Awakened but lost

[Cassandra11]

Dear Cassandra11, thank you for sharing your incredible and breathtaking story. Many of the quotes from your original post are sheer mastery of deep spiritual understanding and immense maturity. I may not be able to understand many of them, and that humbles me to realize that I am in the presence of much advanced souls, here at b4th.

Here is my favorite quote of yours' from your first post in this thread --

after all, perfection is not the mission in the third density illusion. Choice between STS and STO is. We alredy made that choice.

Thank you

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and showing that you care. Wisdom is an infinite road and that what makes it so fascinating. I find inspiration and light in each and every single one here. I am grateful, my friend. The feeling goes beyond the word.

---

Hello dear friends,

Greetings, Cassandra!

Thank you for sharing this story, which touches close to my heart.

One of the funny things about the last guy was that i met him on my sons birthday 20.11.2010 with an instant connection and we went our separate ways 11.02.2011 very unexpected. The numbers of the two dates are really hard to ignore.

I have found it fruitful to search the L/L transcripts for sessions on our around significant dates in my life. For example:

February 12, 2011, Saturday Meditation

Jim: The question this evening has to do with the concept of angels. We would like to ask just what angels are and how we can interact with them. Are they different from or similar to guides?

I feel like he is the extreme masculine version of the soul and I am the extreme feminine version.

It is intriguing that you should write this, as I have been recently pondering these quotes:

The simplest example of this is the understanding that each biological male is female; each biological female is male. This is a simple example. However, in almost every case wherein you are attempting the understanding of the body of self or other-self, you will again find that the most subtle discernment is necessary in order to fully grasp the polarity complexes involved.

Questioner: Why is the male and the female nature different?

Ra: I am Ra. When the veiling process was accomplished, to the male polarity was attracted the Matrix of the Mind and to the female, the Potentiator of the Mind, to the male the Potentiator of the Body, to the female the Matrix of the Body. May we ask if there are any brief queries before we close this working?

But he is still "young" and needs to find peace and undertanding within his soul before we can make it work. It might not happen during this incranation.. When he left i begged my angels and helpers to help me out. And they did. I did not want to go through the pain once again. I felt like a part of me was missing. I was so empty and i went through 3-4 weeks of intense depression. the kind of depression that leaves one lying in the bed not able to do anything but shed a river of tears and drown in sadness and confusion.

besides of these two relationships i had, I am not interested in the "game of love" people play with eachother. I feel sad about them hurting eachothers feelings just for fun. hate to think of interacting and flirting with men just for "fun". And belive me I could do that easily as now I became a very confident and attractive woman. But no. I hate to imagine myself in bed with a man i do not love. Not even in my fantasy world. I have always felt like sex is a sacred act of love long before i awakened. That makes me even more different.

I -think- I know exactly how you feel. I went through a very similar experience in 2005 with somebody who was quite a bit younger than me. Although we were able to establish a connection, there was too much life experience between us at that nexus to "make it work".

Following our separation, I feel into a brief depression, just as you described. One day, I just flopped myself down on the bed and made a very powerful intention "I Want To Go Home". As thoughts of all manner flooded my mind I simply dismissed them... that does not matter... that does not matter... that does not matter. After some time in this state I was filled with a profound state of peace, love, and joy, which persisted for some weeks after the experience.

Still I longed for more. Similar to you, I began looking for other seekers such as myself on a forum called Noble Realms. This forum closed on 22 Feb 08 however is still searchable. Here is one of my early posts:

General Discussion » Dare I say. . . relationship? » 2005-09-30 08:55:04

tenetnosce
Replies: 62
Go to post

I can't help but notice that the huge hole in discussion topics here at NR happens to coincide with the huge hole in most lives of Wanderers. . . namely relationships.

Let's face it. Is there anybody who wouldn't want to be in a relationship with another person who truly and deeply loves and understands them, down to even the physical level?

Following this post I engaged in a meditation. I had been contemplating my future partner, and how I perceived our relationship would be. It occurred to me that she must be living in the present moment along with me. Thus I intended to connect with her by sending her love and trusting that she would receive it, and in time, come to be with me. Then I let my thought-form go.

Although I had many moments of doubt and confusion along the way, I came to meet this woman not much more than three years later.

What is MORE. (If you can imagine such a "coincidence") We just LAST night compared our lives since that time and, indeed, discovered that we have been offered precisely the same catalyst- at precisely the same time- throughout the entirety of the three years between when I made that prayer/offering and when we met. I can't make this stuff up!!

I hope that in my sharing of this story it will help you to have greater faith in yourself, thus bringing your future partner to you even quicker than I experienced myself.

I'v always been longing to go "home" even before i found out about the wanderers on earth. I do not remember much from my past life but i do remember how it felt to live among higher density beings. I so wish people on earth learn to live like that. Simply joy, pure, fair, easy and peace.

As I earlier recounted, I can greatly relate to this feeling. In 2007, I was drawn to Peru through a confluence of circumstances that some refer to as "coincidence" or "synchronicity". While there I had the opportunity to participate in an ayahuasca ceremony. Before the ceremony, I deeply contemplated upon this place which I felt to be "home" and set my intention to journey there during my ayahuasca trip.

There is indeed this place, my sister. We have never left there, but are simply taking a journey.

I understand this statement is paradoxical. If you wish, I am certain you can have your own experience of this. Please be aware that ayahuasca is not recommended for all seekers, and in my experience did come with a certain price of additional confusion which took some time for me to sort out.

It all started when i started to read " living in the now" then started to listen to Abraham Hicks.

I enjoy the works of Abraham, and find them in certain respects to be more practical than those of Ra.

I see so many synchronicities like seeing number 11, 11.11, and 111111 ect.

Yes, these anomalous phenomenon have been observed by many. I previously documented some of these here:

Thread: Numbers! Numbers! Time! Time!
Post: Numbers! Numbers! Time! Time!
What is up with this stuff, anyway? [img]images/smilies/cool.gif[/img] 07-10-2011, 11:07 PM (This post was last modified: 07-11-2011 11:11 PM by Tenet Nosce.) Post: #65 07-11-2011, 01:23 AM (This post was last modified: ...
Tenet Nosce Olio 21 442 07-13-2011, 05:39 PM

So here I am now.. a beautiful and intelligent 29 years old woman full of love and compassion for others. I am stronger and wiser yet my soul is still very young and long for playing and having fun like a child. I am also gifted with some psychic, empathic nd telepathic abilities which i am notn ready to develope yet. I need to know what i would do with them first. Money is defenetly not a priority.
I feel lost and trapped. I lost interest in many things and people. I hate self pitty so i try not to be like that but i just do not know what to do next.

You may feel lost and trapped, however this is not the case. You know this already. I am sure of it.

We alredy made that choice.

The Oracle: Well, come on. I ain't gonna bite ya. Come around here, and let me have a look at ya. My goodness, look at you! You turned out all right, didn't you? How do you feel?

Neo: I, uh...

The Oracle: I know you're not sleeping. We'll get to that. Why don't you come and have a sit this time?

Neo: Maybe I'll stand.

The Oracle: Well, suit yourself.

[Neo sits down.]

Neo: I felt like sitting.

The Oracle: I know. So. Let's get the obvious stuff out of the way.

Neo: You're not human, are you?

The Oracle: Well it's tough to get any more obvious than that.

Neo: If I had to guess, I'd say you're a program from the machine world. So is he.

[Points to Seraph, the Guardian]

The Oracle: So far, so good.

Neo: But if that's true, that can mean you are a part of this system, another kind of control.

The Oracle: Keep going.

Neo: I suppose the most obvious question is, how can I trust you?

The Oracle: Bingo! It is a pickle, no doubt about it. The bad news is there's no way if you can really know whether I'm here to help you or not. So it's really up to you. You just have to make up your own damn mind to either accept what I'm going to tell you, or reject it. Candy?

[The Oracle offers Neo a piece of candy.]

Neo: D'you already know if I'm going to take it?

The Oracle: Wouldn't be much of an Oracle if I didn't.

Neo: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?

The Oracle: Because you didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it. I thought you'd have figured that out by now.

Neo: Why are you here?

The Oracle: Same reason. I love candy.

Dear Tenet Nosce,

thank you very much for your comments and references. They helped me immensely and I will ponder on them for some time. I am so grateful that you took the time to replay my post and sharing your own experiences. I i'v been reading some of your posts here and I admire you wisdom indeed.
Your words were healing. I just felt the energies while reading your replay.

Again, dear friends, I admire each one on this forum. It is not that that you are so alike that inspired me but the differences between the members did. Yet, you still understand, love and respect each other.
My meditation experience was more powerful yesterday. The energies were strong.
Being part of this forum and embracing the positive opportunity of learning from you is inspiring and healing me. Thank you very much