Love To All

[Hotsizzle77]

Hello everyone, my name is Ryan. I am 21 years old and was born in Ct,USA. Let me just start this off by saying I have the outmost respect and love for all who's reading this. For I see you all as my brothers and sisters.
I remember being 11 years old and having dinner with my father, I would sit on his porch at night and look at the stars and I'd ask him, "hey dad, what is there? What is this"? Confused and shocked he would say "this is life son". That didn't cut it for me, I wanted more and I had this extreme desire to become awakend. To actually know who I was and what consciousness is all about. Well, unfortunately I've suffered from depression , a lot of colds as a child and had a low self esteem throughout middle school and high school. I manage to lose 40 pounds my senior year of high school which gave me more satisfaction with my physical body. Even so, I had no idea which direction I was headed after high school. I had trouble discovering myself and knowing what it is I want to do. Not even on occupational terms but in a spiritual sense as well.
It wasn't until my first year of college when I stumbled upon a man named David Wilcock and his seminar about "The Golden Age". Every bit of information I found staggering and I became obsessive about spiritually, meditation, UFOs, quantum physics and the whole shibang. I immidiatley bought David Wilcock's book "The Source Field" and read it within a couple of days. That book to me was my bible in the sense that everything that is in there is all I ever needed to know. I feel different everyday. I see the negativity on earth as I want isolation from it. I know this isn't my true home and I have always been a loving and kind person to others. I read the wanderers handbook and I assumed that the very act of me reading it would consider me a wonderer. Not only that, but I seemed to fit perfectly with the qualifications of being one, as do we all. I've never been interested in money, I've never been a money hungry person I am on the pursuit of spiritual happiness rather than just wanting money.
Last year, I had purchased the Law of One series not knowing exactly what it was about. Well, let's just say just like The Source Field, I was hooked on this as well. I finally understand what it is I need to do on planet earth. Us wonderes need to help this planet towards a loving societal complex. Latley, I've had an extreme desire to discover my past life, where I was from where my home planet was and from what density I incarnated from. I remember my first meditation which I want to share with you. One of my earliest meditations, I would focus on nothing and I would then focus on the universe being love and light and greeting the one creator as I see in myself. I would suddenly feel bliss all around me. The feeling is unbearable and as a result I would stare to be in tears. About a month ago I focused deeply on who I was in my past life and why I am the way I am today. About 30min into my mediation I started to incision a lady holding a baby. I could see red everywhere and she stared at me right in my face for a while. I could feel her starring it was at that exact time I felt a huge amount of loving energy and again I started to tear up (embarrassing as it sounds). She was beautiful and she looked at me and I know this to be true because that gut feeling that instinct tells me to be true. I now meditated 15-20 min everyday and it keeps me calm and awakened. Synchronicitys tend to happen more and more as you meditate and dreams start to become messages.
I now have flunked college twice and I am at a stage of my life where I am feeling very low. I am worried about my future in terms of where I am going to be living. I guess it's a sign me finding this forum but I feel at ease knowing that I am not alone. Again, I have the most respect and love for everyone, thanks for reading! Namaste

[AnthroHeart]

Hi HotSizzle, and welcome to the forum. It's good that you keep a meditation practice. I appreciate your love and light. I felt bliss once, in my heart chakra, and it was so overwhelming that I cried. I simply felt unworthy for the love. I try to meditate to get deep, but I'm often too energized to do so.

[Hotsizzle77]

Thank you for the kind welcoming my friend. Yes you have felt exactly how I have felt. How much meditation do you do? Do you have any guidelines?

[AnthroHeart]

I do active meditation, whereas I feel energy. Hard to describe, but this energy is love/light, which is also Kundalini. It resides in my heart chakra. I try sometimes letting go, but then I feel a buzz. I'd like to go into the dream state while in meditation, and then lucidly manifest things. But I'm not sure if that's how it works.

The love I felt that one day that was overwhelming was not during meditation. But it happened to me out of the blue. I was alone. It was the greatest love I had ever felt. Unconditional love. I couldn't handle it, so it went away so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. But I do miss that feeling. It was just love. Not really joy. So I couldn't say it was bliss. I just felt loved.

I had another time where I saw cartoon characters manifested upon a concrete wall. They were so cute, and animated. I was hypersensitive to cuteness, and it was a little uncomfortable. So I turned down the adorability of them. That was another time when I felt overwhelmed, this time with how adorable the characters were. This also was not during a meditation.

My meditations honestly don't get that deep. I'd like to reach into the roots of the mind, into time/space, and learn things about how to balance myself better. But all in good time. We have an infinity of time for which to spiritually develop. I like working with what feels like higher density energies. But I can't be sure. I've been wanting to connect with my native social memory complex. I don't meditate daily, because the energy work is fully conscious.

[Spaced]

Welcome to the forums Ryan, thank you for sharing your story. It's funny, at your age I had also flunked out of college twice and was at a major low point in my life. I'm sure things will work out for you, things have a way of falling into place if you let them.

I would say one thing, you mention how you treated DW's book and the Law of One as your bible. Just be aware of the dangers of becoming attached to a source or teacher and accepting their teachings without question. DW doesn't know all and neither do Ra, these teachers can point to ideas that may be of use to you on your path, but be sure to always apply discernment and come to your own conclusions. Question everything and develop your own resources for seeking truth

[AnthroHeart]

Hidden Hand said that perhaps 85-90% of the Ra Material was correct. So I don't know. They both agreed though on the 51% STO being harvestable to 4th density positive (or your home density).

Spaced, the only course I failed was Politics. I never flunked out of college though. I remember working 3 jobs once and going to college. The semester I took 18 hours was the worst. I majored in Physics. I think I made a D in one course, and had to retake it. It's required at that school to have no D's in the courses directly in our major. I made a C in Quantum Physics, so it wasn't that one. Even though it was a tough class.

[Hotsizzle77]

Welcome to the forums Ryan, thank you for sharing your story. It's funny, at your age I had also flunked out of college twice and was at a major low point in my life. I'm sure things will work out for you, things have a way of falling into place if you let them.

I would say one thing, you mention how you treated DW's book and the Law of One as your bible. Just be aware of the dangers of becoming attached to a source or teacher and accepting their teachings without question. DW doesn't know all and neither do Ra, these teachers can point to ideas that may be of use to you on your path, but be sure to always apply discernment and come to your own conclusions. Question everything and develop your own resources for seeking truth

Thank you for your kind welcoming as well, yes that is funny how we can relate. I realize that Ra and DW do not know everything but what I meant to say was at that time in my life I was thankful for them. I keep researching other information and keep looking for ways to spiritually evolve without relying on Ra or DW but rather my own life and my own inner being. I now know how it sounded when I said DWs book was my bible but I just wanted to rephrase that by saying at that time in my life it was a key source in leading me towards my spiritual path much love

[Spaced]

Yeah fair enough, I got into the Ra material after reading The Source Field Investigations myself, it serves as a useful catalyst to my seeking

[Hotsizzle77]

Gemini your meditation techniques/sessions are extremely interesting to say the least and you appear to have a lot of experience in regards to performing active meditation. As you have stated you would love to gain deeper access to your inner self and to time/space. I have that desire as well and I'm almost too anxious to access that level. But there is no rush isn't there, all will come when the time is necessary, and in the end all is well

[AnthroHeart]

I sometimes like to tune into green ray, and feel it. My greatest desire is perhaps to once again feel the unconditional love of Creator. But this time be able to handle it. My native social memory complex I have no doubt is sending me love/light as I request it. I feel this as pressure on my heart chakra. I also feel a lesser pressure on my 3rd eye.