How to properly cut cords with somebody?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Basically, the lessons I am learning come with hardship she care nothing about. So why should she get all the same benefit without having to pay her dues? Why should Ihave to shoulder all the hardship so SHE can reap all the benefit, when she refuses to even have anything to do qith me? HOW is that fair to me? Do I get to learn HER lessons without suffering her hardships? If so, THEN it is fair to me. Otherwise, it's not.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Oh I don’t disagree. I think it is probably a lot more healthy to eliminate old attachments that no longer are helpful.

I just honestly care about you and by the way thank you for not taking offence when I said that.
Anyways I care enough that listening to your posts including in this thread made the light go on for me and since I would like you to be happy I just thought perhaps if you could work on the anger towards yourself you might feel better about this sooner.

Fair enough. Just understand that this is my perspective: Let's say a man cheats on his wife so she divorces him. That's fair right? But then should he have to pay her alimony and provide for her despite the fact that she chose to end the marriage, regardless of her reason for doing so? I say no, he should not have to pay her alimony. If she wants a divorce, fine, but then she can earn her own living and bring home her own bread and butter, or fins someone else. That's fair. At least that's my outlook.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Friendship is a marriage of the soul, and it is sometimes privvy to divorce. Fair enough. This marriage of the soul was ended in a sort of spiritual divorce, and for PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE REASONS. This, I do not contest. But... If I am to be subject to a divorce of the soul, I do not believe I should have to pay ALIMONY of the soul.

[Glow]

I don’t think anyone has said anything about that. At least I haven’t.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Okay, fair enough. I figured it was me taking that position that had you guys saying I'm showing anger.

[Glow]

No it was actually your comment defending her and calling yourself an energy vampire that made me considered mentioning it. It’s all good EP.

The recap when you do it about your shared connection part of it will be recapping those stomach aches/heartaches we get when we remember times that we regret our behaviour or loss,...

Without those energies triggering you going forward it’s easier to move on and forgive yourself.

Pain keeps us from really understanding things and it’s harder to forgive what we don’t understand.

On that note I realize I should go recap that troublesome loved-one in my life. If he’s tripping over ties that keep him from seeing things clearly he cannot heal and forgive himself. So I will be recapping our energy for him.

Know something EP just because she has cut contact doesn’t mean she doesn’t wish you well.
Sometimes a cycle is just to unhealthy to continue and it doesn’t mean you aren’t still wished all the best blessings the world has to offer. Not saying your friend is doing that but it is possible.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I doubt it. If you'd seen her artwork about me, you'd doubt it too. Definitely gonma need to recap those because they're quite hurtful. Thabk you so much Glow. I appreciate your help.

[Aion]

The only way to truly 'break' a connection is to uproot that which it is rooted to.

[AnthroHeart]

Can you cut cords with someone living with you?

[Glow]

You can recap them so they effect you different.

Cords if you are in contact and you relate on the same wave length with them as you previously did will come back.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

The only way to truly 'break' a connection is to uproot that which it is rooted to.

And that is accomplished how?

[Diana]

Doing a recapitulation, with the intention of "un-meshing" yourself with another person, has energetic efficacy. But if you are doing it to focus on something you want to "resolve," in other words, "fix," then you would be stuck energetically in a loop and not moving forward. (By "you" I mean anyone.) 

So visualizing cutting ties is fine, but you must also be moving forward in life—on to other things. Focus of self, not someone else. Reach for potential of self. Instead of worrying about how you interact with another, just focus on how you act. Become who you want to be. Don't worry about how you are with another. It's sounds paradoxical to focus on self to be of service to others, but it isn't. Either way—STO or STS—self is the first responsibility in evolution. As you progress in your own conscious evolution, you automatically serve the whole, and the way you treat and serve others follows from that place of consciousness.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Doing a recapitulation, with the intention of "un-meshing" yourself with another person, has energetic efficacy. But if you are doing it to focus on something you want to "resolve," in other words, "fix," then you would be stuck energetically in a loop and not moving forward. (By "you" I mean anyone.) 

So visualizing cutting ties is fine, but you must also be moving forward in life—on to other things. Focus of self, not someone else. Reach for potential of self. Instead of worrying about how you interact with another, just focus on how you act. Become who you want to be. Don't worry about how you are with another. It's sounds paradoxical to focus on self to be of service to others, but it isn't. Either way—STO or STS—self is the first responsibility in evolution. As you progress in your own conscious evolution, you automatically serve the whole, and the way you treat and serve others follows from that place of consciousness.

That is currently what I am doing, hence this thread. I'm not trying to reconcile.

[Aion]

The only way to truly 'break' a connection is to uproot that which it is rooted to.

And that is accomplished how?

Well the fact is you have to come to terms with the raw feelings of the situation and determine where your attachment is. Every attachment is sustained by an emotional connection. Although lauded as a goal of 'enlightenment' the fact is you don't have to completely clear all attachment, just identify and change those which trap you in illusory thinking.

More importantly, the focus must be turned upon oneself and away from the other. What is rooted in you is not derived from any other person but is an extension only of your own natures. Of course, that isn't to say people can't be held responsible for their actions, but I always ask, where is the end? The end is when you stop preoccupying yourself with that other and turn to your own self. Focusing on yourself is not the same as being self-centered, although it may appear that way, and is socially deplored. Focusing on yourself is cleansing yourself of all that is not yourself. It is hard, we are influenced by so many people and so many cultures, but ultimately we have to create our own minds. We have to create our own internal landscape that we want to live within.

So it all comes down to, what do you really want? I think that when we say we don't know, it's really that we think what we want is wrong in some way. Other times, we seem like we have a clear idea for comfort, but aren't always in tune with our hearts. We have to be honest with ourselves, first and foremost.

Often there is some part of ourselves that another person energizes and it can be difficult learning to energize that part for ourselves. The tricky bit is really figuring out what part of ourselves is attached.

[Loki]

I don't like the idea that I'm treated as worthless and cast aside, but she still gets something from me, even though she does nothing for me and has no positive regard towards me. Maybe that's selfish and not STO, bit like I said, I'm not very STO. I, like many, lie within the sinkhole of indifference. In general, I just dont like the thought of helping somebody who shamed me and cast me out of their life in a cruel manner. It doesn't seem fair to me. If you completely cut me out of your life, refuse to recpncile forgive or accept apologies and refuse to have anything to do with me, then I shouldn't be doing s*** to help you out with your life. That's just not fair to me. You forfeit the right to that when you tell me to never contact you again and block me everytime I try to apologize and reestablish contact.

You must get to the point you see her as a cat. My cat treats me as worthless and I still care for her, I even find it funny. I do not suffer for what she does to me because I do not have service-to-self feeling for my cat. I see the feeling of being addicted to someones presence as a service-to-self type of interaction where we need their presence for ourselves regardless of their disposition.

It's tough because humans always confuse being in love service-to-self with loving service-to-others.

Easier said than done but in my life twice I was able to cross to the other side. It sucks while crossing but once on the other side there is such a strong feeling of being free when you can be nice towards that person without needing anything in return. And it almost works as a magnet for the other person except you are over it.

[Minyatur]

My answer would be to find to be thankful for the relationship.

In thankfulness there is no place for expectations of more, nor feelings that something has to be resolved, restored or rectified. It is a state having come to terms with what was and having distilled the influence it had upon yourself, which enables to be at peace.

Meeting anyone is always just coincidence and an unknown in two journeys of self-discovery. There are little reasons, if any, to not find to be thankful unless we don't learn what it is teaching us about ourselves. There is never really anything that is all that personal in relationships, are others not just other-yous after all? Anything that you have felt for someone could've been felt for someone other and so the issues that you have are always more about your own self than the person with whom you were in a relationship with. So finding to be thankful is really a work of distilling what is about yourself and from there you let go of these cords (your own clinging) and can then open yourself to new opportunities. Because life is truly only opportunity.

This can apply to more than just human relationships. I know of someone that I know will have a really hard time with their dog's death in a few year, because of how much it has been a source of love and emotional support, and this was the answer that I came up with to help alleviate the depression. To find to be thankful for what was. The dog would not want you to curl up on yourself and wither, it would not want you to stop loving new things, heck dogs love meeting new dogs and people themselves more than we even do. If you find to be thankful, then the thought of it will bring you joy, but if you keep it about yourself and your owns lessons and beliefs that you can't hold on without it, do well in life or be happy with just yourself, then you are tainting everything that you had that was positive with your own darkness. What was a source of joy will become a source of sorrow in your memories. No meeting is eternal, but what you make of the catalyst is always of your own choosing.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

change ur number block the person. talk to her and then after that totally remove all the communicating means she can use i think thats effective

Wow. You have NO IDEA what this thread is about, do you? ALL COMMUNICATION MEANS ARE ALREADY CUT. She wants NOTHING to do with me and does not want to re-establish ANY sort of relationship. An etheric cord remains. So my query was on how to get rid of it. Your answer completely missed what this thread was about. "Cutting cords" is not a metaphor for breaking off contact. It is the LITERAL cutting of an etheric cord. You can get the idea of this, even without prior knowledge, by looking at contextual clues given in the conversation. r/woosh

[Diana]

My answer would be to find to be thankful for the relationship.

In thankfulness there is no place for expectations of more, nor feelings that something has to be resolved, restored or rectified. It is a state having come to terms with what was and having distilled the influence it had upon yourself, which enables to be at peace.

In addition to thankfulness, self responsibility and accountability add to the balancing. This is why ho'oponopono is so effective.

I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

[schubert]

The only way to truly 'break' a connection is to uproot that which it is rooted to.

And that is accomplished how?

assuming the issue hasnt been resolved, why do you struggle with forgiveness so much? perhaps you are holding onto something. maybe you are afraid to open up to a whole new world of possibility because it holds uncertainty and you are afraid.

you dont need to be afraid. its all just you

what do you fear? you only fear things that you hold within yourself. if you fear being mistreated, let go of the parts of you that cause you to mistreat. if you fear being judged, let go of the parts of you that judge, and so on. what would cause you to do these things? oftentimes we give life experiences meaning that shape our beliefs. our beliefs determine our thoughts and actions. become aware of meanings you give to past experiences and question whether or not this is a belief you want to hold onto. about giving life experiences meaning https://www.instagram.com/p/B4oKzNGBFU7/ and a video about finding your core beliefs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duu09zQczOc

[EvolvingPhoenix]

At this point, I have let go and released most of what was in need of releasing on the matter. Thanks for the advice though.

[schubert]

At this point, I have let go and released most of what was in need of releasing on the matter. Thanks for the advice though.

im happy to hear things have improved! i hope you come to full resolution! if you have any questions im happy to try and answer. also i apologize if my reply came across as assuming, im not sure if its even relevant.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

It's cool man. You were just responding to the original post. Just figured I'd give you the update.

[kristina]

Re-write the past