Sufferer of a neurodegenerative condition seeking healing

[Steppingfeet]

Hi, everyone. I'm Jonnathan, 21y. Since my teens, it seems, I have a neurodegenerative illness that destroys my body. As a teen I thought it was normal because the symptoms were mild back then, but with time they worsened considerably and now I'm in a great depression. I believe there is a reason behind the often overwhelming sufference I experience.

I wasn't and am not a genius, but for as long as I can remember, I have wanted clarity. Even now, it's my greatest wish. However, for all this time, which includes the present moment, I've been refusing clarity. In my view this illness came to relocate my attention so that I can fulfill my wish, and so part of me wishes to have it as I feel I have much to learn from it.

That is the case, but concurrently I believe I could grow much more easily if this illness was to go away, and so I'm here. There is no medical treatment of any kind available for my condition, so... I don't know what to do about it. I hope you all stay well and thank you for reading.

Hey Sunclarity. I love that username. I don't know life in your shoes, or what it's like to have a neurodegenerative disorder, but I do know depression in various phases, from background mild to crushing-overwhelming. I've never been non-functional - that is, I always see to my honor/duties - but I have been stuck in darkened corners of my mind and lived through hard chapters of my life. It's funny how one's whole universe changes in accordance with the breadth of one's point of view. Depression  seemingly boxes one in on all sides, limiting the point of view under the weight of that all-encompassing, life-opposing energy. But when those walls open up and the light comes in, and one can see further, or from a higher vantage point; and in that extended vision, strength, peace, and sometimes even clarity are there, like the sun rising to cast away the shadowed world of the night.

That brings me to a thought. It is not so much the catalyst that is the greatest challenge - hugely significant and perhaps debilitating though your medical condition is - but rather how we relate to it. Whether we fight or resist it, or judge ourselves because of it, or fear its potential or inevitable outcome, or in anyway feel our identity lessened because of our physical condition.

In that case the lack of clarity may be less a function of the physical condition (though meds can certainly play a part) and more a result of our attitude and our inner narratives about our catalyst.

Which brings this quote to mind:

Ra: The instrument was instructed to spend space/time contemplating itself as the Creator. This, done in a more determined fashion, would be beneficial at times when the mind complex is weakened by severe assaults upon the distortions of the body complex towards pain.

There is no necessity for negative thought-forms regardless of pain distortions.

The elimination of such creates the lack of possibility for negative elementals and other negative entities to use these thought-forms to create the worsening of the mind complex deviation from the normal distortions of cheerfulness/anxiety. -  77.6

I interpret Ra to mean that however much the body hurts, however impaired its functioning may be, there is no necessity for corresponding negative and self-defeating attitudes. There is the sensation of pain and there is the story we hold about the pain. There is the impairment of our body and there is the identity we make about that impairment.

(Ra goes onto say, in my interpretation, that, in Carla's case, elimination of negative thinking also removes the possibility of negative entities intensifying and worsening her psychic health and well-being - her usual optimism, cheerfulness, and faith. While in some ways this may be specific to Carla, I think that a universal principle is illustrated here. It is a healing of the chinks in our armor which, unhealed, offer inroads to negatively intended entities. Though even they, too, offer a service.)

I believe there is a reason behind the often overwhelming sufference I experience.

I can tell you that it is not random, nor is it designed as a punishment, nor is it purposeless. You are right: there is reason. And there is authorship on one level or another in your being. And whatever that reason is, its discovery may become gradually more known to your conscious mind through what Diana was pointing to: the practice of acceptance. Accepting your circumstance, its limitations and its impact as deeply as you can.

I don't see acceptance as resignation or the release of all attempt to mitigate physical pain or improve your condition. Rather I see acceptance as releasing the inner resistance, trusting that all is well, that life is working for you, that there is a positive response to this (and to all situations). Acceptance that you are on a journey and there is a plan, murky though it may be to your vision. Acceptance that this too can be loved, that this too is part of the Creator, and that you are that Creator.

There is no medical treatment of any kind available for my condition, so... I don't know what to do about it.

I cannot speak an iota to the medical dimension of your experience, but I can highlight a passage from Ra that may speak to your dynamic:

Ra: We might note further that when the one wishing to be healed, though sincere, remains unhealed, as you call this distortion, you may consider pre-incarnative choices and your more helpful aid to such an entity may be the suggestion that it meditate upon the affirmative uses of whatever limitations it might experience. - 73.19

Your knowledge of the permanence of this condition, at least for this lifetime, could be an aspect of that clarity which you seek. And if indeed this condition is not susceptible to healing, at least on the physical level, then Ra's advice is to look at that catalyst and ask yourself what are its hidden gifts for you? What lesson or balance or ability does it offer that might not have been possible without this teaching aid? What are the affirmative uses?

They also suggest to the seeker the consideration of "preincarnative choices." This consideration dovetails with the one in the previous paragraph. In this consideration one learns to re-see themselves not as the victim of cruel fate or external forces, but as the author of their own journey, the one writing the script. This reorientation alone can be profoundly healing and perspective-changing, opening the tightly held container of that depression to allow in the sun's clarity.


Please of course chuck any of this that doesn't resonate. Blessings to you, brother/sister - may the hardness of this road toughen your feet and open your heart to the discovery of who you really are as a whole and perfect representation of the Creator.