - it filled every cell in my body. I wasn't doing anything to call it in, I wasn't even thinking about anything like this. I was probably on Facebook when it happened - lol. But it changed my perspective on everything... cos I had actually felt it. I had it on and off over the coming weeks, and it was magical. I really "knew" then that it's "not just us playing around here".. I mean.. that now I "knew" there was so much more to this universe/reality that I didnt understand and that I'm yet to tap into, and that you can experience heaven on earth - even without any other people around.

3.) Download of Knowledge from source.. I had an experience where I was shown the answers to everything and then it all dissipated when I tried to share it. That also put me down some rabbit holes as I was trying to figure out "how to get it back, how to tap back in, what it was.. is it a one-time deal, etc etc.. " the closest I could find at that time and since, was either I temporarily tapped into the equivalent of what people refer to as the akashic records, or had an DMT experience (natural from my own body).. because when I read about people's Ayawashka experiences and DMT experiences, it was kind of "oh folks, we're getting close! these people have the closest-experiences to what I experienced that night.

4.) I was then on a more urgent path to finding the truth. The Syncronicities started happening... accidental and intentional manifestations, connections and answers. Life started to get really interesting and amazing. I was writing a book on natural healing when about 27 chapters in, I realized that I wasn't healed by anything that I just spent months writing. And then I knew I needed to find out more about what it was that healed me, and I was absorbing as much information that I could find that was related. I also started up groups to be able to talk about things freely that I was researching and excited when others were sharing things they were researching "in the private eye rather than the public eye" and to support them and my own interest, I was also researching the things they were sharing. Some were like into light-body stuff and others were into conspiracy stuff, and so lots of new information was coming at me and there wasn't enough time in the day so I was a bit "overkill" with absorbing everything.

5.) In my eagerness to advance, and after seeing how these smaller things were being manifested and then I had a taste for wanting to know "all the truth".. I came to the realization that the reason I couldn't manifest "bigger" things was because this reality works on your belief/imagination/trust/faith/will/intention. That all I need do to "get the truth" was to step into a reality where that was my truth.. to "play with the universe" meant to "play with my mind".. to expand myself.. I need to expand the possibilities of my mind.. to lift the lid on what was possible and ... then the truth would be revealed. It seems crazy to think that this screwed up my reality because honestly even though I was a semi-believer, I didn't expect it to work, I thought either nothing would happen or that I would learn something more. I was willing to do the experiment on myself without much prior-thinking about any consequences because I was like a little kid wanting to practice magic - to wave my "imaginery wand" and see what would happen.

So I basically "willed" myself to lift the lid on what's possible. I can't even put my mind even close to where it was when I was in that state.. it's like I have an in-built "shut-down" system now that won't let me access it for my own protection lol. But I foolishly did something to lift my lid, to surrender to truth, and requested truth and begged/yearned for it, willed it.. just pretty much demanded and believed it, but not "believed I would be harmed by it".. I just wanted to see what would happen. The next day, I was "in" this new realm. Even if it was just in my mind.. I was experiencing a particular reality and I don't think anyone else was, but from my perspective.. everyone else also had been upgraded to this new realm, it's like I was experiencing everyone's "next, highest version" and my own. I felt the universal connection with all things again and I trusted that life was leading me to truth.

6.) I was romantically connected to a guy, but that wasn't going so well. We were both conscious that we were evolving together in a way - helping one another with the "things that came up" and it was pretty awesome but then we sort of, went "off" each other for a little bit. It was in this "off" period, that the co-worker and I got together. Suddenly having a magnetic attraction to each other out of the blue. After getting to know him better, I realized that he was in a great deal of trauma/stress, and in my new "state", I delusionally thought that I was here to help him.. and that's when all this other stuff happened. The dreams and visions only started happening after I started getting the "fears" - the triggers that he was bringing up.. the rapes, incest, and the mean-ness/coldness he was displaying towards other people that I couldn't resonate with at the time because of the "high" that I was in. I didn't know that "I" could be triggered or experiencing a catalyst at that time, because I didn't know about catalysts.. I just trusted the universe, I trusted that everything was put in my path for a reason, and trusted life.... I thought only "good" could happen to me.. lol .. cos I thought I was creating this all, my mind went cross-eyed, from perhaps the experiment coupled with all this over-research, and then this catalyst that I didn't know was a catalyst cos I was arrogant/ignorant or didn't know any better, because I was looking at everything from a different space.

That's why I think I might of inadvertently 'activated' something earlier than it was intended.. like the green-ray or the indigo-ray or something, even just for a short period of time.. and I experienced some kind of kundalini-psychosis or PTSD kind of syndrome when all this other stuff opened up to me, and because at the time, I'm doing an experiment on "trusting the universe" .. lol.. I wasn't able to see all the warning signs and I most definitely was not grounded enough to be balanced.. I was off in lala-land. Not "love-land" in the traditional romantic sense but.. like... experiencing a different reality to everyone else and this guy was in the middle of it.. probably the catalyst of the complete opposite to "force" myself into grounding myself.. like yin/yang.. creation will always balance itself.. order out of chaos, etc.

From it though, I got to see how many "mainstream" things I hadn't balanced in myself. Such as sacrificing myself to make others happy, like seeking validation/acceptance from others, I saw a lot of places where I was affected by childhood traumas and things like that, but this awareness came after all this, as I forced myself to go back in time pre-all these awesome life events.. to suppressed memories and traumas because I never wanted this to happen again. The ego didn't like it's reputation being ruined from what it thought was a harmless even fun experiment that wasn't really even expected to do anything except that it completely changed my life.

For me, I was stupid to do this experiment whilst still having a day-job and not exactly balanced etc, but we learn in hindsight sometimes.. or all the time. lol. But some things look more obvious "after it is done" than when you're "in it" and I was so excited about experimenting and seeing what would happen. I think this guy just got caught in the middle of my crazy but the most common question I have asked myself over the past 3 years trying to understand and make sense of it, was.. "how did I not follow my intuition.. how did common-sense "not" kick in.. etc.. like.. my most common question was based around the confusion of wondering how trusting life .. turned out the opposite of what I expected hehe. Honestly it's embarrassing and hard to explain because I've had to look at it from so many different multi-dimensional angles because it wasn't a normal situation at all, but there was mainstream stuff all intertwined in it.. because I guess that's the reality we are here to experience and I wasn't meant to or ready for whatever that "other reality" was - my mind wasn't ready and I didn't know about energy centres, etc.

Did you get positive visions with your experience? None of my visions were positive in nature.

[JayCee]

Yes the visions and downloads were positive - and very interesting. It all seemed very meaning full at the time but now I cannot recall much, or it gets mixed up with things that occurred later.... I regretted later on that I did not write anything down at the time it occurred.
It came after concentrating on enlightenment - trying to get enlightened. That is why I asked you about the unusual mind practices that you mentioned in your first post. (You might not have seen it, I have edited my last post to ask you that)
I think the intention we set out is important.
One other thing that came to mind reading your post was that I remember I had wondered why my experience did not last. The answer came to me about a year ago, when someone asked Mooji the same thing... they had had wonderful mystical experiences and those faded away.
And Mooji simply replied "it did not last because it was of the mind".
Bam, that hit me like a hammer! Of course!
The word "mind" also shows up quite a lot in your post.
That is the solution.
To get out of the mind and into the heart. A state where there are no thoughts.
Think about it, all the bad things, the fears, the doubts, it is all mind. It is all thoughts.
We see the world not how it is but how the mind works and makes us believe it is.
All the knowledge we acquire, all the books we study, it is not worth much in the end. What can be gained can also be lost.
Find out what is always there, before the thoughts and all that crap comes in, and remain in that state.

[ches]

Everything about those visions and downloads you mention reminds me a lot of my own experience. I cannot say there were negative ones though, it baffles me that you had those of negative entities and such.
It does not ring true with the otherwise unconditional love and general high.
Or did the negative visions come later, after those love feelings had gone? sorry, maybe I misunderstood.

The downloads were positive, and full of wisdom and concepts and broader perspectives. I have over 300 journals of automatic writing from them.. wrote for 2-4 hours every morning as I woke up. it was awesome. When I move I hope to type them all up in the computer, but they are currently in storage.

And yeah, the negative visions of which I haven't had any since that time..and I have never had "visions" except for that time. It was really weird. Had benevolent-seeming strong dreams (which I later identified as not-so-benevolent when I started getting the self-doubt & realizing the dreams were leading me to do something I wouldn't normally ever do, extremely out of character) and the visions were basically warning me of what was "really" going on in 3d-land that I wasn't seeing when I was in my "blissful state" hehe. More like paranoid-delusions is what I thought they were. And so in my state of confusion, I didn't want to believe in the visions, my ego didn't want to believe in the delusions or in thinking anyone is out to harm me, and I didn't want to believe that I was "paranoid".. so I dismissed the visions, when they were actually my mind's "warning system" of mind-overload and the lack of discernment. If I were to believe the visions, I would've had to believe that everyone at work was my enemy, and I thought that was more crazy. So yeah... was excited about getting visions because I had never had them before, and excited about being able to "interpret/read people's minds"... but they were probably a "sickness", and a warning system; "system-crash".

The negative entities is not something I believed fully, it was just an "idea" that came to me while I was in it and I felt that I was being manipulated and by what? I didn't know. I didn't know where the "stuff" I was getting was coming from but as things started to get pretty bad in my "daily" life, I was thinking that whatever "intuition" or "guidance" that I was following and trusting... may not of had "positive" "benevolent" intentions, and that's when I started thinking it was negative entities, etc. But I think it could've been a mix. As I was getting the PTSD symptoms from whatever happened, it brought up "negative memories" which could've been entities of any kind of nature.

I didn't see negative entities as "evil" per-say... more like "helpers who are showing us where we don't love ourselves.. poking us where it hurts to show us what we are here to do, the "work".. but I also don't know much about them because I have only really started taking the research of it more seriously, rather than before when I was very dismissive of it being a possibility because I didn't want to be perceived as "nuts" by others & I also believed that no matter what, you have "undealt with stuff" that is causing them in the first place, whether you name them "entities" and give them a life, or whether they are just negative "thoughts" or old, stubborn belief-patterns, or an ego that is trying to hold-onto and protect it's identity... now I just want to learn more to have a thorough understanding and therefore won't suppress or dismiss anything and be able to "do the work" from a broader perspective.

Edited: may I ask what exactly the unusual mind experiment exactly was? I am curious. Thank you. And maybe it was green ray activation - I was going to say something else but I have forgotten already.

Explained briefly what I could remember in the last post but yeah, basically just lifting the lid on what was possible, stepping into the world that I wanted, stepping into what I thought was "truth" and "trusting the universe", trusting everything, feeling one-ness and unconditional love for all that is... the game and the players.

I came across another thread on the bring4th forums and they refer to it as a mental illness:

[...] had a serious mental health problem following meditation retreats. The first time she was admitted to hospital her symptoms included: Thought disorder with flight of ideas, her mood was elevated and there were grandiose delusions including the belief that she had some special mission for the world: she had to offer ‘undying, unconditional love’ to everyone. She had no [critical] insight. Full Thread here.

Think tonights eclipse is already blowing my mind  

Definitely feeling the effects of the eclipse

Yes the visions and downloads were positive - and very interesting. It all seemed very meaning full at the time but now I cannot recall much, or it gets mixed up with things that occurred later.... I regretted later on that I did not write anything down at the time it occurred.

I also didn't write down the visions.. but because mine were negative.. I didn't want to "acknowledge" them or give them more power to be created

Were the downloads that you got.. were they of the "you create your own reality" nature? And that everything is inter-connected? Most of my downloads that I actually got to write down, were of the "you are the creator/director and player of this 'game'  - here is one of the ones that I have actually typed up from 2015: Automatic Writing with my Higher/Future self?

It came after concentrating on enlightenment - trying to get enlightened. That is why I asked you about the unusual mind practices that you mentioned in your first post. (You might not have seen it, I have edited my last post to ask you that)

Ah yeah, you're right, I didn't see the edit
If enlightenment is "truth", then I was trying to get "truth" of the universe / what this reality is, what is really going on, what is this place? and what is our role in this place? Who are we? What are we? Why are we here? What is the purpose of this? How does it work?  Yearning/seeking/demanding/willing it in an urgent/forceful way and in a powerful way if that makes sense. Not in a desperate way but with.. an excited understanding that we are creating all this and that it's so much bigger than my ant-perspective, and with a willingness to test out just how far we can go .. if we lift the lid on what is possible (our current beliefs into the unknown paradigm of whatever infinitely is.. to explore that which is unknown to me, to receive/know truth) in my mind. I don't recommend this practice to anyone, cos apparently you can fall flat on your face if you haven't done the necessary balancing work first The last thing I wanted when I did this, was balance and groundeness.. those were the "opposite" of what I was going for at the time.

I think the intention we set out is important.

Yep, if I'd really known it was going to change the reality that I was experiencing to the extent that it did.. I would've done things a lot differently lol, but I took one for team-humanity so that I can warn others against it I guess Stable first. Allow life to teach you at it's own pace. You are where you need to be and you are learning from where you're at.

One other thing that came to mind reading your post was that I remember I had wondered why my experience did not last. The answer came to me about a year ago, when someone asked Mooji the same thing... they had had wonderful mystical experiences and those faded away.
And Mooji simply replied "it did not last because it was of the mind".

Isn't it all mind? This reality I think is experienced through the filters of our mind, wherever you are, you are experiencing it from your own unique lens of the mind.

To get out of the mind and into the heart. A state where there are no thoughts.
Think about it, all the bad things, the fears, the doubts, it is all mind. It is all thoughts.
We see the world not how it is but how the mind works and makes us believe it is.
All the knowledge we acquire, all the books we study, it is not worth much in the end. What can be gained can also be lost.
Find out what is always there, before the thoughts and all that crap comes in, and remain in that state.

I think I experienced the heart and then the mind kicked-in lol and yeah coming to these forums has warmed my heart a bit more, as I have started exploring the possibilities that I did not give myself permission to fully explore at the time because I just needed to be "normal" because I could see how "out there" I was compared to everyone else, but now that I'm back allowing myself to express and explore the idea that I wasn't exactly "nuts" but rather just completely unbalanced.. I can possibly open the green-ray again.. but not completely and not until the lower 3 are balanced  But I have started to feel my heart on occasion whilst giving myself permission to explore the stuff that I had stamped-on back then.