Thoughts on mental illness...

[zenmaster]

My question is ,is mental illness a catalyst, is it something I'm supposed to learn from (Believe me I try soooo hard!).

Of course it is catalyst, as is everything. Nothing is "exempt" from being catalyst.

Am I supposed to ever get better, or do I have to try & accept it (Very hard to do when I see the pain it causes my children)?

You must accept your condition, whatever it may be, in order to address it. But "accept" does not mean resignation, it means embracing the condition in order to know where to go from "there". There is no difficulty which can not be addressed more effectively by a more conscious attitude. Find out about it and own it if you can.