I'm done with drugs and alcohol

[Steppingfeet]

I guess this is a follow up to my most recent post. I've decided to give up cannabis for good forever. I accept the fact that it is a very useful medicine and hemp is a priceless material, but I believe its not to be used as a drug whatsoever.

I'm really ashamed that I've lied to myself for 13 years saying it was a spiritual tool, but its anything but. I've had so many morbid thoughts pop in my head and felt presences around me when I was on that s***, besides being paranoid and being around the dumbest people.

It's time for me to be that powerful Being of Light I was born to be. I can only reach my full potential sober and cleansed.

Adonai

Cheers to you, GreatSpirit! Ra says of the seeker's path that that which is not needed, falls away. (18.5)

So perhaps for those thirteen years "the marijuana" (<-- Ra joke) was needed on some level. Only when you finally became fully conscious of the fact that it is no longer needed has it "fallen away", and hopefully stays fallen away.

My own experience is slightly similar to yours. Weed served as a social glue and principle activity for my friends and I in the high school years, and I genuinely loved smoking it.

The summer I graduated high school my own awakening to spirituality began (something I realized only in retrospect), I shipped off to Basic Training, and returned with a hunger to again indulge in the substance as I had in my high school years. But for some inexplicable reason I had a dramatically difference experience with weed upon returning home for Christmas leave. My thoughts began to scatter, I couldn't quite make sense of my own mind, I became paranoid, experienced crippling self-doubt, my nervous system felt like it was going on the fritz with change in heart rate and difficulty breathing in regular rhythms, and so on and so forth. A wholly negative experience.

The delineation was that sharp for me. In August of 98 I could smoke. In December of the same year I could not. And it's been that way ever since, which isn't to say I haven't stubbornly tried to smoke! As Ali said in an earlier post to this thread, the smell can be so sweet. So I foolishly attempted a couple times each year, naively hoping that maybe this time the experience would be different. But reliably and predictably I experienced the same negative set of conditions. (Though over the years the negative conditions lessened in their severity as I became a more conscious and self-forgiven being.)

Until finally, about twelve years of trying after the point when smoking weed became nonviable, I came across a friend who had become a connoisseur of growing bud. She knew all the breeds, knew how to properly care for the plants, grew it organically, and even sung to the plants! She literally felt that it was an honor to grow this material and that she had a sacred relationship with the essence of the marijuana.

I thought to myself that if this didn't create a positive experience for me, nothing would. And upon trying, as could have been predicted, I had the same set of negative experiences. And I've never attempted it again.

But it took me about twelve years of repeated, idiotic trying to become totally convinced that it was no longer for me!

My conclusion regarding my relationship to this substance is that it was part of my pre-incarnational programming to discontinue its use upon my conscious entry onto the spiritual path. Much in the way as is indicated here in 54.21.

Questioner: A positively oriented entity may select a certain narrow path of thinking and activities during an incarnation and program conditions that would create physical pain if this were not followed. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

Further I queried Q'uo almost a decade ago about why I had such a debilitating experience with marijuana. They responded:

"We are aware that there are certain, shall we say, parameters which have been drawn by your higher self in your preincarnative choices for this incarnation which were necessary in order to focus the considerable amount of spiritual energy that is available for your service and your learning. The desire was that there would be a near-complete reliance upon your natural ability to access this information without the use of any aid or crutch such as that which you have mentioned, the marijuana. Thus, we find there is a preincarnative choice that has expressed its qualities in your conscious and subconscious response to the experience you have described."

But this just pertains to my path. I know many people I would consider very spiritually developed who use and enjoy the substance in moderation with little to no negative side-effects.

Good luck to you in finding a natural route for that which you called upon marijuana. As has been said earlier in this thread, you are bigger than the substance and the need for the substance, and you have within you whatever it is you had hoped to create with marijuana.

And otherwise awesome discussion everyone! Thank you especially Tenet for the information about the four ganglia inputs into the pineal gland.

Much love, GLB