Fear of Death

[IndigoSalvia]

I have been spending days in a good place where I allow myself to cry, to heal, to feel the separation and still move on with my daily life. I'd say that is how the majority of these past few weeks have been. But for a few nights a couple weeks ago I could not sleep due to being terrified. My ego was basically shattered, and I had great trouble showing myself the love and understanding to feel safe. After 3-4 sleepless nights that were accompanied by terrible pain in my lower chakras (some of the most intense pain I have ever felt, I believe it is a knotting up of energy in my light body because I am consumed by a fear of death, and by extension of falling asleep). I got through this initial phase of ego-death, but last night that same primal fear returned, and I was able to sleep for a few hours after talking to a family member to sort of remind myself who I am.

I'm just wondering if anyone out there has experienced anything like this. I feel alone in this sort of suffering, it is like repeated dark nights of the soul and I really am just afraid. I'm terrified of dying alone, even though I am a young and generally healthy person, I am having trouble showing myself love enough to put myself to sleep and trust in myself and God.

I don't know if it's any consolation, but you are not alone. I mean this spiritually of course, but as well, similar-experientially. 

I have been kept up before by racing thoughts and heartbeats that seem to be, shall I say, unavoidable as the day winds down. The quiet and stillness of the night can be especially hard for me. There is self being with self, without all of the distractions of a busy day. 

Does it feel helpful to visualize you and these fear thoughts/sensations sitting down together, relaxing and getting to know one another, say with loving curiosity? Or coming up with a way -- that feels helpful to you -- to greet these sensations and energies. 

And, as Confederation teachers recommend: balance these energies with their opposite, or complementary energies. (If only I could remember to do this more.) When you sense your lower rays 'knotting up', what does it feel like when those chakras are un-knotted? 

And, of course my favorite question to ask myself: where is the love in this topsy-turvy situation? And then I personally have to get out of my head and walk in my yard, touch plants, listen to sounds, ...