The Spiritual Use of Entheogens

[Aaron]

Tried salvia once again, comfortable with going all the way. I took the first hit, (forgetting to hold it in long enough!) then laid down, closed my eyes and waited. I kind of expected the reality-tube to start, but instead I got the feeling of entering the sequence, when I realized my self was persistent, and wouldn't let me go. (I didn't realize that I forgot to hold in the hit until later.) Instead, I seemed to experience the trip in a very subtle way, with the familiar reality being first at hand, the cosmic/salvia reality second.

Interestingly, the persistent self allowed me to somewhat observe what happened as the “tube” formed. It seemed that reality broke into geometrically consistent pieces that were creating bands of harmonic resonances as they were re-constructed into something more evolved, more streamlined, that I was the center of. I intuit that I started to “travel” to a state of being closer to the Creator simply by changing my perception. (in this case, having my perception changed for me) But I still had a persistent self in a lower part of the reality spectrum that I was now aware of, and also was in the process of re-arranging so that I and the Creator were fully in eachother's company. That self created my familiar reality around me, in most of my field of awareness, more so and more so over the next few seconds that it began to re-encompass me until I was back to normal. The whole thing lasted only about 30 seconds.

Then, I chucked at my silliness for forgetting the proper technique, and took another hit correctly. I exhaled and hit the pillow, eyes shut. The following takes place over about 3 minutes. I realized I was trying to remember something EXTREMELY important, and it had to do with the thought I was just in the process of working out in my head. While I don't consciously remember starting to think anything to myself, the sense that I was just on the edge of a brilliant revelation was there, and that I HAD to finish that thought before I could fully realize it. As sure as 1+1=2, that thought that was just in my head moments ago MUST be fully worked to its completion before the ultimate realization could be presented to myself.

But what was the thought? I had to remember it. I got the feeling that in order to finish that train of thought, I had to gather myself. I had to gain some perspective on where/who I was so I could finish that train of thought that was so important. Then, I realized that the entire universe culminates in that train of thought. In fact, that's what everybody and everything is trying to figure out! That's right, the entire universe ends with this precise thought and action, that precise situation I found myself in. I was at the very edge of the universe in the company of the Creator, along with an infinitude of familiar beings urging me to finish that train of thought so that the ultimate realization could be presented to me.

I really felt like I was at the very edge of all possibilities. Everything in all the infinite universes seemed to culminate at this point where I was about to be presented with the ultimate realization. Suddenly, I became aware that in order to figure this out, I would have to live it all backwards, all the lives of all the beings all the way back to the beginning where all the creative potential exploded outwards aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllll those timeless eons ago.

At this point, my eyes shot open. I'm pretty sure it was because the I that became aware of the fact that I'd have to live everybody and everything backwards back to the beginning was my little ego, kicking in again and separating me from the experience due to a human mind's obvious inability to work out cosmic mysteries by running entire universes worth of data in what the human mind would consider an insanely short period of time.

Meanwhile, reality was being re-woven in front of my open eyes, musically. (I was listening to the same song again this time around.) My glances around the room beautifully and perfectly coincided with the song I was listening to. My gaze felt led rather than directed by me. I was helpless observer. My eyes would travel along a straight line of an object in the room in sequence with the bars of the music. Everywhere I would look, reality always seemed to be complete only in a direction that was towards a central point. And as my vision was lead around the edges of objects, a few more inches of reality seemed to add themselves onto a tube that was forming.

The central point was the end of the tube, where I could still sense the Creator's presence, along with the infinitude of other-selves. The point of ultimate realization was so strong, the thoughts of that reality over-arched the tube reality and I think that's what lead me to believe I would have to bear witness to the musical weaving together of everything in the universe, from that central point that was my perception outwards. I thought I was in for a very long experience indeed. Just imagining how long it would take to weave everything together at a pleasant 90 bpm and an average speed of 1 foot/sec which only added about 4 inches onto the total picture made all of my human brain spin. Just planet earth would take... yikes. And all the while, the familiar voices were explaining how every time they tried to take apart reality to show me this ultimate realization, it always fails because I looked this way or that way or thought this or that... etc.

Interestingly, the ending point of this time loop ended up being “because I smoked this plant”. After I looked at the salvia and thought that, I was released from the trip.

So, guess I'm not ready yet...

If there's one thing that I've taken away from this trip, it's the sense of awe that when I re-entered this side of the veil, the central point of all the infinite universes which is the Creator was suddenly nothing more than the center of my attention or vision. Consciousness is truly veiled here in that full awareness of the entirety of Creator is narrowed down to what is comparatively one single spot, your awareness.