12-19-2009, 12:05 PM
Aaron, I made a key discovery from the L/L Research material. That was the idea that true service involves providing what is requested, if you're able, but it does not involve depleting yourself to provide what is not requested or appreciated.
"So I have been spending much time with him" - is this at his request? Or merely at your assumption that, if he were to ask, this is what he'd want?
What if you were to tell him that you're happy to help him while his arm is healing, but you need to take care of some other things in your life too, so you can only spend a certain amount of time with him. This could be a ten minute visit once a week or two hours a day. Whatever the amount is, make it less time than you average there now. Base it on what you can really feel good about providing before his negative energy runs you down. You could then ask if he feels this would be enough time for the help you can provide to him.
If there are particular tasks you help him with that he can't do right now, such as opening jars or sweeping, maybe you could talk with him to write down the things you could do to help. That way you and he would both get to feel good about your contribution. Your offer could be clearly defined and accepted as what helps him and what you are able to do. If you focus on the tasks you're doing that would give less opportunity for his negativity to distract you, since you'd be busy with the tasks.
In general, I believe that negotiating agreements can be a kind, respectful, and loving thing to do in many types of relationships, including friendships. So many needless frustrations can occur from differing unspoken assumptions.
I continue to be amazed at the wisdom the L/L Research team shows in how they have dealt with "psychic attack." It seems to me a key point of this wisdom is to appreciate being offered a point of view that you choose to not use. "Thank you for showing me that dismal, gloomy, selfish, terrifying, frustrating, infuriating and obnoxious miserable little sleepwalking attitude. I had forgot just how much more I enjoy my positive perspective of waking up in the light of love every day, thank you for the contrast. You've done your job to provide me that contrasting reminder of an alternative I don't need any more. I decline your offer and you're free to leave now." Obviously it might not help matters with your friendship to say these things out loud! But you can certainly think such thoughts whenever you like!
After I started thinking that way a few weeks ago, coincidentally a violent, bullying alcoholic I had to encounter on a daily basis started avoiding me, without my saying or doing anything outwardly different. I think he was so unaware that his mind was in neutral, and he was channeling negative energies. Your friend may be so distracted and worried about his injury that he's also unwittingly opening to negativity without any thought of his own. The difference is that there's obviously something positive with your friend, or you wouldn't have had a friendship in the first place.
A final idea is for you to mention, as you spend time with him, some of the things you appreciate about him and his friendship.
"So I have been spending much time with him" - is this at his request? Or merely at your assumption that, if he were to ask, this is what he'd want?
What if you were to tell him that you're happy to help him while his arm is healing, but you need to take care of some other things in your life too, so you can only spend a certain amount of time with him. This could be a ten minute visit once a week or two hours a day. Whatever the amount is, make it less time than you average there now. Base it on what you can really feel good about providing before his negative energy runs you down. You could then ask if he feels this would be enough time for the help you can provide to him.
If there are particular tasks you help him with that he can't do right now, such as opening jars or sweeping, maybe you could talk with him to write down the things you could do to help. That way you and he would both get to feel good about your contribution. Your offer could be clearly defined and accepted as what helps him and what you are able to do. If you focus on the tasks you're doing that would give less opportunity for his negativity to distract you, since you'd be busy with the tasks.
In general, I believe that negotiating agreements can be a kind, respectful, and loving thing to do in many types of relationships, including friendships. So many needless frustrations can occur from differing unspoken assumptions.
I continue to be amazed at the wisdom the L/L Research team shows in how they have dealt with "psychic attack." It seems to me a key point of this wisdom is to appreciate being offered a point of view that you choose to not use. "Thank you for showing me that dismal, gloomy, selfish, terrifying, frustrating, infuriating and obnoxious miserable little sleepwalking attitude. I had forgot just how much more I enjoy my positive perspective of waking up in the light of love every day, thank you for the contrast. You've done your job to provide me that contrasting reminder of an alternative I don't need any more. I decline your offer and you're free to leave now." Obviously it might not help matters with your friendship to say these things out loud! But you can certainly think such thoughts whenever you like!
After I started thinking that way a few weeks ago, coincidentally a violent, bullying alcoholic I had to encounter on a daily basis started avoiding me, without my saying or doing anything outwardly different. I think he was so unaware that his mind was in neutral, and he was channeling negative energies. Your friend may be so distracted and worried about his injury that he's also unwittingly opening to negativity without any thought of his own. The difference is that there's obviously something positive with your friend, or you wouldn't have had a friendship in the first place.
A final idea is for you to mention, as you spend time with him, some of the things you appreciate about him and his friendship.