The dark night of the soul.

[Margan]

Wanderer your post reminds me of what I later came to recognize probably some kind of kundalini rising experience.
I was 29 at the time (those familiar with astrology will know that is the time Saturn returns and often causes problems) and had challenging times at work with a colleague - some kind of mobbing situation. (I later found out that it was mostly misunderstandings that probably could easily have been avoided but at the time I was quite unaware of the deeper dynamics at play)
I was desperate and felt utterly alone, since our boss was a coward and did not get involved nor try to help - he left me hanging there despite having promised something else....
one day I was home earlier than usual from work and I remember sitting outside on the lawn, it was such a beautiful sunny day. I pondered the situation and the dark clouds were hanging over me as usual, until finally something "clicked" inside - there was this thought "what if I try to view this from a different angle"..... and all of a sudden I felt a huge surge of energy, rising from bottom to top and it was as if someone had lit a light on top of my head.
I got up and started walking towards the park, smiling and laughing to myself. All the people stopped and stared, many were greeting me and started laughing also. I was so happy all of a sudden for no reason and life was beautiful!!!!
That night was the first night in weeks that I actually slept good. I was back to work the next day and my boss was very nice to me and the colleague and her other "helpers" which before had been teasing and torturing me with their exquisite little games were irritated and also a bit scared of me....
this bliss and happiness lasted for two-three days.... day 3 slowly doubts started creeping in.... I thought I had overheard something someone said....
the doubts increased and by the end of that day I was literally lying on the floor in my office, unable to move and I did not dare exit (i was alone at the time, they all had left) - I was so scared to confront the world.
I went home hours later and I was so paranoid I felt people smirking at me and the darkness was there again, a lot worse than before.
I went to a psychologist who put me on sick leave and wanted to confine me to a mental hospital. Somehow I managed to avoid that and I was lucky to find a new job rather soon... I never went back to that other job (I think I sneaked there at a weekend in order to pick up the stuff I had left on my desk but that was it)....
I did not comprehend what had happened and only years later when I read about kundalini I started to understand.
But the experience and especially the dark dark night that followed left a mark and for a while I was very cynical and also a bit afraid of new age or spiritual stuff, since I could not forget how huge the backlash had been and I felt such a failure and a hopeless case.