2007.03.25 The Female Orgasm

[Ali Quadir]

LOL! The idea of 'training' my husband made me literally LOL. No, I wasn't referring to my personal relationship, but to men and women in general.

Does this mean you are saying that "other men require to be guided by women to be able to express their sexuality in a spiritual way other than merely as lust" while your husband is the exception to this rule?

What you seem to express here however, is often expressed by our civilisation. Girls are sugar spice and everything nice. While boys are slime snails and puppy dog tails.

These however are the same beliefs as "women should not think too hard or they'll hurt their brains"... And "women have a sacred duty to always be subservient to their men".

You have definitely misunderstood me. I'm most definitely not saying anything about subservience. Eeeewwww! No, nothing like that.

Ah we agree on that But do you also agree with me that "the idea that motivations for sex for men and women are totally different" is as sexist and nonsensical as the idea that women are naturally subservient to men?

Because I thought you suggested that in your message, and it's what I was triggered by.. But distortion is of course everywhere... especially in internet communication..

There was a revolution in the 60's that taught everyone that girls are equal to boys and that all those sexists beliefs are inappropriate. Maybe we need another revolution?

Equal is not same. Men and women are equal, but they are not the same.

I never called the sexes same... I called them equal, but that was not the essential content of my communication. I called the sexist beliefs inappropriate. And that is my point. I often read opinions about what men and women are supposed to be.

The 60s sex revolution was important and necessary, so that women would no longer be subservient. This doesn't, however, change the fact that men and women are inherently different,

I never denied or claimed that we were different. I suggested many societal ideas about what men and women are inappropriate.

Just as a thought experiment.. Can you name one relevant aspect where men and women are inherently different? And can you express this in down to earth terms. So that I can explain it to my next door neighbor who is not spiritually inclined? Because I can't, other than naming the x and y chromosomes.

Mind you "inherent" means there can be no man or woman who deviates from this inherent truth. The quality comes inherent with your gender. Again. I often read about what men and women are supposed to be.. But it never goes for every man or every woman.

It's as if people are talking about stereotypes in their mind and not about real people.

Of course they are. But it is a biological fact that the female sexual response is different from the male's. There is an old adage from Chinese sexual teachings that may have a grain of truth to it:

Generally speaking, the emotional component is more important to women than to men in the initial stages of sexual arousal, whereas men are better able to feel their emotions after a satisfying sexual encounter. In other words, an emotional connection equals better sex for the woman; whereas, better sex for the man can lead to a deeper emotional connection.

While I see beauty in the symmetry of this theory, I don't believe it to be correct.. I think better sex leads to a deeper emotional connection for both genders. I think an emotional connection leads to better sexual experience for both genders. I personally need an emotional connection before I can enjoy sex. And I know for a fact that most men are like this. I know more women than men who have no problem picking up random guys just to scratch an itch.

Let me put it this way. It is not appropriate to tell someone what to think and or feel because of the color of his or her skin. While it is undeniable that in broad generalisations we can point out differences between groups of people based on the color of their skins. But we all know that the difference between two selected people of the same color can easily be much bigger than the differences between two selected people of different color.

The same obviously goes for men and women. I'm not saying we're the same or that we're different. Just that whenever someone says something like "A man is this" or "A woman is that" they usually express inappropriate sexist views. And I'm all like that myself.. I often say things like "A real man should ... !" Be a provider, be confident, be strong, be in control... But it always goes for a woman too.