avoidant dismissive attachment

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I seriously envy that 50%

I am working hard to become one among them. Until then, I'm in the second group you mentioned, I think. I really hope for your friend that they heal themselves. I know all too well the pain of reaching out and then reverting to my olf negative ways and lashing out at people who care for me. It's a horrible cycle to be stuck in, and it feels like hell. Your friend has my deepest sympathies.

Side note: How do you know if somebody is a wanderer, Glow? What explicit signs and confirmations can show that somebody is a wanderer?

Also, as a person who is themselves "caught up in the karmic maelstrom" I would have to say it looks like your wanderer friend is too.

I would assume having met tones of people and having a large percent spill their guts to me that the bulk of that 50 percent are no luckier than any one else, perhaps except the avoidant. That is a sad situation.

Within the 50% they generally have other issues getting in the way of their intimate connections, their distortions simply present in a different way or they are unconscious. Perhaps some fall here in the sinkhole of indifference because stable just means you are relaxed and expect your connections to last. It doesn't speak of how open the heart is or how great their partners are, or even how open their partners heart is. I am sure there are some lucky ones though thankfully.

My husband is very stable attached and he is kind but his heart is not open terribly far. My heart is more actively open but I am stable, then a bit anxious at times like when the friend above spirals. Stable requires detaching when someone cannot uphold their end of the bond, empathy sometimes means reaching farther to those who need it but cannot reciprocate.

In the case above I have become anxious. I do not want to detach because that will just fuel their fear of bonding with anyone. For their good I need to let them have as much rope as they need. Slowly I am getting better at letting that rope stay long yet remaining stable myself so it is all a process and I do not think nervously(anxiously) seeking attachment in rough waters is necessarily a flaw. lol danger is sometimes there. The avoidant will have to trudge through anxious attachment to reach stable but hopefully they will bring that unconscious/supressed call for unity with them.

In a perverse sort of way I feel like avoidant and anxious have their own gifts, they are certainly on a deep even if subconscious level aware of the longing for unity, one type accepting it and even in the difficulty of facing it still trudges on forward, the other so moved by the draw it has to close it's heart completely to handle it, projecting even to the point of convincing itself that the open heart is folly.

I do not pretend to know how that all works but again it illustrates the STS using it's catalyst(pain) to further close it's heart and by doing so polarize sts. At the same time whether conscious or unconscious the deep self craves to remember itself and return even if only for a while to oneness.

As to the side note question. It has been years(a decade) of nonstop signs sometimes explicit information that was google verifiable given in meditation, Multiple mediums giving me without being asked the same bizarre detailed information, telepathy, shared dreams, shared precognition. Lots more bizarre stuff. Yet he wills himself to forget it all because it hurts to much.(closed blue ray) A loving universe is to large a hope, to be disappointed would be to much. My incarnation seems to have been at least in part a sort of an wanderer extraction/support life and it has been tough enough that my guidance has not gone lightly on the proof.

I do believe you are right and he has been swept into the maelstrom. I have a long rope. Hopefully it is long enough.

Hope that wasn't an incoherent ramble.

No, it made plenty of sense. Thank you for sharing that, Glow.

I feel bad for your friend. I really do. His karma will not be easy to shake. Neither is mine, but at least I'm getting the help I need. He's really lucky to have your support and it is really kind of you to keep supporting him like you do.

I guess I envy that 50% because there is a person in particular who has a life I want, and his security and confidence have made it so he can have what I want in life. I envy him for that. And I think to myself, those who look down on me and judge me don't know what it's like to deal with what I'm dealing with, and I feel more isolated and ashamed and resentful.

Thankfully, I've been given tools to take responsibility and heal all this. The chance to create the life I want still exists, even if certain details won't be exactly as I'd like them to be.

Anyway, thanks for your support Glow. It means a lot.