Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting,

[YinYang]

I would like to share a book that has changed my life. 

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

I hope it benefits someone here as much as it has benefited me!

Would you feel comfortable sharing your most valuable take-away?

Oh sure, I should perhaps mention that this book is not for people who come from families where there were obvious abuse and neglect, or some of the more nastier things that happen in families. This book is for people who come from so-called 'good homes'. It's simply a book for adults whose emotional needs were not met as children.

My parents are silent generation, so they were sent to boarding school at the age of 5, and only saw their parents on holidays, and the only gold standard as far as parenting goes in those days, was obedience, so maxims like "children should be seen and not heard" were considered conventional wisdom.

So the book is not a parent bashing book, as some reviews on Amazon state. It's a book that shows that our parents also didn't have their emotional needs met as children, so they are very uncomfortable with emotional intimacy with their own children. The children's physical needs are met - food, clothing, education, holidays, toys & presents etc, but the children essentially raise themselves, so to speak.

That's why I like it that the book refers to these types of parents as "emotionally immature", rather than narcissistic. Some emotionally immature parents can also be narcissistic, but there are better books for people whose parents exhibit strong narcissistic behaviour. My mom happens to be a fundamentalist Christian, so I have to steer clear of any discussions relating to metaphysics and spirituality, because she might just have a heart attack. I remember somewhere in my 20s I mentioned at the table that I believe in reincarnation, and she just got up and said "where have I gone wrong?" as she walked off. That's a small little example of the impossibility of any meaningful conversation between mother & child. 

Someone once said, can't remember who, that's it's better to understand than to condemn. That's what this book does very well.

I think I will just share some snippets of the book perhaps, that's going to be most beneficial for some here.