Sex in Today's Life and Spiritual Sex

[Matt1]

Interesting thread thus far. I have no experience of relationships and find it an almost impossible experience for some reason. Its not that i have any issues with the opposite sex but rather nothing has happened before. It makes me wonder if i have programmed for a life experience alone rather than in a relationship. It often amazes me how easy people talk about relationships like they are something that happens so easily. I like to think i get on fairly well with the opposite sex at least in general terms, i can talk with them and things but i cannot seem to make any connections or even become friends with females for some reason that is unknown to me at least beyond the generalities. I get the idea that most females are seeking the ideal mate who looks the part, acts the part socially and emotionally, with a nice career to boot. I cannot say I blame them to be honest, if I was a female i would probably seek the same thing in a male. I have this strange view that i find most females generally attractive at least when they make the effort which i think that most do at least from what i have seen. Perhaps i have the wrong view on the matter, but with limited experience of catalyst in that area i can only go with what i see around me on a daily basis rather than having a direct experience to go on. I feel that i basically do not meet the standard desired criteria for a mate and thus am rejected socially from any such experience, if i change my self to make my self more generically desirable i believe i would probably have more luck with this catalyst but in the process of that i would lose who i am in order to gain a relationship.

[Billy]

Being a young male, I thought I would add my own thoughts to this discussion.  Firstly, I have never been in a relationship.  This is not because I haven’t wanted to, I have and still do.  Why it is has never happened I am not really sure.  Most probably because I am shy and don’t approach women (why do I have to always be the one to approach?), but at the same time I have seen friends in the past with similar ‘issues’ who have been able to find a partner.  Maybe there is more to it than shyness and social anxiety.

I’ll come out and admit that because of this lack of attention and bonding with the opposite sex, resentment has developed, but I do think it has lessened quite considerably over the last few years or so, thankfully.  It seems to however have been replaced with a sense of hopelessness, which probably isn’t much better.  

Because of all of this I’m left feeling that something is wrong with me and that I am not good enough in so many ways.  I feel this immense pressure and expectation to be handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, successful, well dressed, good sexually, and the list goes on.  A part of me feels as though I will never be able to live up to all of these expectations and because of it I will never find anyone.  If I look at myself from an objective perspective, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to date me.  I am a bit of a mess as things currently stand, to put it lightly.  Cue the forever alone meme.  

But at the same time I can’t blame someone for wanting a partner to meet certain criteria, when I am the same as well.  I don’t think I could date someone who I wasn’t attracted to, so I suppose that is hypocrisy on my end.  We all have expectations, which is completely reasonable, but I guess I feel as though what I have to live up to is completely beyond me, not just now, but for the rest of this incarnation.

I feel empathy for men.  I know first hand how difficult it is.  At the same time however I try not to let that cloud my empathy towards women and make me hateful, which it is so easily does at times.  

This is a serious post but this image made me laugh:

[earth_spirit]

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[Diana]

(why do I have to always be the one to approach?)

Quoting Ra:
"that which reaches may be seen as a male principle. That which awaits the reaching may be seen as a female principle."

Not sure if I am taking this out of context, but it would appear to me that the male sex represents positive / active energies, and the female sex, negative / passive sort. That could be an answer to your question, along with some others similar in nature.

Billy, you don't always have to be the one to approach. This is based on the biological imperative to procreate and ensure the continuation of the species: the male animal tries to inseminate as many females as possible, and the females do the selecting (which males she will choose as the best to accomplish this). We can choose not to operate from instinct that resides in the brain stem and mammalian brain sections.

Also, we have societal (BS) habits. In our very messed up popular culture today, men are still mostly doing the approaching (and having to face enormous amounts of rejection, which isn't necessarily bad but can probably be wounding), and women seem to be doing everything possible to maximize their attractiveness (including massive amounts of breast augmentations and the like—no judgments meant; if someone wants to do this it's their choice) while still operating from animal instinct and selecting men who can "take care of them," or, are able to protect them (bad boys fit this category).

My advice is to just be the best you can be according to your potential and desires for your self. If you want to be more attractive physically in a societally accepted sense, then I suggest making that happen in whatever ways you can—work out, do yoga to get fit, take care with your personal appearance, discover your personal style. In a spiritual sense the same—keep reaching for your own potential; and be true to yourself.

Instead of waiting for someone to love you as you are, become the person you want to be. Someone will notice—the right someone. (Not directed at anyone in particular.)

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Being a young male, I thought I would add my own thoughts to this discussion.  Firstly, I have never been in a relationship.  This is not because I haven’t wanted to, I have and still do.  Why it is has never happened I am not really sure.  Most probably because I am shy and don’t approach women (why do I have to always be the one to approach?), but at the same time I have seen friends in the past with similar ‘issues’ who have been able to find a partner.  Maybe there is more to it than shyness and social anxiety.

I’ll come out and admit that because of this lack of attention and bonding with the opposite sex, resentment has developed, but I do think it has lessened quite considerably over the last few years or so, thankfully.  It seems to however have been replaced with a sense of hopelessness, which probably isn’t much better.  

Because of all of this I’m left feeling that something is wrong with me and that I am not good enough in so many ways.  I feel this immense pressure and expectation to be handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, successful, well dressed, good sexually, and the list goes on.  A part of me feels as though I will never be able to live up to all of these expectations and because of it I will never find anyone.  If I look at myself from an objective perspective, I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to date me.  I am a bit of a mess as things currently stand, to put it lightly.  Cue the forever alone meme.  

But at the same time I can’t blame someone for wanting a partner to meet certain criteria, when I am the same as well.  I don’t think I could date someone who I wasn’t attracted to, so I suppose that is hypocrisy on my end.  We all have expectations, which is completely reasonable, but I guess I feel as though what I have to live up to is completely beyond me, not just now, but for the rest of this incarnation.

I feel empathy for men.  I know first hand how difficult it is.  At the same time however I try not to let that cloud my empathy towards women and make me hateful, which it is so easily does at times.  

This is a serious post but this image made me laugh:

Regardd Ra's quote as a response, not every man is Dominately, as far as energetic principles go, male energied.  Some men, like myself, dont want to approach, to chase a tail and play the mind games society requires of us to make sense of dating someone.  I just want honesty, someone to say they like me, that's ALL the approach I want, I can do the rest but its such a waste of my resources.  My time, my money, my patience, my dignity.  Its a game of grinding me down and I'm already dust.

The bold and italicized are me from day 1 of coming here, and months before that.  I honestly openly accepted such hopelessness in the face of faith, but in time even faith gets grinded down.

Its almost cruel feeling how much I'm supposed to lose looking for one idiot freak of nature like myself to cohabitat and intermingle with forev's.  Can't we just...  Be attracted to each other energetically or something? Cut out all of this mumbo jumbo juju dating scene nonsense?

Diana, you're the fourth person (almost said woman but I realized the other three weren't all women) to tell me to be my best and in time something good will happen.

I have been trying my best to be my best.  Some people it just doesn't do anything for them, I think I'm one of them.  Of the few girls I've found that I'd probably greatly be happy with, they're already taken.  Of the others who I try to be the best for, its not good enough.


And I'm tired of dealing with it.  Being alone is basically more satisfying now Than dealing with dating madness.

Its why I try not to complain anymore, I'm not trying anymore.  I put it all out there.  Its time for me to be approached, break the societal norm, I'm a lover and worth it.  Show me you're not bogged down by society and want to get to know me, I'll show you my honest compassion and desire to make someone happy.

As E_S said about men I default on women.  I want to love on or worship their body, encourage and cultivate their mind's growth, and share in spirit with them.

I want to love someone the way they want to be loved.  Being Empathic...I've already fulfilled such for a few people.  But I just want to be with one person who I can do such with for the rest of our lives.

Why is that so hard?  Its almost unfair if you think of it poorly.  Women 'just sit around and wait for their type to come to them', Men, 'just approach every women they can til they've found one that accepts them'.

Just sounds loaded with unfairness, men do all the work it sounds like.

Its not true, that's why I said thinking poorly about these things, its easy to get mad at society and the female role in society.  But I don't blame women for following with the standard.

....Its standard, men do it too.  Neither sex is better, we both suck/rock.

[Billy]

My advice is to just be the best you can be according to your potential and desires for your self. If you want to be more attractive physically in a societally accepted sense, then I suggest making that happen in whatever ways you can—work out, do yoga to get fit, take care with your personal appearance, discover your personal style.

I have been considering doing this for a while now, but something keeps stopping me.  I am a skinny male, like really skinny.  I dress okay.  Not bad, not very good, just okay.  I tell myself that the reason I don't put in more effort (i.e. put on weight, go to the gym, dress better) is because doing so would be a blight on my integrity and would not represent my true self but perhaps it is more so to do with laziness.

I have to ask, do the people on this board mold their appearance to be more in tune with what is considered attractive in a societal/biological sense?

I get the feeling that it would help me, not just with women, but with functioning in our society in general.  It seems like such a sell out though. 

[Adonai One]

As a married man at the age of 21, who went through several TERMINATED interactions with the opposite sex until I got where I am and found WHO I AM COMPATIBLE WITH; I can only highly attest to the necessity of consistent, faithful, unconditional loving efforts to find a partner and maintain the relationship; Rather than blaming a lack of compliance of women to a non-existent standard of behavior, where women have to have pity sex with every forlorn male walking down the street.

[Billy]

As a married man at the age of 21, who went through several TERMINATED interactions with the opposite sex until I got where I am and found WHO I AM COMPATIBLE WITH; I can only highly attest to the necessity of consistent, faithful, unconditional loving efforts to find a partner and maintain the relationship; Rather than blaming a lack of compliance of women to a non-existent standard of behavior, where women have to have pity sex with every forlorn male walking down the street.

Good points.  I sometimes get so caught up in the idea of being in a relationship that I forget about what the whole point of it is.  To share love.  The funny thing is I don't even know if I want to be in one and maybe the pressure I am feeling is due to the expectation placed on me by a myriad of sources.  It feels like I have to get it checked off the list of what 'normal' people my age should be doing, otherwise there is something the matter with me.  Perhaps I am just saying that to make myself feel better though.  There is a longing for something or someone, but maybe that can be fulfilled in another way.  My real fear is that if I continue to be passive (what I see as being passive anyways) I will remain without a partner (is that so tragic though?). 

Can you actually live a meaningful life without ever being in a romantic relationship or would you be missing out on something important?   

It's nice to see you posting again Adonai.

[earth_spirit]

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[Jade]

Hi friends, I really appreciate when I see people discuss this with an open heart, because I feel the volatility in this subject.  I'm going to try my best, too. I truly try to understand how hard it must be for men (and everyone, but within this context men specifically) to grow up in society today. We're all exposed to constant stimuli and all sorts of things are implanted in our heads to confuse our true natures. I want again to point out the value of the "Every female is male, every male is female" balancing exercise - this doesn't just apply to others, this applies to the self, as well. It's well not to identify too closely with society's biased definitions of gender. We have all lived many, many lives - I doubt many here would deny that. I also believe we are living simultaneous lives... all of these, a mix of both genders. We all have the traits that we assign to each, good and bad. I think this is why the topic is so touchy for me - I've lived a life of gender abnormalities. I support my husband financially. My dad was a single father and my mother a deadbeat mother. So when I speak of gender dichotomies, it's forced, because I only recognize the tendency for others to fulfill the limited roles set before them by societal framework.

For the men who harbor feelings towards women that are not totally loving - have you ever truly empathized with what it's like to be a woman? Have you ever imagined yourself in a past life where you were a woman? Where you faced some extreme hardships that you tie that gender... rape, abortion, miscarriage, etc... again, not to say these circumstances don't affect men, but it's possible to carry this kind of trauma over from past lives, and I think it's by design sort of gender based in this way. But anyway, have you ever thought about what that must really be like? To be impregnated by someone you love and then left to bear the child alone? These are harsh traumas.

I can tell you for those who desire to potentially seek a relationship in the future, if you believe the word "feminist" to be in any part a dirty word, it will be very hard for you to find a balanced relationship. A woman can sense when you are innately repulsed by her gender - as can a man. However, if you think you want to connect with someone, you must inspect your own mind and thought processes for why you feel such ill feelings towards the other gender. If (sub)consciously you are repulsed, how can you expect a magnetic attraction to form?

If you harbor imbalanced views of the opposite sex, then you will continue to draw examples of those people into your life to perpetuate that worldview. That's just how it is. We create our own reality, right? So why do you blame women for your rejection? I mean, sure, I can see how a young boy can be rejected a couple times will let that get him down - but it's possible to keep trying, yeah? Giving up because of fear of failure isn't the right answer in any realm. But, of course, we build walls because, rejection hurts. We want to be the first ones to reject, and not the ones who are rejected. But, love requires vulnerability, trust. Just because one (or ten, or a hundred) examples of a human woman have rejected you, it's not fair to anyone to then blanket reject the whole gender. Of course, women do this too. From the time we are pre-pubescent we are sexualized and cat called by men our father's age. It's very hard not to judge all men that way - as sexual predators, to be blunt. When I was 11, my father started demanding that I wear a bra every time I leave the house - not that I had developed anything, my body looked exactly like a boy's my age, height and weight would. But it was made clear that, if I didn't wear a bra, I was flaunting myself, and I would receive unwanted male attention.

Another particularly jarring experience was an evening spent walking around downtown, playing capture the flag, as we did sometimes in high school. There was a very young girl there that night, quiet, shy, 13-14, very small. I was probably 16-17. She was on my team for capture the flag but we weren't that interested in playing so we were off wandering by ourselves. At some point a man in a pick up truck slammed on his breaks next to us and pulled over. He was fixated on the little girl. He was 35-40 by my guess. He got out of the car and approached us. He kept asking her, "Hey, do you need a ride?" and I kept trying to tell him off. "No dude, obviously we're fine." She was frozen petrified. "Hey, do you need a ride?" "Dude, she's 14." He eventually gave me a stare down and went back to his truck and drove away. But that wasn't the last time we saw him. He kept driving around the block, slowing down and speeding off, and continually trying to convince this tiny little girl to go with him. We had to retreat indoors to ditch him.

Now, these experiences and others where I've felt "preyed" upon could very well color my view towards all men, and make me put up shields that repel men away. This would make me reject almost all other men without a second thought. And, this definitely happens. Again, compounded with possible past life traumas involving sexual abuse, or even current ones, like my rape, can really make a woman fearful. Very, very fearful. One reason there is an imbalance in why women are more prone to be prey is that, by the time most men are 13-14, they are of sufficient size and strength to physically take most adult women. An adult man can overpower most adult women and almost all children. It's a terrifying thought that one can be overpowered and physically violated in such a way, and many women have had experiences where this was a possibility. I know some men have, too, and I think with children the gender dichotomy is less spread again (again, because of the physical strength).

So, I just want to point out the similarities instead of highlighting the differences. We are all human, and we have all been hurt. Sometimes it's easiest to make a blanket rejection statement, such as "All men are pigs!" or "All women are whores!", that explains the lack of "success" in the romantic realm. But the truth is, we can't blame others. It's like when people get fixated on the Illuminati causing all the world's ills - putting the blame for one's unhappiness on a group of entities outside oneself. Resolution comes from accepting oneself as worthy and acting without fear. When one resonates with being a victim, the situation will continue to present itself. If one resonates with being rejected and unworthy, this situation too will manifest. It takes a lot of work and it's not just about replacing old refrains with "I'm worthy and a relationship will find me!". It involves dismantling all the deeply rooted feelings that one has that would instinctively repel them from the opposite sex. I'll wrap it up without going into too much detail (it's been discussed) but I think a lot of the confusion on the male end of the spectrum today is that many of you had unlimited access to video porn starting at a very young age, very likely... it's well to ponder what regular (daily) pornographic input does to one's perception. People downplay the effects of media but we really do experience the realities that we spend the most time thinking about.

[earth_spirit]

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[Adonai One]

As a married man at the age of 21, who went through several TERMINATED interactions with the opposite sex until I got where I am and found WHO I AM COMPATIBLE WITH; I can only highly attest to the necessity of consistent, faithful, unconditional loving efforts to find a partner and maintain the relationship; Rather than blaming a lack of compliance of women to a non-existent standard of behavior, where women have to have pity sex with every forlorn male walking down the street.

 ...My real fear is that if I continue to be passive (what I see as being passive anyways) I will remain without a partner (is that so tragic though?). 

Can you actually live a meaningful life without ever being in a romantic relationship or would you be missing out on something important?   

I assure you that even in passivity, you will find a more than sufficient partner if you take slow steps to put yourself in a position that you must speak publicly and clearly. Although this can be a difficult step in our first-world, anonymous culture.

That goes without saying: You can absolutely live a meaningful, satisfying life without ever being in a romantic relationship, or in any personal relationship. However, there will be much entropy if you continue to interact with society in the most minimal of ways but never expand upon the intricacies, sufferings, hopes and meanings of these interactions that inevitably lead to romance in some form.

A life without personal romance would be defacto romance with the universe, nature and the self, either absorbent or radiant of choosing. In literature, this is usually termed as hermeticism or monasticism, and is a sufficient but arduous path that requires a constant state of meditation to abstain from the psychological repressions, illnesses and vagaries of a mind that does not interact actively with external catalyst. 

I have considered this path but I had already invested too much in my childhood catalyst to disavow the external catalyst of society in favor of only an indefinite internalized, meditative experience. I had to face the entirety of self and work with the society given to me; The Potentiator of The Body. I assume the same for most here; Perhaps wrongly so.

I don't believe a truly hermetic and monastic person would find Bring4th.org nor The Law of One online. Most of us here likely seek external catalyst to fulfill our service in these lives. To change this would require much satiation in simply visualizing our societal desires rather than living them. This is akin to the curse of a disincarnate existence that does not fulfull its bodily needs through reincarnation, abstaining. I feel there would be horrendous agony in this, such is the so-called "Wheel of Karma."

To not face our societal desires and to live monastically, would create much blockage in the so-called "lower rays" due to the denial of our basic primality and intelligence to expand our consciousness externally. The one who lives most internally is able to see the external as the self. The monastic, hermit who fails this lesson will have dire consequences to pay for in later life in balancing and "polarization."

[spero]

the orange- and the yellow-ray attempts to have sexual intercourse create, firstly, a blockage if only one entity vibrates in this area, thus causing the entity vibrating sexually in this area to have a never-ending appetite for this activity. What these vibratory levels are seeking is green-ray activity.
...
The other green-ray possibility is that of one entity offering green-ray energy, the other not offering energy of the universal love energy, this resulting in a blockage of energy for the one not green ray thus increasing frustration or appetite; the green-ray being polarizing slightly towards service to others.
...
If both entities are blocked both will have an increased hunger for the same activity, seeking to unblock the baffled flow of energy. If one entity is blocked and the other vibrates in love, the entity baffled will hunger still but have a tendency to attempt to continue the procedure of sating the increasing hunger with the one vibrating green ray due to an impression that this entity might prove helpful in this endeavor. The green-ray active individual shall polarize slightly in the direction of service to others but have only the energy with which it began.

thought the above quotes were interesting in light of the earlier discussion of mismatched sexual desire, tho u cant really force someone to have an open green-ray, so its interesting but not entirely helpful information.

people have needs and u cant really fault a person for having an increased sexual appetite at a particular point in time. it might even be a stipulation for a relationship since its an important aspect to them. everyones different and while some people dont much care for the sex component, for others it can be vital.

I'm probably a 5 on the Kinsey scale and single  



It'd probably be better if people didnt use emotionally charged words/labels like rape for things that seem similar. especially labels that have pretty severe real-world repercussions e.g. prison time. 

[Adonai One]

It'd probably be better if people didnt use emotionally charged words/labels like rape for things that seem similar. especially labels that have pretty severe real-world repercussions e.g. prison time. 

I don't believe it is helpful to say sexually, emotionally manipulated people don't demand the same amount of EMOTIONAL CHARGE AND CONCERN as people led into "criminal" rape through the same means.

Shades of grey in this regard do not add balance but rather cause a deep procrastination in the service required to prevent rape from occurring: Emotional manipulation is the cornerstone by which one can voluntarily be made to act against themselves and traumatize themselves in less than desired sex acts.


I don't find this type of harm endorsable. I will not put potential rape below present and past rapes in concern.

All is one.

Lastly, I care not what society deems as crime or not crime. I will state with full emotional charge, that may so be balanced in these words, that there is harm in the full spectrum of rape that need not be held to restitutional justice, but rather be held to prevention of such harm going forward through mass societal communication, real world activism with full clear communication and context.

Rape is a dangerous spectrum that begins with a lack of concern for the self and others, emotional obedience and conformity without the compassion and wisdom to see the lack of sustainability of irresponsible sexual entitlement that hurts oneself.

I am not speaking as a feminist but as a man that has seen too much abuse in every aspect of society, especially regarding sexual activity.

I will happily discuss the emotional abuse that leads to physical abuse in the first place, and make a clear bridge between the two.

[Billy]

To be clear, I most certainly do not hate women, on the contrary in fact, and I’m not oblivious to the injustices and difficulties that women in society face and have faced. I have seen the ways that some men treat women, like they are objects that can be tossed to the side when done with. It is incredibly mean and thoughtless, to say the least. And of course, like Jade mentioned, there are difficulties that are unique to women (i.e. abortion, miscarriage).

I was more so just venting my frustrations which in all truth are aimed at no one other than myself. I really do try to not feel sorry for myself and like I am a victim, and for the most part I don’t, but every so often I do indulge in a pity party.

Hate is sad and all my resentments bother me greatly and I often wish that I could click my fingers and have them be washed away, but alas, it isn’t so simple. No one truly wants to hate and be angry, it is just an inevitable feeling which emerges as a result of being hurt.

I assure you that even in passivity, you will find a more than sufficient partner if you take slow steps to put yourself in a position that you must speak publicly and clearly. Although this can be a difficult step in our first-world, anonymous culture.

I don't understand what you mean by this, can you rephrase?

[Adonai One]

If you even so shly, passively, slowly engage and SPEAK WITH people in public settings consistently, on a greater than bi-weekly basis, you will find a partner inevitably.

Simply: What is required to meet and partner with people is a minimal level of consistent engagement.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Seems an uninformed or painted view but if that's the reality you try to pitch for people, I don't feel like questioning it.

[Adonai One]

I'm always open to THOROUGHLY hearing, reading alternatives. Beyond that I have no guarantees.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

I just never was big on such a belief. I simply don't know if that holds true for me is all.

[Jade]

I don't think real world social interaction directly correlates with finding a compatible partner, but I do think it correlates with unblocking the orange and yellow ray, which will lead to more acceptance of self/others and therefore the idea of finding that "ONE" partner isn't so far fetched. If all of your social interaction is on the internet, you must accept that it is distorted because as humans we are wired to communicate with visual cues/body language/vocal tone/pheromones/etc etc. I know we are shifting the other way, but it's still a very new development, this instant telepathic-text communication method.