More Positive but Less Harvestable

[βαθμιαίος]

What I am suggesting is perhaps that L/L didn't realize that their personal dramas are both interesting AND relevant into this investigation. It is precisely where the "rubber meets the road", in my humble opinion.

I agree. I think that in 1984 they didn't realize that, but that by 1998, when they published Book V, they did get it. I think the whole saga with Ra, the negative friend, and Carla, Don, and Jim's efforts to stay balanced and polarized is quite compelling. It's a remarkable example of the joys and the perils of working with such an intense light.

Here are some comments from Carla in Book V that seem relevant:

By this time, it may seem to you that psychic greetings were really occupying our time. You would be right. As Jim and Ra both say, it is easier to be noticed when you’re standing in a spotlight. Metaphysically, the contact with those of Ra was a blinding cynosure. Although we continued to be obscure and completely anonymous in any earthly sense, we had become very noticeable to “the loyal opposition.”

To my mind, the fatal weakness of our group was its humanity, in dealing with three-ness. Although in fact our consciously known energies were in perfect harmony and agreement, there were human distortions from below the level of conscious control, that allowed a wedge to be driven in between Don and me, so he lost faith in “us.” When he began experiencing this profound depression which seemed to overtake him at a crawling, yet inexorable pace, his utter disdain for any opinion but his own did not stand him in good stead. This was the beginning of a pattern that in the end turned fatal and ended my beloved companion’s life, and dear Ra’s contact with our group.

Does this constitute a suggestion that a group should not work unless the energies are two-by-two, and only couples can join in? Not specifically, I do not think, but it is certainly something to ponder. Could we have done better? After years of the Joyceian “agenbite of inwit,” I still do not think we could have. Our behavior was at all times a true manifestation of ourselves. In no wise did either Jim or myself ever even think to change the relationship with each other, or with Donald. And Don had ever kept his own counsel, and there was no hope that he would come to me or Jim and tell us what worries he had in his mind and heart.

Further, when any group works and lives together, regardless of whether the number is paired or singles are mixed in, there will always be human error in the manifested life of each, and to the extent that people’s distortions and fears have a dynamic, there will be misunderstandings and confusion, pulling back and apart from total trust. So it behooves all those working with the light, hoping to be a positive influence on the planetary consciousness to communicate at once those fears and doubts that might pile up inside. If we had ever been able to talk with total openness, Don and I, I think I could have set his mind at ease. But Don would not have been himself if he had done so. Nor would I have been myself if I had somehow known Don was doubting my fidelity. Being within my self, I cannot imagine, either then or now, anyone thinking that I would be disloyal or untrue to any agreement. I have never done that in this incarnation.

Ultimately, one looks at such a pickle as we got into, and knows its utter perfection and inevitability. I have and will always think of Don, my B.C., every hour of every day, and his suffering is ever before me. But I no longer feel the keen sorrow that laid me low for the first few years after his death. All is well, nothing is lost. And I can feel the sun on my face this day, without the urge I used to have to stay in the shade and mourn my losses. Time has restored my broken spirit, and let my being flow sweetly and rhythmically again. And Donald is right here, within. Interestingly enough, we often get mail saying that Don has helped them, either with something from his work, or in an actual visitation. Don’s great generosity of spirit, freed from the constrictive hold he had on it when alive, has overflowed into timelessness, and I think his service will continue as long as there are those who need his special brand of wisdom and depth of soul.

Ra’s statement that the source of catalyst is the self, especially the higher self, is profound, I think. We always relate to the pain of new catalyst by relating to the other person as bringer of catalyst. In doing so we forget that the other is ourselves. Not LIKE ourselves, but our very hearts and souls. In this way of seeing, we can look at the fullness of tragedy in Don’s and my illness and his death as the Creator serving the creator with exactly the catalyst needed for the utmost polarization in consciousness and the greatest growth of spirit. In opening his heart, Don fell ill and died, in the tradition of lost love and desperate romance that has moved us since the beginning of history. And that death was an utter giving away of self. It was as though Don finished everything else he wished to do in life, and then took on the personal reason he had come to earth’s physical plane: the opening of his heart. He was so very wise—and with the sacrifice of self in the most brutal, literal sense, that wisdom was balanced fully with compassion and open-hearted love.

As for me, I cannot fault the path that stubbornly sent my soul to batter against the walls of self until I at last began struggling to express wisdom as well as love in my life. Such were our gifts to each other; such are the currents between us all.