Like a misplaced puzzle piece

[Diana]

I've been thinking about this a lot today, and I even brought it up with my friend today too.

I feel like you Diana, like a rebel. I don't want to fit in to society. I don't want to work in a cubicle, I don't want to wear trendy clothes, or drive like a really nice car. I do feel that, and yet, what I'm speaking of doesn't seem to have anything to do with any of that. Maybe?

Perhaps, I'm not looking to "fit in" in the traditional sense, but I might be looking for connection, is what I've deduced today. Maybe they're intimately related, I don't know. 

I want to be heard and understood by others and yet... how can one be understood by others if they don't understand themselves? That's where my thought process goes. It always leads back to the relationship I have with my self. I look for connection in others and yet.... I feel devastatingly disconnected from myself. There seems to be a relationship there. 

I feel I do understand you. I know that in my life the bolded above has been an issue, since I was old enough to talk. Me being an independent rebel-type has served me well. But there is that part of me that wants to be understood, even though my intellect doesn't care. For me that goes back to early childhood and I was asking adults about the universe and they had no answers and brushed me off with nonsense (you can ask God when you go to heaven sort of stuff). So I lived inside my head with all my questions and musings.

I am not sure where the compulsion for communion comes from. Unity is one obvious reason, but there is also the human instinct for survival, which depends on procreation and tribe. I have found, and this is supported by Ra's words, that the lower 3 energy centers must be strong and balanced in order to withstand and thrive in this world (and according to Ra, to reach a minimum balance necessary for the adept). So, I just keep on working on myself. For me, accepting the paradoxical nature of this existence is important. 

When the lower three energy centers are strong and balanced, I find personally that being understood isn't an issue. It's when I am out of balance in this regard that the urge to be understood surfaces. So I think you have wisely pinpointed the idea of being out of balance with self, disconnected from self.