The Spiritual Use of Entheogens

[godwide_void]

I can't say if the DMT and ayahuasca analogue I took on several occasions led to my being diagnosed schizophrenia. It's really a label that doctors put on me because I thought I was in heaven and then being dragged to hell. I had experiences like a black hole had formed in the center of the Earth and that it was my fault for it being there.
I had thought I had cracked open another Octave that was only light without love, and that this light would burn up creation, and that it was my fault. I had thought that love balances light, and that light without love was Lucifer's domain. I had at a time thought I was possessed by Lucifer.

At one time I called Ra God, and thought that Ra and Lucifer were One.

When I was in my heavenly state, I stopped going to work and was about to up and move to Colorado without any planning. I thought I was in heaven, and was going to make some rash decisions such that would have lost my job and home.

Now I'm on meds as I have mentioned numerous times. But I'm going to plan on seeing a holistic practitioner to see if there is alternative treatments for this. If I could keep my rational mind during these experiences, then I wouldn't have to worry.

But the ayahuasca analogue I took was beautiful. My doses weren't that strong. I did have one dose that was strong enough to turn my carpet into a raging sea, and seeing my furniture melting peacefully.

I still believe I can spiritually progress even on the meds I'm on. They keep the episodes under control, but I don't get to experience the heavenly feeliing I felt before either. My emotions really don't get to be expressed anymore, and I don't feel much. I've never ingested an entheogen since being diagnosed.

The experiences you mention above and others I recall you have spoken of before (such as discovering/creating a Universe within you) sound absolutely phenomenal and I'd like to ask if you would be able to elaborate on your perception of all the experiences you mentioned. Namely, were they imaginative or visualized? Did you 'imagine' a Universe full of beings or of a black hole in the center of the planet, or did you have literal visions or interactive experiences of actually perceiving these things play out like a dream or movie scene?

If the latter then I am certainly astounded and awestruck by what you were/are capable of internally accessing/experiencing. I can only imagine the quasi-shamanic power and capabilities you might have possessed if you were able to complete master and focus these experiences with a calm and collected degree of control. It is unfortunate to hear that you've had to resort to suppressing them with these noxious pharmaceuticals. Who knows what might've been if you'd managed to govern these experiences or were born into a society which values such abilities and individuals predisposed to naturally having such experiences? You should be able to safely embrace yourself and the potentials of your being, not keep them caged or numb yourself. I really do hope you're able to revitalize your emotional well-being.

Also, out of curiosity, during the period you wrote your Warlock's Name book (which I greatly enjoyed as I was reading through it), were you diagnosed schizophrenic then or was this after?