Depression and Accepting or Resisting Futility

[Ixchel]

Wow, your family tried to kill you?! That's f***** up! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Yes, unfortunately. My mother stood watching while my brother strangled me. It was only one inch away.. One move by his fingers. I had to run away. Fortunately I had good help. He was using me as a boxing ball since I was three years old. Ended in heavy abuse from all my family. I found out as adult that I broke a rib. Luckily it grew together. The doctor was shocked. Asked me if I had an accident. Yes I was having an examination as I was so bruised but it apparently didn't show. They got prison but the laws and attitude towards younger adults was lax so my brother who was nineteen years old got away with nothing. My father got three months, got out after one. My mother got nothing and took my reimbursement.
That's just evil to me. I was only twelve years old.
Through all my childhood they bullied and abused me. Same time I had the same in school.
I never budged.
I had friends, and a middle class upbringing.
My mother tried even today to hurt me. So I keep it casual. Now she doesn't know what to do with me.
In my teens she met a builder berger. One of the evils. He was there to see wether I've regained memories but he was fooled I played it well so he disappeared again. Then I knew what was going on.
They never got me. And now I give the... And do my own walk.
Worse than ever. Lol
I knew they were fckd.
When I was just a few months, she had me in a large bath together with my brothers who were like five and six years old. Asked them to hold me. I mean what do you think happened. She must've known. One sec later and I'd been dead.
As a result of that and atlantis where I fell in the water and only my soul brother jumped after me dragging me up on yucatan shore pumping water out, I got the fears. But its not as it has been as things are coming to the end. I'm dealing and are will deal with it all.
So well you either make yourself a tool of evil or light it's really that simple. And the battle goes on in the mind most.