01-31-2012, 05:02 AM
I just realized that my own past mirrored this pattern of my mothers. Not sure if I have mentioned my previous life on this forum anywhere. I had gone through the same experience of being in a position of priviledge. I was able to dig up a small amount of info on this individual and he was a real ass. Same MO, forcing others into a position of servitude.
Anyways, I was born to a father that wanted "servitude" rather than family. There was no real connection between us other than working for him. Same experience as my mother. Now, when I tried to escape this experience I went straight into being a slave to the justice system. It took a lot of work to remain separate from that system for very long, and when I had grown enough to control my environment and keep away from the law, up pops a pregnancy. There was no more possibility of "freedom" for me.
Both of us thought this was a fluke or accident. We promptly brought on another pregnancy before we decided it was no fluke, and changed our patterns. Things seemed to be in limbo for years, until I reached a point where I felt I could settle down and plan ahead, plan out the future.
I then made the logical choice to give up my individual future to the slavery system of society, in the hopes of securing my childrens future, and so my wife would never have to work again.
At that point there seemed to be a floodgate opening. Ideas and options started to stream in, and a huge amount of energy was trying to come in, but there was no "route".
About the same time I suddenly lost interest in self gratification, such as my addiction to online shooter gaming. I started seeking. At this time I had a few dreams of driving or traveling at night, without lights. Now I understand it was a message that I was traveling without guidance. Maybe a year later my need for guidance was answered three times in one day before I noticed it.
Anyways, not too long after learning to utilize guidance, I start looking into my own changes, and what kind of effects they caused. One thing I found is that the main lesson I incarnated for had been learned. I no longer had real karma to deal with, I was "free". When I tracked the date of completion I found out what had happened at that date, it was the date I made the conscious choice to "be a slave to the system" as a sacrifice to my family.
It would seem that a conscious choice of self sacrifice canceled out the previous lessons created by selfishness.
Anyways, I was born to a father that wanted "servitude" rather than family. There was no real connection between us other than working for him. Same experience as my mother. Now, when I tried to escape this experience I went straight into being a slave to the justice system. It took a lot of work to remain separate from that system for very long, and when I had grown enough to control my environment and keep away from the law, up pops a pregnancy. There was no more possibility of "freedom" for me.
Both of us thought this was a fluke or accident. We promptly brought on another pregnancy before we decided it was no fluke, and changed our patterns. Things seemed to be in limbo for years, until I reached a point where I felt I could settle down and plan ahead, plan out the future.
I then made the logical choice to give up my individual future to the slavery system of society, in the hopes of securing my childrens future, and so my wife would never have to work again.
At that point there seemed to be a floodgate opening. Ideas and options started to stream in, and a huge amount of energy was trying to come in, but there was no "route".
About the same time I suddenly lost interest in self gratification, such as my addiction to online shooter gaming. I started seeking. At this time I had a few dreams of driving or traveling at night, without lights. Now I understand it was a message that I was traveling without guidance. Maybe a year later my need for guidance was answered three times in one day before I noticed it.
Anyways, not too long after learning to utilize guidance, I start looking into my own changes, and what kind of effects they caused. One thing I found is that the main lesson I incarnated for had been learned. I no longer had real karma to deal with, I was "free". When I tracked the date of completion I found out what had happened at that date, it was the date I made the conscious choice to "be a slave to the system" as a sacrifice to my family.
It would seem that a conscious choice of self sacrifice canceled out the previous lessons created by selfishness.
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