12-17-2009, 02:30 PM
xlsander, you're not a bother at all!!! What would be the point of this forum if we didn't reach out to one another and help one another? Of course we are all here for you! We might not have easy solutions, but we can offer our love and compassion. So please do feel free to share of yourself!
I can totally relate to your situation. 2 years ago, I had a great gig going with good-paying job at which I could set my own hours. Then the company started laying people off. There were 2 of us in a department so it seemed obvious that one of us had to go. My co-worker basically stomped on me to save his own skin...told blatant lies about me and the boss believed him. It was ironic because I had cleaned up a lot of his messes...When they told me I was getting laid off, I sat in the bathroom and cried, I felt so betrayed!
We had a horrible year financially. Due to health problems at the time, I couldn't take on a normal 8-to-5 job, and because my skill was in IT, and technology had changed, I was no longer marketable. So we basically lived on credit cards and my husband's biz that year.
Here's the irony: I had been miserable at that job, because I basically sat in a cube all day staring at a computer. I used to think, "Is this it? What happened to all that Wanderer stuff? How am I supposed to do any good on the planet if I'm stuck here all day?" I had been praying for something I could do that would actually help people!
But, I lacked the faith to do something about it. Since I had no other marketable skills, I was afraid that if I quit, we would suffer financially.
Well, I probably never would have had the faith to leave that job! So guess what: My Higher Self pretty much hit me over the head with a 2x4! I wouldn't make the leap myself, so it got decided for me!
So yeah we had a rough year. But, then something fell in my lap that was totally amazing, and we are now doing much better. More importantly, I am now living my dream! Not financially yet...we're not rich - but we manage ok, and I'm working at home doing something I love that helps people. What more could I ask for?
The reason I'm telling you my story is that I see such a parallel...I know what it's like to feel disdainful of all that spiritual stuff when we can't even provide for our family...we do still have to deal with the mundane issues of life...I really do know what you're going thru, at least to some degree.
In my case, I had a lot of control issues. I was afraid to let go and TRUST. That was the hardest thing for me! I kept trying to figure it all out on my own. I even felt envious of the Christians, who could just let go and 'trust Jesus' and miraculously their bills would get paid! I couldn't go back to a fundamentalist religion, and yet I envied their child-like trust! It seemed to work for them!
Well, it took losing my job to make me realize that my conscious self isn't in total control. (duh) I do believe in positive thinking and all that, but, at the same time, I also believe that it only works within the parameters of our pre-incarnational programming, which is a reflection of what our Higher Self wants us to learn in this semester of Earth School. I had to learn the hard way that trying to figure it all out on my own just didn't work. It was learning to TRUST that finally got things moving, and solutions started presenting themselves!
I now believe that the Christians who are putting their faith in Jesus are actually putting their faith in their Higher Selves...they call it the name they are comfortable with...but it's the same thing. We can do that too! In my belief, based on my understanding of the Law of One, powerful insights occur when we seek that balance between free will ('thinking positive' affirmations etc.) and trusting in that higher power...our own Higher Self that has that Divine spark and knows our deepest needs.
This is what helped me get thru that rough time...when I realized that I had no choice but to trust...and then I read in a Q'uo session that, when we made a clear choice about what we wanted in our lives, and decided to live according to trust, they (Q'uo and other spiritual elders) would rearrange the Cosmos to accommodate us. !!! Wow, is that amazing or what??? I wish I could find the exact quote. (If anyone knows it please post.) It was really powerful, and triggered one of those 'Aha' moments.
Basically, it gave me the faith to be able to just trust. That doesn't mean I sat around and did nothing. I think the idea of faith/trust can be taken too far...I once met a mom who never bothered with bicycle helmets or seat belts for her child because she believed that Jesus would protect him. This was the same person who didn't worry about paying her bills because someone would always give her $$ at the last minute. I was like, huh? That's a little too extreme for me! Maybe somewhere in the middle is about right.
So yeah, I do try to get clear on exercising my free will. At the same time, I am finally beginning to realize that the UniVerse really is abundant! Actually letting that sink in has taken some time in my case, probably because I grew up in a very poor family so had a lot of poverty consciousness to deal with. But I can see progress!
I would like to suggest reading more of the Q'uo channelings. While the Ra sessions provide the cosmology, the foundation, I see the Q'uo channelings as being much more personal, much more 'how-to' apply the principles in everyday life. They have helped me tremendously!
Much love and light to you! I will add my own zapping of positive energy your way, along with others on this forum. You are not alone!
Let's everyone send a big hug to xlsander!
I can totally relate to your situation. 2 years ago, I had a great gig going with good-paying job at which I could set my own hours. Then the company started laying people off. There were 2 of us in a department so it seemed obvious that one of us had to go. My co-worker basically stomped on me to save his own skin...told blatant lies about me and the boss believed him. It was ironic because I had cleaned up a lot of his messes...When they told me I was getting laid off, I sat in the bathroom and cried, I felt so betrayed!
We had a horrible year financially. Due to health problems at the time, I couldn't take on a normal 8-to-5 job, and because my skill was in IT, and technology had changed, I was no longer marketable. So we basically lived on credit cards and my husband's biz that year.
Here's the irony: I had been miserable at that job, because I basically sat in a cube all day staring at a computer. I used to think, "Is this it? What happened to all that Wanderer stuff? How am I supposed to do any good on the planet if I'm stuck here all day?" I had been praying for something I could do that would actually help people!
But, I lacked the faith to do something about it. Since I had no other marketable skills, I was afraid that if I quit, we would suffer financially.
Well, I probably never would have had the faith to leave that job! So guess what: My Higher Self pretty much hit me over the head with a 2x4! I wouldn't make the leap myself, so it got decided for me!
So yeah we had a rough year. But, then something fell in my lap that was totally amazing, and we are now doing much better. More importantly, I am now living my dream! Not financially yet...we're not rich - but we manage ok, and I'm working at home doing something I love that helps people. What more could I ask for?
The reason I'm telling you my story is that I see such a parallel...I know what it's like to feel disdainful of all that spiritual stuff when we can't even provide for our family...we do still have to deal with the mundane issues of life...I really do know what you're going thru, at least to some degree.
In my case, I had a lot of control issues. I was afraid to let go and TRUST. That was the hardest thing for me! I kept trying to figure it all out on my own. I even felt envious of the Christians, who could just let go and 'trust Jesus' and miraculously their bills would get paid! I couldn't go back to a fundamentalist religion, and yet I envied their child-like trust! It seemed to work for them!
Well, it took losing my job to make me realize that my conscious self isn't in total control. (duh) I do believe in positive thinking and all that, but, at the same time, I also believe that it only works within the parameters of our pre-incarnational programming, which is a reflection of what our Higher Self wants us to learn in this semester of Earth School. I had to learn the hard way that trying to figure it all out on my own just didn't work. It was learning to TRUST that finally got things moving, and solutions started presenting themselves!
I now believe that the Christians who are putting their faith in Jesus are actually putting their faith in their Higher Selves...they call it the name they are comfortable with...but it's the same thing. We can do that too! In my belief, based on my understanding of the Law of One, powerful insights occur when we seek that balance between free will ('thinking positive' affirmations etc.) and trusting in that higher power...our own Higher Self that has that Divine spark and knows our deepest needs.
This is what helped me get thru that rough time...when I realized that I had no choice but to trust...and then I read in a Q'uo session that, when we made a clear choice about what we wanted in our lives, and decided to live according to trust, they (Q'uo and other spiritual elders) would rearrange the Cosmos to accommodate us. !!! Wow, is that amazing or what??? I wish I could find the exact quote. (If anyone knows it please post.) It was really powerful, and triggered one of those 'Aha' moments.
Basically, it gave me the faith to be able to just trust. That doesn't mean I sat around and did nothing. I think the idea of faith/trust can be taken too far...I once met a mom who never bothered with bicycle helmets or seat belts for her child because she believed that Jesus would protect him. This was the same person who didn't worry about paying her bills because someone would always give her $$ at the last minute. I was like, huh? That's a little too extreme for me! Maybe somewhere in the middle is about right.
So yeah, I do try to get clear on exercising my free will. At the same time, I am finally beginning to realize that the UniVerse really is abundant! Actually letting that sink in has taken some time in my case, probably because I grew up in a very poor family so had a lot of poverty consciousness to deal with. But I can see progress!
I would like to suggest reading more of the Q'uo channelings. While the Ra sessions provide the cosmology, the foundation, I see the Q'uo channelings as being much more personal, much more 'how-to' apply the principles in everyday life. They have helped me tremendously!
Much love and light to you! I will add my own zapping of positive energy your way, along with others on this forum. You are not alone!
Let's everyone send a big hug to xlsander!