Losing a loved one...

[Diana]

I have lost a close family member as well—many years ago. It is very hard, and there are times when that pain resurfaces no matter how much time has passed.

Acceptance is the only way through it from my perspective. I focus on my time here, and I miss the person immensely. Missing him and wishing he were here are two different things however. That he is gone is not mine to control or have any jurisdiction over—that was his choice and path. So I just miss him...and I accept that he is gone, and I feel the pain and accept that too. I won't pretend that I am perfect in this acceptance, because there have been times when I did fall into wishing he were still here so I could hang out with him. But in my heart I have accepted his exit from this reality where I remain.

I don't worry about whether or not I will see him again either, and I will try to explain this. "Nothing is lost" comes to mind. Our time together as children and young adults was and is real. It is difficult to explain, but because of that, there is no separation between him and me. Looking at it as though time is not linear helps, but the bottom line is to feel this. And that starts with, in my opinion, acceptance. And acceptance does not really manifest if we want to control the outcome.