[split] My Path

[Aion]

I actually went in the other direction. I used to do anything to be positive and supportive, to the degree of ignoring what I saw as my wisdom. I've probably gone over to the other extreme to start balancing and I'm sure with time I'll tone down and be all sensitive and aware. Right now I'm still working on some major issues with self-acceptance.

[AnthroHeart]

I accept myself pretty fully.

I actually went in the other direction. I used to do anything to be positive and supportive, to the degree of ignoring what I saw as my wisdom. I've probably gone over to the other extreme to start balancing and I'm sure with time I'll tone down and be all sensitive and aware. Right now I'm still working on some major issues with self-acceptance.

[Aion]

I have some pretty deep-rooted self-hatred I still haven't quite balanced.

[Zach]

I have some pretty deep-rooted self-hatred I still haven't quite balanced.

I can relate.

I think sometimes very wisdom oriented seekers can turn on themselves in this way. I don't know exactly what your going through. But having such a high sense of wisdom (lacking some love), whether the preference for wisdom is consciously or subconsciously realized, can equal very high expectations for the self. Hatred towards ones mistakes and the aspects of ourselves (and other-selves) we view as imbalanced or 'messed up'. Are we forcing an ideal upon ourselves that we view as being Loving? or are we actually seeking to Love? Im my eyes, when we actually seek to Love...along the journey... it won't always manifest in a way that quenches our thirst for the ideal we hold of what a Loving person should be or do....and much of it is just letting go, accepting, and letting it happen. Not a false sense of letting go that appeases the minds ideals...but an actual letting go.

*deep breath*

"that feels good."

That being said we can't learn for other people. Balancing this reality with the desire to communicate with someone- we realize sometimes just letting people "do their thing" is the most loving thing we can do.

[Plenum]

I have some pretty deep-rooted self-hatred I still haven't quite balanced.

self-hatred usually sits in the orange ray.  Although just being able to localise it isn't always helpful.

but it's to do with one's relationship with the incarnate personality, and the various ways of relating to one's own desires (are these desires ok or not to have, etc etc).

[Minyatur]

I have some pretty deep-rooted self-hatred I still haven't quite balanced.

I personally think you are one hell of a masterpiece of Creation, but that's just my humble opinion on the matter.

[Aion]

It's a little complicated in my mind. I have tried to simplify and just 'let myself be' but after so long that started to feel like repression. The truth is I have a lot of radical views of reality and in accepting that about myself I am challenged with how to embrace it while still being socially functional.

I think part of it is that love isn't something that feels... sensitive, in a triggered kind of way I mean. It is aware, immersed, sensual, but it always feels strong. I think sensitivity comes more from not being able to feel the love.

[Aion]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

[Plenum]

The truth is I have a lot of radical views of reality and in accepting that about myself I am challenged with how to embrace it while still being socially functional.

part of dealing with desires that are unfulfilled (and perhaps unfulfillable within this density), is that one may then adopt an attitude that somehow the self is deficient, in not being able to actualise those desires.

Holding the attitude (even unconsciously) that the self is deficient, can then lead to more 'severe' emotional self assessments.  From the starting point of 'the self is deficient', that can then cascade into feelings of inadequacy, then a dislike of the current self-configuration, and then self-detesting oneself because of that lack.

I am speaking more in general terms here, and not specifically to your case; but it may or may not have applicability.

One should also note that noticing a gap between one's desires and the means to fulfil them can be a great propellent to further develop and hone aspects of the self.  Which can be a great motivator!  It's just that even a slight difference in attitude can make all the difference between a positive motivating tool (encouraging) and one that is done out of a sense of 'I don't like who I am, and need to change'.

Again, not referring to you specifically

[Aion]

Hmm, I feel for myself it is an awareness of my capacities that concern me. I do not feel so much that I desire to have or experience as anything and more desire to lack desire which of course is a negation of my desires.

The frustrating part is discerning what my current desires actually are.

[Plenum]

Hmm, I feel for myself it is an awareness of my capacities that concern me. I do not feel so much that I desire to have or experience as anything and more desire to lack desire which of course is a negation of my desires.

The frustrating part is discerning what my current desires actually are.

well, to me, the deepest desire is to follow one's life path.  That is not always easy to discern.  

[Minyatur]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

[Bluebell]

It's a little complicated in my mind. I have tried to simplify and just 'let myself be' but after so long that started to feel like repression. The truth is I have a lot of radical views of reality and in accepting that about myself I am challenged with how to embrace it while still being socially functional.

when around people, pretend ur in a holoprogram where ur character is an average joe with no radical views.

[Aion]

It's a little complicated in my mind. I have tried to simplify and just 'let myself be' but after so long that started to feel like repression. The truth is I have a lot of radical views of reality and in accepting that about myself I am challenged with how to embrace it while still being socially functional.

when around people, pretend ur in a holoprogram where ur character is an average joe with no radical views.

It's easy enough to pretend I'm 'normal', the problem is I don't understand why I should have to act.

[Aion]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

[Aion]

Hmm, I feel for myself it is an awareness of my capacities that concern me. I do not feel so much that I desire to have or experience as anything and more desire to lack desire which of course is a negation of my desires.

The frustrating part is discerning what my current desires actually are.

well, to me, the deepest desire is to follow one's life path.  That is not always easy to discern.  

I think part of myself wants to stay lost. There is a comfort in confusion.

[Turtle]

Hmm, I feel for myself it is an awareness of my capacities that concern me. I do not feel so much that I desire to have or experience as anything and more desire to lack desire which of course is a negation of my desires.

The frustrating part is discerning what my current desires actually are.

well, to me, the deepest desire is to follow one's life path.  That is not always easy to discern.  

I think part of myself wants to stay lost. There is a comfort in confusion.

Comfort in confusion?! Nonsense! Confusion is frustrating, undesirable, and an overall silly state of being I say! Clarity and Knowingness however are thrilling, centered, balanced, powerful states of being This is a highly biased opinion and I do not apologize for it!

[Minyatur]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

I mean wirh a deeper knowlege of the other-self including being aware of the deep-rooted self hatred and what it causes.
Well seeing yourself as a dude (The One Almighty Creator Dude), would be well in itself for a starter.

---

I do think you know your path isn't the darkest one in Creation (I do hope you know that, foolish immature soul that you are), and if you do, what do you think of them? those with darker paths than your own, those for whom your experience of negative polarity is merely  a mirror unto understanding and loving them, those whose infinite potential for love was twisted by fate. Do you think they deserve to he hated? 

[Minyatur]

It's a little complicated in my mind. I have tried to simplify and just 'let myself be' but after so long that started to feel like repression. The truth is I have a lot of radical views of reality and in accepting that about myself I am challenged with how to embrace it while still being socially functional.

when around people, pretend ur in a holoprogram where ur character is an average joe with no radical views.

It's easy enough to pretend I'm 'normal', the problem is I don't understand why I should have to act.

Who told you that you had to do anything in particular?

To me it is your own desire about what you want to be for yourself.

[Plenum]

Hello Dear Plenum,

Lately I was meditating and visualizing each “Energy Center” with assigned “proper color” and … my Orange Ray was the only one that seems to be empty. In case of all others I effortlessly saw bright colors of each Ray, but in the case of Orange-One, even when I tried to “filled it” with the color with my will, I was unable to visualize effect of “radiating”. It was more like an “empty hole”.

It is worrisome for me and I’m uncertain how to proceed. I would be grateful for some advice.

I would perhaps trying to work with the sentiment "I forgive myself for disowning my desires" and seeing if that has an effect on the orange-ray centre.

In another thread, you wrote a bit about some of the bullying experiences you had.  Your experiences were much worse than mine (I developed yellow ray blockages as a result of mine), but when there is gross physical infringement (it can even be astral infringement for those that have too-open a third-eye as a child), then one can easily adopt the attitude that one has no self-sovereignty, and that one has no personal say/effect on the situation.  That's a loss of personal power, and the right to be accepted as an equal sovereign entity, no matter one's age or experience level.  That loss of personal power then overlaps with the sense of "what's the point of my desires (what I want), when others can infringe on that willy-nilly".  And so one can then take the approach that it's safer to disown own's own desires, rather than having desires, experiencing them, and then having it taken away without warning.  It's a core-level feeling of disempowerment.

Again; that's a general level of analysis, and not something that I'm referencing directly to your situation.  But it's something I've observed as a commonality with orange-ray blockages.

[Aion]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

I mean wirh a deeper knowlege of the other-self including being aware of the deep-rooted self hatred and what it causes.
Well seeing yourself as a dude (The One Almighty Creator Dude), would be well in itself for a starter.

---

I do think you know your path isn't the darkest one in Creation (I do hope you know that, foolish immature soul that you are), and if you do, what do you think of them? those with darker paths than your own, those for whom your experience of negative polarity is merely  a mirror unto understanding and loving them, those whose infinite potential for love was twisted by fate. Do you think they deserve to he hated? 

I don't think you really know too much about my path, I don't generally share but it's not really about darkness. You already think you know, so there is no use in explaining.

[Aion]

Hmm, I feel for myself it is an awareness of my capacities that concern me. I do not feel so much that I desire to have or experience as anything and more desire to lack desire which of course is a negation of my desires.

The frustrating part is discerning what my current desires actually are.

well, to me, the deepest desire is to follow one's life path.  That is not always easy to discern.  

I think part of myself wants to stay lost. There is a comfort in confusion.

Comfort in confusion?! Nonsense! Confusion is frustrating, undesirable, and an overall silly state of being I say! Clarity and Knowingness however are thrilling, centered, balanced, powerful states of being This is a highly biased opinion and I do not apologize for it!

K.

[Minyatur]

However, I can't say I have a really grounded sense of love within myself. I feel like all I know is war.

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

I mean wirh a deeper knowlege of the other-self including being aware of the deep-rooted self hatred and what it causes.
Well seeing yourself as a dude (The One Almighty Creator Dude), would be well in itself for a starter.

---

I do think you know your path isn't the darkest one in Creation (I do hope you know that, foolish immature soul that you are), and if you do, what do you think of them? those with darker paths than your own, those for whom your experience of negative polarity is merely  a mirror unto understanding and loving them, those whose infinite potential for love was twisted by fate. Do you think they deserve to he hated? 

I don't think you really know too much about my path, I don't generally share but it's not really about darkness. You already think you know, so there is no use in explaining.

It's not that I think I know, I work with what you shared so far that I am aware of.

[Aion]

If the current you was an other-self to yourself, what would feel toward him?

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

I mean wirh a deeper knowlege of the other-self including being aware of the deep-rooted self hatred and what it causes.
Well seeing yourself as a dude (The One Almighty Creator Dude), would be well in itself for a starter.

---

I do think you know your path isn't the darkest one in Creation (I do hope you know that, foolish immature soul that you are), and if you do, what do you think of them? those with darker paths than your own, those for whom your experience of negative polarity is merely  a mirror unto understanding and loving them, those whose infinite potential for love was twisted by fate. Do you think they deserve to he hated? 

I don't think you really know too much about my path, I don't generally share but it's not really about darkness. You already think you know, so there is no use in explaining.

It's not that I think I know, I work with what you shared so far that I am aware of.

Well that hasn't been much, an even less so of the darker side.

[Minyatur]

/shrug

He's a dude. Yeah, that's about it.

I mean wirh a deeper knowlege of the other-self including being aware of the deep-rooted self hatred and what it causes.
Well seeing yourself as a dude (The One Almighty Creator Dude), would be well in itself for a starter.

---

I do think you know your path isn't the darkest one in Creation (I do hope you know that, foolish immature soul that you are), and if you do, what do you think of them? those with darker paths than your own, those for whom your experience of negative polarity is merely  a mirror unto understanding and loving them, those whose infinite potential for love was twisted by fate. Do you think they deserve to he hated? 

I don't think you really know too much about my path, I don't generally share but it's not really about darkness. You already think you know, so there is no use in explaining.

It's not that I think I know, I work with what you shared so far that I am aware of.

Well that hasn't been much, an even less so of the darker side.

I do admit not perceiving what would be there other than rampaging the galaxy.

But then again I am not so much aware of my own path although I do know I have no self-hatred issues. I picture stories in the Creator's infinite dream, in a general manner. Sad stories, twisted stories but also happier ones.

[Minyatur]

Anyway I do apologize if I offended you, was not intended.

[Aion]

Hardly, other people don't offend me. It's pretty hard to do so.

[Minyatur]

Hardly, other people don't offend me. It's pretty hard to do so.

Well then, I'm not quite sure how can one hate only self. What I tried to get at is how you feel about other-selves who share what you hate in yourself, whatever that is. 

[Aion]

It is the quality of self itself that has hate, so it's not really that I hate anything, it is the state of separation that fills me with hate. It's kind of hard to describe, it doesn't start or end with me, it's connected to the planet and galaxy.

You might put it that I feel all the self-hate that is held by all beings.

[Minyatur]

It is the quality of self itself that has hate, so it's not really that I hate anything, it is the state of separation that fills me with hate. It's kind of hard to describe, it doesn't start or end with me, it's connected to the planet and galaxy.

You might put it that I feel all the self-hate that is held by all beings.

Is it like what sadness is to me? Although I'm currently mostly cut off from it. 

I do think that despire it not starting nor ending with me, it does reflect much about myself else I wouldn't be working that. 

Or perhaps we pick emotions at random to experience them all, what do I know.