(01-11-2011, 10:57 AM)Shemaya Wrote: Great thread, very central in my experience this life, learning to radiate my core truth of love, despite the mirrors of anger, control, judgement, depression etc.
A paradox for me is the importance of self-love on the STO path. Those of us on the STO path will be more radiant as we love and accept ourself. And yet in a way this may seem selfish or be viewed as "service-to-self".
Example: My experience has been embedded in Christianity being born and raised Roman catholic, "born again" in high-school adopting evangelical Bible -believing Christianity. My family is very much aligned in these viewpoints. My husband and I have had a continual difficulty in our relationship as I have awakened and pull away from those paradigms. Recently, I told him that I no longer want to be part of a small group bible study that we have been part of for many years. The reason is that I feel I cannot give my energy to a patriarchal worldview because I feel so strongly that this has to change, and I feel responsible to be part of that change. I am honoring my truth and integrity, loving myself, as I direct my energy in spiritual groups that are more aligned with my beliefs and path. However, he is not happy with my decision, and I am unhappy with his unhappiness because we love each other. He does not see it my way and views my decision as "selfish". And I have difficulty in finding love in the patriarchal way that has oppressed feminine energy for too long, and I have difficulty being myself, fully and openly in that environment. I have wanted to find a way to do that for many years... a little better at it. But it is a bit of a dilemma and a paradox.
Does anyone have any thoughts about this dilemma?
Words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated!
You are not being selfish, rather, that comment from your husband stemmed from his own selfishness; he wants you to be how he wants you to be. That statement was a direct projection of his own imbalance.
You're very strong to do so, a wonderful example of integrity.
It may not be on your radar at the moment, but your integrity is offering your husband, and those close to you caught up in dogmatic beliefs, much service.
Q'uo, Bashar and Abraham all offer the same wisdom: you will never reach your greatest service to others if you do not follow your own truths. Only when one finds their own center and acts with integrity are they able to offer genuine service to others.
Loving the Self in the contexts of STS and STO are entirely different. STS entities love the Self at the expense of, and above others, while STO entities love the Self equally to, and for the benefit/service of others.
L&L