07-01-2009, 01:00 AM
That's where I get caught up, too, Sirius. I don't exist in a vacuum; things do happen to/around me that I neither attract, cause nor want -- they are the results of the actions/attractions of others. Feeling, myself, that the 'center pole of this reality tent' is unconditional love, I'm also waylaid at times when my needs (not talking about desires but actual needs) are in direct conflict with the needs of another. Unconditional love, like the LoA, centers on the self first; how can we love others unconditionally if we don't first love ourselves that way? And how can we attract what we want and need unless we're working from a perspective of unconditional love? Otherwise we'll attract things that are not centered on unconditional love.
Ahrgh. Where I get the most stuck is usually within the context of interpersonal relationships and the natural conflicts of needs that arise therein. Worst immediate 'stuckness' for me: Our youngest son has decided he's 'done' with my partner - the woman who raised him as her own, whom he called "mom" for twenty years. Truly, I have more trouble understanding how he can be 'done' with her and not with me - since he was always closer to her - than with any other aspect of the situation. But the sticky part is that I've been unwittingly and unwillingly placed in the middle between them. Being of resolute determination not to be in that middle place, I don't have much contact with our son.
Gee. Perhaps the largest thing I really struggle with here is my near-complete apathy toward him at this point. Intellectually I know I 'should' care, I 'should' miss him, I 'should' be upset by this, but emotionally - as with so many other things at this time - I am numb. I just don't care; I'm fine with not seeing him or his wife or their ill-behaved children (yes, my grandchildren). Seriously.
Makes me sound like an evil worm, huh? Some mom I am. Bah. Funny thing is, I've been unable to be OK with being OK with this. lol lol lol
I've written a lot of posts today, and each one, I fear, has become less articulate. Better quit while I'm behind....
plur
Ahrgh. Where I get the most stuck is usually within the context of interpersonal relationships and the natural conflicts of needs that arise therein. Worst immediate 'stuckness' for me: Our youngest son has decided he's 'done' with my partner - the woman who raised him as her own, whom he called "mom" for twenty years. Truly, I have more trouble understanding how he can be 'done' with her and not with me - since he was always closer to her - than with any other aspect of the situation. But the sticky part is that I've been unwittingly and unwillingly placed in the middle between them. Being of resolute determination not to be in that middle place, I don't have much contact with our son.
Gee. Perhaps the largest thing I really struggle with here is my near-complete apathy toward him at this point. Intellectually I know I 'should' care, I 'should' miss him, I 'should' be upset by this, but emotionally - as with so many other things at this time - I am numb. I just don't care; I'm fine with not seeing him or his wife or their ill-behaved children (yes, my grandchildren). Seriously.
Makes me sound like an evil worm, huh? Some mom I am. Bah. Funny thing is, I've been unable to be OK with being OK with this. lol lol lol
I've written a lot of posts today, and each one, I fear, has become less articulate. Better quit while I'm behind....
plur