Seeking healing from addiction to P*rn

[Malajube]

Since I know little about the topic itself, I speak more broadly about shadow work. Self-love, slowly releasing judgment and balancing energies come to mind: holding and magnifying the energy that is 'less-than-desirable', and then balancing it by magnifying the opposite or complementary energy. When I balance complicated or big things, it takes me a while to peel back layer after layer, discovering more and more as I dig.

There are opportunities for self-judgment or criticism. I also find there is a place for love and gratitude/acceptance. I often find an understanding of what I've done: I grow to understand the why. And from that, there grows a sense of gratitude for the opportunity to look closely at self/other.

Thank you. I've tried this sort of meditation, and have struggled with it in the past. Magnifying the undesirable energies itself is difficult, and depending on what it is I have gotten stuck there, especially with anger, and at other times the emotions are difficult for me to magnify, especially shame and guilt. Summoning the opposite I am not always able to do.

I will say, a similar sort of work that is meant for interacting with the mind has been helping me in the past several days. It is a simple exercise to engage with negative or unwanted thoughts, often dealing with shame and guilt, but it seems just as well for any situation.
That is to, when a thought comes to you, acknowledge that you have that feeling and be accepting of yourself, acknowledge the truth or seeds of truth of the thought, and then add to the thought "but,...." and then add the thought more preferred, healthier, loving, encouraging, and empowering thoughts. I encountered it in a podcast, and so far it has been helpful.

Here is a great thread exploring this subject:

SEXUAL ADDICTION! AND MALE-FEMALE ENERGY ROLES/ENERGIES

Thank you Diana, I did not see that when I searched. I've spent just a bit of time reading through, and I see that there are many heartfelt posts that I already have taken much away from. I look forward to reading through this.

When you are trying to do creative things and put your mind else where it’s hard for your mind to travel in these grooves because they are shallow and the connection is not as strong as the ones you created that cause you suffering.

You need to be easy with yourself and take small steps...

Sex starts in the mind first where as the other 3 fountains start in body. When I would become aroused I would talk to my mind and say, it is not time for sex, remember when we get home in x amount of days we can make love to our wife but we cannot right now. Some days my mind would listen right away and some times I needed to have longer talks, Speaking kindly to my mind. I also talked to my mind before I slept so that it wouldn’t give me sexual dreams and release my seed in my sleep.

When we fall short of our goals especially ones where we are trying to better ourselves we can be extremely harsh on ourselves, damming ourselves and saying all kinds of awful things. All we can do is practice, practice, practice. It’s impossible to practice and not see results, the results may be slow but it is still results. You need to ingrain new habits into your mind and stop damming yourself for your sexual wants and or needs. Learn to regulate them, they are a huge part of you. Start telling yourself a new story on what sex means to you, what ever you want it to mean make it your mantra and it to will Ingrain into your mind. The other part of you that isn’t so pleasant will also be there and be a part of you except it and learn from it, don’t push it away.

If you have sought much help elsewhere and have been to a couple 12 step programs I'm sure you have heard 75 percent of this before. Maybe you need to learn how to decide and stick to your decision, create will power all while being gentle with yourself.

I have heard some yes, but I still find your perspective very helpful, thank you.

I have much learning to do with being gentle, and patient with myself. to have those longer talks with the parts of my mind that crave and want to shirk the burden of taking care of myself or of working towards something healthier or to wait for something much better. there are times My mind and body simply want the desire met, to feel good, and to no longer deal with the urge. I have done better in the past, but am making an earnest effort to stay this course.

I am trying to find what exactly I want sex to be. I have, I suppose a solid idea, of a loving connection that is commited to my partner, and that the sexual connection is an extension of that simpler, more foundational connection of commited love. At times I question where masturbation fits in, but as stated earlier my intention is to abstain for 90 days before I consider engaging with it w/o viewing any materials.



As aside to all else, I have recently, as of just yesterday, joined a group that is organized and centered on healing this particular wound. The head of the group is a spiritual person himself, but more than that he has a very genuine energy in his desire to help heal. There are other leaders that I have yet to meet, but I am most hopeful that this will be an amazing tool. It will give me much opportunity to engage and relate with others who have the same struggle and desire to heal.